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iChat With A Vengeance
May 11, 2007 12:16 PM   Subscribe

So, Vanity Fair reports rumors that Live Free Or Die Hard will be toned down to a PG-13 rating instead of a hard R. A writer for Aint It Cool News responds with an extended rant about "the pansy-assing of the 4th DIE FLACCID movie." End-of-the-world fanboy ranting continues in the TalkBacks for a couple days, when a Walter B shows up claiming (indirectly) to be Bruce Willis. Walter B trash-talks about the previous Die Hard sequels, Michael Bay, and Cybill Shepherd. The admins are skeptical. iChat FTW! Just wait till the bloggers get ahold of this one!
posted by designbot (79 comments total) 10 users marked this as a favorite

 
Looks to me like Walter B. actually being Bruce Willis talking back online is part of a coordinated marketing/P.R. plan for the launch of the movie this summer. Hey, Bruce -- get a MeFi account. It only costs $5.00.
posted by ericb at 12:29 PM on May 11, 2007


who do you turn this white hot bullshit on when you are not playing detective?
posted by monju_bosatsu at 12:30 PM on May 11, 2007 [1 favorite]


This looks sort of interesting, but I'm just not capable of looking at any part of aintitcoolnews without wanting to soak my head in bleach for a few hours. That site... I don't know. It's like it's from a dystopian future where fungus won.
posted by COBRA! at 12:33 PM on May 11, 2007 [20 favorites]


NORMAL CELEBRITY + ANONYMITY + AUDIENCE = TOTAL FUCKWAD
posted by thirteenkiller at 12:34 PM on May 11, 2007


Does this mean I have to start reading Ain't It Cool News? Because I really don't want to. Bruce, get an account here. You can have the username "Helsinki, Sweden" or "iseebaldpeople". Whatever you want, man.
posted by Pastabagel at 12:35 PM on May 11, 2007


Hey, Bruce -- get a MeFi account. It only costs $5.00.

I already have one.

OK, no, just kidding.
posted by gurple at 12:36 PM on May 11, 2007


You know who else has a MeFi account?
posted by Artw at 12:37 PM on May 11, 2007


Does Michael Bay not have enough money? He's got a google ad on his blog. What a reacharound that guy is.
posted by Divine_Wino at 12:38 PM on May 11, 2007 [2 favorites]


How soon until some folks start their MetaTalk posts with: "MeFi's very own WalterB?" Our very own asavage will have some fanboy competition here.
posted by ericb at 12:39 PM on May 11, 2007


You know who else has a MeFi account?

Carl Weathers?
posted by smallerdemon at 12:40 PM on May 11, 2007 [3 favorites]


I read enough of this to see Bruce Willis telling AICN posters what it means to be a man.

...For real.

Thank you for this, designbot. Thank you.
posted by kittens for breakfast at 12:41 PM on May 11, 2007 [1 favorite]


You know who else has a MeFi account?
posted by Artw at 3:37 PM on May 11


Gil Gerard
posted by Pastabagel at 12:42 PM on May 11, 2007


oops, oh well I blew that joke. *sigh*
posted by Pastabagel at 12:42 PM on May 11, 2007


Whatever else this is, it is great marketing. Now I'm actually kind of interested in seeing DH4. Hell, now I'm calling it DH4. Bravo, marketing department!
posted by gurple at 12:44 PM on May 11, 2007


Oh man, now if we can just get Bruce Willis to fight Uwe Boll while Anne Rice referees, I can consider the true potential of the internet to be fulfilled.
posted by Greg Nog at 12:45 PM on May 11, 2007 [1 favorite]



Carl Weathers? Monday.
posted by drezdn at 12:46 PM on May 11, 2007


You know who else has a MeFi account?

Hitler?
posted by pruner at 12:46 PM on May 11, 2007


I don't know about marketing or sequels or websites or Walter, but I know about celebrity goofiness and getting sucked in, and I got sucked in by goofy celebrity antics, and I liked it. God help me, I liked it.
posted by cgc373 at 12:46 PM on May 11, 2007


Nicely written post, designbot. Concise, clear, and really energetic.
posted by mr_roboto at 12:47 PM on May 11, 2007


Since complaining about things seems to bring the celebs out, look for my metafilter post about how a crappy cover has totally ruined the latest Forest Mims III book.
posted by drezdn at 12:47 PM on May 11, 2007 [2 favorites]


See, I'd like to see Lee Majors come onboard to MeFi and defend himself (or maybe confirm himself?) against trumped up allegations of drunken urinating on strangers.

