Where Hooters girls go when they retire.

May 18, 2007 1:05 PM

Snackfood reaches it's, um, peak(s)...
posted by jonmc (73 comments total)

interview with an employee
posted by jonmc at 1:06 PM on May 18, 2007

Shoot. And me without a TotalFark account.
posted by M.C. Lo-Carb! at 1:07 PM on May 18, 2007

Pepsi, uh, flesh-tone?
posted by GuyZero at 1:09 PM on May 18, 2007

Thanks for the mammaries.
posted by pax digita at 1:16 PM on May 18, 2007

put em in your mouth and suck'em, suck'em.
posted by Stynxno at 1:19 PM on May 18, 2007

"My perfect Sunday? Watching football with Keely on my leg and Dee's Nuts in my mouth."
-Clay Braswell - Columbia, SC
posted by NationalKato at 1:19 PM on May 18, 2007

pax digita's is best of the comments. Post is best of the web?
posted by Cranberry at 1:20 PM on May 18, 2007

Post is best of the web?

It's unique, funny, and most people here probably haven't heard about it. Is it of earthshaking importance? No. Is it an amusing novelty? Sure.
posted by jonmc at 1:23 PM on May 18, 2007

Dee's nuts are filtered?
posted by nola at 1:23 PM on May 18, 2007

Breast of the web.

"Over the years, Dee's Nuts has perfected the patented cleavage filtering technique."

CleavageFilter.
posted by iconomy at 1:24 PM on May 18, 2007

I don't get it?
posted by Jody Tresidder at 1:25 PM on May 18, 2007

Dee's Nuts are patented.
posted by My Nutsack Smells Like Blueberries at 1:30 PM on May 18, 2007

I bet they taste like cheap perfume.
posted by kuujjuarapik at 1:31 PM on May 18, 2007 [1 favorite]

Sounds like the perfect accompaniment for a Schweaty Weiner.
posted by Horace Rumpole at 1:31 PM on May 18, 2007

That is so strange.
posted by CitrusFreak12 at 1:32 PM on May 18, 2007

I don't get it?

There's really not much to get. When I hear Dee's Nuts I think of Snoop Dogg, who has absolutely nothing to do with this site. So I kind of don't get it either, but I'm not going to plate of beans it.

If you say Dee's Nuts out loud it sounds like 'these nuts', which is, of course, utterly and totally hilarious.

At least that's my take on this, but I'd be glad to be told otherwise.
posted by iconomy at 1:33 PM on May 18, 2007

Nuts to you.
posted by porn in the woods at 1:33 PM on May 18, 2007

Do they work up a sweat on a treadmill first to make the salted ones?
posted by Terminal Verbosity at 1:35 PM on May 18, 2007 [1 favorite]

grazie giovanni
posted by matteo at 1:42 PM on May 18, 2007

So that's it then, huh? We've finally found the perfect product.
posted by eyeballkid at 1:43 PM on May 18, 2007 [1 favorite]

Thank you rap angel!
posted by East Manitoba Regional Junior Kabaddi Champion '94 at 1:44 PM on May 18, 2007 [2 favorites]

You got Offensively awesome in my Awesomely offensive!
posted by Ambrosia Voyeur at 1:54 PM on May 18, 2007

Idiocracy.
posted by Listener at 2:12 PM on May 18, 2007

And the Plate of Beans Award goes too...

Milkman Dan!

*applause*

I could have been a contender, as my associations with the phrase, Deez Nuts are not of a mammary nature, but I choose not to expound on that.
posted by ursus_comiter at 2:17 PM on May 18, 2007

Lame ! That's a spinoff of chef's chocolate salty balls a-la simpsons' duff !

Listener writes "Idiocracy."

Yeah it got electrolytes too. Dammit it's proof it works :<
posted by elpapacito at 2:23 PM on May 18, 2007

I wonder if they are filtered before or after the nuts are seasons. I hate to think these poor ladies have to come home night after night with the puppies covered in fixins.
posted by MiltonRandKalman at 2:43 PM on May 18, 2007

s/it's/its/;
posted by mrnutty at 2:52 PM on May 18, 2007

I hate to think these poor ladies have to come home night after night with the puppies covered in fixins.

New Nabisco Spicy Tits!!

(apologies to George Carlin)
posted by jonmc at 2:57 PM on May 18, 2007

New Nabisco Spicy Tits!!

