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Immortality in a Pill
June 20, 2007 2:01 PM   Subscribe

UNBELIEVABLE??? But this invention was invented by the famous Alex Chiu himself. And if you can't trust Alex Chiu technology, you can't trust nobody's technology. Alex Chiu (previously) is back with Gorgeouspil, a pill that turns a user prettier each time it's taken.
posted by Chinese Jet Pilot (38 comments total) 6 users marked this as a favorite

 
The human body is very much like a sex balloon doll.

Makes sense.
posted by ND¢ at 2:09 PM on June 20, 2007 [2 favorites]


ATTENTION: GORGEOUSPIL WILL NOT WORK WITHOUT THE RINGS!
posted by shmegegge at 2:12 PM on June 20, 2007


Who ever takes this pill and uses Alex Chiu's Immortality Devices is considered a HUMAN TYPE II. (the more superior type of human)

Damn, my parents should've waited for the second generation before fucking.
posted by NationalKato at 2:13 PM on June 20, 2007


It was named 'Gorgeous Pill' because it turns a user prettier every time the pill was taken. The user will gradually look like a super model.

There are other ways to do this. Some of this makes every woman in the room a little prettier.
posted by eyeballkid at 2:15 PM on June 20, 2007 [1 favorite]


You will be hooked on this pill!
posted by Samuel Farrow at 2:16 PM on June 20, 2007


eponysterical?
posted by kaseijin at 2:22 PM on June 20, 2007


Let me be (one of?) the first to mention that I would hate to see Alex Chiu before he took all those georgeouspils.
posted by facetious at 2:25 PM on June 20, 2007 [3 favorites]


Many people have called me on the phone and scorned at me for 8 years. But I don't care. All I know is my device works.
posted by Terminal Verbosity at 2:26 PM on June 20, 2007


I have been taking the Super Chi Flush but instead of stains in my boxers all I have are bouts of making really stupid comments on MeFi.
posted by MapGuy at 2:30 PM on June 20, 2007


Love it. A++. Now this is when the internet really gets exciting. I feel like sending him $39.99 just for sheer CAJONES.
posted by Skygazer at 2:32 PM on June 20, 2007


Do not taunt Happy Fun Ball!
posted by mosk at 2:35 PM on June 20, 2007


Many people have called me on the phone and scorned at me for 8 years.

That's quite a phone bill right there.
posted by Sticherbeast at 2:47 PM on June 20, 2007 [1 favorite]


When something came out of Alex Chiu's laboratory, it must be HELL OF AMAZING!!!!

Hells yes.
posted by crickets at 2:51 PM on June 20, 2007 [1 favorite]


A six-pack of beer works on a very similar premise.
posted by papakwanz at 3:00 PM on June 20, 2007


You will one day reach PHYSICAL PERFECTION!!

The operative word there is 'one day.' If you been taking the pill and wearing the rings for three years and you still look ugly, that's just cuz 'one day' hasn't showed up yet.

The Church of the SubGenius promises "eternal salvation or triple your money back." Similar premise. The theory is when Judgment Day does come, and the bobbies who signed up believing they'd get eternal salvation want their money back, the high fallutin' originators of the Church will be too busy dealing with hellfire and brimstone to be bothered with ..er, I mean everyone will get ETERNAL SALVATION of course so no one will demand their money back! By then currency won't be money anyway. It'll be pure slack! *shifty eyes* YEAH THAT'S IT!
posted by ZachsMind at 3:12 PM on June 20, 2007


Aren't the randoms caps indicative of mental illness?
posted by wuwei at 3:15 PM on June 20, 2007


Wuwei, one word: tedjesuschristgod.
posted by [expletive deleted] at 3:23 PM on June 20, 2007


Evidence of the correlation between random capitalization and insanity:
I INSIST this COURT ORDERED TREATMENT be TERMINATED IMMEDIATELY!

I INSIST you STOP ALL harassment of Ted to COURT ORDERING IMMEDIATELY until I are dead completely!

Ted has NOT felt even a tiny bit suicidal for over 7 years now!

Ted is NOT a threat to others in slightest and ONLY was trying to PROTECT self with TASERS and PEPPER SPRAY and a LEGAL to own KNIFE for protection.

