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Titillating treasure trove of tit torture tidbits.
June 25, 2007 7:54 PM   Subscribe

Matt Nicholson's Breast Punishment Primer discusses the history of tit torture, the anatomy of breasts and the motivation for torturing one (or two), and various manners in which one might torture a tit. That and tit torture trivia. All links NSFW.
posted by goodnewsfortheinsane (72 comments total) 6 users marked this as a favorite

 
Adios topic.
posted by gallois at 7:55 PM on June 25, 2007


If this will this help us to capture terrorists from rogue states, I'm willing to try it.
posted by Astro Zombie at 8:00 PM on June 25, 2007 [1 favorite]


hey guys, I found a BDSM site!
posted by nanojath at 8:00 PM on June 25, 2007


Stung by flagging album sales and Eminem's supplanting him as Middle America's worst nightmare, shock rocker Marilyn Manson has embarked on a door-to-door tour of suburbia in a desperate, last-ditch effort to shock and offend average Americans.

Really, you shock no one.
posted by Ironmouth at 8:03 PM on June 25, 2007


There's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. 'twould be a pity to damage yours.
posted by ColdChef at 8:03 PM on June 25, 2007


Your favorite fetish sucks.
posted by nola at 8:08 PM on June 25, 2007


wow. I am not ashamed to admit that A) I didn't click any of the links, and B) even having not read any of the links, I can safely assume that this post is pretty lame.
posted by exlotuseater at 8:10 PM on June 25, 2007


Nipple cripple
posted by ColdChef at 8:10 PM on June 25, 2007 [1 favorite]


Purple Nurple
posted by ColdChef at 8:12 PM on June 25, 2007 [1 favorite]


This discussion is going to turn into a bulging purple bloated mess.
posted by Falconetti at 8:13 PM on June 25, 2007


Tune in Tokyo
posted by ColdChef at 8:13 PM on June 25, 2007


Wait why is everyone (aside from ColdChef) shitting on this thread? Did I miss the codeword? Damnit.
posted by CitrusFreak12 at 8:14 PM on June 25, 2007


Coldchef, did you know the only word in the english language that rhymes with "purple" is "nurple"?
posted by aubilenon at 8:16 PM on June 25, 2007


eponysterical?
posted by revmitcz at 8:19 PM on June 25, 2007


"In grades 5-8 when a boy snaps at his classmate's bra- does that mean he's flirting with her or is attracted to her?"
posted by ColdChef at 8:20 PM on June 25, 2007


I like tits. Why would I want to torture them?
posted by BitterOldPunk at 8:20 PM on June 25, 2007 [1 favorite]


Chef you're on a roll. Has this post struck a cord with you? Just asking.
posted by nola at 8:22 PM on June 25, 2007


hey coldchef, you beat me to it!!
posted by stackmonster at 8:23 PM on June 25, 2007


Chest pests
posted by ColdChef at 8:25 PM on June 25, 2007


I cannot read the linked material. Cannot.

[cups self protectively]
posted by orange swan at 8:25 PM on June 25, 2007


Sternum piercing
posted by ColdChef at 8:27 PM on June 25, 2007


No mention of the Nordstrom Lady and her Tape Measure of Truth?
posted by lemuria at 8:28 PM on June 25, 2007


Nipple clamps
posted by ColdChef at 8:29 PM on June 25, 2007


@aubilenon

And nothing at all rhymes with "orange" or "silver".

Always struck me as odd.
posted by bpm140 at 8:30 PM on June 25, 2007


Jessamyn's Nipple Clamps
posted by ColdChef at 8:31 PM on June 25, 2007


Can we go back to having vertigo please?
posted by miss lynnster at 8:39 PM on June 25, 2007


" I like tits. Why would I want to torture them?"

You always hurt the ones you love.
posted by mr_crash_davis at 8:48 PM on June 25, 2007


Virtual Nipple Twist
posted by ColdChef at 8:51 PM on June 25, 2007


Nipple Cracker
posted by ColdChef at 8:53 PM on June 25, 2007


The bruised & battered breast of the web.
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 8:54 PM on June 25, 2007


Black and blue tit
posted by ColdChef at 8:57 PM on June 25, 2007


Busted jugs
posted by ColdChef at 9:03 PM on June 25, 2007


Shine on, you crazy cajun diamond.
posted by _sirmissalot_ at 9:05 PM on June 25, 2007


Materazzi's nipple-twist and Zidane's completely understandable reaction ruined the World Cup.

