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"The same old dream: world domination."
June 19, 2007 7:09 AM   Subscribe

Todd Alcott, a screenwriter and Livejournaller, just sat down and watched every Bond film from Dr No to Die Another Day.
posted by ninebelow (32 comments total) 4 users marked this as a favorite

 
He also throws in his thoughts on the character and films in general.
posted by ninebelow at 7:10 AM on June 19, 2007


Better him than me.
posted by chillmost at 7:11 AM on June 19, 2007 [2 favorites]


"I watched this movie with actor/blogger James Urbaniak in attendance..."

Shit. I wish that I could have seen Die Another Day with Simon Grim/Dr. Venture. Or not seen it, and went out for a pizza with him instead.
posted by Iridic at 7:35 AM on June 19, 2007


And his IQ fell by 150 points.
posted by Dave Faris at 7:37 AM on June 19, 2007


Sure, sure. But a couple years ago, my roommate gathered about 10 people and watched the same bunch straight through (only about four people made it all the way, and I passed out during Golden Eye).
posted by klangklangston at 7:53 AM on June 19, 2007


And his IQ fell by 150 points.

Dave, you silly monkey! You're implying that a negative IQ score is possible.
posted by loquacious at 8:02 AM on June 19, 2007


In the entire Bond oeuvre of 20-some films, there's about 5 good movies of material, mostly featuring Sean Connery. Nonetheless, I will continue to watch every one that comes out.

Wait a minute...why did he stop early?
posted by DU at 8:06 AM on June 19, 2007


To give you an idea of how threadbare this movie is, there is a fight scene at the end where Nick Nack attacks Bond aboard Scaramanga's luxury junk (Luxury Junk would be a better title for this movie). They tussle around the room, and Nick Nick climbs up on a counter and starts hurling bottles of expensive vintage wine at Bond. The bottles, of course, are props, and shatter on impact, revealing themselves to be, um, empty bottles of expensive vintage wine. So it seems Scaramanga stores empty wine bottles in his collection, just as Goldfinger and Blofeld routinely store large stacks of empty cardboard boxes in their warehouses.

It's not quite savage, but it is pretty funny as it takes the movies apart. Kinda leaves me wishing he'd chosen a less obvious fish in a barrel, though.
posted by mediareport at 8:14 AM on June 19, 2007


Reading the opinions of others regarding Bond movies is fascinating. Bond films are one of those things about which everyone's opinions are extraordinarily idiosyncratic; yet many people often believe that these same opinions are matters of objective, material fact.

Whenever someone claims that George Lazenby was a great Bond, or fails to agree with me that Goldeneye has the best title sequence not just of all Bond movies, but possibly of all time, I just squint at them in confusion, as if they really haven't thought through what they're saying before they open their mouth. No other franchise gets that same reaction out of me. And I don't even like many of the Bond movies. (Even though I own them all on DVD, for some reason.)

Also, Timothy Dalton is woefully underrated.
posted by Prospero at 8:20 AM on June 19, 2007


I got a kick out of the octopussy photochop, though it was odd to see such a thing without a lolcat caption.
posted by exogenous at 8:22 AM on June 19, 2007


I tried this one summer. I got as far as "Goldfinger."
posted by doift at 8:33 AM on June 19, 2007


i always find it interesting to watch the old bond films and remember that (at least after the first few) they were state of the art action and special effects films when they were made. the glaring clunkiness of most of them to my 23 year old eyes is fascinating.
posted by es_de_bah at 8:42 AM on June 19, 2007


Daniel Craig really owned the role in this latest movie. I don't have much desire to revisit the previous ones after his outstanding performance. The plot was excellent too--alternately detailed and sketchy exactly where it needed to be.
posted by voltairemodern at 8:53 AM on June 19, 2007


I should do this with the Star Wars movies. But of course after thirty years of avoiding them, I'd be an idiot to cave now.

Can someone please explain what a lightsaber is?
posted by stupidsexyFlanders at 9:10 AM on June 19, 2007


Can someone please explain what a lightsaber is?

It's what Yoda tenderly explores Harry Potter's ass with in fanfic.
posted by bunnytricks at 9:36 AM on June 19, 2007


Prospero: Lazenby was an awesome Bond. If for no other reason, than because *his* Bond got to sleep with Mrs. Peel herself, Diana Rigg.
posted by rmd1023 at 9:45 AM on June 19, 2007


Daniel Craig really owned the role in this latest movie.

agree++
posted by Dave Faris at 10:14 AM on June 19, 2007


There's no way I could make it through all of the movies. With the exception of Live and Let Die, I'd skip everything from On Her Majesty's Secret Service up to the Pierce Brosnan movies. Some of the movies in there are just boring, but I hate Moonraker and A View to a Kill.
posted by kirkaracha at 11:04 AM on June 19, 2007


I would like to note that, in defense of the Bond movies, no justice of the US Supreme Court has ever used him or his adventures as an example of why we should allow torture. This makes him better than Jack Bauer.
posted by Joey Michaels at 11:20 AM on June 19, 2007 [1 favorite]


kirkaracha writes "Some of the movies in there are just boring, but I hate Moonraker and A View to a Kill."

Hear, hear. Moonraker is an awful film by just about any standard.
posted by mr_roboto at 11:54 AM on June 19, 2007


On the other hand, it would be great if a Supreme Court justice used Bond to justify boozing, casual sex and punny one liners.
posted by brundlefly at 11:54 AM on June 19, 2007


Actually, on review, no justification is needed for any of those things.
posted by brundlefly at 11:54 AM on June 19, 2007


I second Lazenby being an awesome Bond with the caviat that he would have been truly great had he stuck to the role. As it sits he’s a dick. He had so much potential for the role, humor, athleticism, but naaaah. Don’t want to get typecast. Dick. (I still like “On Her Majesty’s Secret Service” though).