I'm still wondering if there's a bionic man noise when that happens.
posted by smallerdemon at 12:50 PM on May 11, 2007


What a reacharound that guy is.

Hey! I like a good reacharound.
posted by OmieWise at 12:51 PM on May 11, 2007


Say what now? Ain't It Cool News is still around?

The funny thing is that the original Die Hards would have probably gotten PG-13 ratings too, just by cutting the language a little.

I highly recommend This Film Has Not Yet Been Rated if you get a chance to catch it on IFC.
posted by mrgrimm at 12:51 PM on May 11, 2007 [2 favorites]


I realized how we can solve this conundrum quite easliy. You all live in a digital world. someone must have a Mac with iChat camera ability. Send me your biggest doubter, who has iChat/video ability, and have them call( i will give that person my iChat address, and they will see me talking to them

It's a setup.
posted by phaedon at 12:52 PM on May 11, 2007



a dystopian future where fungus won.

(wipes a tear of laughter)
and their hero is...

That was a scream. I always thought Bruce Willis was, like, this party hard dude... never imagined him hanging out reading talkback on AICN (sp?)...oh, that's right I forgot what day it is.

I would argue this is brilliant marketing - because he's an actor (you know they used to be buried at crossroads, right?) and so
*ducks* what? it's true, and so everything he says and does is suspect. I mean hell, he stands to make serious dough off this - he's not pretending to be anything but what he is. Brilliant.
posted by From Bklyn at 12:55 PM on May 11, 2007


You know who else has a MeFi account?

Carl Weathers?


Man, don't spend five dollars on a metafilter account. Do you know how much stew you could buy with that?
posted by Lentrohamsanin at 12:57 PM on May 11, 2007 [6 favorites]


Hi everybody. I'm Bruce Willis.

Steve Buscemi is a douche.
posted by ND¢ at 12:58 PM on May 11, 2007


What in the name of hell's abdomen is happening in that video, phaedon? And how in the belly of heaven did you find it?
posted by cgc373 at 12:59 PM on May 11, 2007


I wrote a long and vitriolic rant on this subject, and then I realized that it was just easier to say that I agree with Vern.

Die Hard 4 should be rated R. It's a movie with adult themes. Let the audience revel in that fact.
posted by quin at 1:01 PM on May 11, 2007


Carl Weathers

Carl Monday


Carl Winslow
posted by ND¢ at 1:02 PM on May 11, 2007


Lentrohamsanin, that was awesome!
posted by drezdn at 1:02 PM on May 11, 2007


No I'm Bruce Willis. And Sam Jackson is a microretarded douchetruck.
posted by effwerd at 1:04 PM on May 11, 2007 [1 favorite]


Metafilter: You know who else has a Metafilter account?
posted by unSane at 1:06 PM on May 11, 2007


Why is Bruce Willis IMing from a finished basement in Tonawanda?
posted by ROU_Xenophobe at 1:10 PM on May 11, 2007


drezdn: "Since complaining about things seems to bring the celebs out, look for my metafilter post about how a crappy cover has totally ruined the latest Forest Mims III book."

Calling Eric Pianka (who is kinda like Hitler, according to Mims, no?)
posted by symbioid at 1:11 PM on May 11, 2007


Symbioid, I didn't know that Mims was a creationist. That was really interesting.
posted by drezdn at 1:14 PM on May 11, 2007


C'mon Sybil! Get a mefi account and tell us exactly why "bruce" rhymes with "douche"! Plus, did BRUCE do a trailer for "Werewolf Women Of The SS"? I THINK NOT!

I gotta fess up... I'm totally going to go see Live Free Or Die Hard. I am also a bit puzzled by its PG-13ness, but I do like me some Bruce Willis blowin' shit up.

