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How to Kiss Someone Passionately
June 2, 2007 10:18 AM   Subscribe

How to Kiss Someone Passionately. A demonstration filled with skill and humor.
posted by Malad (49 comments total) 18 users marked this as a favorite

 


Some are just naturals, of course.
posted by Wolfdog at 10:26 AM on June 2, 2007


I found the humour limited. But the girl was fruity.
posted by imperium at 10:26 AM on June 2, 2007 [1 favorite]


Yeah, I watched several and they were funny and annoying in about equal measure. But the girl is hot. She also reminded me of my ex-wife, which, you know, makes me pathetic. I'll go shoot myself now.

The "How to be the Perfect Girlfriend" was pretty accurate, though.
posted by Ethereal Bligh at 10:37 AM on June 2, 2007


Haha, more like, "You're welcome!"
posted by flod at 10:38 AM on June 2, 2007 [1 favorite]


Ethereal Bligh writes "She also reminded me of my ex-wife, which, you know, makes me pathetic."

Ah yeah your ex-wife...fond memories ! ...mmmhhh...I will be going now :D
posted by elpapacito at 10:41 AM on June 2, 2007


Don't shoot yourself, EB. We like you. We like you just the way you are.
posted by synaesthetichaze at 10:42 AM on June 2, 2007


They completely skip the step where you tie them up.
posted by srboisvert at 10:48 AM on June 2, 2007 [2 favorites]


I personally found it hilarious, partly because I dated a guy who broke every one of those on a regular basis. Every single one. The man seemed to think I loved his tongue as much as he loved onions.
posted by katillathehun at 10:57 AM on June 2, 2007 [1 favorite]


I get bored after about seven seconds of kissing. And that's when I'm watching two women doing it. When I have to kiss, I'm bored even before I start. You could say that I'm not the most romantic guy when it comes to kissing.

You know how many words the Eskimos have for kissing? They don't. That's because ESKIMOS ROCK.
posted by Ethereal Bligh at 11:07 AM on June 2, 2007 [3 favorites]


If eskimos kiss, they may have to be separated surgically.
posted by dgbellak at 11:13 AM on June 2, 2007


Ethereal Bligh writes "When I have to kiss, I'm bored even before I start."

Then you take the cat5-nine-o-tail and the party starts !
posted by elpapacito at 11:14 AM on June 2, 2007


The man seemed to think I loved his tongue as much as he loved onions.

And did you tell him otherwise? Most women I've kissed enjoy tongue gymnastics and are eager to compete, but I've kissed one girl who seemed repulsed to her very core by the mere notion that I actually had a tongue. There was nothing on the surface that I could tell to distinguish her from the others, yet - alas! - I poorly guessed her preference one night, and I turned her off to me pretty effin' quick. How was I to know?
posted by dgbellak at 11:18 AM on June 2, 2007


This is useful, thanks!
posted by the cydonian at 11:19 AM on June 2, 2007


My condolences on the onions, though. Dude should've known better.
posted by dgbellak at 11:19 AM on June 2, 2007


Then you take the cat5-nine-o-tail and the party starts !

Cat5e-nine-o-tail, actually.
posted by Ethereal Bligh at 11:21 AM on June 2, 2007 [2 favorites]


How was I to know?

She had on a "Remember Ellen James" t-shirt and seemed shy?
posted by Ethereal Bligh at 11:25 AM on June 2, 2007 [4 favorites]


Bravo, EB- well played. :)
posted by hincandenza at 11:29 AM on June 2, 2007


And did you tell him otherwise?

Yes. And he was also quick to remind me that the other girls he'd been involved with in the past (and present, it turned out) hadn't minded.

He... um... kept a list which named every girl he'd slept with and what she was into. Bad kissing technique was the least of his issues, is what I'm sayin'.
posted by katillathehun at 11:32 AM on June 2, 2007


Hm, hot. I like kissing.

I'll be in my bunk.
posted by Squeak Attack at 12:16 PM on June 2, 2007


I've kissed one girl who seemed repulsed to her very core by the mere notion that I actually had a tongue

I French-kissed one girl and she freaked out, saying she thought that "that kind of kissing" (like it was some sort of unusual fetish) "is reserved for people who are engaged." And that was pretty much the end of that.
posted by grouse at 12:28 PM on June 2, 2007


The thing in "How to be the Perfect Girlfriend" about "men like explaining things" was perfect.
posted by papakwanz at 12:33 PM on June 2, 2007


Something has to still be reserved for people who are engaged. I'm glad it's french kissing and not, you know . . .
posted by spitbull at 12:43 PM on June 2, 2007


Diamond rings?
posted by grouse at 12:46 PM on June 2, 2007


Re: How to be the perfect girlfriend . . . .

A witty female friend of mine once said, upon hearing the old adage "the path to a man's heart is through his stomach," replied "I know a shortcut."

And it ain't beer.