Daniel Craig I think is the best bond. Just for the deadly seriousness he takes with the role (not necessarially the material he’s been given - although I will say I like the explanation why (as a secret agent) he makes sure everyone knows exactly who he is “My name is BOND, JAMES BOND”). After him I’d put Lazenby but he’s sort of in a non-class, so Connery.

I can’t even watch any of the Moore stuff.

My only real gripe with the (watchable) Bond films - ‘cos you know what you’re in for once you start to watch them - is that everything has to be larger than life and ultra-exciting and if it isn’t they try to find ways to push it on you whether with the music or the contrived lust or whatever.
F’rinstance Connery Bond checks into his hotel and looks around.
(enters room)
*dum du dum dum de de do dum de de dum do dumdum*
(takes off jacket)
*dum dum DE DE do dum dum...dum de de doo do duuuum*
(opens drawer)
*dum dum DE DE do dum dum...dum de de doo do duuuum*
(puts suitcase on bed)
*DA DA DADADA DAT DA DA DADADA DAT DUNA!*
(opens closet)
*BAAAAAA! DUNA! BAAAA! duuuu duuu duuuuuu*

I mean what the hell, he’s just looking around a hotel room.
posted by Smedleyman at 12:00 PM on June 19, 2007 [1 favorite]


(I would like to see Bond - or any action hero really - flub the one liner. E.g: Bad guy explodes in a portable chemical toilet. “Looks like he...uh..” “Yes, James?” “He..is..uh, dead.” “...yes.” “ Yeah, I mean that was a pretty big explosion. I’m sure he’s, y’know, dead now. Which is good.”)
posted by Smedleyman at 12:04 PM on June 19, 2007 [2 favorites]


As much as most of the Moore Bond films are terrible, For Your Eyes Only compares favorably with any of the films (with the caveat that I have not seen Casino Royale yet). Alcott's review breaks down quite well why it is such a good bond film.
posted by papakwanz at 12:15 PM on June 19, 2007


"Whenever someone claims that George Lazenby was a great Bond, or fails to agree with me that Goldeneye has the best title sequence not just of all Bond movies, but possibly of all time, I just squint at them in confusion, as if they really haven't thought through what they're saying before they open their mouth."

Nope, sorry, you're on crack. Lazenby was a great Bond; the Goldeneye sequence was good, but since title sequences are easily the best parts of a lot of Bond movies, I think you're only seeing it as brilliant in comparison.

"Daniel Craig I think is the best bond. Just for the deadly seriousness he takes with the role (not necessarially the material he’s been given - although I will say I like the explanation why (as a secret agent) he makes sure everyone knows exactly who he is “My name is BOND, JAMES BOND”)."

Craig was so fucking mediocre. I mean, that he only has one look— glib squinting, and that he's unable to muster the energy to wade through the crap lines he was given... Best Bond? Fuck, Dalton's better.
At least he's better than his costars (aside from Dench). I mean, Casino demonstrated the fatal flaw of most of the Bond movies' supporting casts, in that the girl is always cast to be hot and not act, and then there's a failure to commit to onscreen titties. That would have redeemed so much of her shitty accent.
posted by klangklangston at 12:26 PM on June 19, 2007


As a fan of the books (the Fleming ones anyway, haven't read any of the others), I was really, really pleased with Daniel Craig. Much truer to the original characterization of a man whose job is basically to be the Her Majesty's hired thug, and does that job with expertise and professionalism, regardless of how grim a duty it often is. Almost unrecognizable compared to the witty playboys of the other movies.

Of course, I can see how people who prefer the movie Bond might not like Craig, for just that reason. But personally I thought the movies were a bit goofy, and I like that they're getting back to the source.
posted by rifflesby at 12:43 PM on June 19, 2007


Bah. I enjoy the books too (From Russia being my favorite, I think), but there was a lot more to Bond than thuggery and psychotic lack of affect.
posted by klangklangston at 12:52 PM on June 19, 2007


I agree that the latest Bond comes closer to the Bond of the Fleming books--resourceful, tough, and not relying on gadgets to do the work for him. I am so sick of Bond's escapes having to do more with what Q (who must be prescient) provides him with than with any actual thinking on his part.
posted by misha at 1:32 PM on June 19, 2007 [1 favorite]


They could just start making movies that are actually based on the books (or maybe the comic strips), instead of only using the titles. A movie based on the You Only Live Twice book could be cool.
posted by kirkaracha at 1:34 PM on June 19, 2007


“I mean, that he only has one look— glib squinting, and that he's unable to muster the energy to wade through the crap lines he was given...”

What!? Dude, you’re high. I can’t believe you’re dissing Blue Steel?! Just wait until you see Magnum.

And I like the gadgetless Bond as well. Always seemed like poor writing. Goldfinger has probably one of the best escape sans gadget scenes (“No Mr. Bond, I expect you to die.”)

(Although again - after Oddjobs horrible death by electrocution and Felix asking him “You okay, James? Where's your butler friend?” I’d’ve liked to hear: “Well, he was horribly electrocuted. Had to be done, he was a very dangerous man and he was trying to murder me with that ridiculous hat weapon of his. Even so, I was lucky to escape with my life.”)
posted by Smedleyman at 2:33 PM on June 19, 2007


This post wins, if only for this in the review of "From Russia With Love":

"Tania believes she is using her womanly powers of seduction to get Bond into a trap, but Bond adroitly harnesses the capitalist, free-thinking powers of his superior western genitalia to counter-seduce Tania."

Thanks for posting this.
posted by Monster_Zero at 3:27 PM on June 19, 2007


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