Like Save Karen, but for boobs!

May 24, 2007 3:51 PM

MyFreeImplants.com hooks up women who want breast implants with benefactors who want to help them pay for their breast implants.
posted by ThePinkSuperhero (63 comments total)

I thought this is what nightclubs were for.
posted by ninjew at 3:54 PM on May 24, 2007 [1 favorite]

Implants. Every time I think of implants I can only think of this.
posted by puke & cry at 3:56 PM on May 24, 2007 [8 favorites]

Dear God.

Meteor. Now. Large.

Oh, and Matt wants a pony.

- eriko
posted by eriko at 3:57 PM on May 24, 2007

Gah!
posted by Elmore at 3:59 PM on May 24, 2007

Can I sign up for pecs?
posted by YoBananaBoy at 4:01 PM on May 24, 2007

WTF is a "Gummi Bear implant"?!
posted by fandango_matt at 4:03 PM on May 24, 2007

I wonder how MyFreeImplats.com was started:

MyFreeImplants.com started in early 2005 when a bunch of friends were attending a bachelor party in Las Vegas.

posted by Foci for Analysis at 4:04 PM on May 24, 2007

I...

I just...

.
posted by kittens for breakfast at 4:05 PM on May 24, 2007

Okay, let me try again -- this is --

It's like...

I mean, it's...

Dear, sweet baby Jesus.
posted by kittens for breakfast at 4:06 PM on May 24, 2007

.
posted by kittens for breakfast at 4:06 PM on May 24, 2007

So can I just claim I want bigger boobs/gummi bears/whatever, and keep the money? I couldn't find an answer to this on the site. I can fake the before and after photos with the camera angle... or just stick gummi bears all over myself.
posted by yohko at 4:06 PM on May 24, 2007

This would have used to make me sad. Now I just blink and move on.

and a single tear slides down the leathery face of an old gentleman as he feels another innocence breaking.
posted by liquorice at 4:07 PM on May 24, 2007 [1 favorite]

puke & cry, I'm afraid to look at what your other posts are.
posted by yohko at 4:07 PM on May 24, 2007

I don't know whether to laugh or cry that something like this exists in the year 2007.
posted by hurdy gurdy girl at 4:08 PM on May 24, 2007

Didn't Howard Stern used to do this on the air?

(Have three women beg, competition-like, for fake boobs, not actually perform the procedure?)
posted by bardic at 4:11 PM on May 24, 2007

Best thing about that site? The pervasive references to all of the females as "ladies."
posted by nerdcore at 4:12 PM on May 24, 2007

Actually, I think of this also, just because I saw it a couple days ago and it's catchy.
posted by puke & cry at 4:15 PM on May 24, 2007

MyFreeImplants.com is the first website of its kind to harness the global power of the Internet to service the unique needs and desires of its members.

I thought Metafilter was first?

No, really, this is sick but brilliant. I wonder if they have a public service site where poor kids with cleft palates can plead for money. I just might donate....
posted by MarshallPoe at 4:17 PM on May 24, 2007

What someone should really do is find a way to match up women who want breast reductions with women who want implants. Waste not, want not.
posted by scratch at 4:26 PM on May 24, 2007 [1 favorite]

And again. Gah!
posted by Elmore at 4:26 PM on May 24, 2007

That's an idea I would get behind!
posted by ThePinkSuperhero at 4:27 PM on May 24, 2007 [1 favorite]

My implants (with apologies to Kelis)

My implants bring all the boys to the yard
And they're like,
"Those titties are hard",
Damn right! Like a barrel of lard,
You can touch them,
If you've got your credit card,

My implants bring all the boys to the yard,
And I'm like,
"Man, these titties are hard"
Men are drooling, like a low-grade 'tard,
But don't look too close,
'Cause these things are badly scarred,
That's the price you pay to join the avant garde

I know you want to,
Touch the things that were made for me,
What the guys go crazy for,
I'm not a twenty dollar whore,
I'd let you touch but they're still sore.
posted by PeterMcDermott at 4:29 PM on May 24, 2007 [16 favorites]

Was world hunger already taken?
posted by tommasz at 4:30 PM on May 24, 2007 [2 favorites]

