121 pints of tears on the wall, 121 pints of tears...

April 25, 2007 7:44 AM

"The average person will eat over 10,000 bars of chocolate, shed 121 pints of tears and have sex more than 4,200 times". A documentary airing tonight in the UK is attempting a new method of visualizing statistics related to an individual's impact on the environment. Human Footprint is scheduled to air on Channel 4 at 9PM GMT. There is a "calculator" you can use to get the statistics adjusted for your age (and give you a little more data behind the statistics if you can sit through a page by page flash demo).
posted by notmtwain (29 comments total)

The documentary maker has assembled dozens of statistics relating to human consumption and activity in a unique format.

I was struck by the fact that they had estimated that an average human has sex 4,239 times in a lifetime and that the number 4,239 turns out to be the exact number of toilet paper rolls that they estimated would be used in a lifetime. (Sheryl Crow will not be pleased.)
posted by notmtwain at 7:48 AM on April 25, 2007 [1 favorite]

The average for tears is probably pushed up substantially by all those whiners on reality TV.
posted by biffa at 7:50 AM on April 25, 2007

These sorts of stats, however interesting they may be, are the sort of thing that make me want to shoot myself.

"oh crap, I've done way more/less XYZ than everyone! I'm a miserable excuse for a person!"

Oddly enough, I am largely unaffected by advertising. Statistics, however, really get my self-image in a tizzy.
posted by aramaic at 7:52 AM on April 25, 2007

It is not only or simply how much of a footprint I leave but how many people there are in an increasing world population that are leaving such footprints. As the marxists used to say: quantity drives out quality.
posted by Postroad at 8:01 AM on April 25, 2007

I hate the fact that the methodology behind the statistics is not made readily available. All of these statistics have the capacity to become gospel without being validated.

For instance, the sites flash slideshow of statistics reveals that the sex number is based on an average of 4 to 5 times per month over the estimated average lifespan of 78.5 years.

They didn't make any allowance for the fact that most people don't start having regular sex at birth. If you use age 18 as a starting age, the number drops to 3,267.
posted by notmtwain at 8:03 AM on April 25, 2007

[add improbable-number-of-masturbation-events joke here]
posted by pax digita at 8:03 AM on April 25, 2007

You guys can have my chocolate.
posted by kuujjuarapik at 8:05 AM on April 25, 2007

Sweet. It's about time metafilter started having Channel 4 commercials since I have just gotten media system all set up to skip them.
posted by srboisvert at 8:06 AM on April 25, 2007

Normality stats are a gateway to hedonism.
posted by stbalbach at 8:07 AM on April 25, 2007

Damn, I better gets ta' fuckin'.
posted by NationalKato at 8:08 AM on April 25, 2007

These statistics are fairly UK-centric. I mean, how many Americans my age have been abroad 21 times?
posted by anotherpanacea at 8:11 AM on April 25, 2007

Who's taking all those baths? 7163 in a lifetime? I think that I've taken 5 baths in the last twenty-five years.
posted by octothorpe at 8:46 AM on April 25, 2007

Sorry, srboisvert. I just thought there was a lot of food for discussion.

For example, do women really speak two to three times as many words per day than men?

Do people in the UK only take a bath every four days?
posted by notmtwain at 8:54 AM on April 25, 2007

anotherpanacea I think you could substitute "out of state" for abroad in the US.

octothorpe I think that "baths" would include showers.
posted by notmtwain at 8:58 AM on April 25, 2007

Ten THOUSAND bars of chocolate? God, I doubt I've had even one thousand. Someone out there is seriously chowing down. :)
posted by Malor at 9:07 AM on April 25, 2007

Yeah, but you're American aren't you Malor? I've heard American chocolate is really poor.
posted by biffa at 9:17 AM on April 25, 2007

As a retrosexual man, I'd like to think that I've cried closer to two or three pints of tears - and all of those as a child.
posted by rhymer at 9:40 AM on April 25, 2007

I've been meaning to talk to you about that, octo.
posted by Dizzy at 9:47 AM on April 25, 2007

I definitely have not had sex 173 times like the calculator suggests. I wish though...
posted by champthom at 10:35 AM on April 25, 2007

It's been pointed out, but that sex statistic really makes me doubt their entire collection of stats. I mean, let's think about this (and in doing so, learn more about me than you probably wanted to).

