None if by land, two if....oh, it's all so depressing.

May 22, 2007 3:50 PM

The Emos are coming! The Utah ABC affiliate has the skinny on the newest thing that's killing today's children. Emo. (No, not THAT Emo.)
posted by nevercalm (139 comments total)

"Even the hit movie Spider-Man 3."
posted by cortex at 3:53 PM on May 22, 2007

Probably the toughest time in anyone's life is when you have to murder a loved one because they're the devil.

Other than that, though, it's been a good day.
posted by Mr.Encyclopedia at 3:55 PM on May 22, 2007 [4 favorites]

Oh man. I mean, oh man.
posted by milarepa at 4:01 PM on May 22, 2007

utah, 15 years too late
posted by Max Power at 4:03 PM on May 22, 2007 [1 favorite]

is it rage, is it pain, is it DECLAWING!
posted by darkripper at 4:03 PM on May 22, 2007

maybe if emo people dressed better they'd get laid and have less to emo about.
posted by jonmc at 4:05 PM on May 22, 2007

"'Advanced' emo kids cut themselves." That explains all those beginner emo kids I see wildly flailing at themselves with razorblades yet remaining unhurt.

In all seriousness, cutting yourself probably sounds like a pretty good time when you're a teenager living in Utah. I hear the truly masochistic ones spend all their time watching the local news--it's like a razorblade for your brain!
posted by Benjy at 4:06 PM on May 22, 2007 [11 favorites]

I can't even watch. I can't.

(... It depresses me too much.)
posted by blacklite at 4:06 PM on May 22, 2007

"It is rage, it is pain, it is..."

LLLLLLAAAAAAAAAMMMMMMMEEEEEEEEEEE!

now where's that white belt?

Nice way to end the day, though. Thanks!
posted by sleepy pete at 4:07 PM on May 22, 2007

The kids. They just feel too much. And too deeply.

Callous the fuck up you kids.
posted by tkchrist at 4:07 PM on May 22, 2007 [5 favorites]

It's like the zeitgeist has done a 180. I remember back in the 90's, seeing Marilyn Manson on MTV with assless chaps and thinking, man, I'm so jaded and inured to shit like this. After Alice Cooper, it's just degrees of shock.

And now it's like, great, sickly dudes wearing make-up WITH FEELINGS. They don't even fucking try, which is what really bothers me. Bite the head off of a chicken, or take a dump on stage. Just so frigging boring.

As a pop-culture consumer, I want, nay, demand, my shock-rocking goodness! Not bad poetry dammit!
posted by bardic at 4:08 PM on May 22, 2007 [1 favorite]

Tickle me Emo.
Birds are dying

As for songs where the singer talks about suicide after his loved one dies. Jeez, that's a completely new phenomena. Nobody has ever created THE BEST KNOWN PLAY IN THE ENGLISH LANGUAGE with that as a major theme.
posted by seanyboy at 4:09 PM on May 22, 2007 [9 favorites]

Also, when is being a depressed teenager being emo? I guess since last year in Utah? Jeebus parents.
posted by sleepy pete at 4:11 PM on May 22, 2007

Utah has been previously tagged the land of depression.
posted by Brian B. at 4:11 PM on May 22, 2007

Back in the 80s we didn't have any bands that sang depressing songs and wore eyeliner. Oh, wait a minute . . .
posted by The World Famous at 4:11 PM on May 22, 2007 [1 favorite]

Yeah, what is the connection between eyeliner and depressing songs?

A friend of ours has a ten year old daughter, who recently announced to her mother that she wanted to "be emo". The next day, she came home from school and asked her mum "Why do emos cut themselves?", and shortly decided that maybe the fashion wasn't for her...
posted by Jimbob at 4:14 PM on May 22, 2007

The only emotion I felt during Spiderman 3 was rage
posted by saraswati at 4:15 PM on May 22, 2007 [2 favorites]

what's hilarious is that there's actually research showing that when kids join the "goth" subculture, they are actually *less* likely to self-harm, probably because they have found other people that understand them.

kids into self-harm self-select to these depressive youth cultures and then the media pops in and says "depressive youth culture *causes* depression and self-mutilation."

I'm guessing this report turns up on jon stewart soon...
posted by Maias at 4:15 PM on May 22, 2007 [4 favorites]

Try not to react with fear. Also, on an unrelated note, teenagers now wear clothing almost exclusively to cover up where they cut themselves.
posted by Partial Law at 4:17 PM on May 22, 2007

MetaFilter: a fashion statement, or a commitment to a lifestyle?
posted by spikeleemajortomdickandharryconnickjrmints at 4:18 PM on May 22, 2007

Yeah, yeah, yeah. You all try and distance yourselves now that it's all mainstream and uncool, but it's not that long ago that you were all parading your Emo credentials on here. (jonmc excluded, of course.)
posted by PeterMcDermott at 4:18 PM on May 22, 2007 [2 favorites]

Also, a lot of the pictures in that news report also seem to appear in This video

Which is either totally too coincidental like the world's a conspiracy and they all hate me, or more likely sloppy reporting.
posted by seanyboy at 4:23 PM on May 22, 2007

I blame Winona Ryder in Beetlejuice. She was so alone. She was so utterly alone.
posted by miss lynnster at 4:23 PM on May 22, 2007 [8 favorites]

You know, if we're going to pick on emo kids, we should do it because they're annoying, whiney re-treads.

