Comments on: That's what this is all about, the "New World Order".

That's what this is all about, the "New World Order".

brett — Wed, 13 Jun 2007 13:44:54 -0800

In 2008 Elect "Independent" Don Cordell For President, of the "United States of America" our, "America the Beautiful" OR, You "will be" "Citizens" of The: UNITED NATION'S, "NEW WORLD ORDER"

By: phrontist

phrontist — Wed, 13 Jun 2007 13:46:56 -0800

Eh, he's unelectable, but maybe as a running mate with Gene Ray, who has huge appeal amongst perpetual energy enthusiasts and nascar dads.

By: Faint of Butt

Faint of Butt — Wed, 13 Jun 2007 13:53:32 -0800

I just came in to make sure that there was a "batshitinsane" tag, as required by protocol. Well done, brett.

By: Artw

Artw — Wed, 13 Jun 2007 13:55:05 -0800

So, does this crap only come into vogue when the Republicans are on their way out of power?

By: languagehat

languagehat — Wed, 13 Jun 2007 13:56:09 -0800

To save others the trouble of reading the whole thing, here's his exciting conclusion: Some printers allow you to print files in "Black only" if you wish. Words to live by!

By: CitrusFreak12

CitrusFreak12 — Wed, 13 Jun 2007 13:59:25 -0800

Are you getting mad enough "yet"? With "your" vote, We "will" retake America, for the "Citizens" of The United States. "You" deserve an honest government I "Don Cordell" decided that, YOU need me as your President. Congress "is" going to wait until after elections This "used to be" a great nation, now we are despised by many nations.

"Please" "make" "it" "stop". "."

By: CitrusFreak12

CitrusFreak12 — Wed, 13 Jun 2007 14:00:25 -0800

It's also funnier and less mind-numbing if you read it aloud and make use of finger quotation marks.

By: Pope Guilty

Pope Guilty — Wed, 13 Jun 2007 14:03:31 -0800

Just as George W. Bush minus George H. W. Bush equals Michael Scott, Ron Paul minus inexplicable mainstream fanbase equals Don Cordell.

By: Tehanu

Tehanu — Wed, 13 Jun 2007 14:12:12 -0800

It's also funnier and less mind-numbing if you read it aloud and make use of finger quotation marks. This is my approach to most political commentary. I think my brain would implode from the ridiculousness otherwise.

By: mr_crash_davis

mr_crash_davis — Wed, 13 Jun 2007 14:27:48 -0800

Has anyone made the "You are all educated stupid" remark yet?

By: kosem

kosem — Wed, 13 Jun 2007 14:31:56 -0800

The New World Order takes over.

By: cortex

cortex — Wed, 13 Jun 2007 14:32:46 -0800

That guy is going to summary quote his ass all the way to 1600 PA Ave, baby. He should get Margo from A3G to run as VP.

By: swerve

swerve — Wed, 13 Jun 2007 14:34:16 -0800

Hee. NutFilter.

By: Infinite Jest

Infinite Jest — Wed, 13 Jun 2007 14:37:26 -0800

I, for one, trust him - he's related to 21 US Presidents, you know. "AIDS was United Nations-induced for population control." Beautiful. @languagehat: someone should maybe tell him that some websites can be built on more than one page, if you wish.

By: joseph_elmhurst

joseph_elmhurst — Wed, 13 Jun 2007 14:48:50 -0800

The stuff about his Caddy is worth the price of admission.

By: frobozz

frobozz — Wed, 13 Jun 2007 14:48:53 -0800

What! are the Republicans and Democrats going to promise you, to get your vote? NOTHING. My eyes exploded then.

By: Mayor Curley

Mayor Curley — Wed, 13 Jun 2007 14:52:35 -0800

Look at that photo. The scary old man from your neighborhood is running for president. You always hoped that he would die and his kids would give you back the Frisbee you threw on his roof. But now it will be under a Lucite panel at his presidential library.

