Adios topic. posted by gallois at 7:55 PM on June 25, 2007
If this will this help us to capture terrorists from rogue states, I'm willing to try it. posted by Astro Zombie at 8:00 PM on June 25, 2007 [1 favorite]
hey guys, I found a BDSM site! posted by nanojath at 8:00 PM on June 25, 2007
Your favorite fetish sucks. posted by nola at 8:08 PM on June 25, 2007
wow. I am not ashamed to admit that A) I didn't click any of the links, and B) even having not read any of the links, I can safely assume that this post is pretty lame. posted by exlotuseater at 8:10 PM on June 25, 2007
Wait why is everyone (aside from ColdChef) shitting on this thread? Did I miss the codeword? Damnit. posted by CitrusFreak12 at 8:14 PM on June 25, 2007
Coldchef, did you know the only word in the english language that rhymes with "purple" is "nurple"? posted by aubilenon at 8:16 PM on June 25, 2007
eponysterical? posted by revmitcz at 8:19 PM on June 25, 2007
coldchef needs to chill, and there's nothing wrong with posting a properly NSFW labeled thread about this, if it's a well constructed post. i will say this, though: I'm just glad insomnia_lj isn't here to get all in a huff and start talking about how no one in the world knows BDSM as intimately as he does. posted by shmegegge at 9:55 PM on June 25, 2007
also, I'm glad you put the "omgboobiespostletsshitinthethread" tag in there, because it would be a shame if someone were searching for "omgboobiespostletsshitinthethread" and this post didn't come up. posted by shmegegge at 9:56 PM on June 25, 2007
coldchef, maybe you need to chill out some on this
I think coldchef single-handedly rescued this post from orblivion. posted by KokuRyu at 9:57 PM on June 25, 2007 [1 favorite]
I think ColdChef was pretty darn amusing, but the fact that MetaFilter gets all "this is lame," when something like this comes up--sometimes without even having read the articles in question--s pretty sad. Not interested in that kind of thing? Ok. Cool. Don't crap in the thread, though...
Just my two cents (and I'm sure I've probably been guilty of it in the past as well, I'm just sayin'...) posted by CitrusFreak12 at 10:15 PM on June 25, 2007 [1 favorite]
Tit torture? Sure. What would you like to know?
I've tortured boobs on a number of occasions. As a top, it's probably my favorite thing to do. The first time I did it, I didn't really know how far I could go and, added to that, the bottom in question was a pretty serious pain slut. So the next day, the mammaries in question were big masses of blue and black. I freaked. She didn't mind. I got over being freaked and learned to practice cleavage-oriented sadism in moderation.
Since then, I've used rope, string, clamps, clothespins, riding crops, floggers, suction devices, ice, a gizmo called a breast press (but which I usually refer to as "the boob squisher"), and probably a bunch of other stuff I've forgotten to do the deed. I used hot wax one time, but I've never been a big fan of things that burn, so I crossed that one off my list.
For a while, I played occasionally with this woman who had a lump in one of her breasts. Her doctor had been keeping an eye on it. He said it was benign so it was best to leave it be. Then, something changed (I think it got bigger or something) and he decided it was time to remove it. It so happened that about two days before her surgery, she and I got together to play. She said she'd filled her doctor in on her extracuricular activities and assured me that it was okay to torture the non-lumpy breast. I was skeptical, so I checked with a mutual friend of ours who's a doctor (and also a fellow pervert); he agreed that it should be fine. And so I worked her over pretty extensively, leaving plenty of bruises on her healthy boob and on other parts of her body.
Two days later she had her surgery. Her friend was there to do the whole sit-and-wait thing. The doc came out and said "Yeah, we got the lump, no problem, it was benign... but, uh, on the other breast... there was extensive bruising." The vigil-keeping friend said "Yeah, she knows this guy who really likes to bite." I can only imagine the look on the doctor's face.
Nothing else came of it, but I kept expecting a knock on my door from, I don't know, the boob police I guess. My friends had great fun at my expense. posted by Clay201 at 10:17 PM on June 25, 2007
I think coldchef single-handedly rescued this post from orblivion.
That's one of the most spectacularly awful puns I've ever heard. I stand in awe, seething with envy. posted by Clay201 at 10:22 PM on June 25, 2007
I think in this thread coldchef's rather funny. It's too bad he didn't put all his parody inks into one big comment though, to save space (and keep the Mods calm). posted by davy at 10:26 PM on June 25, 2007
coldchef, maybe you need to chill out, nyuck nyuck. posted by nickyskye at 11:00 PM on June 25, 2007
This is all so pervy, exploitative, vile, disgusting and wrong that I can barely breathe right. I stopped by merely to observe & confirm & condemn for myself the depths of utter moral & sexual depravity that humans are capable of, and I cannot stop staring at this base filth: all those breasts trussed up, clamped, pierced, branded, ohmygod - it's all so filthy & appalling! You are all going to hell! You are all going to hell! Ohno! I, witnessed this carnal filth! I am surely also going to hell! Where can I confess? Where can I expiate my grotesque sins? Punish me, father, tie me to the rack and brand my sorry flesh, flay my odious skin! Put out my treacherous eyes! Argh, I am not worthy! posted by UbuRoivas at 11:18 PM on June 25, 2007 [2 favorites]
This is some new movie, right? posted by Artw at 11:30 PM on June 25, 2007
UbuRoivas, that was excellent. All I could think was "Kramer and Sprenger." posted by exlotuseater at 11:51 PM on June 25, 2007
For years and years, they've told me
Be careful with your breasts
Don't ever squeeze or bruise them
And give them monthly tests. posted by freshwater_pr0n at 12:36 AM on June 26, 2007
This is all because jessamyn called cortex "sugartits", right? posted by chuckdarwin at 12:40 AM on June 26, 2007
[also coldchef, maybe you need to chill out some on this]
I couldn't agree more - I'm so sick of coldchef making metafilter a better place all the time.
And I thought my mammogram was uncomfortable! posted by suki at 7:33 AM on June 26, 2007
I just jacked off to this post. posted by zorro astor at 8:00 AM on June 26, 2007
What, no electrodes? Or did I miss the alligator clips somewhere?
Yeah a TENS unit bridging the nips sounds like jolly good fun. "White meat" and "giblets" jiggling in time. I call it the ventricle tickle. posted by Ambrosia Voyeur at 9:59 AM on June 26, 2007
(given the topic..)
thanks folks. I'll be here all night! posted by djrock3k at 6:17 PM on June 26, 2007
I'm only commenting because there are 69 comments so far and that just ain't right. posted by merelyglib at 7:35 PM on June 26, 2007
I ain't no vanilla dude. I ain't even straight. But I have this thing, I am fond of boobies. Seeing boobies makes me happy (I know, it's perverted, they don't make me hot, just happy). Seeing black and blue boobies doesn't make me happy.
I only came in to enjoy the humor. posted by Goofyy at 8:55 PM on June 26, 2007
I love breast torture. I also love ColdChef's links. I do not think he was shitting on the thread at all. Shitting on threads is not a fetish of mine.
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posted by gallois at 7:55 PM on June 25, 2007