Duh. Local news is so pathetic. Change emo to some other appropriate term, and this "news" could be run for any generation, anywhere.

And it would still be a pile of shit, too, this "news."
posted by teece at 4:23 PM on May 22, 2007

Acording to WDAZ 8 news, the Emos have reached North Dakota as well.
posted by the jam at 4:24 PM on May 22, 2007 [1 favorite]

"utah, 15 years too late"

Here in Utah, we say "Welcome to Utah, set your clock back fifty years".
posted by mr_crash_davis at 4:25 PM on May 22, 2007 [1 favorite]

This is one of the funniest things I have ever seen.

"Help your kids avoid emo pitfalls."

I can't believe it is real.
posted by chillmost at 4:25 PM on May 22, 2007

I guess what bothers me the most about this whole thing (aside from, ya know, being like 10 years late to the party) is that they only appeared to be quoting and referencing the myriad of jokes and emo-bashing videos as their source of information.

Emos are lame and all, sure, but.. why not ask the kids themselves what's up?

It's like if I were doing a report on George W. Bush and I interviewed Lewis Black, Patton Oswalt and Bill Maher about it.
posted by revmitcz at 4:27 PM on May 22, 2007

Oh my god, the reporter said it came OUT of the internet! Quick, everyone turn of your computers before the Emo jumps out and gets YOU!!!
posted by papakwanz at 4:28 PM on May 22, 2007 [5 favorites]

maybe if emo people dressed better they'd get laid and have less to emo about.

Oddly enough, all those ugly dorks that wear girls pants, have a stupid haircut, and listen to shit music get laid whenever they want. It's a mystery.
posted by cmonkey at 4:31 PM on May 22, 2007

I refuse to believe that Emo is short for emotional.
From the hair and the whining, I'd always assumed it was short for Emo Philips.
posted by seanyboy at 4:31 PM on May 22, 2007 [1 favorite]

I'm really not sure if they know that most of the internet stuff they cited were making fun of emo.

Because it was.

---

Hamlet certainly wasn't angsty either.
posted by Arturus at 4:32 PM on May 22, 2007

I once made a mental note to look into this 'emo' thing, because it seemed to be the first new kids subculture since I was a kid. My nephews even use the term. But they're just goths again, right? Goths who're back to guitary music, rather than industrial. Or what?

(and also: don't even get ON my lawn in the first place...)
posted by pompomtom at 4:36 PM on May 22, 2007

I really half expected to see Ian MacKaye in that video...
posted by SweetJesus at 4:36 PM on May 22, 2007

I'm so emo I bleed tears.
posted by CitrusFreak12 at 4:36 PM on May 22, 2007 [7 favorites]

Hamlet certainly wasn't angsty either.

Is your argument that, because Hamlet so neatly defines angst, it's meaningless to apply the term 'angst' to Hamlet?
posted by gurple at 4:36 PM on May 22, 2007

According to Spidey 3 the music of the Emo subculture is disco and jazz lite...
posted by Artw at 4:39 PM on May 22, 2007 [2 favorites]

Hamlet certainly wasn't angsty either.

You know who else wasn't angsty....
posted by jonmc at 4:41 PM on May 22, 2007

Gurple: More responding to seanyboy's remark about

As for songs where the singer talks about suicide after his loved one dies. Jeez, that's a completely new phenomena. Nobody has ever created THE BEST KNOWN PLAY IN THE ENGLISH LANGUAGE with that as a major theme.

But I didn't preview and a bunch of comments ended up inbetween his comment and mine, so it lost context.
posted by Arturus at 4:41 PM on May 22, 2007

Oh my god, the reporter said it came OUT of the internet! Quick, everyone turn of your computers before the Emo jumps out and gets YOU!!!

Huh. I guess I've been using the wrong ISP.

The whining and those Drew Carey glasses annoy me, but I wouldn't mind the occasional 18- to 20-year-old emo dork plaything bursting forth from my PC.
posted by CKmtl at 4:42 PM on May 22, 2007 [3 favorites]

Wait, what came after EMO?
posted by 517 at 4:42 PM on May 22, 2007

The fact that they cite two three parodies as reference for "emo culture" alone is hysterical. The entire report would be hysterical if it weren't so damn depressing.

That polo shirts are emo was news to me.

That, in a report about teens, a vocalist who is 31 is considered "young" was news to me.

Metafilter: ARE YOUR KIDS INTO THE CUTTING?
posted by CitrusFreak12 at 4:44 PM on May 22, 2007

I refuse to believe that Emo is short for emotional.
From the hair and the whining, I'd always assumed it was short for Emo Philips.

Youre probably kidding, but I swear back in 98 or 99 when the term started getting thrown around that is EXACTLY what I thought too.
posted by Senor Cardgage at 4:45 PM on May 22, 2007

You know who else wasn't angsty....

That hair is a bit emo as well...
posted by Artw at 4:45 PM on May 22, 2007 [3 favorites]

I will try my best to advise my kids to be their own person, and to not try to pretend they are playing some character in "Life: The Movie."

Many bikers have always struck me as having this "playing a character" feel to them. I mean, can't you just ride a motorcycle without only hanging out at biker bars with other bikers? Can't you just ride a bike without wearing all of your Harley gear and all of the other uniform requirements? Of course you can. Plenty of people do. But plenty do not.