LEAVE Ted now COMPLETELY ALONE MINIMUM!
posted by [expletive deleted] at 3:25 PM on June 20, 2007


Harcourt Fenton Mudd!
posted by No Robots at 3:35 PM on June 20, 2007 [1 favorite]


If your head is too big, this pill will shrink your head size.

perfect for metafilter!
posted by milestogo at 3:45 PM on June 20, 2007 [2 favorites]


but can we get a group rate?
posted by milestogo at 3:45 PM on June 20, 2007


The user will gradually look like a super model. And then he will surpass the hottest celebrity super models within months!

Well, I do have the man-boob thing going on already ...
posted by me & my monkey at 4:06 PM on June 20, 2007


I am completely not impressed by the haters in this thread. Mr Chu is only trying to make me PRETTY. PLEASE PLEASE MAKE ME PRETTY, LITTLE ASIAN PERSON. CHILDREN are AFRAID of ME.
posted by chuckdarwin at 4:30 PM on June 20, 2007


The Church of the SubGenius promises "eternal salvation or triple your money back." Similar premise. The theory is when Judgment Day does come

Shit, didn't you know? X-day came on July 5th 1998. The true SubGenii are gone. Sure, people said it never happened, but I was there and I can tell you, July 5th 1998 definitely occurred.

I came back to keep an eye on your poor souls who didn't get to party with the sex goddesses.
posted by quin at 4:52 PM on June 20, 2007 [1 favorite]


If this pill is legit, Alex Chiu must be the sexiest man alive, which I really dou...

Well, I'll be damned!!
posted by LordSludge at 5:29 PM on June 20, 2007


More from Chiu on drugs.
posted by Laugh_track at 5:58 PM on June 20, 2007


@ quin: quin, is that you? I was here, too, in SF, with Dr. Hal, doing the new t-shirt line at Crux Productions! And I came back, too!

Wassup!
posted by humannaire at 6:10 PM on June 20, 2007


No robots has it right. Chiu has clearly stolen the Venus Pill from Harry Mudd. I wonder if he has any tribbles for sale?
posted by misha at 6:38 PM on June 20, 2007 [1 favorite]


If your head is too big, this pill will shrink your head size.

Ok, waitasec here... which head, exactly??
posted by Zack_Replica at 7:24 PM on June 20, 2007


Where's our batshitinsane tag?
posted by jayder at 7:57 PM on June 20, 2007


I wonder if Alex is related to Frank....
posted by zeoslap at 8:05 PM on June 20, 2007


wonder how many in here were asking themselves : how if this shit works?
posted by zouhair at 8:52 PM on June 20, 2007


Almost none, I hope.
posted by yerfatma at 4:42 AM on June 21, 2007


As of August 2002, I was only 4 click-throughs away from getting a free immortality ring--I had a link on my old tripod homepage (warning--popups, animated gifs, and early 21st-century site design) to his site. I found an old email stream between Mr. Chiu and myself, and today contacted him about my account status. Here's hoping I'm on my way to eternal life!
posted by MrMoonPie at 7:49 AM on June 21, 2007


Quin, the FACT is that 1998 hasn't HAPPENED yet. DON'T believe CALENDARS! They are a TOOL of the CONSPIRACY! We MUST have TIME CONTROL! (and slack) It's STILL 1985! BOB LIVES! MOR DEM KIND PILS BOB! I SO SCARE! EIYIYIYIYIYIYIY!
posted by ZachsMind at 9:56 AM on June 21, 2007


I thought this was called Ecstasy?
posted by dirtynumbangelboy at 4:16 PM on June 21, 2007


@ZeoSlap

Frank (Chu) believes that he and his family have been filmed for years now without their knowledge and the show has aired as "The Richest Family". He found out that he was a star (and appeared on the cover of Newsweek, Time, etc.) because California Correctional Officers who were really movie stars who were really KGB agents told him---through ESP. Frank Chu holds Bill Clinton responsible for directing the CIA to withhold payment to him for being the star of something called "The Richest Family" during the presidency of George H.W. Bush.

Alex Chu, however, is fucking nuts.
posted by MiltonRandKalman at 12:26 PM on June 22, 2007


Alex Chiu knows 'What Causes Gravity'. He also knows 'How to build a UFO' .

Don't fuck with Alex Chiu.
posted by fiTs at 5:26 PM on June 23, 2007


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