(I'd already watched that whole thread unfold on AICN and was kind of surprised that someone found a way to post it here. Not that I'm complaining. Great comment thread followed.)
posted by smallerdemon at 1:14 PM on May 11, 2007


Um, you know those iChat pics? Am I the only one who realized Bruce Willis wasn't wearing pants?
posted by Pastabagel at 1:15 PM on May 11, 2007


I'm a genuine fan of Bruce Willis. No lie. I think he's a solid actor with more old school charm than most people will give him credit for. I'm sad to hear, though, that he didn't like Die Hard 3. C'mon, man! It's got ZEUS!

This is, at the very least, very smart marketing, and Bruce Willis is a good sport for playing along.

Part of me wonders, though, if Willis knows that the AICN crowd can't get his box office up very high. But maybe that makes it all the more genuine - maybe he really is just trawling AICN in his spare time, and felt the need to shout out.

...

Also, I've always found it super classy how he remains to be on good terms with his ex.
posted by Sticherbeast at 1:20 PM on May 11, 2007 [2 favorites]


If you were a movie star, would you wear pants?
posted by smackfu at 1:20 PM on May 11, 2007


Follow-up Bruce posts.
posted by designbot at 1:31 PM on May 11, 2007


This isn't really a new thing for movies.
* Cut the movie to PG-13 in theaters for a wider audience than R-rated movies.
* Release the "UNCUT & UNCENSORED!!!!!!" edition on DVD 6 months later.
* Bonus points if you can release both the theatrical version and then later the "UNCUT & UNCENSORED!!!!!" version ala "The 40 Year Virgin" and "Barley Cumladder" or whatever the fuck that nascar movie was called.
posted by Dr-Baa at 1:37 PM on May 11, 2007


Holy shit! I always knew celebrities spent most of their time (while not at the gym) obsessively googling their name and/or most recent project. They're just like us!

If Christian Bale ever needs to prove his net identity, I'll willingly buy a mac to chat him up.
posted by muddgirl at 1:38 PM on May 11, 2007


Nice one, designbot.
posted by ikkyu2 at 1:40 PM on May 11, 2007


cgc373: heh, i was prepping my own bruce willis post. part of the reason this may be happening with the rating is that according to some sources, the die hard 4 trailer was the highest-rating action trailer for fox - ever. see it here on yahoo in its full hd glory.
posted by phaedon at 1:40 PM on May 11, 2007 [1 favorite]


also, that little shit from the mac commercials and my name is earl? i am so not looking forward to him.
posted by phaedon at 1:42 PM on May 11, 2007


no, i'm bruce willis! do you think i can keep this franchise alive long enough for die hard xviii: nursing home holocaust?
posted by bruce at 1:44 PM on May 11, 2007


also, meet dan glickman, former secretary of agriculture, and your new jack valenti. (previously, versus barlow of EFF.) once again, proving that washington dc is the hollywood that matters.
posted by phaedon at 1:44 PM on May 11, 2007


Am I the only one who realized Bruce Willis wasn't wearing pants?

And you can never see where his right hand is.

Also, he has a tiny second cranium perched on his left shoulder. Clearly he's ashamed of his false teeth.
posted by ROU_Xenophobe at 1:58 PM on May 11, 2007


I can't wait until Die Hard IV comes out! I hope you can't wait either! We'll both go to the cinemaplex and buy tickets together! Let's take the teenage children units! Action-packed! /not_a_paid_advertisement!
posted by Blazecock Pileon at 2:18 PM on May 11, 2007


This is like when you guys didn't believe I was Black Francis and I had to hold up a copy of today's Post Dispatch and post the picture just to prove it.
posted by luriete at 2:22 PM on May 11, 2007 [1 favorite]


"I've always found it super classy how he remains to be on good terms with his ex."

That's always creeped me out a bit, I must admit. I mean, there's "being on good terms", and there's "going on vacation with your ex and her new boy toy".

At least someone's thinking of the children, I guess.
posted by mr_crash_davis at 2:31 PM on May 11, 2007


Sam Jackson is a microretarded douchetruck.

I resent that, my friend. I am no such creature.

See listen man, here's the thing. The path of the righteous man is beset on all sides by the inequities of the selfish and the tyranny of evil men. So blessed is he who, in the name of charity and good will, shepherds the weak through the Valley of Darkness; for he is truly his brother's keeper, and the finder of lost children. And, I will strike down upon thee with great vengeance and furious anger those who attempt to poison and destroy my brothers! You will know my name is The Lord when I lay my vengeance upon thee! And you know what else? I'm posting topless, motherfucker!
posted by miss lynnster at 2:41 PM on May 11, 2007 [3 favorites]


I don't know whether to respect Willis for chatting with fans or feel let down that he's doing it on AICN. I'd feel better if he were on CHUD.com or something.

