jeesus, you're worse than eliza.

May 21, 2007 12:10 AM

How I Failed the Turing Test.
posted by Citizen Premier (53 comments total)

Putting the AI back in AIM.
posted by Blazecock Pileon at 12:13 AM on May 21, 2007 [1 favorite]

lol
posted by taosbat at 12:17 AM on May 21, 2007

well, that shit story was redeemed ten times over by this awesome pic.
posted by phaedon at 12:18 AM on May 21, 2007

lolz
posted by taosbat at 12:21 AM on May 21, 2007

People, people!! You're clearly missing the point. This isn't just a funny story!

It is in fact, a deeply riveting didactic tale of human folly brushed up against cosmic morality. The further our bewildered protagonist ventured beyond his god-ordained doings, the less people were willing to accept him as human at all.

shymuffin32: why do you like music?
jmstriegel: hmm. i've never really considered that.
jmstriegel: hell, i'm not going to be able to contrive a good answer for that one. ask me something else.
shymuffin32: jeesus, you're worse than eliza

Our antihero was so entangled in his web of artifice that when the roadside skeptic forthed a simple query, it ended a piercing moment of confusion: for the protagonist knew not whether to answer as the fading entity that was he himself, or the assumed identity that he enjoyed flaunting, and in his puzzlement, fumbled the test. And thus, wrung through the paradoxes of unreal sentience, of vapid celebrity, of sex-crazed groupies all fumbling in the sad vortex of conceit, the tale reveals a moral for the ages: to thine own self be true.
posted by Firas at 12:26 AM on May 21, 2007 [7 favorites]

You know, maybe I should stop making my posts at midnight... nah.
posted by Citizen Premier at 12:31 AM on May 21, 2007

Someone thought he was a computer?
posted by delmoi at 12:33 AM on May 21, 2007

Hahaha. Someone did think he was a computer. That's pretty funny.
posted by delmoi at 12:35 AM on May 21, 2007 [1 favorite]

We are all IRC bots today.
posted by tehloki at 12:37 AM on May 21, 2007

Does that story interest you?
posted by stavrogin at 12:57 AM on May 21, 2007 [6 favorites]

I think a plate of beans was just at the receiving end of overthinking.
posted by phyrewerx at 1:04 AM on May 21, 2007 [2 favorites]

what does jeesus, you're worse than eliza mean to you?
posted by afu at 1:11 AM on May 21, 2007 [2 favorites]

"Jesus, you're worse than eliza"
posted by atrazine at 1:12 AM on May 21, 2007

Why do you mention someone thought he was a computer?
posted by ill3 at 1:15 AM on May 21, 2007

So, has anyone (anyone besides the creators of stavrogin, afu, and ill3, I mean) written an automated Metafilter account yet? One that picks one of the most popular posts, analyzes the text, reads the links (better than 90 percent of human Metafilter members right there), reads all preceding comments (again, pretty good for a Metafilter member), and leaves a substantial response that we wouldn't know from human responses?
posted by pracowity at 1:18 AM on May 21, 2007 [2 favorites]

that would explain dios...
posted by wendell at 1:26 AM on May 21, 2007

Metafilter: not reading the links so you won't know from human responses.
posted by allen.spaulding at 1:26 AM on May 21, 2007

Eliza, you're better than Jesus.
posted by speicus at 1:42 AM on May 21, 2007 [2 favorites]

I'm still not convinced he isn't a bot.
posted by pica at 1:48 AM on May 21, 2007

Stop all the downloadin'!

Jeeze, first we have computers discussing god and the nature of their own existence, now we have a human unable to be other than a computer. It's teh singularity!
posted by Drexen at 2:06 AM on May 21, 2007

Replicant!

IM lends itself to a situation where it's difficult to assess someone's humanity. Long analytical passages like responses on metafilter, ahem, should be more difficult for a computer to formulate. However, the occasional moronic user who pops up could quite easily be a program and we'd never know. We could sit back and comfortably mock this fool, whilst all the time the robots wait, laying there plans.

Also, when the guy in the IM is so pompous that his responses sound automated, "I've never really thought about that question" then he can only blame himself.
posted by knapah at 2:18 AM on May 21, 2007

jmstriegel is a gangster!!!
posted by Ljubljana at 2:58 AM on May 21, 2007 [1 favorite]

You know who else liked responses on metafilter, ahem?
posted by grouse at 3:16 AM on May 21, 2007

PLEASE ELABORATE
posted by DU at 4:21 AM on May 21, 2007

I have a chat history of an unsoliticed, "female" AIM user who chatted me up a few months ago that I'm only 90% sure was a bot. I mean, the responses were vague, but little things like pacing, "impatience", etc. were spot on. I really just wanted to know what the scam was, but I never could get an answer out of her/it.

Will post here this evening if I remember.
posted by LordSludge at 5:57 AM on May 21, 2007

Metafilter: jeesus, you're worse than eliza

sorry
posted by Grod at 6:26 AM on May 21, 2007

Metafilter: Is this testing whether I'm a replicant or a lesbian, Mr. Deckard?
posted by thanotopsis at 6:33 AM on May 21, 2007

Thanks, Citizen Premier, funny story.
posted by bru at 7:06 AM on May 21, 2007

What bru said. And the pastel Darth is to die for.
posted by mediareport at 7:09 AM on May 21, 2007

In my years as a reader of science fiction, I've sometimes entertained the idea that I might end up living in a future as imagined by Arthur C. Clarke, Connie Wells, Bruce Sterling or William Gibson.

I never thought the future would be like a Philip K. Dick story.
posted by Kattullus at 7:12 AM on May 21, 2007 [2 favorites]

I don't know, it seems like he would have been able to convince that person who asked about music that he is human by giving a number of answers. Answering the way he did does seem suspicious of course, because if someone is expecting that he is a robot, that would lead them to that conclusion.

