Sex with aliens, nicely lit
June 27, 2007 8:09 PM   Subscribe

Surprisingly sensitive alien sex. Skip the first four unfortunate images to get to the good stuff: sweetly erotic alien sex porn. Going gray never looked so hot. [nsfw, duh] [via Nerve's Scanner]
posted by mediareport (105 comments total) 15 users marked this as a favorite

 
Going gay never looked so hot.
posted by ericb at 8:14 PM on June 27, 2007


*speechless*
posted by Alex404 at 8:15 PM on June 27, 2007


I WANT TO BELIEVE
posted by Blazecock Pileon at 8:16 PM on June 27, 2007


The best part was the anal probe. Those wacky aliens just can't get enough!
posted by Blazecock Pileon at 8:18 PM on June 27, 2007


Furries are fascinating. This is beyond stupid.
posted by docpops at 8:22 PM on June 27, 2007 [1 favorite]


MetaFilter: Surprisingly sensitive alien sex.
posted by jimmythefish at 8:22 PM on June 27, 2007


This is what happens when aliens mate with "humans."
posted by ColdChef at 8:27 PM on June 27, 2007


Goddam am I hard now.
posted by homunculus at 8:29 PM on June 27, 2007


if the women were hotter, the photography better and there were no aliens, this would have been worth clicking maybe.
posted by snofoam at 8:30 PM on June 27, 2007 [1 favorite]


Rule 34.
posted by Sailormom at 8:33 PM on June 27, 2007 [5 favorites]


Needs more farm hands.
posted by furtive at 8:37 PM on June 27, 2007 [1 favorite]


That's ... amazing. I want to know where this person found that second photoset. For some reason, this reminds me of Jackie Treehorn's lecture (in The Big Lebowski) on the decline of creative and artistic influence in pornography. It seems the internet has finally fixed this problem.
posted by The Great Big Mulp at 8:38 PM on June 27, 2007


I am ashamed to say that I've found weirder and more disgusting alien porn on my friend's computer. It involved a woman dressed as ET.

That is all I care to say about that.
posted by buriednexttoyou at 8:41 PM on June 27, 2007


Could people please, please just quit linking what you just did at 8.16 pm Blazecock?

I keep hoping the poor guy's face will dissolve from my memory - then some wit does it again.

(Agreed, this is not a thread for the excessively squeamish anyway - but just not that photo! Please...)
posted by Jody Tresidder at 8:41 PM on June 27, 2007


Furries are fascinating.

Um, yeah.
posted by doctor_negative at 8:42 PM on June 27, 2007


in the space of roughly twenty four hours, we have had posts dealing with:

tit torture

naked pregnant camgirls

and now . . . aliens with massive green wangs molesting earth chicks.

this summer heat is making you people goofy.
posted by jason's_planet at 8:44 PM on June 27, 2007


*cries* It's my worst nightmare. Actually no, add a mime and THAT would be my worst nightmare. This is number 2.
posted by spec80 at 8:45 PM on June 27, 2007


So this is what they do in the midwest!
posted by Holy foxy moxie batman! at 8:45 PM on June 27, 2007


It could be worse. It could be anal vorarephilia (don't worry, no images). Man, we humans are amazing simply on our capacity to get off on ... well ... practically anything.
posted by The Great Big Mulp at 8:47 PM on June 27, 2007


that "on" = "for"
posted by The Great Big Mulp at 8:47 PM on June 27, 2007 [1 favorite]


mediareport! Do you parents know what you keep under your mattress?

:: wince ::
posted by The Deej at 8:50 PM on June 27, 2007


I tried to fuck a mime once but I couldn't get him out of the box.
posted by LeeJay at 8:52 PM on June 27, 2007 [3 favorites]


In a common scenario, prey consumed through anal vore is often drawn up through the digestive tract to the stomach where they are digested in a normal fashion.