Bizarre self abuse as part of a vegetarian festival (not for the squeamish). Native American chest piercing ritual. Space Cowboy's piercings (not for the squeamish). Ceylonese ritual. omg, what were they thinking? (not for the squeamish). Fakir intensive (ditto). Worthy of compassion (ditto)
posted by nickyskye at 9:06 PM on June 25, 2007 [2 favorites]


Ok ColdChef has won the thread.
posted by CitrusFreak12 at 9:09 PM on June 25, 2007


Abused chest
posted by ColdChef at 9:18 PM on June 25, 2007


Hooters in danger
posted by ColdChef at 9:24 PM on June 25, 2007


Pounded breasts
posted by ColdChef at 9:26 PM on June 25, 2007


Squeezed milkbags
posted by ColdChef at 9:29 PM on June 25, 2007


Your favorite fetish sucks.
posted by nola at 10:08 PM on June 25


But what if your favorite fetish involves sucking? What then?

Also, ColdChef, I'm guessing you were not breastfed as a child.
posted by Ynoxas at 9:32 PM on June 25, 2007


LOL Cold Chef, am totally enjoying your mischief!
posted by nickyskye at 9:34 PM on June 25, 2007


Jessamyn's Nipple Clamps

THAT PHOTO HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH ME!!!
posted by jessamyn at 9:41 PM on June 25, 2007


[also coldchef, maybe you need to chill out some on this]
posted by jessamyn at 9:42 PM on June 25, 2007


Your favorite fetish sucks.
posted by Tenuki at 9:44 PM on June 25, 2007


coldchef needs to chill, and there's nothing wrong with posting a properly NSFW labeled thread about this, if it's a well constructed post. i will say this, though: I'm just glad insomnia_lj isn't here to get all in a huff and start talking about how no one in the world knows BDSM as intimately as he does.
posted by shmegegge at 9:55 PM on June 25, 2007


also, I'm glad you put the "omgboobiespostletsshitinthethread" tag in there, because it would be a shame if someone were searching for "omgboobiespostletsshitinthethread" and this post didn't come up.
posted by shmegegge at 9:56 PM on June 25, 2007


coldchef, maybe you need to chill out some on this

I think coldchef single-handedly rescued this post from orblivion.
posted by KokuRyu at 9:57 PM on June 25, 2007 [1 favorite]


Lifto
posted by Tube at 10:14 PM on June 25, 2007


I think ColdChef was pretty darn amusing, but the fact that MetaFilter gets all "this is lame," when something like this comes up--sometimes without even having read the articles in question--s pretty sad. Not interested in that kind of thing? Ok. Cool. Don't crap in the thread, though...

Just my two cents (and I'm sure I've probably been guilty of it in the past as well, I'm just sayin'...)
posted by CitrusFreak12 at 10:15 PM on June 25, 2007 [1 favorite]


Tit torture? Sure. What would you like to know?

I've tortured boobs on a number of occasions. As a top, it's probably my favorite thing to do. The first time I did it, I didn't really know how far I could go and, added to that, the bottom in question was a pretty serious pain slut. So the next day, the mammaries in question were big masses of blue and black. I freaked. She didn't mind. I got over being freaked and learned to practice cleavage-oriented sadism in moderation.

Since then, I've used rope, string, clamps, clothespins, riding crops, floggers, suction devices, ice, a gizmo called a breast press (but which I usually refer to as "the boob squisher"), and probably a bunch of other stuff I've forgotten to do the deed. I used hot wax one time, but I've never been a big fan of things that burn, so I crossed that one off my list.

For a while, I played occasionally with this woman who had a lump in one of her breasts. Her doctor had been keeping an eye on it. He said it was benign so it was best to leave it be. Then, something changed (I think it got bigger or something) and he decided it was time to remove it. It so happened that about two days before her surgery, she and I got together to play. She said she'd filled her doctor in on her extracuricular activities and assured me that it was okay to torture the non-lumpy breast. I was skeptical, so I checked with a mutual friend of ours who's a doctor (and also a fellow pervert); he agreed that it should be fine. And so I worked her over pretty extensively, leaving plenty of bruises on her healthy boob and on other parts of her body.

Two days later she had her surgery. Her friend was there to do the whole sit-and-wait thing. The doc came out and said "Yeah, we got the lump, no problem, it was benign... but, uh, on the other breast... there was extensive bruising." The vigil-keeping friend said "Yeah, she knows this guy who really likes to bite." I can only imagine the look on the doctor's face.

