Beats All You Never Saw

May 3, 2007 12:40 PM

For Sale: 1969 Dodge Charger R/T with plate for 426 Hemi. New engine: 1998 511 crate motor w/ 725hp. Many custom extras. 10K miles, excellent condition. $2.75M. Serious inquires only. Ask for John.
posted by fandango_matt (52 comments total)

Is that a nitrous tank between the driver and passenger seats, or a fire extinguisher? Both are equally awesome, I think.
posted by phaedon at 12:46 PM on May 3, 2007

Right about then, I knew them Duke boys were in a heap o' financial trouble.

(Yeah, I know he's selling it to raise money for a movie. Still. The joke was there.)
posted by mephron at 12:52 PM on May 3, 2007 [3 favorites]

Christ, I was looking at 69 Chargers the other day, but this one is a little out of my price range.
posted by smackwich at 12:57 PM on May 3, 2007

He's selling it to finance the sequel to a shitty little vanity production. That's pretty sad.
posted by solid-one-love at 1:01 PM on May 3, 2007

It looks like a fire extinguisher, judging from the ABC lettering.


That's exactly he wants Roscoe P. Coltrane to think, too.
posted by ROU_Xenophobe at 1:02 PM on May 3, 2007 [1 favorite]

Don't let Eddie Griffin anywhere near that goddamn beautiful car.
posted by billysumday at 1:04 PM on May 3, 2007

Yeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee haw.

Sorry, couldn't resist. Where's Boss Hawg?
posted by stonesy at 1:37 PM on May 3, 2007

I reckon folks in Hazzard county haven't seen a good eBay auction like this in years.
posted by champthom at 1:42 PM on May 3, 2007

When I was four years old I wanted to change my name to Bo Duke.
posted by BeerFilter at 1:42 PM on May 3, 2007

John is also selling his Rolls, but for only $40,000!
posted by parmanparman at 1:43 PM on May 3, 2007

Just'a good ol' boys, never meanin' no harm. Beats all you never saw, been in trouble with the law since the day they was born.
posted by Dave Faris at 1:44 PM on May 3, 2007

it's an automatic. Bah.
posted by davejay at 1:48 PM on May 3, 2007

I tell my niece and nephews that I went to the Dukes of Hazzard Driving School.

They believe me.

They would believe me even more if I had this car.
posted by batmonkey at 1:55 PM on May 3, 2007

Is that a nitrous tank between the driver and passenger seats, or a fire extinguisher?

Neither. It is a special pressurized storage container for preserving Milton Berle's cock.
posted by flarbuse at 1:58 PM on May 3, 2007

funniest bit about the whole thing is the "get low monthly payments" option.
posted by edgeways at 2:00 PM on May 3, 2007

It's got a roll bar. So after you pay $2.7M for it, you can flip it off an embankment.
posted by dhartung at 2:01 PM on May 3, 2007

Do the doors open?

davejay writes "it's an automatic."

Automatic, but with an auxiliary transmission. So that's pretty gearheady.

dhartung writes "It's got a roll bar. So after you pay $2.7M for it, you can flip it off an embankment."

Safety first!
posted by mr_roboto at 2:17 PM on May 3, 2007

It's just an ugly old Mopar with a bad tv show history. What's the deal?

Sorry, trolling.
posted by teece at 2:25 PM on May 3, 2007

Does the winning bidder also win a dreamdate with John Schneider? What level does the bid have to get to for John to put out too?
posted by fenriq at 2:29 PM on May 3, 2007

Why not order the movie that started this whole insanity? "Colliker & Co. Hot Pursuit!" is in the store and ready to go out next week! Good one for the whole family.

I am a John Schnieder sock puppet.
posted by popechunk at 2:34 PM on May 3, 2007

That bit about the auxiliary transmission was interesting mr_roboto, if those things actually work, I wonder why they don't use them on more cars.

I will give you a brief overview of what this car has done. It appeared in the last REAL Dukes of Hazzard movie, "Dukes Go To Hollywood".

I love that he doesn't consider the recent version a real Dukes of Hazzard movie. Probably because they didn't ask him to have a cameo in it.

Still, as much as I like the General, if I had $2.7mil to spend on a car, I'd be getting a Veyron.
posted by quin at 2:48 PM on May 3, 2007

A gift for the guy who already owns Airwolf.
posted by facetious at 2:49 PM on May 3, 2007

I prefer Blade's 68 Charger

posted by WerewolvesRancheros at 2:52 PM on May 3, 2007

If it could actually jump a few hundred feet over a river onto pavement, land and keep going without a scratch, it’d be worth the money.
posted by Smedleyman at 2:54 PM on May 3, 2007

@facetious

AIRWOLF! Now there's a property that's due for a shitty remake/film adaptation.