That's a common scenario??
posted by LeeJay at 8:53 PM on June 27, 2007 [4 favorites]


Does the Horta get you hot?
posted by Tube at 8:54 PM on June 27, 2007


Only when melding.
posted by The Great Big Mulp at 8:55 PM on June 27, 2007


mediareport! Do you parents know what you keep under your mattress?

Aww. It's *sweet.*

(Except for the post-coital argument, which is kinda sad. But the rest of it is sweet, I tell you!)
posted by mediareport at 8:58 PM on June 27, 2007


...this is putting me off my food. And I don't get queasy easy.

This is why I only go for lesbian porn, cuz there's more women in it and less aliens.
posted by ZachsMind at 9:01 PM on June 27, 2007


I would bust one of those retards in the chops and continue to drink my rich mans whiskey. When I was done with my "business," I would snap the wrists of those weakling fucktards and ask my man-servant to throw him in the dustbin with my Texas calculators. Bur not before feasting on his still pulsing liver or whatever crap is housed down there.
posted by wallstreet1929 at 9:09 PM on June 27, 2007


Except for the post-coital argument, which is kinda sad

Well, what do you expect? He's three feet tall, sleeps around, doesn't appear to have a penis and once he's finished all he wants to do is lie around and drink PBR. A woman can only take so much.
posted by LeeJay at 9:10 PM on June 27, 2007 [1 favorite]


This is what happens when aliens mate with "humans."

I thought Xeni Jardin is what happens when aliens mate with humans.

Seriously. Nothing against the woman, she's just living proof that grays exist and have mated with Marilyn Monroe.

Oh, the link? Um. Yeah.
posted by ZaphodB at 9:16 PM on June 27, 2007 [5 favorites]


On a mostly unrelated note, if your mother did not orgasm during your conception then your family line will probably not evolve during your generation. The conditions of the procreative act itself can greatly effect genetic mutation and combination. It's one of those hidden things Mendel wouldn't have known about.

Also, this post sucks.
posted by Burhanistan at 9:21 PM on June 27, 2007


As referenced above: Rule #34: There is porn of it. No exceptions.

Makes you think.

Ugh.

Even...grandmothers...and worse.
posted by kozad at 9:24 PM on June 27, 2007


Rule 34 is my favorite thing about the internet.
posted by Ynoxas at 9:29 PM on June 27, 2007


Alien HOTopsy!
posted by Astro Zombie at 9:36 PM on June 27, 2007 [6 favorites]


Hey, I think I know that guy!
posted by misha at 9:40 PM on June 27, 2007


::posts "eye bleach" .gif::
posted by nowonmai at 9:52 PM on June 27, 2007


Also, this post sucks.

You fail at Metafilter. This post is the ESSENCE of what Metafilter is about!
posted by Catfry at 9:53 PM on June 27, 2007


Dude, no way these are real.
posted by Methylviolet at 9:56 PM on June 27, 2007 [3 favorites]


Honestly, I think it's a bit juvenile to poke fun at other people's fetishes. This sort of mockery is getting kinda old.

Hell, different strokes for different folks. Yes, this may seem new and unusual, but somebody takes it very seriously, and for somebody, this is what gets him or her off. Sex with aliens. On whatever side of said sex he or she may be.

I have no problem with examining where this sort of fetish may have come from and I have made my sardonic jab at it, but simply continuing to berate others with sexual preferences which may seem utterly bizarre is just ... not nice. I mean, except when those preferences are morally vile, as in the case of pedophilia.

Here we have mind over matter. Look, these are the signs that, in some way, imagination has trumped reality. If people can turn their natural, physical needs towards ends that can only be fulfilled through fantasy, then haven't we, as a species, made headway in an ongoing battle against an objective, fatalistic reality?