MyFreeImplants.com, because IttyBittyTittyPity.com was already taken?
posted by mosk at 4:30 PM on May 24, 2007 [4 favorites]

I can't donate any cash, but I've got a couple pairs of rolled up socks they could have.
posted by lekvar at 4:49 PM on May 24, 2007

puke & cry, you will be happy to know that your first link evoked both the urge to vomit and the desire to weep openly. You have lived up to your nic. Well done.
posted by quin at 4:50 PM on May 24, 2007

. .
posted by rob511 at 4:50 PM on May 24, 2007 [4 favorites]

I immediately thought of this [NSFW, or for those with weak stomachs].
posted by mullingitover at 4:51 PM on May 24, 2007

Along with your bio you can upload an unlimited number of pictures of yourself. These pictures are one of the key components towards achieving your goals.

This is just creepy.
posted by donovan at 4:51 PM on May 24, 2007

Actually, when I first read the post I thought it was FeelMyImplants, which was somehow even more pathetic.
posted by lekvar at 4:58 PM on May 24, 2007

Implants. Every time I think of implants I can only think of this.
posted by puke & cry at 3:56 PM on May 24 [1 favorite +] [!]

Eponysterical. Also, I hate you.
posted by basicchannel at 5:01 PM on May 24, 2007

I don't know if it's eponysterical anymore when puke & cry posts something gross. I've come to expect (and relish) it... it's more like eponypropriate.
posted by synaesthetichaze at 5:22 PM on May 24, 2007 [4 favorites]

Wow they actually managed to make it look tackier than I could have ever imagined. Well done sirs, well done.
posted by ob at 5:22 PM on May 24, 2007

So the benefaction is a one-way street? Or is a little quid pro quo (or pro bono, IF YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN) supposed to ensue?
posted by DU at 5:25 PM on May 24, 2007

Uh, seriously. Is this the breast we can do?
posted by Rawhide at 5:26 PM on May 24, 2007

yohko: no. The site hooks you up with one of their doctors.

This makes me cry too, partially because I can easily picture my sister thinking this is the solution.
posted by artifarce at 5:29 PM on May 24, 2007

Wow. That's really twisted and tacky. And way crass.

I guess a fool and his money are soon parted. What do you need to be successful here? A really cute, but flat girl?

Where are all the men who dig small breasted women? They could set up competitive bidding for and against the boob job and double the take.

Man oh man. Our culture is on the wrong track.
posted by Broadside Affront at 5:31 PM on May 24, 2007

puke & cry writes 'Implants. Every time I think of implants I can only think of this.'

Nice to see that she's gone to the trouble of having a Brazilian done.

There's nothing worse than spotting a hot chick like that on the beach, only to be put off by the sight of spiders crawling along her bikini line,
posted by PeterMcDermott at 5:34 PM on May 24, 2007

The homepage really needs a more catchy design to make this into a real web phenomenon.

I'm thinking of something like that million dollar homepage, but with lots of little pictures of boobs. To donate, you just click on a boob & $1 goes to that recipient. As the donations rack up, the boobs become bigger. In this way, you can see tangible evidence of your money at work, and feel the satisfaction of making a difference in the world.
posted by UbuRoivas at 5:50 PM on May 24, 2007

I want to see the before & after photos. Gotta check the ROI, y'know..
posted by drstein at 5:51 PM on May 24, 2007

Every time I think of implants I think of "Weird Science". Or, rather, I think of the line "Anything bigger than a handful, you're risking a sprained thumb".

I'm not [BREASTIST], just sayin'. It's getting pretty annoying. Woe me.
posted by soundofsuburbia at 6:07 PM on May 24, 2007

No, drstein, you really don't. Really. Well - at least not the "i will eat your soul with my eyes" girl.
posted by odinsdream at 6:09 PM on May 24, 2007

I sincerely hope somebody is browsing these profiles to report any girls under 14...

And when will I find a website that does the same for Delphinoplasty?

... I'm just going back to reading my book now...
posted by yoHighness at 6:20 PM on May 24, 2007

puke & cry: this.

OMG DO NOT WANT
posted by Joey Michaels at 6:32 PM on May 24, 2007

Wonder how low the self-esteem is of the girl who has only raised $87 when the others are over a thousand? Because I doubt it was high when she signed up in the first place.
posted by misha at 6:46 PM on May 24, 2007

I thought it was a sprained TONGUE.
posted by DU at 6:55 PM on May 24, 2007

This is just...wow.


yohko: no. The site hooks you up with one of their doctors.