Funny stuff.
posted by spitbull at 12:50 PM on June 2, 2007


Do you know how many words Eskimos have for snot? None. Because they just use one of their words for snow. I think it is the one for what non-Eskimos call packing snow. They use it because they don't have snowball fights since there is no point in hitting the girl you like right in the face with a snowball when all you can delusionally hope for is to get a snotty nose rub.
posted by srboisvert at 1:08 PM on June 2, 2007


Needs more toilet elf.
posted by Sparx at 1:42 PM on June 2, 2007


"that kind of kissing" (like it was some sort of unusual fetish) "is reserved for people who are engaged."

I thought when you got engaged is when you get to finally give up on the kissing already.
posted by frobozz at 1:56 PM on June 2, 2007


Something has to still be reserved for people who are engaged. I'm glad it's french kissing and not, you know . . .

Screwing her sister?
posted by Ethereal Bligh at 2:00 PM on June 2, 2007


She was an only child.
posted by grouse at 2:11 PM on June 2, 2007


No, no, you dirty minded people. I meant . . . . picking out silverware.

I didn't even know people got "engaged" anymore. It's so quaint.
posted by spitbull at 2:28 PM on June 2, 2007


Kissing is for sissies. I bite.
posted by Astro Zombie at 2:28 PM on June 2, 2007


I was just coming to post what Sparx posted. It's especially bizarre because the two videos have the same narrator and structure.
posted by chrominance at 2:35 PM on June 2, 2007


Kissing is for sissies. I bite.

Beware of side-effects.
posted by jmd82 at 4:17 PM on June 2, 2007


Sarah Coyle's the name of the woman in these vids, eh? Has she done other things? She's talented and the camera is very kind to her.

The term "love bites" used to be "hickeys" How come that fell out of favor? Is it racist in some way that I never heard about?

Back when I was a smoker, I could only kiss other smokers, which at the time didn't seem like much of a problem. If she liked how I kissed, she stuck around. If she didn't, or if I didn't, that was on more than one occasion pretty much the deal breaker. The real test is when the two people are comfortable enough with one another to talk it out.

If you don't like your partner doing X, tell the person, otherwise they won't know. And of course that's a two way street. If the two of you can't take directions on a simple kiss with one another, raising a kid's gonna be pretty much impossible without heavy artillery and lawyers.

I like the one about How to be the perfect boyfriend.

1. Listen to her (pretend to be interested. make up responses if she finds out you lost interest)
2. Love her friends and family (remember their names. pretend you like them.)
3. Be a man (unless she's gay, in which case, be a lesbian)
4. In the bedroom (be Elvis Presley, Bruce Springsteen, and Aerosmith)
5. Suprise her (this is where women tend to cost men a lot of money)
6. Be hygenic (don't fart. don't smell. in other words, don't be a man)
7. Be faithful (they spent the least amount of time on the last one. must not be very important)
posted by ZachsMind at 4:41 PM on June 2, 2007


dating.metafilter.com: wanna come over and watch a movie?
posted by phaedon at 4:44 PM on June 2, 2007


They say the way to a man's heart is through his stomach, this is, of course, bullshit. I really wish my cardiologist had known better.
posted by I Foody at 5:31 PM on June 2, 2007


The way to a man's heart is directly through his ribcage. I learned this from Indiana Jones.
posted by BlackLeotardFront at 6:01 PM on June 2, 2007 [1 favorite]


wanna come over and watch a movie?

Sure. What are we watching?
posted by Ethereal Bligh at 6:11 PM on June 2, 2007


EB: I think the movie is called Et Votre Langue Touche La Mienne. Wonderful, moving French film.

Try not to eat onions, though.
posted by flibbertigibbet at 6:26 PM on June 2, 2007


My first kiss happened to be from an overly eager boy who instantly decided an overwhelming, wretched French kiss would be the way to go. Wretched as in I almost threw up because he stuck his tongue so far down my throat- literally. And yes, he knew it was my first kiss.
After it was finally over, I walked into my house and nearly swore off kissing for good if that was what it was going to be like.
posted by old blue eyes at 6:44 PM on June 2, 2007


I can kiss passionately. But then, passion can be a one way street. Apparently. *cries*
posted by Green With You at 6:46 PM on June 2, 2007


Buster Keaton learns to kiss. [youtube]
posted by churl at 7:05 PM on June 2, 2007


She was an only child.

grouse, please to be explaining? What did being an only child have to do with it?
posted by fuse theorem at 12:04 AM on June 3, 2007


It was in response to Ethereal Bligh's comment.
posted by grouse at 1:42 AM on June 3, 2007


In this case, one might want to be careful of all of the video demonstrations one sees online. Just saying.
posted by Earl the Polliwog at 2:29 AM on June 3, 2007


WHAT.
THE.
FUCK.
EARL THE POLLIWOG???

Seriously, WTF was that?
posted by grouse at 2:35 AM on June 3, 2007


Seconded grouse. Come on EtP, that's put me off biting peoples' heads off, perhaps forever.
posted by imperium at 5:40 AM on June 3, 2007


The term "love bites" used to be "hickeys" How come that fell out of favor?

They were always called love bites when I was a kid (in Ireland). I think this may be one of those US vs UK things? My last name is Hickey so I hear a lot of the same jokes over ... and over ... again now I live in North America.
posted by jamesonandwater at 8:12 AM on June 3, 2007


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