Man I loved that show - that and Blue Thunder.
posted by WerewolvesRancheros at 2:56 PM on May 3, 2007

My bro-in-law had a couple Chargers from that era; he's got a thing for the Dukes of Hazard (but who doesn't). One was an immaculate shell, in need of running gear. THe other was the third-rustiest vehicle I've ever piloted on city streets. (The rustiest was a '76 International Scout whose body had sagged six inches on the frame due to rust, and the second rustiest was a '72 Dart that had lived its whole life in Hawaii. To put gas in the Dart, you unlocked the trunk and removed it - the hinges were dust; then you re-set the ratchet strap that held the gas tank onto the angle iron nestled atop what was left of the framerails. Finally, you'd put the gas nozzle up to the rusted-out stub of filler tube that was connected to the gas tank. The interior was spotless, though!)

Oh, right, the Charger. If I recall correctly, my brother-in-law bought it sight unseen at a local, "local" if you get my drift, dive for three hundred bucks. Any time we wanted to take it out, we'd have to remove the tarp, open the door a hair and roll down the window, and get in like the Dukes did - the parking space didn't have enough room to open the doors fully. Then a tuneup was required, about every 100 miles - we knew it was time for new plugs and wires when it didn't spin the tires all the way through to third gear (automatic). If it was night, we'd have to rev it in gear to build up enough vacuum to retract the headlight covers.


The thing really had no steering gear to speak of. When it was sitting still, you could turn the wheel a full 180 degrees either way before you really felt any resistance to speak of. Only once did I take it out by myself - some friends were moving out of town, and one of them has a General Lee tattooed on her arm, so I figured bringing the closest facimile - that primer-orange Charger with the exposed rear leaf springs. Exposed not because it was lifted up (it was stock save for the carburetor and the wheels), but because the quarter panels didn't really extend to winthin an inch above the trunk floor. I got pulled over for appearing to be driving drunk ON THE WAY to the bar - the damn thing was that loose. After the friends posed with the car, I took it home before even a second beer passed my lips.

One day, not five minutes on a fresh carb cleaning and new set of plugs, Pat's dad's neighbor, the cop, pulled up alongside us at a stop light. He requested that we demonstrate just how much rubber the car could leave, and Jon obliged by spinning 'em up to the point that he had to slow down for the next stoplight. Those rubber marks were visible for four years.
posted by notsnot at 3:08 PM on May 3, 2007 [3 favorites]

That bit about the auxiliary transmission was interesting mr_roboto, if those things actually work, I wonder why they don't use them on more cars.


They do work...fabulously. And the technology is in use on virtually every vehicle sold in the world today, otherwise known as an overdrive (think D w/ a circle around it)...the only difference between it and the overdrive transmission in the car/truck/whatever in your driveway is that it operates independently from the transmission and can overdrive any of the 3 forward gears instead of just being the high gear.

They're also beastly expensive...they start around $2000.
posted by rhythim at 3:14 PM on May 3, 2007

WerewolvesRancheros : I prefer Blade's 68 Charger

I'm pretty sure Blade's car was a '68 or '69 Camaro.

Thanks rhythim, that's interesting. I've got an old car I'm going to restore and this could be an interesting addition to it.
posted by quin at 3:40 PM on May 3, 2007

I'm happy with my '67 Camaro, so I'll let this one pass.

Well, that and not having $2.7 mil to blow... sheesh.

I hear these Chargers are getting mighty rare, at least authentic ones. They killed dozens of them making the original series, and I think something like 30 more making the recent film. Cars really don't survive jumps, don't try it at home. :)
posted by zoogleplex at 3:52 PM on May 3, 2007

I'm pretty sure Blade's car was a '68 or '69 Camaro.

Nope, definitely a Charger. There was a small article about it in Mopar Action when the first Blade was released.
posted by faster than a speeding bulette at 4:02 PM on May 3, 2007

oh, god, notsnot, you've just made me so nostalgic for my first car! T-Wrecks: '69 Dodge Dart, orange primer colored. Speedometer went up to 150 mph but I was too intimidated to push him past 80. Gas gauge didn't work. Stalled when you made left-hand turns. The horn would scare grown men.

I could almost see over the steering wheel. Good times.

Sorry, what were we talking about again?
posted by Space Kitty at 4:08 PM on May 3, 2007

Sorry, what were we talking about again?

Dude, don't get me started. My first was a 64 Chevy Impala SS convertible. I was in high school, and I was famous overnight for revealing that I could pull down the backseat and fit a queen-size mattress through to the back of the trunk.
posted by thanotopsis at 4:46 PM on May 3, 2007

Nope, definitely a Charger. There was a small article about it in Mopar Action when the first Blade was released.

And IMDB backs you up on this ftasb. I happily stand corrected.

I'm just a bit embarrassed to admit that I've been wrong about that for years.
posted by quin at 4:55 PM on May 3, 2007

Whoops, that first line is a quote, should be [em]ed
posted by quin at 4:56 PM on May 3, 2007

For Sale: 1957 Chevy Sport Sedan. White and candy red. Upholstery to die for. 300 miles. Like new. Cold A&W root beer & chicken, waiters on rollerskates. Smoky Robinson on the AM singing Shop Around.