Four-thousand two-hundred times in my life. That's based on 4-5 times a month for 78.5 years. But I didn't start until I was 15 (yeah, that's right), and I doubt I'll be doing it weekly when I'm 78. So, let's say we (meaning I) start at 15, and taper off at 55. That leaves only 40 years — about half the time they allowed — to reach my 4,200 ... erm ... sessions.

That's 105 times a year, or almost exactly twice a week. And I'd have to be doing that consistently. Now, there may have been a couple of scattered weeks between the ages of 15-19 where I got some twice in a week, but the average certainly wasn't anywhere near. I'm 25 now, and I definitely haven't had sex over 1,000 times so far. No, I would have to say that, at most, I've had sex (restricting myself to the penetrative act, here) no more than a mere handful of times. But, just to make the math easy, let's take 200 off of the goal.

That leaves 30 years to achieve the remaining 4,000 acts. That's about every 2.8 days, which means alternating three times one week, two the next. I don't think I need to tell you that doesn't happen. I'm not even sure I could maintain that kind of schedule, to be honest.

So, let's go back to their original estimate of 4-5 times a month, but for a period of 40 years. That brings our goal down to about 2,100 — still once a week, but for half the time period. That's better, but I'd still have to get things done at least 2,000 more times in the next 30 years. That's still more than once a week, and I'm not getting anywhere near that.

So, who are these exceptionally horny people they interviewed to get these statistics?
posted by CrayDrygu at 11:07 AM on April 25, 2007

Hey, the average person my age has encountered 829 impossibly annoying interfaces when trying to view simple statistical data. I would have guessed it was more.
posted by Partial Law at 11:08 AM on April 25, 2007

Channel 4 is turning into a kind of intellectual Daily Mail—welcome to the world of alarmist journalism. It's really easy to do.

Didn't they have a few programmes about Diana's death a while back? All we need are programmes about how Polish workers visiting the country are devastating the housing market (Dispatches, maybe?), and it'll be complete.
posted by humblepigeon at 12:15 PM on April 25, 2007

Damn, I better gets ta' fuckin'.

well, don't look at me.
posted by jonmc at 1:29 PM on April 25, 2007

I wonder how many completely un-navigable interfaces these clowns will design in their lifetimes?
posted by UbuRoivas at 4:16 PM on April 25, 2007

So, who are these exceptionally horny people they interviewed to get these statistics?

I'm guessing they're not passing their time on the intarnets. Well, not on this site, anyway.
posted by UbuRoivas at 4:20 PM on April 25, 2007

So, who are these exceptionally horny people they interviewed to get these statistics?


Uh... possibly me? I haven't had sex with that many people, but I've had sex a whole lotta times, and at least weekly (if not every 3 days, as you said) seems right to me. Maybe it's different if you're doing the flirty single thing, but my "usual" state is a monogamous, relatively committed, and apparently super-sexified LTR (although I guess I'd believe that this wasn't "average"?)
posted by gignomai at 5:31 PM on April 25, 2007

Yeah, I'm with gignomai on that. Not a lot of play recently, but for the preceding year and a half I could count on at least 3-4 times a week.
posted by dirtynumbangelboy at 6:01 PM on April 25, 2007

I'm with gignomai as well, esp. regarding the "usual" state, and I have a hard time believing I'm capable of above-average numbers in this department.

Although the rest of you had me going for a minute before gignomai and dnab posted. Damn the both of you, gimme back my self-confidence!
posted by Spike at 6:16 PM on April 25, 2007

I would have been much happier to view those statistics in a single page of HTML. Instead, I get to look at some kind of Emerald City tower in the background with the word "FARTS" stenciled on it while they flashload (fload).
posted by aliasless at 8:01 PM on April 25, 2007