I drive a Nisan Altima. I am getting together this weekend in an unused parking lot with a bunch of other people who own Nissans. We are going to hang out in the parking lot, then drive our Alitmas, Sentras, and Maximas around town in groups. It is going to kick ass.
posted by flarbuse at 4:45 PM on May 22, 2007 [1 favorite]

Wait, for Spiderman 3, are they talking about how he dresses in all black for a while? Or are they talking about the guy who falls apart because his daughter is sick?

Because if it's not either of those things, all I can think of is how much I wanted to kill myself instead of watching the rest of it, but I don't know how they could know about that.

Maybe they saw the scars.
posted by Partial Law at 4:48 PM on May 22, 2007 [2 favorites]

Newscaster: "And one more very developing item..."

Newsanchor Culture is far more interesting.
posted by Moistener at 4:49 PM on May 22, 2007 [2 favorites]

This self-cutting emo subculture is just the thin edge of the wedge. Many of these kids move on to become harcore elmos, and we all know what that entails.
posted by UbuRoivas at 4:54 PM on May 22, 2007

Partial Law - Maybe it's how Venom the shit utterly vapid nineties-style villain got shoehorned in by Avi Arad because "It's what the fans want".
posted by Artw at 4:54 PM on May 22, 2007

ANyone rememeber shoegazing? Now there was a decent morose subculture...
posted by Artw at 4:55 PM on May 22, 2007

Wait, for Spiderman 3, are they talking about how he dresses in all black for a while?

I think they were talking about how the black suit turned him into Conor Oberst. I would link to a photo, but one of my co-workers just told me to stop emoing up the computer.
posted by betweenthebars at 5:02 PM on May 22, 2007 [1 favorite]

I am getting together this weekend in an unused parking lot with a bunch of other people who own Nissans. We are going to hang out in the parking lot, then drive our Alitmas, Sentras, and Maximas around town in groups.

It doesn't worry me all that much when you drive around in packs like that, but it does trouble me when you crash my local mini-golf course in numbers & intimidate all the regulars, what with your tennis shirts, cardigans, boating shoes and all...
posted by UbuRoivas at 5:04 PM on May 22, 2007 [3 favorites]

teenagers now wear clothing almost exclusively to cover up where they cut themselves.

Think we can convince them to do a little cutting in the mid-riff section, nothing too painful or scaring just enough to get em to wear shirts that actually fit and cover up the ubiquitous almost ass tattoo.
posted by edgeways at 5:04 PM on May 22, 2007

Think we can convince them to do a little cutting in the mid-riff section, nothing too painful or scaring just enough to get em to wear shirts that actually fit and cover up the ubiquitous almost ass tattoo.

Please don't. The baring of midriff-approaching-ass in attractive young people is, in my disconnected opinion, one of the few good things to have happened to any part of mainstream American culture in the last five or six years.
posted by gurple at 5:08 PM on May 22, 2007

ubiquitous almost ass tattoo

Wow, you must be old. Everybody knows they're called tramp stamps.
posted by UbuRoivas at 5:13 PM on May 22, 2007

The FOX affiliate in LA did a similar story recently. It is amazing. Watch for the moment where they unironically show the lonelygirl15 "Birds are dying" clip as though it were a real expression of scene kid angst, rather than fiction.
posted by the_bone at 5:15 PM on May 22, 2007

What is it about Salt Lake City? Punk!
posted by Dr.James.Orin.Incandenza at 5:16 PM on May 22, 2007

I'm picturing Hamlet staged with Hamlet and Ophelia played as emo kids. I... I... it works. God help me, it works.
posted by Justinian at 5:21 PM on May 22, 2007 [3 favorites]

OH NOES EMO IS IN UR MORMON BACKYARD!
posted by ericb at 5:21 PM on May 22, 2007

They had me at "gender bending".
posted by saturnine at 5:22 PM on May 22, 2007

ANyone rememeber shoegazing?

Hey... Shoegazing had great music. In fact, I'm going to make my morning an all Ride and Chapterhouse event.
posted by pompomtom at 5:24 PM on May 22, 2007

Somebody should try to convince these folks that "Finding Nemo" has become an ironic shibboleth of emo culture for the obvious substring reasons.
posted by cortex at 5:25 PM on May 22, 2007

I like how one of the "dangers" is "genderbending." Don't think any of those kids that give Utah the 2nd highest teen suicide rate in the country could be gay, do you?

This made me flashback to a report I saw when I was about 8 or so about this new scary "punk" trend, and how it was finally invading the God-fearing midwest. They condescendingly interviewed one kid with a gigantic spiky green mohwak, asking him something like "Why can't you just be happy with what Mother Nature gave you?" (Of course, nowadays "Mother Nature" would probably be considered a pagan reference). I loved the mohawk and promptly told my parents I wanted one. They said I had to wait until I was at least as old as that kid on TV. But by then it was too late -- punk fashion was no longer terrifying our sleepy town.
posted by treepour at 5:28 PM on May 22, 2007

Utah has been previously tagged the land of depression.

In the recent PBS|Frontline 2-part documentary The Mormons (which you can watch online) they mentioned that the highest per-capita "consumption" of anti-depressants is in Utah, specifically in Provo and Salt Lake City.

Also, as reported in the New Yorker:

"Utah has been called the land of milk and cookies, because of the vast consumption of these products (although Jell-O was recently voted the official state snack food). Perhaps because of the Mormons’ lower consumption of alcohol and tobacco, their life spans are as much as eleven years longer than the American average. (Only the largely vegetarian Seventh-Day Adventists live longer.) On the other hand, Utah reportedly leads the nation in the use of antidepressants; Prozac prescriptions, for instance, are about sixty per cent above the national average."

posted by ericb at 5:33 PM on May 22, 2007 [2 favorites]

I'm picturing Hamlet staged with Hamlet and Ophelia played as emo kids. I... I... it works. God help me, it works.