Oh, and, I'm not being snarky with this argument.
So come at me full force, please.
posted by The Great Big Mulp at 10:03 PM on June 27, 2007 [1 favorite]


Sorry, that really was kinda trolly, towards the end, there.
posted by The Great Big Mulp at 10:08 PM on June 27, 2007


The Great Big Mulp: more likely is that those whose sexual cravings that would "normally" be fulfilled by procreation instead are channeled into fetish porn are in fact being weeded out in an evolutionary sense. There's something defective in their DNA, so the gene pool is simply ridding itself of dead weight by causing particular organisms to self-select alternate realities to procreation, thus opting out of the real business at hand.
posted by Burhanistan at 10:09 PM on June 27, 2007


areola51: hey you
GreyGhost: sup
areola51: that was amazing, i can't wait to see you again
GreyGhost: Yeah I'm pretty busy these days
areola51: u said we could go to pottery barn
GreyGhost: wtf are we going to get at pottery barn?
areola51: something for your spaceship, I don't know
GreyGhost: Listen about that, it kind of freaks me out that you left a toothbrush in my bathroom
areola51: y???
GreyGhost: Look, it's just... my bathroom, you know? It's not even built to handle earthling excrement
areola51: Are you breaking up with me?
GreyGhost: WE WERE NEVER DATING YOU CRAZY BITCH
posted by Stan Chin at 10:10 PM on June 27, 2007 [49 favorites]


Hey! Someone got access to the source material for Destroy All Humans!

Awesome!

You go Cryptosporidium! We are rooting for you to enslave us all and mate with our women!

[the hypnoray was in no way used in the creation of this comment...]
posted by quin at 10:17 PM on June 27, 2007


Burhanistan: Not to be vulgar, here, but I'm sure the ratio of guys who'd like to ejaculate on an immaculate [insert body part(s) here] outweighs the desire to ejaculate in a vagina. And that's just the males. Procreation and sexual desire are very different things at this point. And those with seemingly unusual sexual cravings still procreate.
posted by The Great Big Mulp at 10:21 PM on June 27, 2007 [1 favorite]


Yeah, that was unexpected. Rule 34 indeed.

What's especially unexpected to me (other than the alien porn itself--I mean, what?) is the narrative nature of the second photo set. Such a scene of domesticity; indeed, it's not just alien porn, it's slice-of-life, cinema verite alien porn.

Now that I think about it, this leads me to believe that this is comedy, not actual porn.

Or at least, this allows me to rationalize into believing that this is comedy, not actual porn.
posted by LooseFilter at 10:23 PM on June 27, 2007 [2 favorites]


and LooseFilter:

And if nothing, I love masturbating to comedy.
posted by mrzarquon at 10:27 PM on June 27, 2007


On a mostly unrelated note, if your mother did not orgasm during your conception then your family line will probably not evolve during your generation.

From what I understand, most mutations are bad news for the organism. So, what you're saying is that mom getting off is bad for the bloodline?

that sucks.
posted by geos at 10:33 PM on June 27, 2007


Naw, it's a good thing for your DNA if mom had an orgasm or two when you were popped off.
posted by Burhanistan at 10:35 PM on June 27, 2007


THAR STEALIN AR WIMMIN!
posted by dgaicun at 10:36 PM on June 27, 2007


...are in fact being weeded out in an evolutionary sense. There's something defective in their DNA, so the gene pool is simply ridding itself of dead weight by causing particular organisms to self-select alternate realities to procreation, thus opting out of the real business at hand.

No. There is no "weeding out" or "ridding of dead weight." There is no "real business" or "defective DNA" in the sense you're talking about.

Some organisms procreate and some don't. If, in a population, organisms that have a particular trait tend to procreate more than those that don't, the alleles that underly the trait will become more common, and vice versa.