By: maryh

maryh — Wed, 13 Jun 2007 14:55:38 -0800

When I read this sign posted inside a women's bathroom stall at the place of my former employment: "PLEASE" "Flush" The "Toilet" When "YOU" are Done --"YOUR MOTHER"-- "Doesn't" Work Here "CLEAN UP" after 'yourself' it never occurred to me that it was written by a man, let alone a man who might someday be the leader of my own great nation. With each flush I salute you, Don Cordell!

By: box

box — Wed, 13 Jun 2007 14:57:03 -0800

I'd still take him over Giuliani.

By: athenian

athenian — Wed, 13 Jun 2007 15:00:32 -0800

Possibly the only candidate who both hates millionaires and hates inheritance tax.

By: birdherder

birdherder — Wed, 13 Jun 2007 15:01:54 -0800

Poor crazy bastard. I'd never vote for someone who uses apostrophes incorrectly.

By: dopamine

dopamine — Wed, 13 Jun 2007 15:02:55 -0800

there wasn't the usual Jesusland shit in their, nor the railing against gays that I was expecting. pretty cracked out stuff, but.... there were some things in there that were pretty progressive and reasonable for an 80-year old superpatriot. i'm sure he's a lot of fun to talk to.

By: dopamine

dopamine — Wed, 13 Jun 2007 15:03:55 -0800

*there, not "their" ... i's edukated :(

By: Plutor

Plutor — Wed, 13 Jun 2007 15:09:08 -0800

phrontist: "Eh, he's unelectable, but maybe as a running mate with Gene Ray, who has huge appeal amongst perpetual energy enthusiasts and nascar dads." When the President shines upon Citizens, 2 - major Election points are created on opposite sides of the country - known as Rightwings and Liberalists. Where the 2 major Election forces join, synergy creates 2 new minor Election points we recognize as Nutbag and Apathy. The 4-equidistant Election points can be considered as Politics Square imprinted upon the circle of the US. In a single rotation of the Earth sphere, each Election corner point rotates through the other 3-corner Election points, thus creating 16 corners, 96 hours and 4-simultaneous Presidents within a single rotation of Earth - equated to a Higher Order of Election Cube.

By: quite unimportant

quite unimportant — Wed, 13 Jun 2007 15:15:52 -0800

Grandpa Simpson: Dear Mr. President, There are too many states nowadays. Please eliminate three. P.S. I am not a crackpot.

By: BlackLeotardFront

BlackLeotardFront — Wed, 13 Jun 2007 15:16:41 -0800

Reminds me of my first post here.

By: SteveTheRed

SteveTheRed — Wed, 13 Jun 2007 15:24:02 -0800

I wouldn't say he's unelectable. I, for one, am changing my vote from Bo Gritz to this guy right away!

By: desjardins

desjardins — Wed, 13 Jun 2007 15:41:47 -0800

Is this the TimeCube guy?

By: mr_roboto

mr_roboto — Wed, 13 Jun 2007 15:53:04 -0800

This man listens to a lot of talk radio.

By: Astro Zombie

Astro Zombie — Wed, 13 Jun 2007 16:03:40 -0800

He's got my "vote".

By: imperium

imperium — Wed, 13 Jun 2007 16:05:49 -0800

OK, any html dorks out there, just check out the source. That's batshitinsane all by itself. Waaay more weird than expected.

By: papakwanz

papakwanz — Wed, 13 Jun 2007 16:08:02 -0800

I don't know what you all are laughing about. This guy is a serious candidate, as his statistics show: 44% of the voters are now registered as Independents. Well I'm an Independent running for President to save this nation. Can you name anyone else who's already got 44% of the voting population locked down? All he needs is a few undecideds in Ohio and Florida, and Cordell is in!

By: lekvar

lekvar — Wed, 13 Jun 2007 16:30:35 -0800

OMFG, the HTML is the stuff of legends. I'm sure that web designers will come to tell their little designer spawn that if they don't get to bed, the source code from that page will come out of the computer and get them.

