How to deal with hecklers

May 14, 2007 7:31 PM

Baseball fans heckle Vernon Wells, and he throws them a personally-inscribed baseballwhich reads "Here’s your ball, now please tell me what gas station you work at so I can come and yell at you when you’re working. Please sit down, shut up and enjoy the game. From your favorite centre fielder, Vernon Wells." (See the followups at the bottom of that article, with pictures of the ball.) This past weekend, Ken Griffey Jr. throws his jockstrap into the stands because a dude has been heckling him. (Everybody is laughing in both of these stories.)
posted by LobsterMitten (28 comments total)

That is all kinds of awesome. Great story!
posted by KevinSkomsvold at 7:41 PM on May 14, 2007

Those are both splendidly obnoxious and original ways to handle heckling. Thanks for the post, I hadn't heard about either of these.
posted by ibmcginty at 7:41 PM on May 14, 2007

Actually, the ball inscription is four words longer:

Dear Mr. Dork,

Here is your ball! Can you please tell me what gas station you work at, so when you are pumping my gas I can yell at you!!! Now sit down, shut-up and enjoy the game!

Your favorite centerfielder,

Vernon Wells

I suspect that Wells only increased the amount of heckling he's going to get.
posted by gsteff at 7:45 PM on May 14, 2007

I guess that's one of the few occasions when a (presumably) straight guy would be so happy holding another man's sweaty underwear.
posted by CKmtl at 7:51 PM on May 14, 2007

I like stories like this where everyone walks away laughing.
posted by CitrusFreak12 at 7:57 PM on May 14, 2007

Good for Wells!
posted by orthogonality at 7:57 PM on May 14, 2007

This will...
posted by furtive at 8:02 PM on May 14, 2007

Fantastic. :)
posted by perilous at 8:11 PM on May 14, 2007

Yeah, gsteff, thanks for fixing that. I was quoting the first report I found, which was wrong.

The Wells thing really makes me smile. So much the right way to respond.
posted by LobsterMitten at 8:21 PM on May 14, 2007

"How many toes has a pig got?"
posted by Smart Dalek at 8:24 PM on May 14, 2007

Nice, SD.
posted by LobsterMitten at 8:33 PM on May 14, 2007

LobsterMitten, your FPP presentation (complete with the quote from the baseball itself, and the bit about everybody laughing) was as much of this story as I need to know about: I really didn't feel the need need to click on any links!

And that's not a snark by the way. So, let me say, nice post!
posted by flapjax at midnite at 8:35 PM on May 14, 2007

Few years ago I was at Pac Bell Park in San Francisco (I guess it's AT&T Park now or something), before a game, watching the visiting Mets pitchers warming up in the outfield. There's a section of chain link fence on field level that fans can walk up to and peek through, and the Mets pitchers, including John Franco, one of their relievers (at the time), were tossing a ball around.

Anyway, a Giants fan comes up to the fence and starts giving Franco all kinds of shit. Just a constant non-stop stream of abuse. Franco just smiles.

After about ten minutes one of the balls gets away from the pitchers and rolls over to the fence. Franco trots over to retrieve it and the fan stops in mid-insult and asks hopefully, "Hey, Franco... can I have that ball?"

Franco walks up to the fence and holds a ball against it, and the fan puts his fingers through the links and grips the ball. Franco smiles, lets go of the ball, and walks away. The fan is holding the ball through the fence but realizes he can't pull the ball through, and if he lets go it'll drop to the ground.

So he just stands there, holding the ball through the fence. The pitchers walk away laughing. Everyone on our side of the fence walks away laughing. I looked back about two minutes later and could still see that idiot fan standing against the fence, all alone, still desperately holding the ball.
posted by notmydesk at 9:18 PM on May 14, 2007 [27 favorites has favorites]

that is beauty itself. wow.
posted by LobsterMitten at 9:23 PM on May 14, 2007

hahahahahahah!
posted by darkstar at 10:10 PM on May 14, 2007

(LOL @ notmydesk)
posted by darkstar at 10:10 PM on May 14, 2007

I'm here for the International Heckler Festival.
posted by basicchannel at 10:36 PM on May 14, 2007

Genius post. Put a smile on my face.
posted by HighTechUnderpants at 2:37 AM on May 15, 2007

My favorite player/fan interaction happened at Fenway Park in the late 90's. Some guy in the front row of the far left field grandstand (where it starts to rise towards the Green Monster) was lowering his girlfriend by the ankles to snag a foul ball. Left fielder Troy O'Leary picked up the ball and deliberately tossed it to the guy, who decided to drop his girlfriend to catch it. Girlfriend was ejected for going onto the field after getting dropped on her hands.
posted by Mayor Curley at 4:41 AM on May 15, 2007 [4 favorites has favorites]

Great post, LobsterMitten.

And please, notmydesk, don't make me like Franco. It's too late for me to change my ways.
posted by LiliaNic at 4:41 AM on May 15, 2007

>I guess that's one of the few occasions when a (presumably) straight guy would be so happy holding another man's sweaty underwear.
(Somewhat related) Couple years back Roma won the serie a mid-game (another side was mathematically eliminated) and the crowd rushes onto the field. Francesco Totti is stripped of his shorts. Play resumed. Totti subbed off, watching the game in his underwear. Drinking water. Displeased.
posted by philfromhavelock at 5:35 AM on May 15, 2007

"I don't come to your job and take the dicks gas pump out of your mouth hand."
posted by porn in the woods at 6:44 AM on May 15, 2007

Metafilter: all alone, still desperately holding the ball.
posted by mr_crash_davis at 7:20 AM on May 15, 2007

VW is a class act all the way.
posted by christopher.taylor at 7:49 AM on May 15, 2007

I love Vernon Wells. Except that it seems like he hits about .735 against the Yankees. Then I curse him.

nice post, LM.
posted by kosem at 7:58 AM on May 15, 2007

Actually, the ball inscription is four words longer:


Dear Mr. Dork,

Here is your ball! Can you please tell me what gas station you work at, so when you are pumping my gas I can yell at you!!! Now sit down, shut-up and enjoy the game!

Your favorite centerfielder,

Vernon Wells

According to this story in the Toronto Sun, Wells didn't actually put his name on the ball. He likely had the presence of mind to sign it "Your Favorite Centerfielder" so that the ball would be harder to sell on eBay.
posted by kalimotxero at 10:44 AM on May 15, 2007

...Francesco Totti is stripped of his shorts...

IIRC from the highlight clips*, Totti wasn't the only one stripped of his kit. A few of them were down to only their tighty whiteys. Can't remember who, as I wasn't exactly looking at their faces.

*not an AS Roma fan - I was musing over whether I'd be able to forget that they were in fact AS Roma players if I put a pillow over their face(s).
posted by romakimmy at 10:48 AM on May 15, 2007

I'm just impressed that he managed to fit all that legibly on the ball.
posted by Dormant Gorilla at 3:06 PM on May 15, 2007