Makes sense. After all, I've never known a single goth girl not to have a pre-Raphaelite print of Ophelia on her bedroom wall.
posted by UbuRoivas at 5:35 PM on May 22, 2007

...the highest per-capita "consumption" of anti-depressants *in the United States* is in Utah...
posted by ericb at 5:36 PM on May 22, 2007

I like how one of the "dangers" is "genderbending." Don't think any of those kids that give Utah the 2nd highest teen suicide rate in the country could be gay, do you?

I tried to look that up (the suicide ranking, that is) cause I wondered where Washington fell (having heard that Seattle was #1 for suicidal cities in the U.S.) but the only data I could find was from 2k4 and it puts Utah at #9. [source - PDF link!]

They've got Alaska as #1, and Montana as #2. (Looks like Utah went up a few ranks since 2k3, too. Go Utah!)
posted by revmitcz at 5:43 PM on May 22, 2007

gurple: Please don't. The baring of midriff-approaching-ass in attractive young people is, in my disconnected opinion, one of the few good things to have happened to any part of mainstream American culture in the last five or six years.

I think the problem isn't the delightfully-named tramp stamp on attractive people...
posted by coriolisdave at 5:44 PM on May 22, 2007

The whining and those Drew Carey glasses annoy me

Yeah -- and especially knowing that Drew Carey had LASIK^TM surgery and his wearing eyeglasses is fake and merely a prop.
posted by ericb at 5:46 PM on May 22, 2007

Perhaps because of the Mormons’ lower consumption of alcohol and tobacco, their life spans are as much as eleven years longer than the American average.

That was from a Mormon study in California that picked a small group of men in a wealthy suburb that exactly mimicked a national study done earlier that showed that wealthy Americans outlived all others by eleven years. Why mimick another study? The truth is that Mormons don't live longer than non-smokers on average because they are 15 pounds heavier (on average) and exercise far less than average--as per a BYU study.
posted by Brian B. at 5:51 PM on May 22, 2007

Teenagers are frightening. Let's incarcerate the lot of them. For their own good, of course.
posted by lekvar at 5:53 PM on May 22, 2007

The whining and those Drew Carey glasses annoy me, but I wouldn't mind the occasional 18- to 20-year-old emo dork plaything bursting forth from my PC.

Preaching to the choir, you are.
posted by dirtynumbangelboy at 5:59 PM on May 22, 2007

emo kids have shittier coke than their older, hipster counterparts.
posted by geoff. at 6:01 PM on May 22, 2007 [1 favorite]

Hey... Shoegazing had great music. In fact, I'm going to make my morning an all Ride and Chapterhouse event.

Wow! Someone else who's into Chapterhouse! Cool.

What ever happened to shoegaze, anyway?

Y'think if we can drag Kevin Shields out of his padded room for a while we can revive the genre?
posted by Afroblanco at 6:04 PM on May 22, 2007 [1 favorite]

The whole 'emo' thing is kind of out now anyways. The kids with the skin tight pants and what the video called a 'gunshot wound' haircut aren't acting depressed. It's become more of a skating, coke and weed scene than anything about weepy ballads and self-harm. The music is much more poppy (ie: Fall Out Boy) than depressing. Those kids are just called 'scenesters' and are only called emos by jocks who have nothing better to do.

Either way, that was the stupidest video ever. Mainly because 90% of their 'emo culture videos' were videos making fun of emos.
posted by KingoftheWhales at 6:09 PM on May 22, 2007

Shoegaze is already experiencing a rather energetic revival right now... Rumskib, Asobi Seksu, Serena Maneesh, umm... I can't think of any more off the top of my head, but there are plenty of great new shoegaze bands right now!
posted by synaesthetichaze at 6:22 PM on May 22, 2007 [5 favorites]

Man. When I was a kid, "emo kids" were called "teenagers."

But that was way back in the '90s when our connections were too slow to handle all that angst.

As for the emo kids who "hide" their cuts - mom and dad can just check their kids' MySpace galleries from anywhere. Hiding it, my ass.
posted by katillathehun at 6:27 PM on May 22, 2007

It's Wally George, Mark Dead, and Gomberg all over again.
posted by Smart Dalek at 6:31 PM on May 22, 2007

Easy to make wiseass remarks but I have a daughter who adores Emo crap. The worst part (she merely likes it but doesn't dress or cut etc) is the bands that cater to this gang--My Chemical Romance etc. But it sells and these kids have the money (parents of course) so there is a niche and a market. The kids will mature, get education, read, grow--then turn to hip hop and rap and we will applaud their good sense.
posted by Postroad at 6:35 PM on May 22, 2007

Okay, I'm geting a video about a solar trike, and then something about a quilt. That solar trike is kind of cool, though
posted by delmoi at 6:41 PM on May 22, 2007

Agreed with katillathehun - the idea of emo and "scenester" (or "seanster" as I've more commonly seen it spelled) culture is the display and glorification of the angst and pain of being a whiny sullen shithead teenager. The bracelets and wristbands are to advertise the supposed presence of their wimpy-ass scars (horizontally across the wrists and arms? wtf?), or even sometimes to hide their absence.
posted by po at 6:43 PM on May 22, 2007

delmoi, I got the quilt video, too, but if you look down the list of video links in the center of the page, there's one called "Emos Exposed."
posted by katillathehun at 6:44 PM on May 22, 2007

OH NOES EMO IS IN UR MORMON BACKYARD!