By: Artw

Artw — Wed, 13 Jun 2007 16:35:01 -0800

Sadly it's just how Word outputs HTML...

By: basicchannel

basicchannel — Wed, 13 Jun 2007 16:35:06 -0800

imperium: that's "because" he wrote "the whole" thing in M"S" W"or"d and e"xported "to "HTML".

By: Artw

Artw — Wed, 13 Jun 2007 16:36:34 -0800

If you think that's bad try it with Excell...

By: BeReasonable

BeReasonable — Wed, 13 Jun 2007 16:46:11 -0800

I can't read this all at once. I've got to save some for later, but so far I really like: 4. Hewlett Packard: I have an HP printer G85xi that I paid $300 for 3 years ago, it needs service, HP say's they don't repair these, but I can exchange it for a "repaired printer" of lesser quality for only $207. The newer printer uses an ink cartridge that hold half the amount of ink. When I'm elected I'll make sure the government doesn't buy "anything" from Hewlett-Packard

By: Infinite Jest

Infinite Jest — Wed, 13 Jun 2007 16:53:31 -0800

"Public Law 87-297" (To totally disarm citizens "and" our military) There's something about that "and", there really is.

By: spikeleemajortomdickandharryconnickjrmints

spikeleemajortomdickandharryconnickjrmints — Wed, 13 Jun 2007 16:57:00 -0800

Yes! This guy is awesome: 4. Hewlett Packard: I have an HP printer G85xi that I paid $300 for 3 years ago, it needs service, HP say's they don't repair these, but I can exchange it for a "repaired printer" of lesser quality for only $207. The newer printer uses an ink cartridge that hold half the amount of ink. When I'm elected I'll make sure the government doesn't buy "anything" from Hewlett-Packard

By: BlackLeotardFront

BlackLeotardFront — Wed, 13 Jun 2007 17:09:40 -0800

spikelee, you and bereasonable should hang out more.

By: JaredSeth

JaredSeth — Wed, 13 Jun 2007 17:19:18 -0800

The Muslims have stirred up a hornet's nest of trouble. So how do we get out of this situation, and still save face? Only when we start killing all the Muslim citizens, big step To win, you just totally eliminate everyone in that country, and I do mean everyone, because those women, and children you leave behind will have more children that will someday grow up to hate you, and you'll have to do the killing all over again. We are told "You can't kill ALL of them", sure we can, and we'd better do it, "because" the Muslims want to kill "all" of us. Someday Germany is again going to attack other countries, who do you think is the dominant ruler right now in the European Union? Hitler must be smiling in his grave. So no Muslims, Germans or Hewlett Packards. Got it.

By: maxwelton

maxwelton — Wed, 13 Jun 2007 17:21:04 -0800

I've had to sort out HTML code like that before. I normally do a "select all" on the browser page, paste into an editor, and code from scratch. Makes my head hurt remembering it.

By: mr_roboto

mr_roboto — Wed, 13 Jun 2007 17:32:39 -0800

JaredSeth quotes the nutcase thusly: "To win, you just totally eliminate everyone in that country, and I do mean everyone, because those women, and children you leave behind will have more children that will someday grow up to hate you, and you'll have to do the killing all over again. We are told "You can't kill ALL of them", sure we can, and we'd better do it, "because" the Muslims want to kill "all" of us.

"Someday Germany is again going to attack other countries, who do you think is the dominant ruler right now in the European Union? Hitler must be smiling in his grave." Hold on. Is he pro- or anti-Hitler?

By: rob511

rob511 — Wed, 13 Jun 2007 18:24:56 -0800

Is it possible that "Don" is a "title" (rather than his "first" "name")?

By: SteveTheRed

SteveTheRed — Wed, 13 Jun 2007 18:27:55 -0800

So no Muslims, Germans or Hewlett Packards. Got it. posted by JaredSeth Someone at Cadillac will be walking tall before the man, too.

By: zardoz

zardoz — Wed, 13 Jun 2007 18:58:34 -0800

Reads (and looks) like the Book of the Subgenius. Only with 100% less irony.