Nothing else came of it, but I kept expecting a knock on my door from, I don't know, the boob police I guess. My friends had great fun at my expense.
posted by Clay201 at 10:17 PM on June 25, 2007 [1 favorite]


I think coldchef single-handedly rescued this post from orblivion.

That's one of the most spectacularly awful puns I've ever heard. I stand in awe, seething with envy.
posted by Clay201 at 10:22 PM on June 25, 2007


I think in this thread coldchef's rather funny. It's too bad he didn't put all his parody inks into one big comment though, to save space (and keep the Mods calm).
posted by davy at 10:26 PM on June 25, 2007


coldchef, maybe you need to chill out, nyuck nyuck.
posted by nickyskye at 11:00 PM on June 25, 2007


This is all so pervy, exploitative, vile, disgusting and wrong that I can barely breathe right. I stopped by merely to observe & confirm & condemn for myself the depths of utter moral & sexual depravity that humans are capable of, and I cannot stop staring at this base filth: all those breasts trussed up, clamped, pierced, branded, ohmygod - it's all so filthy & appalling! You are all going to hell! You are all going to hell! Ohno! I, witnessed this carnal filth! I am surely also going to hell! Where can I confess? Where can I expiate my grotesque sins? Punish me, father, tie me to the rack and brand my sorry flesh, flay my odious skin! Put out my treacherous eyes! Argh, I am not worthy!
posted by UbuRoivas at 11:18 PM on June 25, 2007 [2 favorites]


This is some new movie, right?
posted by Artw at 11:30 PM on June 25, 2007


UbuRoivas, that was excellent. All I could think was "Kramer and Sprenger."
posted by exlotuseater at 11:51 PM on June 25, 2007


For years and years, they've told me
Be careful with your breasts
Don't ever squeeze or bruise them
And give them monthly tests.
posted by freshwater_pr0n at 12:36 AM on June 26, 2007


This is all because jessamyn called cortex "sugartits", right?
posted by chuckdarwin at 12:40 AM on June 26, 2007


[also coldchef, maybe you need to chill out some on this]

I couldn't agree more - I'm so sick of coldchef making metafilter a better place all the time.

( o Y o )
posted by The Monkey at 1:11 AM on June 26, 2007


tie me to the rack

Fnarr, fnarr.
posted by Sparx at 1:27 AM on June 26, 2007 [1 favorite]


What, no electrodes? Or did I miss the alligator clips somewhere?
posted by pax digita at 3:10 AM on June 26, 2007


As any nursing mother with mastitis will tell you, the best tit torturers around are babies.
posted by DenOfSizer at 3:57 AM on June 26, 2007


clamps for a secretary fetish. (this link is actually SFW)

the old standby (SFW again)
posted by desjardins at 5:24 AM on June 26, 2007


And I thought my mammogram was uncomfortable!
posted by suki at 7:33 AM on June 26, 2007


I just jacked off to this post.
posted by zorro astor at 8:00 AM on June 26, 2007


What, no electrodes? Or did I miss the alligator clips somewhere?

Yeah a TENS unit bridging the nips sounds like jolly good fun. "White meat" and "giblets" jiggling in time. I call it the ventricle tickle.
posted by Ambrosia Voyeur at 9:59 AM on June 26, 2007


And nothing at all rhymes with "orange"

Door hinge.

*bows*
posted by Windigo at 3:37 PM on June 26, 2007


whore minge.
posted by UbuRoivas at 5:23 PM on June 26, 2007


or cringe

(given the topic..)
thanks folks. I'll be here all night!
posted by djrock3k at 6:17 PM on June 26, 2007


I'm only commenting because there are 69 comments so far and that just ain't right.
posted by merelyglib at 7:35 PM on June 26, 2007


I ain't no vanilla dude. I ain't even straight. But I have this thing, I am fond of boobies. Seeing boobies makes me happy (I know, it's perverted, they don't make me hot, just happy). Seeing black and blue boobies doesn't make me happy.

I only came in to enjoy the humor.
posted by Goofyy at 8:55 PM on June 26, 2007


I love breast torture. I also love ColdChef's links. I do not think he was shitting on the thread at all. Shitting on threads is not a fetish of mine.

That is all.
posted by afflatus at 9:29 PM on June 26, 2007 [1 favorite]


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