Comments on: If I told you half the things I've heard about this Jabba the Hutt, you'd probably short circuit.

If I told you half the things I've heard about this Jabba the Hutt, you'd probably short circuit.

Rock Steady — Thu, 10 May 2007 07:05:45 -0800

Best headline ever. The AP lets it's geek flag fly in an article about high-wire artists crossing a river in Korea. [thanks kottke]

By: Jofus

Jofus — Thu, 10 May 2007 07:11:38 -0800

If you listen carefully, you can hear my sides splitting

By: Pollomacho

Pollomacho — Thu, 10 May 2007 07:11:53 -0800

I hate how they updated the article to say that Kim Jong Il fired first.

By: blahblahblah

blahblahblah — Thu, 10 May 2007 07:13:34 -0800

Our fist single-link headline-only newsfilter and it is awesome!

By: gubo

gubo — Thu, 10 May 2007 07:15:06 -0800

Bet they can't do it in less than 12 parsecs.

By: three blind mice

three blind mice — Thu, 10 May 2007 07:16:43 -0800

Hokey high wire acts are no match for a good blaster at your side, kid.

By: Lord Kinbote

Lord Kinbote — Thu, 10 May 2007 07:24:40 -0800

Fantastic headline, reminds me of some of the more clever Entertainment Weekly headlines.

By: Astro Zombie

Astro Zombie — Thu, 10 May 2007 07:25:18 -0800

Watch your wire, kid, or you're gonna find yourself floating home.

By: WinnipegDragon

WinnipegDragon — Thu, 10 May 2007 07:25:27 -0800

George Lucas files lawsuit in 3... 2... 1...

By: Kirth Gerson

Kirth Gerson — Thu, 10 May 2007 07:27:22 -0800

In other news, Dick Cheney is your father.

By: NoMich

NoMich — Thu, 10 May 2007 07:28:47 -0800

Read that headline as if Christopher Walken were reading it, but as portrayed by Kevin Spacey.

By: carter

carter — Thu, 10 May 2007 07:31:25 -0800

*clap clap clap*

By: mcwetboy

mcwetboy — Thu, 10 May 2007 07:33:23 -0800

Headline writers live for puns. They should probably die for them too.

By: dreamsign

dreamsign — Thu, 10 May 2007 07:35:08 -0800

Wow. That's the kind of pun you hire high-wire acts just so you can use.

By: Kirth Gerson

Kirth Gerson — Thu, 10 May 2007 07:47:18 -0800

Headline writers live for puns. Or maybe not.

By: cortex

cortex — Thu, 10 May 2007 07:49:56 -0800

Is the right place to discuss Lucas saying he's making a couple more movies after all? ricer car?

By: QuietDesperation

QuietDesperation — Thu, 10 May 2007 07:51:46 -0800

Nice one, but best ever? Better than the Daily News's report on Gloria Swanson's change of hospital (Sick Gloria in Transit Monday)?

By: jason's_planet

jason's_planet — Thu, 10 May 2007 07:53:01 -0800

I liked "Headless Body In Topless Bar" better.

By: The Deej

The Deej — Thu, 10 May 2007 07:56:22 -0800

But then they screwed up the prequel by using too many Photoshop filters and weird fonts.

By: Bookhouse

Bookhouse — Thu, 10 May 2007 08:00:12 -0800

I also liked, about the lawsuit over the man biting a woman's ass, He bit hers. She sued his.

By: kittens for breakfast

kittens for breakfast — Thu, 10 May 2007 08:01:31 -0800

Great walk, kid, that was one in a million. (Yeah, what do you want from me. I can't resist EVERY easy one-liner.)

By: eriko

eriko — Thu, 10 May 2007 08:04:44 -0800

That's 'cause droids don't push people off of wires when they lose. Wookies are known to do that.

By: staggernation

staggernation — Thu, 10 May 2007 08:05:08 -0800

Sorry, but it's still this. (via)

By: ZenMasterThis

ZenMasterThis — Thu, 10 May 2007 08:18:48 -0800

Oh ... you don't wanna cross Han solo. Do you know what happened to the last person who crossed Han solo? ...

By: mosk

mosk — Thu, 10 May 2007 08:21:40 -0800

I agree with jason's_planet, "Headless Woman in Topless Bar" is pretty much the gold standard for headlines, IMHO.