Also, are you ever fully clothed, miss lynnster? Not that I'm complaining.
posted by brundlefly at 2:58 PM on May 11, 2007


That's always creeped me out a bit, I must admit. I mean, there's "being on good terms", and there's "going on vacation with your ex and her new boy toy".

Hey now, don't rile the polyamorous cat-name requesters.
posted by smallerdemon at 2:59 PM on May 11, 2007


SOMEONE GET THIS MOTHERFUCKING BRUCE WILLIS OFF OF MY MOTHERFUCKING INTERNET PIPE TUBES!!!!!!!1!!!1!!!!!!eleven
posted by Debaser626 at 3:00 PM on May 11, 2007


bruce willis sucking on the world's biggest lemon drop
posted by phaedon at 3:00 PM on May 11, 2007 [3 favorites]


Well, he's certainly no Ann Althouse.
posted by fungible at 3:43 PM on May 11, 2007


If you think I am here to win Fanboy approval, you are incorrect. I was told this was a Site where you guys talk about movies. Am I the first actor to come in here and talk with you guys? bw

Bahahahaha
posted by PercussivePaul at 4:36 PM on May 11, 2007


If you think I am here to win Fanboy approval, you are incorrect. I was told this was a Site where you guys talk about movies. Am I the first actor to come in here and talk with you guys? bw

how did i get here i am not good with computers
posted by Mikey-San at 4:38 PM on May 11, 2007


jinx Mikey, owe me a beer
posted by PercussivePaul at 4:40 PM on May 11, 2007


I'm posting topless, motherfucker!

I demand iChat screen captures as proof!
posted by kirkaracha at 6:56 PM on May 11, 2007


It's always hilarious when callouts go bad.
posted by spiderwire at 7:47 PM on May 11, 2007


I'm posting topless, motherfucker!

The fact that I can never unsee this comment is sufficient proof of a malignant universe.
posted by Sparx at 9:16 PM on May 11, 2007


Awesome post.
posted by vronsky at 9:33 PM on May 11, 2007


Those aren't boos you are hearing. They're scraming, "BRUCE!!!"
posted by vronsky at 9:38 PM on May 11, 2007


They already did this with Stallone when "Rocky Balboa" was coming out (there was an article about it here, IIRC). When the Bruce Willis thing was being proposed, they said something about "Stallone told his pal Bruce about his positive experiences with AICN, so he's gonna come in and answer questions just like Sly did."

The netrage about the PG-13 rating took this to a higher level than the generally reverent Stallone talkbacks (although Sly did stir up a few detractors, which he or his publicist handled deftly with typically Stallonian wit)

The Internet People are always skeptical of this kind of thing...
posted by First Post at 9:46 PM on May 11, 2007


I'm Mike Wallace.
posted by stavrogin at 9:58 PM on May 11, 2007


I think bobody should post anything about this movie. oh, wait
posted by longsleeves at 10:39 PM on May 11, 2007


*cough*... Bruce Willis hobo murder.
posted by kaspen at 11:08 PM on May 11, 2007


First Post, I forgot about that. As posted here. I remember being very impressed with Stallone.
posted by brundlefly at 8:56 AM on May 12, 2007


I'm Stone Phillips.
posted by Dizzy at 11:34 AM on May 12, 2007


So this internet.. anyone can use it now?
posted by ninjew at 12:26 PM on May 12, 2007


This is 60 Minutes.
posted by stavrogin at 12:50 PM on May 12, 2007


I'm Batman.
posted by Dizzy at 3:04 PM on May 12, 2007


Diz is really Jack Black. Shhh... don't tell anybody.
posted by vronsky at 4:40 PM on May 12, 2007


Annette!
posted by stavrogin at 5:46 PM on May 12, 2007


Damn you vron!
posted by Dizzy at 10:25 AM on May 13, 2007


... and I apologize for "King Kong".
posted by Dizzy at 2:46 PM on May 13, 2007


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