Chix Mix?
posted by MiltonRandKalman at 2:59 PM on May 18, 2007

Better than Noddy's nuts
posted by NinjaTadpole at 3:05 PM on May 18, 2007

Coming soon: The Four Horses of the Apocalypse!
posted by kozad at 3:27 PM on May 18, 2007

I'm allergic to cleavage.
posted by Cyrano at 3:42 PM on May 18, 2007

MetaFilter: I'm in a weird fluctuating state of outrage and amused disbelief.
posted by dhartung at 3:43 PM on May 18, 2007

Meanwhile, in Oregon...
posted by Steven C. Den Beste at 4:02 PM on May 18, 2007

Denmark is way ahead on this. Bon-Bon Candies (owners of the ever so creepy Bon-Bon Land) has been selling gummy boobs for years.
And sorry but I don't need more cleavage, snackfood or otherwise, but thank you anyhow.
posted by miss lynnster at 4:03 PM on May 18, 2007 [1 favorite]

I wish that the cereal company had named their cereal this rather than that other lame name we had to suffer through. Imagine the ads.

(M is man and W is wo-man)

M. What are you having for breakfast this morning, honey?
W. DEEZ NUTS!
M. ORLY? *drops pants* brow chicka wow wow

W. What are you having for breakfast this morning, dear?
M. DEEZ NUTS!
W. WTF?
Gay Cabana Boy. *perks his head up* ORLY?
posted by Eideteker at 4:11 PM on May 18, 2007

I CAN HAS DEEZ NUTS??
posted by chlorus at 4:29 PM on May 18, 2007

...no really. Where DO Hooters girls go when they retire? Cuz deez ain't eet.
posted by ZachsMind at 6:02 PM on May 18, 2007

Saggers?
posted by BrotherCaine at 7:40 PM on May 18, 2007

Sorry, I don't know what came over me.
posted by BrotherCaine at 7:40 PM on May 18, 2007

No, it's not where Hooters girls go to die, it's where my hope that this is a forum where sexism is looked at in a more intellectual light. Oh yeah, and hurray for boobies, I guess.

Thanks guys, for letting me know that this place is not really a woman friendly place. Oh sorry, unless of course the woman is putting out. I guess if I don't raise my shirt you won't listen to me and if I have a good arguement y'all will just ask me to lift me shirt.

I hate Metafilter when it comes to gender issues.
posted by Belle O'Cosity at 8:56 PM on May 18, 2007 [1 favorite]

*staring at Belle's boobies*

...

*blinks and looks up*

I'm sorry. You were saying?
posted by ZachsMind at 11:06 PM on May 18, 2007

Don't hate Metafilter when it comes to gender issues, hate the Internet.

Of course people are going to wisecrack about sexual objectification, some of them are going to be serious jerks, others are making an ironic statement to mock themselves or others. Without the non-verbal communication cues that the Internet strips out of our conversation it is easy to take offense at the guilty and innocent alike. (I'm guilty in this thread, but usually I'm not such a smartass).

Also, sexual objectification is not confined to one gender.

As for looking at sexism in a more intellectual light, this post kind of defies analysis. Go look at the women's pay equity post for intellectual. This is clearly a joke.
posted by BrotherCaine at 11:36 PM on May 18, 2007

Perhaps if you substantiated your arguments we'd listen to them, Belle.

Milkman: One word: Calluses.
posted by hattifattener at 12:14 AM on May 19, 2007

Cleavage filtering does not sound very hygienic. So either they are operating w/o a license (I am making the assumption that they would need some sort of license to manufacture/sell food) or they are falsely advertising the product (I don't see any sort of "novelty" disclaimer).

btw, I must be riding my gender's short bus, because I fail where Belle is coming from with her suggestion that Metafilter "is not really a woman friendly place. Oh sorry, unless of course the woman is putting out. I guess if I don't raise my shirt you won't listen to me and if I have a good arguement y'all will just ask me to lift me shirt."
posted by necessitas at 12:19 AM on May 19, 2007

Oh sorry, unless of course the woman is putting out.

There are women putting out on Metafilter? I need their names and phone numbers RIGHT NOW!
posted by PeterMcDermott at 12:41 AM on May 19, 2007

Sheesh, that Bonbonland must keep a lot of pediatric psychologists rich and fat over there in Denmark. What a brilliantly fucked up little place.
posted by Iosephus at 2:11 AM on May 19, 2007

iconomy: "I don't get it?

There's really not much to get. When I hear Dee's Nuts I think of Snoop Dogg, who has absolutely nothing to do with this site. So I kind of don't get it either, but I'm not going to plate of beans it.

If you say Dee's Nuts out loud it sounds like 'these nuts', which is, of course, utterly and totally hilarious.

At least that's my take on this, but I'd be glad to be told otherwise."