By: BozoBurgerBonanza

BozoBurgerBonanza — Thu, 10 May 2007 08:22:19 -0800

From Variety magazine (1935): STICKS NIX HICK PIX mandatory wiki article here

By: Kiell

Kiell — Thu, 10 May 2007 08:28:57 -0800

Rock Steady: instead of doing a single link about a one-off, mildly entertaining item, consider posting several things that draw various items together and possibly spark debate. For example, are amusing headlines soon to be a thing of the past?

By: Koko

Koko — Thu, 10 May 2007 08:47:26 -0800

Tae wanna wanga!!

By: Kattullus

Kattullus — Thu, 10 May 2007 08:49:13 -0800

From Kirth Gerson's link. I don't know if I would trust a copyeditor who lets this slide by: For instance, I'll hear from time to time in the newsroom or from a reader about some head they liked. Meanwhile the copy editors will be rolling their eyes, because geez what an unsophisticated head.

By: ORthey

ORthey — Thu, 10 May 2007 08:54:49 -0800

What about the newspaper (I forget which), that printed a huge "MASS SADNESS" after the pope died? To make a terrible pun after such a monumental event is either ballsy or messed up, or... balls-up.

By: Aloysius Bear

Aloysius Bear — Thu, 10 May 2007 09:02:18 -0800

Super Cally go ballistic, Celtic are atrocious.

By: Brandon Blatcher

Brandon Blatcher — Thu, 10 May 2007 09:06:37 -0800

Star Wars humor should be choked.

By: weapons-grade pandemonium

weapons-grade pandemonium — Thu, 10 May 2007 09:08:55 -0800

Sith ith good.

By: popechunk

popechunk — Thu, 10 May 2007 09:26:49 -0800

My father-in-law is an editor at a metropolitan daily, and the ownership of his paper has put the kibosh on funny headlines, as they think it makes the paper look unprofessional.

By: Faint of Butt

Faint of Butt — Thu, 10 May 2007 09:33:44 -0800

Thank you, Aloysius Bear. That was the headline I was trying to remember.

By: Lentrohamsanin

Lentrohamsanin — Thu, 10 May 2007 09:39:59 -0800

Is the right place to discuss Lucas saying he's making a couple more movies after all? Had not heard that. Now, is this something Lucas actually said or something Harry Knowles or similar is claiming Lucas said?

By: joseph_elmhurst

joseph_elmhurst — Thu, 10 May 2007 09:42:35 -0800

"Four kestrels maneuver in the dark" Saw that in a sidebar in Mojo a couple of years back. From some British daily.

By: AJaffe

AJaffe — Thu, 10 May 2007 09:56:16 -0800

I'm an editor and my greatest coup was "Life under Hun Sen is no holiday in Cambodia." Well, I'm still employed...

By: flashboy

flashboy — Thu, 10 May 2007 10:22:41 -0800

"Four kestrels manoeuvre in the dark"

By: joseph_elmhurst

joseph_elmhurst — Thu, 10 May 2007 10:25:50 -0800

Damned British spelling.

By: rush

rush — Thu, 10 May 2007 10:39:05 -0800

Lentrohamsanin, depending on your opinion of the source I saw, could be more or less reliable than Knowles. Here's the tasty bit:

And here's a little news: Lucas tells me he will make two more live-action films based in the "Star Wars" era. "But they won't have members of the Skywalker family as characters," he said. "They will be other people of that milieu." The two extra films will also be made for TV and probably be an hour long each. But, like "Clone Wars," Lucas doesn't know where on TV they will land.

By: goodnewsfortheinsane

goodnewsfortheinsane — Thu, 10 May 2007 10:43:08 -0800

British Left Waffles on Falklands.

By: ziz

ziz — Thu, 10 May 2007 10:47:22 -0800

Kid, I've flown from one side of this galaxy to the other, and I've seen a lot of strange stuff. But I've never seen anything to make me believe that there's one all-powerful Force controlling everything. There's no mystical energy field that controls MY destiny. *falls off tightrope* ...Well, except for gravity, I'll give you that one.

By: JT

JT — Thu, 10 May 2007 11:16:24 -0800

Stay on target... stay on target!