CUTTIN' UR CHILREN!!!!!
posted by Rawhide at 6:44 PM on May 22, 2007

This is new? The media was goig on about teenagers wearing black clothes and makeup, being depressed and cutting themselves in Baltimore in 1985. It didn't really hit the Internet till 10 or 12 years later, i.e. about 10 years ago, but that's because AOL jacked in for a while.

As for Utah Mormons, Marie Osmond has been on antidepressants and is upset because of her 18 year old adopted daughter's bisexuality and XXX web site. (Do a search, I'm not your reference librarian.) I'm not surprised Emo took a while to show up in Holy Deseret, they tend to be a bit backward and slow there, nor am I surprised that the teens there are wigging out. Besides everybody knows from "Carrie" that young women from ultra-religious families are all intense and hawt, amirite?

And those poor Utahns can't even do it right: those are some shallow superficial scratches, unlike my deep scars -- most of which ain't even self-inflicted! And what's this shit about drugs and suicidalism? Why do you think I'm half-braindead? Spoiled wankers, the lot of 'em!
posted by davy at 6:45 PM on May 22, 2007

Oh, and Utah Emo boys genderbend and kiss other boys! That's so 1973!
posted by davy at 6:48 PM on May 22, 2007

And I think emo pisses me off for two reasons.

1.) When asked, an emo will tell you that "emo" is short for "emotional." Which it is not. Emo is in fact short for "emotive hardcore," which is the music movement from which this crap culture stole the term. If you ask an emo what bands define emo, not one will answer "Sunny Day Real Estate." Idgits.

2.) Having been a hardcore cutter myself, and having hidden it, and dealt with it on my own, seeing their wussy little razorblade scratches disgusts me. I've got scars an inch wide and eight inches long. And you think you're hardcore because you gave yourself papercuts with an x-acto blade? I did it first! Now get off my lawn!
posted by po at 6:51 PM on May 22, 2007

But then one thing I miss about being a teenboy in the '70s was wearing makeup and kissing other teenboys, so maybe I'm just bitter. "It's HELL being old!"
posted by davy at 6:53 PM on May 22, 2007

"It's HELL being old!"

Eh, you get to smell bad and act grumpy and nobody even notices, let alone cares. Being old rocks.
posted by jonmc at 6:57 PM on May 22, 2007

I wear tight black jeans and leather jackets, someone drove past me and threw something and yelled "I hope you get run over you emo fuck!". I used to have a mohawk and recently an old friend said to me "hey are you still emo? did you used to have an e-mohawk?".

Emo is facinating though, (from a media studies student point of view...), it's pretty 'post-modern', no one can really define it, not even those who adhere to it. It's origin is completely removed from the original 'emotional hardcore', the dress sense is largely different, and the musical styles are hugely removed from the origin. It's a mish-mash of different cultures, styles, genres and ideas. It's like someone took Japanese fashion (the over the top j-pop stuff) and pasted it over a punk ethic and threw some angst at it.

I went to a 'fringe party' a while ago, where most of the kids didnt even listen to 'emo' music, rather they were only associates because they all had fringes. It's a fashion scene more than a music scene.
posted by chrisbucks at 7:01 PM on May 22, 2007

Grownups forget about sarcasm, trends, peer pressure, and the stupid things they did when they were a teenager. News at 11.

"You know, it's difficult to say when something is simply a fashion statement, or a commitment to a lifestyle."

I think that's the only moderately intelligent thing out of the report. Go guidance counselors!

Truly, look at what grownups are doing: they are injecting botulism into their lips to make them look bigger. Many of them are finding out all about this from the TEEVEE. Alert their parents, the old fogeys, who can get their Depends all in a bunch over that newfangled boobtube and its dangerous temptations.

If only they would care about things that really matter, like being so in touch with your children that you can tell whether they're likely to stab themselves if some retarded singer tells them to do so or not. I think it hardly matters if the singer in question has long, straight greasy hair and is wearing black clothes and nail polish and looks really really gloomy, or if she has short curly orange hair and is wearing a clown suit with green polkadots and is grinning from ear to ear.

There's an interesting trend amongst teenagers who killed themselves or others: most of them were really, really depressed, and no one tried just talking to them. Oh, and parents: this isn't the sort of thing where your child turns 13 and suddenly you're like "Oh shit. Bad things can happen now, I need to get them to open up to me." You have to train them from an early age that they can share what happens to them and you will try not to judge them and will make them feel loved even if they do the wrong things from time to time.

Whenever I did something dumb, I knew my parents would be upset but I called them anyway because I knew they'd be even more upset if I felt I couldn't rely on them to support me, especially when I was in trouble from my stupidity. Every parent should get the book "How to talk so kids will listen and listen so kids will talk" My parents bought it and it's the reason that I turned out pretty okay. I'm not saying they raised a perfect kid but they raised an imperfect kid in the best way you can.