Serious inquires only. Ask for Wolfman. Tell 'im ... destiny sentcha.
posted by Twang at 5:05 PM on May 3, 2007

I still have my 1970 Impala. My first car.
posted by notsnot at 6:10 PM on May 3, 2007

I once drove one of Schneider's General Lees. It didn't have the nitrous and so forth; it was a stock Charger with the paint job and other cosmetic touches. The horn played "Dixie." There weren't any seat belts and the speedometer didn't work. I figured the cops would love an excuse to pull over the General Lee, so I was extra cautious. In retrospect, I wish I'd jumped the thing over a creek.

The owner was my then brother-in-law. He bought it from Schneider for about ten grand, as I recall. Shneider has sold a bunch of these over the years, many of which were actually used on the show and many of which were not.

Have I cemented my redneck credentials?
posted by Clay201 at 6:44 PM on May 3, 2007

My 1987 Volvo 740 Turbo wagon with four-speed manual transmission had a push-button planetary (auxiliary) overdrive. It would only engage from fourth gear. So, yeah, they're on manuals, too. And tremendously expensive to fix when they break, which they often do, even though the M46 transmission is otherwise built like a tank.
posted by heydanno at 7:36 PM on May 3, 2007

If Cole and Brent don't end up with this car it will be a shame.

The Giant Panda might be pissed, too.
posted by Cyrano at 7:39 PM on May 3, 2007

$9.9 mill? That can't be right.
posted by Nabubrush at 8:27 PM on May 3, 2007

$9.9 mill? That can't be right.

Oh, yes, it can be right.
posted by bz at 8:57 PM on May 3, 2007

I have a pet peeve about people who own bitchin' cars and wont drive them faster than 80 miles an hour. Why'd you buy/rent/borrow it in the first place? My first car was a Nissan Minima (Sentra), and I pegged the speedometer on that sucker. That's probably why it only made it to 165,000 miles before I sold it. If I'd had a Bugatti Veyron, or even a '69 Charger I'd have died young, with a smile on my face. Of course, my face would probably have been found in a separate county from the rest of me, but you cant have everything.

That said, I do hate a car with loose steering.
posted by BrotherCaine at 9:04 PM on May 3, 2007

I briefly met John last month, and let me tell you - he is a handsome bastard. Looks like a California surfer: tanned, medium-length blond hair, etc. And he's a talented singer and guitar player, too.

I think I hate him.
posted by mr_crash_davis at 10:28 PM on May 3, 2007

My first vehicle was a 1988 2.8 V6 Corsicar! completely inocuous, but damned if that lil' beastie wouldn't do 130 quite nicely, just about then, the governer would kick in and you'd bump your head on the windshield. Ahem. I think I allowed my ex to trade it in for a Honda Civic. Shame that.
posted by stonesy at 11:38 PM on May 3, 2007

I find it hard to believe that someone's gonna pay 10 million for that car, even if it belonged to THE John Schleidner.
posted by wsg at 12:29 AM on May 4, 2007

Let me know when they sell the Two Lane Blacktop '55 Bel Air with the 454...

I'd (probably) sell my house for that car.
posted by longbaugh at 12:54 AM on May 4, 2007

I don't see why this is THE General Lee and thus should be worth loadsa cashola. They used (destroyed) about one car per episode. Oh wait, it's Bo himself selling it and from the comments I see he has another one he can *also* sell as THE General Lee. He's waiting till this auction's over probably.
posted by Captain Crusty's Zeppelin Repair Service at 2:44 AM on May 4, 2007

Yeah, I was thinking the same thing myself, Captain. This car has a badge on it that says 'completed 1997'. I could see one of the original cars from the TV series going for lots of money, but not some recreation that's only 10 years old and appeared in a couple of lame movies and TV shows.
posted by PigAlien at 6:27 AM on May 4, 2007

Nothing like the good old stars and bars to deface a classic car. Urgh. If I was Richard Branson or some other blessed rich person I would buy it just to take it back to showroom condition.
posted by The Salaryman at 9:23 AM on May 4, 2007

If I had more money than I knew what to do with, I'd be tempted to buy it and then have it crushed.

--------------
I drive a Maserati 3200 GT, which doesn't have an overdrive, but does have a twin turbo and beautiful boomerang lights!
posted by daveg at 11:07 AM on May 4, 2007

$9.9 mill? That can't be right.

Oh, yes, it can be right.
posted by bz at 8:57 PM on May 3

It might be accurate, but it sure as hell ain't right.
posted by Nabubrush at 2:24 PM on May 5, 2007

Apparently not legitimate, either
posted by mr_crash_davis at 2:13 PM on May 9, 2007