By: kalimotxero

kalimotxero — Thu, 10 May 2007 11:20:45 -0800

Young Boys Wankdorf erection relief

By: davejay

davejay — Thu, 10 May 2007 11:21:31 -0800

Is the right place to discuss Lucas saying he's making a couple more movies after all? ricer car? Well, Cortex, seeing as how you've introduced the concept, here's a video of George Lucas making a mistake in a ricer car: YouTube Link He's the one in the car with a broken grille, that forgets to brake going into the turn.

By: Quietgal

Quietgal — Thu, 10 May 2007 11:38:52 -0800

Dang, QuietDesperation beat me to the true greatest headline ever. Great usernames think alike, it seems.

By: bruce

bruce — Thu, 10 May 2007 11:40:52 -0800

woman, 65, beats off mountain lion

By: PeterMcDermott

PeterMcDermott — Thu, 10 May 2007 11:43:16 -0800

I once wrote a piece on Irvine Welsh titled 'Oor Wullie's on The Broon', but you'd probably have to be Scottish (or an avid reader of the Sunday Post) for it to have any meaning.

By: patricio

patricio — Thu, 10 May 2007 11:49:02 -0800

Still the best

By: OverlappingElvis

OverlappingElvis — Thu, 10 May 2007 12:14:35 -0800

I laughed.

By: ROU_Xenophobe

ROU_Xenophobe — Thu, 10 May 2007 12:28:54 -0800

My faves over the years: THOMPSON'S PENIS A SWORD RELIEF GROUP HELPS HURT FAMILY NAVY APOLOGIZES FOR TYING SAILOR TO BLAST CHURCH RETAINS HOMOSEXUAL BAR

By: dhartung

dhartung — Thu, 10 May 2007 12:49:12 -0800

My local paper avoids outright puns, but it's made up for by the sheer volume of homonym mistakes in the body of articles or photo caps (e.g. "reign in costs", "tow the line"). They do like to alliterate, though, e.g. Flamingo flock helps group gather funds. Anyway, the hands down best/worst is clearly the NY Post HEADLESS BODY IN TOPLESS BAR. I don't think you can beat that six ways from Sunday. There's just something, er, timeless to it. Stuff like SICK TRANSIT'S is just trying too hard. STICKS NIX HICK PIX is closer to my ideal. It derives from a house style, and the wordplay is entirely indigenous -- no Latin or hoary phrases involved.

By: Slarty Bartfast

Slarty Bartfast — Thu, 10 May 2007 13:22:21 -0800

NZ finds Black Cocks hard to swallow. Swear to god.

By: Muddler

Muddler — Thu, 10 May 2007 13:35:08 -0800

You might even say she did it by Hand. Solo!

By: etaoin

etaoin — Thu, 10 May 2007 13:54:25 -0800

British Left Waffles on Falklands. posted by goodnewsfortheinsane also Russian Virgin Lands Short Of Goal Again on a story about the failure to meet a Soviet goal of keeping land undeveloped and Firm Makes Offer to Screw Company Stockholders on a story about a bid to buy American Screw Co. shares. Of course, the company name is an easy target And Flyers to Skate With Peters Out Headless Body is the best, though.

By: thecaddy

thecaddy — Thu, 10 May 2007 14:54:08 -0800

I still like "Harvard beats Yale, 36-36."

By: EndsOfInvention

EndsOfInvention — Thu, 10 May 2007 15:28:26 -0800

Genius.

By: Space Kitty

Space Kitty — Thu, 10 May 2007 18:33:54 -0800

Oh, god, these are awful in the best possible way. I heard the 'waffles' one years ago and it still kills me...

By: zardoz

zardoz — Thu, 10 May 2007 18:36:39 -0800

My favorite Onion headline (which doesn't really count here, but I love it anyway): Canadian Girlfriend Unsubstantiated.

By: delmoi

delmoi — Thu, 10 May 2007 18:55:44 -0800

I'm pretty sure the AP doesn't write the headlines. It may be that they send out a default, though.

By: joelf

joelf — Thu, 10 May 2007 19:41:30 -0800

Fox Exex Bax Sex Pix, Flix Lax Crux Bux, Stox Sinx, Ax Prex

By: BrotherCaine

BrotherCaine — Thu, 10 May 2007 19:47:34 -0800

"Chit'lin's truck spills its load in Climax" is my fave.

By: BrotherCaine

BrotherCaine — Thu, 10 May 2007 23:52:45 -0800

On Lech Walesa's political difficulties in post-Communist Poland: "Lech's Labors Lost?"