PS: My brother's old roomate, this quasi-punkrockish chick, adopted a stray dog from the pound. The dog was always pretty skinny, had this sad look to her eyes, and always was whining. So she named her Emo.
posted by Deathalicious at 7:03 PM on May 22, 2007 [2 favorites]

Hope is Emo: V1 "The Words are Dying"
posted by donovan at 7:08 PM on May 22, 2007

Emo is not short for "emotional." It is short for "emotive rock." Also, emo is not goth. People who assert this reveal themselves to be the lame "old people" they really are. The two cultures are different in many, many ways, the least of which is the style of dress they prefer.

I have made a lengthy study of this subculture, primarily out of my bone-deep loathing for emo and everything it has done to the music and fashion industries over the course of the last ten years.
posted by Baby_Balrog at 7:10 PM on May 22, 2007

By the way, whatever happened to all of those teenage vampires of a few years ago?

In ur emo circles, drinkin ur blud?
posted by PeterMcDermott at 7:14 PM on May 22, 2007

"It's HELL being old!"

Eh, you get to smell bad and act grumpy and nobody even notices, let alone cares. Being old rocks.

What about Social Security, bus discounts, Medic-Alert jewelry, Gold Bond powder, pants all the way up to your armpits, and all those other senior perks?
posted by UbuRoivas at 7:20 PM on May 22, 2007

Funny and surreal (things in my town are marginally less stupid), but goddamn, that poor kid who got interviewed. Having some newscasters discuss his cutting on TV just isn't the way to get him to feel alright with the world. That's really crappy.
posted by invitapriore at 7:24 PM on May 22, 2007

jonmc, don't forget you get to be more lecherous, too, and get away with it. It is an honor and a privilege to be a dirty old man.
posted by maxwelton at 7:25 PM on May 22, 2007

"
OH NOES EMO IS IN UR MORMON BACKYARD!"

IM IN UR UTAH CUTTIN UR EMOS
posted by klangklangston at 7:35 PM on May 22, 2007

And emo being short for "emotive rock" rather than "emotional" signifies what substantive difference?

[btw, never said emo and goth were the same, simply cited a study on goth and self-harm (which the lame report was claiming was also linked to emo) since that was the study that existed and was relevant insofar as it debunked similarly stupid media reports that confuse correlation and cause in youth subculture affiliation]
posted by Maias at 7:36 PM on May 22, 2007

"I'm really concerned about my son! He's exhibiting all of the signs of emo!"

Oh, and for some reason he's run away from home and I haven't seen him for a week. That too.

My first thought?

"Hmmm...I wonder if the cutting and the running away are somehow related...to shitty parenting?"

(Sorry, I know there are probably some really good parents out there who, for whatever reasons, have kids who cut themselves and run away. But it's kinda like how all fat people have big bones. Somehow, I doubt it)
posted by Deathalicious at 7:42 PM on May 22, 2007

All I got out of that piece was that I need to savor the sizzle.

why oh why have i refused to savor the sizzle till now? my life has been worthless without the sound of baby back ribs cooking meaningfully on the grill by a chili's frycook grill expert leading my way...
posted by item at 7:49 PM on May 22, 2007

i really shouldn't have mixed vodka with my eyeliner tonight, of all nights.

eyeliner and weed. weed and xanax. xanax and cocaine. cocaine and shitty o-the-moment l.a. rock music.

i hate myself. fuck all.
posted by item at 7:54 PM on May 22, 2007

i remember when i was just a scamp, say like, three years ago. and emo didn't mean "shitty goth's second mainstream coming."

no one wore make up. no one cut themselves. most of the kids looked like grunge + anorexia and shaving.

bands like boy set fire, at the drive in, and the get up kids kicked ass. alkalein trio and saves the day were still pretty good. bright eyes was still emo. and everyone loved the hell out of fugazi, even tho they weren't.

those were better times. no one had ever heard of my chemical romance.

sigh
posted by es_de_bah at 8:00 PM on May 22, 2007

Mamas, don't let your babies grow up to be emolocal TV anchors.

Remember folks, it's the last week of the May Ratings Sweeps! Season finales! American Idol! Alarmist and Totally Inaccurate Special Reports!

Wake me when it's June.
posted by wendell at 8:06 PM on May 22, 2007

bah, please don't put goth and emo in the same thought... (and do dismiss those 'spooky' goth kids while your at it). emo is just 2005-and-on-ish preppie. now you have your kids who wear their pants down around their knees, and you have emo, take you pick of conformity. and get off my lawn!
posted by zengargoyle at 8:18 PM on May 22, 2007

are there emo emus? that would be a kick.
posted by jonmc at 8:20 PM on May 22, 2007

Emo Rangers
posted by Bighappyfunhouse at 8:33 PM on May 22, 2007

Well I am an old timer, and I can tell you these are the same people I encountered running the streets in the early 80's, regardless of the label you want to put on them today.
posted by 2sheets at 8:35 PM on May 22, 2007

Thanks for the recommendations, synaesthetichaze! I totally dig Asobi Seksu, and I'll definitely have to check out the others.

Have you listened to the Black Angels? I think you'd probably like them.
posted by Afroblanco at 8:47 PM on May 22, 2007

If I ever find myself in Utah or the Dakotas, I'd probably start cutting on myself too.

If you stay to the end of this misinformed dreck parading itself as an alleged "news" piece like a goth punk emo poseur, you'll see that the journalist (and I use the term loosely) called the Dad of one of the kids he interviewed. Said kid ran away from home soon after he was interviewed. I hope the kid just realized the only real reason he's depressed is cuz he lives in fucking Utah, and is currently anywhere but Utah being decidedly un-emo-ish.