Actually no, the FAQ says you can choose whatever doctor you want. No idea how they send payment though.
posted by cmgonzalez at 6:58 PM on May 24, 2007

drstein: Here ya go. You have been warned.
posted by liquorice at 7:04 PM on May 24, 2007

God, what is wrong with our society. There are starving children in third-world countries right now who'll never have a chance to own a pair of grotesque fakeys.
posted by Alvy Ampersand at 7:13 PM on May 24, 2007

What are you talking about, Alvy? They just use traditional methods that we in the West have forgotten, thanks to our mollycoddling fancy-arse technology. For example, in Papua New Guinea, they slit themselves just under the armpits with flint knives & shove half a coconut in each side.
posted by UbuRoivas at 7:30 PM on May 24, 2007

shove half a coconut in each side

Is this what they mean when they say a girl has a husk-y build?
posted by maxwelton at 7:45 PM on May 24, 2007 [1 favorite]

51 posts, 51 soapboxes.
posted by wfc123 at 7:57 PM on May 24, 2007

MetaFilter: 53189 members, 53189 soapboxes.
posted by UbuRoivas at 8:28 PM on May 24, 2007

My soapbox: Sorry, no comment
posted by longsleeves at 8:48 PM on May 24, 2007

I love America.
posted by atchafalaya at 9:00 PM on May 24, 2007

Is there a surgical procedure to (re)turn breasts to circa 25 years post partum instead of implants that make them look like they were drawn by 12.5 year old Tokyo manga street artists?
posted by porpoise at 9:21 PM on May 24, 2007 [1 favorite]

51 posts, 51 soapboxes.

Guess wfc123 skipped puke & cry's first link. Whatever those are - and the list is indeed as long as all Creation - they are not soapboxes.
posted by gompa at 9:52 PM on May 24, 2007

Want more information about Gummy Bear Implants? Just ask Yahoo.
posted by eye of newt at 10:25 PM on May 24, 2007

I sent a check for $20 to Little Ritchie Petrie.
Least I could do.
posted by Dizzy at 10:37 PM on May 24, 2007

Is this is the thread where I have to apologize for getting on Belle O'Cosity's case for calling MetaFilter a woman hostile boy zone?
posted by BrotherCaine at 2:25 AM on May 25, 2007

BrotherCaine writes 'Is this is the thread where I have to apologize for getting on Belle O'Cosity's case for calling MetaFilter a woman hostile boy zone?'

In the interests of equality, I'm about to start a website where men who are seeking penile enhancement surgery can post pictures of themselves and their inadequate members, in the hope that desperate and lonely women will be inclined to post a contribution if they feel the person involved is worthy of their donation.

Our first member here on www.investing-in-cock.com is our very own ColdChef, who worries that his penis is too short because he's 'never hit bottom'.

Ladies, you *know* how important it is for a man to be hitting the bottom and working the sides, bending you over like a pretzel, and letting you feel the heat in his penis. A man just can't do that if he's worried that he's never hit the bottom.

Just a mere $5000 can send ColdChef along to Dr. E. Douglas Whitehead for phalloplasty. So send us some money as an act of solidarity with your sisters, because one day, some poor needy woman will be feeling it as ColdChef finally starts hitting the bottom and working the sides.

(Note: 99% of all contributions go towards the upkeep of www.investing-in-cock.com, but special one-on-one appointments with our boys can be arranged, during which the whole of your 'gift' (minus referral fee of $250, payable up front) will go directly to the small penised man of your choice.)
posted by PeterMcDermott at 3:19 AM on May 25, 2007

So, um, PinkSuperhero, is this supposed to be a hint or something?

"I don't know whether to laugh or cry that something like this exists in the year 2007."

I know! It doesn't have a distributed social network, it's not in beta, I don't see any gradients, and it doesn't even look like there's any browser-native AJAX webapps embedded!
posted by klangklangston at 5:53 AM on May 25, 2007

Feminism ftw.

Wait. Nevermind.
posted by saturnine at 5:41 AM on May 27, 2007