When I hear Dee's Nuts I think of Hey Deze nuts which you need to build a pagoda (you also need the plans from an Elf Farm Raffle ticket and a ketchup hound), but that's Kingdom of Loathing for you...
(And no, I don't play much. I have barely 31 ascensions. I can quit any time I like. I just don't want to.)
posted by PontifexPrimus at 2:28 AM on May 19, 2007

When I hear Dee's Nuts I think of Hey Deze nuts

Oh, I beg you, for all that is good in the world, do not lead me back down that dark path. The addiction, the pain of giving it up cold turkey. I will not fall off the wagon, I will not venture back to KoL.

incidentally, hey deze nuts was exactly what I thought of, too
posted by necessitas at 2:33 AM on May 19, 2007

In the UK bags of salted and dry roasted have always been attached to breasts. The more bags the newsagent sold, the more cleavage you saw. We also use to have scantily clad women on the side of our cans of lager.
posted by brautigan at 3:43 AM on May 19, 2007

Thanks guys, for letting me know that this place is not really a woman friendly place...I hate Metafilter when it comes to gender issues.

I noticed your tagline is "all woman and angry." That explains a lot.
posted by pax digita at 5:08 AM on May 19, 2007

No, it's not where Hooters girls go to die, it's where my hope that this is a forum where sexism is looked at in a more intellectual light. Oh yeah, and hurray for boobies, I guess.

I don't claim to be the most enlightened man in the world, but my main interest in this whole thing was humorous: one the ridiculousness of the whole idea and two, the breast fixation (and I love breasts as much as anyone possibly could and even I find it silly) that would lead someone to come up with this. Although if I saw a bag in a store, I'd probably buy it, for the same reason I once bought a bag of these, because my sense of humor is admittedly puerila and vulgar for which I make no apologies.
posted by jonmc at 6:02 AM on May 19, 2007

"Also, sexual objectification is not confined to one gender."

Also sometimes pedestrians hit cars!

"As for looking at sexism in a more intellectual light, this post kind of defies analysis. Go look at the women's pay equity post for intellectual. This is clearly a joke."

Because joxxors aren't representative of attitudes or social context! They are just teh funny, right? What's the difference between dog shit and a nigger?

I understand this was vaguely funny, but I can also understand how it is more boyzone for MeFi, and it's the defenses of it that annoy me.
posted by beelzbubba at 7:33 AM on May 19, 2007

The real offense here is the not the objectification of women, but the misuse of the apostrophe.

Remember, "my" does not have an apostrophe; "his" does not have an apostrophe; "her" does not have an apostrophe; and nor does "its," which is a possessive, not a contraction of "it is."

Your welcome!
posted by ibmcginty at 8:25 AM on May 19, 2007

My welcome what.
posted by gorgor_balabala at 9:19 AM on May 19, 2007

(superb rejoinder)
posted by NinjaTadpole at 2:31 PM on May 19, 2007

Well, the women does have a point.

I mean, look how many favorites I got for posting topless a few times. Just sayin'.
posted by miss lynnster at 3:41 PM on May 19, 2007

Uhh... wouldn't it be you're welcome? As in YOU + ARE? Which would... need an apostrophe?
posted by miss lynnster at 3:42 PM on May 19, 2007

Beelzebubba, I understand full well that jokes can be offensive, but that doesn't mean that intellectual analysis of the racism, sexism of the joke is worthwhile. A quick condemnation, or ignoring it is probably the correct response (i.e. flag the damn post). There isn't some deep sociological or psychological discussion worth having about this product. Metafilter's reactions to it might be worth debating, but that's more of a Metatalk thing.

If you want to have a debate on rape, on women's pay, on how women are coerced into sex and repeated pregnancies in most of the world, I'm game for discussing those problems with all due seriousness. I'm not going to be able to take seriously a discussion of cleavage filtered nuts though, and I think there are better battles to pick.

Why did I nitpick sexual objectification being a gender issue, when as you rightly pointed out the vast majority of it is expressed by men against women? Because a lot of the feminists I know (men and women) focus a little too much on the man side of the equation. Opening up to thinking about things from all points of view may not seem like a useful thing to do, until you realize that provoking defensive reactions from people limits the utility of your argument or activism. I strive to change human culture, not just male culture, and in the process hopefully I am more effective at changing male culture.
posted by BrotherCaine at 7:27 PM on May 19, 2007

BrotherCaine, I hope that klangklangston answers your concerns. He posted that response bearing my name. I'm not being a smartass here. He probably thought he was logged in but it was my account.
posted by beelzbubba at 4:43 AM on May 20, 2007

"I'm not going to be able to take seriously a discussion of cleavage filtered nuts though, and I think there are better battles to pick."

"Opening up to thinking about things from all points of view may not seem like a useful thing to do, until you realize that provoking defensive reactions from people limits the utility of your argument or activism. I strive to change human culture, not just male culture, and in the process hopefully I am more effective at changing male culture."

