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Ah, but can it catch a fly with them?
May 23, 2007 7:14 AM   Subscribe

No doubt an idol to crazy cat ladies everywhere, this woman has trained her cat[video] to use chopsticks. [via](mildly nsfw)
posted by kaseijin (47 comments total) 2 users marked this as a favorite

 
Apologies for a single-link video post. Questionable form, to some, but it made me laugh uncontrollably enough that I felt it warranted sharing.
posted by kaseijin at 7:15 AM on May 23, 2007


krazy owner lady, she wuntz me use chop-chop, okie well i neeed to eet, okie now, top stick in oh noez i'z hungry
posted by Firas at 7:20 AM on May 23, 2007 [1 favorite]


I'm sure the cat REALLY wants to meet Tiger Woods. She looks like a golf lover.
posted by miss lynnster at 7:21 AM on May 23, 2007


I'M IN UR DRORZ, UZN UR FORX
posted by grubi at 7:23 AM on May 23, 2007 [2 favorites]


It thinks its people!
posted by OldReliable at 7:24 AM on May 23, 2007 [1 favorite]


I can't quite make it out, it looks like she's attaching the fork/chopsticks to the kitteh's paw somehow. anyone else see that?
posted by Parannoyed at 7:25 AM on May 23, 2007


It says she did this after the kids left home, it doesn't mention they were only 5 when they escaped.
posted by biffa at 7:25 AM on May 23, 2007 [9 favorites]


I can't quite make it out, it looks like she's attaching the fork/chopsticks to the kitteh's paw somehow. anyone else see that?

I think that's the special secret: a rubber band.
posted by Elmore at 7:29 AM on May 23, 2007


I thought it would be a good gesture, since we were going to Korea.
posted by iguanapolitico at 7:36 AM on May 23, 2007


The perky voice-over guy makes my ears bleed.
There was a guy who used to dress up three "trained" cats (probably a Behaviorislt grad student a.b.d. wacko) in wizard outfits and for a dollar he'd let you watch 'em eat with a fork
in Westwood outside of UCLA back in the early 80's.
Always felt so bad for those poor fellas.
posted by Dizzy at 7:37 AM on May 23, 2007


I was all ready to get snarky about who's a "crazy cat lady," and who's not - then she started to singe "This is the way we wash our paws."

You win.
posted by Liosliath at 7:38 AM on May 23, 2007 [1 favorite]


Argh, "sing."
posted by Liosliath at 7:38 AM on May 23, 2007


iguanapolitico: yeah, I really think the sort of snobbery I'm about to espouse is the worst kind, but… there's something, kinda, um—downmarket—about the whole affair. Notice her continuous harping on the fact that the dining is 'fine', the food is 'gourmet', etc. etc.... all the trappings of a nouveau riche sentimentality.

Now I'm going to burn in hell.
posted by Firas at 7:39 AM on May 23, 2007 [1 favorite]


Damn. I can't get my 8 year old daughter to use a fork and this woman has trained her cat.
posted by gfrobe at 7:41 AM on May 23, 2007 [1 favorite]


One of the few things I hate more than perky voice-over guys is RAPID-FIRE-JUMP-CUTS. Goddamnit, stop it already. You're making me nauseous.
posted by Dr-Baa at 7:45 AM on May 23, 2007


gfrobe, Moroccans don't use forks either (they sop up tajines/couscous) with bread/fingers, and they say it makes the food taste better. I thought they were mad (and a bit dirty), but I tried it, and they seem to be on to something. Maybe your daughter is a budding food reviewer or chef!
posted by Liosliath at 7:48 AM on May 23, 2007


Damn. I can't get my 8 year old daughter to use a fork and this woman has trained her cat.

Take a lesson.

Use cat food.
posted by uri at 7:52 AM on May 23, 2007 [1 favorite]


Just to be clear ... that was not a spoon with the ice cream. It was a spork!
posted by RMD at 7:53 AM on May 23, 2007 [1 favorite]


Argh, "sing."