As for Spider-Man 3, did anyone else notice that when Tobey Maguire was trying to play Peter Parker as 'bad' what he was really doing was his impression of Sam Raimi? Even the hair was reminiscient of a younger Raimi, prior to his obsession with hats. Did anyone also notice that Spider-Man 3 was heavy on dialogue and short on mutates beating the ever lovin' crap outta each other? I'M IN YER CHIKFLIK CHANNELIN RAIMIZ!
posted by ZachsMind at 9:04 PM on May 22, 2007

I feel sad for Elmo.
posted by Neale at 9:11 PM on May 22, 2007

Oh man, I wish I got to this party earlier, so more of you could see this gem from my local news service.
posted by bunglin jones at 9:28 PM on May 22, 2007

I was emo before emo was emo.

*drools, soils Depends*
posted by davy at 9:30 PM on May 22, 2007

Nuts!
posted by taosbat at 9:32 PM on May 22, 2007

I refuse to believe that Emo is short for emotional.
From the hair and the whining, I'd always assumed it was short for Emo Philips.

Have you seen Emo Phillips lately? He's aged the way David Bowie aged. My twenty-year-old self can't believe I'm saying this, but the guy's a freaking god now. A weird god, sure, but undeniably divine.

Emo is to Emo Philllips as Pokey the Penguin is to Guernica.
posted by palmcorder_yajna at 9:40 PM on May 22, 2007

Emo: Because you're too dumb to figure out that the goths are laughing their asses off at you.
posted by Pope Guilty at 9:50 PM on May 22, 2007 [1 favorite]

Punks on Quincy!
posted by ManInSuit at 10:04 PM on May 22, 2007 [1 favorite]

They're all being bred on the Emo Farm and then get released into the wild.
posted by kyleg at 10:14 PM on May 22, 2007

Pope Guitly: Sometimes they point, too.
posted by Jilder at 10:42 PM on May 22, 2007

I need to get my glasses changed - I keep reading it as Eno.
I keep visualising a sub-culture of early-twenties kids who want desperately to go bald, make quietly compelling music and lust after large breasted women.
posted by thatwhichfalls at 11:55 PM on May 22, 2007 [1 favorite]

So all this storm und drang about a weatherman with cancer? 'cause that's what's on the first link now.
posted by DenOfSizer at 3:27 AM on May 23, 2007

utah is an interesting place to live. i moved to utah less than a year ago. it seems that almost all of the people i have met are either a.) hardcore mormons or b.) people who grew up mormon and left the church. you can tell those who "grew up mormon and left the church" in a second because they have many tattoos, drink and smoke (those are out of the ordinary things in utah), and try to dress as "non-mormon" as possible. most of these people are in their 20's and 30's and act like rebel teenagers trying to get a rise out of their parents. it is bizarre. in utah, a teenager dressing in black or listening to emo music is cause for the family to pray for their soul and worry that they will not go on missions, get married in the temple at age 21, and have as many kids as God can possibly bless them with by age 35.
posted by catseatcheese at 4:58 AM on May 23, 2007

The first 10 seconds of the weatherman with cancer thing are pretty unintentionally hilarious.....cue "tragic story's a-comin!" piano track in 3.....2......1.....

You can get to the emo video at the top of the accompanying article here.
posted by nevercalm at 5:42 AM on May 23, 2007

I say we just nuke Utah from orbit.

I will never forgive that state for doing the opening and closing ceremonies of the winter Olympics the way they did. Had they no concept that the entire planet was watching? What the hell was that train thing all about? The only good part about it was when they paraded the Native Americans around, and even then it was like, "lookit our indians! we're so progressive and not the least bit racist or anything! See?" I wanted to punch somebody.
posted by ZachsMind at 6:05 AM on May 23, 2007

...the highest per-capita "consumption" of anti-depressants *in the United States* is in Utah...

Yeah, well, after getting trapped in the Salt Lake City airport for 7+ hours on Thursday thanks to Delta forgetting we, oh, might need pilots to get to San Francisco for Maker Faire, I CAN UNDERSTAND WHY.

However, they do have a smoking room. (Wha? I haven't seen one of those since... sheesh, I don't know when. And it was right in the middle of everything, not hidden away at all)

The only good part about it was when they paraded the Native Americans around, and even then it was like, "lookit our indians! we're so progressive and not the least bit racist or anything! See?"

The SLC airport also has a ton of crappy fake "Indian" gift shops, too. Bah.
posted by bitter-girl.com at 6:40 AM on May 23, 2007

ericb: "Utah has been previously tagged the land of depression.[...]
Also, as reported in the New Yorker:

"[...]Perhaps because of the Mormons’ lower consumption of alcohol and tobacco, their life spans are as much as eleven years longer than the American average. (Only the largely vegetarian Seventh-Day Adventists live longer.) On the other hand, Utah reportedly leads the nation in the use of antidepressants; Prozac prescriptions, for instance, are about sixty per cent above the national average."

"

So, people live longer... but they don't enjoy it?
To paraphrase Will Ferguson: that's from the "we burned your fries, so we gave you extra" school of thought.
posted by PontifexPrimus at 6:52 AM on May 23, 2007

No, no, they've got it all wrong. Utah kids are all het up after ELO. Growing Jeff Lynne afros, running around asking if they want each other's love, running from evil women. It brings me down.