Any answer would be good. Trying to give the perfect answer for that just seems kind of funny; there is no perfect answer for such a personal question.
posted by taursir at 7:25 AM on May 21, 2007

Q. Are you classified as human?

A. Negative. I am a meat popsicle.
posted by Foosnark at 7:37 AM on May 21, 2007 [1 favorite]

I had a summer job in high school taking subscription orders over the phone for Time and other magazines. Obviously we were encouraged to have short call times, we were following scripts, and I developed a pretty fast, even way of speaking.

On a few occasions, I had callers ask "are you a machine?" (this is in 1984, at least a decade before commercial voice-automation systems). I would say no, until the third time, when I said yes and plowed ahead. After a few more questions and answers, the woman on the other end exclaimed "you're not a machine!"
posted by adamrice at 7:48 AM on May 21, 2007 [2 favorites]

...for the protagonist knew not whether to answer as the fading entity that was he himself, or the assumed identity that he enjoyed flaunting, and in his puzzlement, fumbled the test.


Hahahahaha...you just made this thread worthwhile
posted by voltairemodern at 7:48 AM on May 21, 2007

obligatory this is really old comment. maybe 2-3 yeas.

Whats interesting to me about this isnt the turing joke, but the fact that the group of people willing to believe some AIM name is a celebrity is the same group who is determined to make the bot accusation. People magazine must have an IRC channel or something. I think the appropriate resonse would have been "I'm both. I'm TV"s Data!"
posted by damn dirty ape at 8:09 AM on May 21, 2007

That's a cute story.
posted by Mister_A at 8:32 AM on May 21, 2007

I've also been accused of being a bot on aim, it seems only bots use complete sentences and correct spelling.
posted by borkencode at 8:59 AM on May 21, 2007 [1 favorite]

Are you sure about jeesus you're worse than eliza? I do not agree jeesus you're worse than eliza. Ask me another question.
posted by katillathehun at 9:27 AM on May 21, 2007

I often IM random contacts I've found on the internet, and ask them if they're sexbots. This is strange now?
posted by ninjew at 9:39 AM on May 21, 2007

don't a lot of people fail the Turing test? Ever been talking to someone in real life who seemingly spoke the same language but was unable to articulate a single sentence that indicated that they were capable of comprehension? This guy is way above the average real person instant messaging.
posted by kigpig at 9:55 AM on May 21, 2007

I'm not a robot like you, I don't like having discs crammed into me... unless they're Oreos... and then only in the mouth.
posted by SBMike at 11:00 AM on May 21, 2007

In my years as a reader of science fiction, I've sometimes entertained the idea that I might end up living in a future as imagined by Arthur C. Clarke

You mean where you keep having sequel after sequel after sequel? Or say something witty once and say it twenty times a day afterward?

Every sufficiently advanced technology is seen as...

Ok, Arthur, we get it.

No, no, wait, you'll like this.

I've heard it, dammit!

Every sufficiently advanced technology..

God dammit, Arthur C Clarke!

everysufficientlyadvancedtechnologyisindistinguishablefrommagic.

Jackass.
posted by stavrogin at 11:02 AM on May 21, 2007 [1 favorite]

"I've also been accused of being a bot on aim, it seems only bots use complete sentences and correct spelling."

Heh, yeah, similar problem - I've been accused of being a bot online when playing Quake. Apparently we're simply too awesome to possibly be human! :-)

(Technically, I have never claimed to be human, but I do deny being a bot)
posted by -harlequin- at 11:57 AM on May 21, 2007

What does the turing "test" actually test for?

It clearly doesn't test for any kind of machine intelligence, because such an intelligence, if it existed, would and should be easily recognisable as non-human.

The best thing it seems to test for is a human psychology and a lifetime of human life experience, but it doesn't even test for that very well, as already seen.

So... what good is it? Why do people care about it?

Is it because it's simple to explain and easy to administer?
posted by -harlequin- at 12:02 PM on May 21, 2007

Let me tell you about my mother.
posted by eyeballkid at 12:48 PM on May 21, 2007 [2 favorites]

What? Of course I'm not a bot. Whatever would give you that idea? --that idea? --that idea? --that idea? --that idea? --that idea? [SMACK] --illary coordinates.
posted by JHarris at 2:06 PM on May 21, 2007

Try it yourself
posted by Robert Angelo at 3:54 PM on May 21, 2007

"So, has anyone written an automated Metafilter account yet?"

why, yes, it's quite simple.
if the post title is in the form "{adjective} {noun}"
it replies with "this {noun}, it vibrates?"
if the post title contains the words "new" or "innovative"
ir replies with "Pepsi Blue"
and so on.

add in a few automated searches for relevant pop culture references, semi-random approval/dispproval commentary, a chance to compare given subject to the wrongs of the current US administration... it all comes together quite easily.
posted by Dillonlikescookies at 5:59 AM on May 22, 2007 [1 favorite]

Um.., yeah... I found that chat history of the ambiguously human chatbot, and it's a little more... um... "incriminating" than I remember, so...

yeah...
posted by LordSludge at 8:56 PM on May 22, 2007

LordSludge. It's ok. We're ALL horny bastards out here. WE DEMAND YOU SHARE. In the name of Eros I command thee!
posted by Firas at 8:57 PM on May 22, 2007 [1 favorite]

Nah, it didn't go that direction. I was fascinated with a turkey sandwich, if that helps.

And dude, Eros is a total slut.
posted by LordSludge at 9:01 PM on May 22, 2007

Eros is a total slut: duh.
posted by taosbat at 9:46 PM on May 22, 2007

Sure, taosbat, NOW you tell me...
posted by LordSludge at 6:39 AM on May 23, 2007