No, "singe".
posted by goodnewsfortheinsane at 7:57 AM on May 23, 2007


Now I'm going to burn in hell.
posted by Firas

Nah, you'll just get singed.

(Sorry Liosliath!)
posted by Jody Tresidder at 7:58 AM on May 23, 2007 [1 favorite]


Wait, is the stuff that's on top of the human's pasta cat food as well? 'Cause it sure looks like the food on the cat's plate.

If so, CRAZY CAT FAMILY.
posted by Verdandi at 8:20 AM on May 23, 2007


I'm going to singe someone in a minute.
posted by Liosliath at 8:25 AM on May 23, 2007


That poor cat. I don't think she wants to have a meal with Oprah Winfrey, I think she wants her dignity back.

When cats take the world back from our control, that lady is going to be first against the wall.

(Also, this was hilarious.)

(And made me feel better about the fact that I make up songs about my cat.)
posted by grapefruitmoon at 8:26 AM on May 23, 2007


Yeah...I love my cats...evil, attack beasts that they are, but I've spent 20 years keeping them *off* the table.
posted by dejah420 at 8:28 AM on May 23, 2007


I'm just grateful that technology has advanced to the point where we can use elastic bands to attach utinsils to cats' paws.

The staple and woodscrew days were brutal.
posted by davelog at 8:34 AM on May 23, 2007 [1 favorite]


Bah, cats. My dog can speak! He tells me about the texture of sandpaper and can tell me where the guys cleaning my gutters are, too!

Bad-da-doomp!

*wipes tomato off face*

Thanks, thanks! I'll be here all week.


Also, gfrobe: Take another lesson from Krazy Kat Lady and attach a fork to each of your daughter's hands using rubber bands. That way she won't have a choice.
posted by Pecinpah at 8:37 AM on May 23, 2007


The batshitinsane tag should probably be changed to catshitinsane.
posted by slogger at 8:45 AM on May 23, 2007 [2 favorites]


I would never have let my cat eat at the table. Not because of his poor fork-handling skills, but because cat food smells nasty.

I feel sorry for the husband. "I need someone to talk to, someone to share my life with... Tessa? How was your day?"
posted by The corpse in the library at 9:15 AM on May 23, 2007


Stupid humans, don't you realize that the only thing keeping your cats from rising up and destroying you is their inability to use things like cutlery and can-openers?

Now they are one step closer to their goal of world domination and complete subjugation of their canine enemies.

All because you thought it would be 'cute' to teach them to eat like you.
posted by quin at 9:24 AM on May 23, 2007


I think the cat is holding the utensils with its dewclaw, a.k.a. kitty thumb.

The training is a family secret, eh? Maybe the lady was training her pet with roped-up-testicles, pole-up-the-ass rigs and devices.
posted by fleetmouse at 10:15 AM on May 23, 2007


I saw this on TV (vehemently second the "ears bleeding from this man's voice" comment), and if you stopped the recording (yay, Tivo!), it sure looked like the chopsticks were attached to the cat's paw. Poor thing wants to take them off, but it wants to eat, too.

This woman has a serious problem.
posted by misha at 10:42 AM on May 23, 2007


1. that site caused me some obnoxious "your computer is infected" popups. Bad form.
2. videos of maltreatment of pets are not funny to me.
flagged.
posted by jouke at 11:58 AM on May 23, 2007


2. videos of maltreatment of pets are not funny to me.

Yeah, seriously. No one should be feeding their cat icecream. Cats are lactose intolerant!
posted by grapefruitmoon at 1:28 PM on May 23, 2007


Why is this mildly not safe for work?
posted by msali at 1:56 PM on May 23, 2007


msali, I'm going to guess it might be the ads on the page that accompany the video, but I can't be sure.
posted by quin at 2:37 PM on May 23, 2007


Yeah, nothing X-rated, but some of those ads feature ladies in various states of semi-dress...fine for my office, but you never know how strict others' are.
posted by kaseijin at 2:51 PM on May 23, 2007


You know why a plastic spork or chopsticks?