By: brownpau

brownpau — Wed, 13 Jun 2007 19:12:04 -0800

He has a blog.

By: davy

davy — Wed, 13 Jun 2007 19:19:46 -0800

Huh, what a nothing. I "want" to be EMPEROR OF THE UNIVERSE. With Quonsar as my "running" Mate.

By: vagabond

vagabond — Wed, 13 Jun 2007 19:25:54 -0800

I had no idea my father was running for president. He just got my vote.

By: delmoi

delmoi — Wed, 13 Jun 2007 21:07:00 -0800

I like his energy policy:

I will offer the oil producing nations $20/barrel for their oil, or they won't sell any to "anyone". I will blockade their nation until they accept our offer. They will not buy anything, from anywhere, unless those products are increased by the same inflation rate that OPEC raised the price of OIL above $2 a barrel. Attention: "We will run out of oil in the future", I know we really must start conserving more NOW. Even if we find other fuels for our vehicles in the future, we still need oil for lubrication purposes. We must recycle "all" oil. It is not an endless resource. While gasoline comes from OIL, there are many other products produced from oil, and we need oil for lubrication, and other things other than gasoline. Americans in most cases did all the exploration, and drilling the wells in these countries back in the 1920's and 1930's, that are now oil producers, because those countries had no knowledge, or experience to do this exploration on their own. In 2005 the OPEC nations are charging $70/barrel for oil, what is to keep them from charging $100, or $200 a barrel? Yet we are selling items to these countries at the old prices, if they want to be greedy, then we will be greedy. They can eat and drink that oil. If I have to, I will establish our own government run refineries, to control the price of oil in America.

Sounds like a plan.

By: delmoi

delmoi — Wed, 13 Jun 2007 21:08:22 -0800

About 2 1/2 years ago I bought this G 85 printer, it didn't work immediately but I was to busy to worry about it. It cost $299, so now I really need this printer, and upon checking with HP find they no longer service this printer, but the company is all heart, they will take this and exchange it for another repaired printer of a cheaper model for $205, with a whole 90 day warrantee, of course the new printer uses ink cartridges that hold much less ink. Notice how all the new printers use smaller and smaller ink contents, to make more profit, and then to add insult to injury these printers are made in Singapore. Guess when I'm President I'll have to inform the GSA to not buy any HP products.

LOL

By: katillathehun

katillathehun — Wed, 13 Jun 2007 21:10:30 -0800

"unless your illegal aliens" ....unless my illegal aliens what?

By: roll truck roll

roll truck roll — Wed, 13 Jun 2007 21:54:29 -0800

You know who else was from Lancaster? Not saying this out of snarkiness. I'd have loved to meet Johnson.

By: Infinite Jest

Infinite Jest — Wed, 13 Jun 2007 22:08:37 -0800

I like his stance on crime: "Since when is it illegal to shoot criminals?" (From the blog)

By: sveskemus

sveskemus — Thu, 14 Jun 2007 01:21:33 -0800

Do singlepage, long copy websites work?

By: Talanvor

Talanvor — Thu, 14 Jun 2007 01:56:16 -0800

Well, considering we use a whole lot of fertilizer derived from oil, we're already eating and drinking it. I once bought a product that was not good! I will outlaw that company! Rawr!

By: crepeMyrtle

crepeMyrtle — Thu, 14 Jun 2007 08:10:34 -0800

from the source code: "<o:Paragraphs>666</o:Paragraphs>" I love it when the mark of the devil appears in the code...

By: FormlessOne

FormlessOne — Thu, 14 Jun 2007 15:13:25 -0800

Imagine being a campaign volunteer for that guy. I'm doing my part - I'm going to spend three whole minutes brainstorming campaign button quips for him. Let's see: "Cordell: Feel The Froth!" "No Water For Death Valley!" "Cordell: Black Only, If You Wish" OK, I'm done - I'm bored. Yet, I feel a sense of civic pride by supporting the mentally disturbed for office.