You can't have it both ways— which is it, that this isn't important to do or that the utility is compromised by the approach? Because if it isn't important enough to talk about here, the utility can't be decreased.

Further, y'know, retarded sexism is pervasive. Calling uncle because relatively minor points are still getting negative notice? Sorry, man, you're gonna have to deal with the fact that this shit is still harmful overall and still stupid. I realize that you want some respite to just enjoy teh boobies, but Fark's thataway. Enjoy your lolzors there, and expect to get called on bullshit here.
Otherwise, you're engaging in the fallacious logic that would have us ignore that what we can reasonably affect in order to do little on larger issues. What do I care about income disparity here when there're rape squads in the Sudan? It's a liberal tu quoque.

And I don't really care if that makes people feel defensive. So does being called out as racist. While it may not change their attitudes, it shifts the center for normative behavior, which in turn shifts a larger culture, even by millimeters. Telling someone that nigger jokes are retarded doesn't stop them from being racist, but it may stop them from telling nigger jokes around me again.

I realize that this is jonmc, who defines intractable, but that's also not an argument for pointing out how dumb this is. Neither is the "HURF DURF OVERTHINKER" bullshit. The anti-intellectualism card might work for our esteemed President and his coterie, but one of the things I like about Metafilter is being able to regard things in a smart, contemplative way. Again, fuck off to Fark if you don't like it. And we'll forgo the "well, fucking off isn't an intellectual statement" carping, if you please. In return, I won't bother pointing out how stupid the thought that there should be some form of gender victimhood parity when discussing sexism is.
posted by klangklangston at 10:04 AM on May 20, 2007

Um, yes, it would need to be "you're welcome."

I thought my sarcasm would be assumed, but alas, MeFi is just too literal-minded for me.
posted by ibmcginty at 10:23 AM on May 20, 2007

PontifexPrimus & Necessitas: We'll be rolling out the new quest content for levels 11 and 12 in a little over a month. Just a heads-up. ;)

(Everyone else, please excuse my off-topic interruption and continue being very very serious about a very silly website.)
posted by rifflesby at 5:18 PM on May 20, 2007

ibmcginty, you should have either made it YOUR or "Your". Non-imagistic humor takes more words, don't you think?
posted by gorgor_balabala at 7:04 PM on May 20, 2007

Dammit, rifflesby, why couldn't I get to the Cola Wars temporal rift while I was level 4 or 5 on the plains?

I AM TEH CONFUSEDXOR.

(ps— Last time I played, you guys hadn't even completed the Tower quest, and then my character got deleted. Now I've started over, and wow, there's a lot more than I remember! It's a lot more balanced and a lot more fun, at least so far.)
posted by klangklangston at 7:44 PM on May 20, 2007

In return, I won't bother pointing out how stupid the thought that there should be some form of gender victimhood parity when discussing sexism is.

You just did, but I'm not going to try to defend my relatively indefensible points anyway.
posted by BrotherCaine at 11:12 PM on May 20, 2007

gorgor_balabala, that would have killed the humor, to me. The exclamation point was already pushing it. This is MeFi, not "Scrubs."
posted by ibmcginty at 7:15 AM on May 21, 2007

man, this is just dumb. it really is like some snack food version of the defunct hooters airline.
posted by sdn at 11:40 AM on May 21, 2007

klangklangston: could be one of two things -- 1) the Cola Wars no longer show up until your character's ascended at least once, so if your new character is too new, you wouldn't see it; b) since the situation that created the rift originally is now long gone, opening it requires a sort of external agency... or, to be a little less cryptic, it opens as a result of one of the Guild quests. (Though it's still subject to the level 4-5 time frame, so you have to do that part of the quest early in order to get it. Since it's all optional stuff, we figured it wasn't unreasonable to make it a little bit tricksy.)
posted by rifflesby at 3:35 PM on May 21, 2007

Shoot, I meant that to be in little footnote-y unobtrusive type, but I didn't preview, and forgot to close my tags. Sorry. I guess there won't be a lot of traffic to this article now it's off the front page anyway.
posted by rifflesby at 3:39 PM on May 21, 2007

Oh, OK. So I need to ascend, since this is a fairly new character. Again, the last time I played was when the database crashed and the rifts appeared for everyone (man, it's been a while).
posted by klangklangston at 4:24 PM on May 21, 2007

rifflesby - a no-good games-pusher and procrastination-enabler is you. will.not.get.hooked.again. er, might.not.get.hooked.again. ah, screw it. I'm hooked again.
posted by necessitas at 4:27 PM on May 21, 2007

A KoL centered post would have been much better on the FP anyway rifflesby.
posted by BrotherCaine at 5:22 PM on May 21, 2007