Rhhooose!
posted by COBRA! at 6:57 AM on May 23, 2007 [1 favorite]

I actually agree with these whackoes. When the alienese army comes marching in, these pussies are just going to whine about how unfair it all is, while I'm out there fighting alongside the metal dudes and rappers and Foghat fans.
posted by Mister_A at 7:37 AM on May 23, 2007 [2 favorites]

"are there emo emus? that would be a kick."

Indeed, there are.
posted by mr_crash_davis at 8:02 AM on May 23, 2007 [1 favorite]

I wonder if they ever had Parental Alert news segments about Smiths fans...(harp segue)

Anchor: Your child MAY start to experiment with Keats and Yeats, eventually graduating to OSCAR WILDE.

Voiceover: And then one morning I stopped him as he was walking out the door, he was wearing a moth-eaten cardigan. And a brooch!
posted by everichon at 8:05 AM on May 23, 2007 [1 favorite]

Y'all might not realize the area around SLC and Provo is GORGEOUS, spoiled only by the people and their environmental depredations.
posted by davy at 8:28 AM on May 23, 2007

I just flew in to SLC for a plane-change last week, and hell, yes, it is gorgeous.
posted by everichon at 8:32 AM on May 23, 2007

It's Wally George, Mark Dead, and Gomberg all over again.

Smart Dalek - I can't watch these while I'm at work, but I used to (kind of) know those guys, and I've been wanting to see that Wally George footage again for years. Thanks!
posted by malocchio at 8:44 AM on May 23, 2007

Re the goth vs emo controversy; back when I was a black wearing punky goth, I know that none of our crowd was cutting ourselves. Cutting *others* was a distinct possibility...but ourselves? Not so much.

But even back in the dark ages of New Wave, with the dulcet tones of Sisters of Mercy wrapping around our moody teenage selves, there were cutters. I think there have always been cutters.

And while I think cutting is something to be concerned about, and were I to know a kid who was doing it, I'd try to help in any way I could, the rest of it is just kids being kids.

In a culture where we have removed any rituals to signify the the graduation from childhood to adult membership in the community, teenagers will create their own rituals.
posted by dejah420 at 3:14 PM on May 23, 2007

Afroblanco, re: The Black Angels.... I have actually never heard of them. Since the topic was shoegaze, I guess that's their thing? Allmusic seems to think they are a neo-psych band, which I love. I am only about an hour from Philly, so for a while there I was very into the Psychadelphia acts (i.e., Mazarin, Espers, Need New Body [although they've broken up now]).

I will definitely check out the Black Angels, thanks for the recommendation.
posted by synaesthetichaze at 5:03 PM on May 23, 2007 [1 favorite]

I knew a guy in college (long time ago when dinosaurs ruled the Earth) who wasn't a punk or a goth or anything really. He was just this guy. But he was a cutter.

It was like a weird kinda meditation for him. He had.. issues with emotion I think. Not in the 'emo' way. Cutting on himself made him, y'know, *feel*. It reminded him there was something called reality and he was somehow a part of it. Pain grounded him.

It wasn't my place to say anything. I saw the scars. Hell, we all saw his scars. Sometimes he'd just do it in class y'know? Slow day. Teacher's lecturing. He'd be in the back with a razor blade. Or he'd prick his skin repeatedly with a needle or pin, Or he'd be rubbing something on the back of his hand until it bled. Or he'd be repeatedly burning the same little bit of skin with his cigarette lighter. He wasn't trying to kill himself of course. He was just trying to feel.

College was pretty fucked up, now that I think about it. I mean we were all fucked up, just in different ways. Come to think of it, I don't think of it much anymore. Guess this kinda stuff is why.

And I wasn't close enough to him to go, "dude! cutting on yourself sometimes means there might be something seriously wrong with your brain." I was close enough to him though, to know he already knew that, so my saying it woulda just been redundant.

Besides, he had successfully fucked a girl with whom I repeatedly had failed to score, so it wasn't like I cared one way or the other whether he cut on himself. I mean, he got to fuck this amazing gorgeous woman, and he's all bent out of shape over pain or emotion or whatever? Screw'm. That's how I felt at the time.

But in hindsight it probably woulda been the right heroic thing to do to just knock him unconscious and drag his sorry ass to a shrink or something. Good thing I'm no hero. Had I thought doing that mighta helped me score with the amazing gorgeous woman? ...well, twenty twenty hindsight. It's all water under the bridge now.

Cutting on yourself is like screaming fire in a movie theater, only it's not as noisy, and less people care if you do it during the car chase. But make no mistake: cutting is not a solely 'goth' or 'punk' or 'emo' thing. And anyone who makes news reports trying to convince other people that it is are fuckwads who should be the first up against the wall when the revolution comes.
posted by ZachsMind at 10:19 PM on May 23, 2007

the idea of emo and "scenester" (or "seanster" as I've more commonly seen it spelled) culture is the display and glorification of the angst and pain of being a whiny sullen shithead teenager.

Wait wait wait wait wait.

So they're all Buffy fans??
posted by dreamsign at 11:46 PM on May 23, 2007

When the alienese army comes marching in, these pussies are just going to whine about how unfair it all is, while I'm out there fighting alongside the metal dudes and rappers and Foghat fans.

*breaks mouse button favoriting comment*
posted by dreamsign at 12:00 AM on May 24, 2007

Hey now. Buffy was only a teenager for like four seasons.
posted by cortex at 8:37 AM on May 24, 2007

German Emo
posted by Artw at 2:16 PM on May 25, 2007