Because if the cat had a metal utensil he would kill that woman where she stood.
posted by MiltonRandKalman at 4:43 PM on May 23, 2007 [2 favorites]


How about training a cat to do something useful instead?

Our cat uses the toilet.

I love our cat.
posted by underthehat at 5:24 PM on May 23, 2007


As WTH as it is, what next. teaching the cat how to shoot a revolver¿
The cat did it, see¿
The revolver¿ it's the cat's, of course. But, we bought it together. Yep, the day me and the cat went to the gun store together.

And washing the cat's paws¿ yoiks. Lack of human contact, Ms¿
grqpefruitmoon, She's PWNED, by that cat. it Is, in 'da house. Scarfing down fast and furiously. Stepped up speed notwithstanding.
Of course I sent the link to Moms and Sis.
Thanks. it was a laugh, kaseijin.

Now, eating Moroccan style, you Do wash your hands before dinner, fer cryin' out loud. And it is right sensuous eating with your hands. ]Just look at the popularity of wings, for instance. Drumroll indeedy./[ but really.


Liolsliath, are you sure you didn't mean 'singa', as Cab Calloway and Al Jolson would'a put it. Their ' I Love To Singa' version maybe you're familiar with.

'singed', indeed. A Freudian Typo¿ ]no longer a slip[ Well Done.
posted by alicesshoe at 5:37 PM on May 23, 2007


There was a guy who used to dress up three "trained" cats (probably a Behaviorislt grad student a.b.d. wacko) in wizard outfits

Dizzy, I remember those cats! ~sigh~ I sure do miss living in a real city.*

*Real city: city with wizard cats on the street.
posted by Secret Life of Gravy at 6:08 PM on May 23, 2007


Wait wait wait. That cat was on a leash.
posted by ninjew at 6:25 PM on May 23, 2007


Secret...Gravy Person:
What the hell are you doing in Raleigh?
Avoiding student loans?
Please advise.
posted by Dizzy at 7:13 PM on May 23, 2007


"It all started when Faye Murrell's kids left home..."

as soon as they were big enough to pack their stuff, slip out a window, and shimmy down the drain pipe.

By the way, the secret, apparently, is Velcro. Which is also the trick behind her stackable poodles.
posted by pracowity at 2:41 AM on May 24, 2007


DO NOT WANT
posted by Adam_S at 5:20 AM on May 24, 2007


These cats are psychic. Their master Leo lures them with a plastic spoon of wet food to push down the head of a mechanical squirrel, thus selecting a tightly rolled scroll (your fortune) which the cat then hands you, in trade for some folding money. The fortune is always right! And no rubber bands required. Cats'll hold stuff if they want to... two-pawed, at least. I dunno about that one-handed spork technique.
posted by Scram at 6:58 AM on May 28, 2007


Scram---
YIKES.
Those must be the same cats I mentioned above , or their poor, tortured progeny.
Now they're in Santa Monica? Must've been kicked out of Westwood.
But I've no memory of the mechanical squirrel (USC, tequila, recklessness) at all...
posted by Dizzy at 7:50 AM on May 28, 2007


Dizzy, they may not be the same cats (or, rather, they may not be the same guy with a new troupe of cats). These wear flowing robes, but they're more gowns than wizard costumes, and I'd certainly hesitate to call them tortured. Leo trains with love and food, and only works with young cats whose psychic gifts he recognizes. They are happy, much loved cats. Also, I have never seen them use forks, and a trick like that would certainly not leave the repertoire of someone who is angling for donations on the street.

I know all this because I've booked the Psychic Cats twice, once to play a concert downtown, later for my wedding.
posted by Scram at 11:09 AM on May 28, 2007


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