There's nothing good or bad about it, and the process isn't going anywhere in particular, so there's no "dead weight" to hold it back or "real business" to get down to.
posted by Mr. President Dr. Steve Elvis America at 10:45 PM on June 27, 2007 [7 favorites]


Prove that evolution isn't happening then. It's going places you can't fathom.
posted by Burhanistan at 10:48 PM on June 27, 2007


Burhanistan: Human evolution must be going beyond hypothetical alien porn, then ... Gentlemen, we've been thinking on such a small scale. We must think bigger! Bigger!
posted by The Great Big Mulp at 10:53 PM on June 27, 2007


Finally, empirical evidence that size does not matter.

So long as your head looks like balls.
posted by SassHat at 10:54 PM on June 27, 2007


Actually, it is only human arrogance that puts evolution on an species by species basis, including homo sapiens. It's part of a general trend that serves the needs of the biosphere as a whole. Can't escape nature even if you try.
posted by Burhanistan at 10:56 PM on June 27, 2007


Evolution is happening, Burhanistan, but it is completely unaffected by relative subsects of human sexual desires.
There is nothing new under the sun. People get off on crazy ass shit, and some of them procreate, and some of them don't. There's no weeding out of anyone going on. There is simply a status quo, until the bar gets moved.

Seriously, in what ways do furry proclivities alter from the legends of Romulus and Remus? That doesn't seem to have kept anyone from reproducing, now, has it?
posted by The Great Big Mulp at 11:02 PM on June 27, 2007 [2 favorites]


Rishathra (sex with aliens) can help with peace love and understanding.
posted by longsleeves at 11:03 PM on June 27, 2007 [1 favorite]


Actually, it is only human arrogance that puts evolution on an species by species basis, including homo sapiens.

So ... wait ...
why are we having this argument?

'Cause if it's just hypothetical, I'll keep going.
posted by The Great Big Mulp at 11:04 PM on June 27, 2007


that serves the needs of the biosphere as a whole

No, the biosphere doesn't need anything. In order to need something, it would have to be the case that the biosphere had to be a certain way. The biosphere doesn't have to be a certain way, though. It doesn't have to be any way. It doesn't have to be at all!
posted by Mr. President Dr. Steve Elvis America at 11:13 PM on June 27, 2007 [2 favorites]


This will not Roswell.
posted by rob511 at 11:16 PM on June 27, 2007 [6 favorites]


See also: Charlie White (1, 2, 3)
posted by Guy Smiley at 11:32 PM on June 27, 2007 [1 favorite]


Burhanistan: We are on the same page.

Look:
We do not fail to reproduce as a species.
Some species are reproducing to create a larger biomass.
Cockroaches will rule us all.

At any rate, while our desires may deter reproduction, we have the knowledge necessary to reproduce, and, furthermore, we have the knowledge that it is necessary that we, collectively, continue to reproduce.

We are able to recognise others of our species, and we have an inherent empathy for our species.



Alright, so ..
that's a bit anthropocentric ...

GET META WITH ME:
So, what need would any biosphere have for humankind?
posted by The Great Big Mulp at 11:35 PM on June 27, 2007


Beyond its own destruction and rebirth?
posted by The Great Big Mulp at 11:36 PM on June 27, 2007


mrzarquon, well played. That's the perfect tag line.
posted by LooseFilter at 11:48 PM on June 27, 2007


This reminds me of that one girl in college who liked to listen to Alien Sex Fiend while being an Alien Sex Fiend.

Ah, college.
posted by chillmost at 12:00 AM on June 28, 2007


The Great Big Mulp writes 'Honestly, I think it's a bit juvenile to poke fun at other people's fetishes.'

No, in this case your favourite fetish really does suck.
posted by PeterMcDermott at 12:02 AM on June 28, 2007


I PUT ON MY SILVER LAME ROBE AND SPACE HELMET.
posted by ROU_Xenophobe at 12:16 AM on June 28, 2007


I am ashamed to say that I've found weirder and more disgusting alien porn on my friend's computer. It involved a woman dressed as ET.

OOOOOUUUUUUUCH.
posted by ROU_Xenophobe at 12:16 AM on June 28, 2007 [2 favorites]


Your voice is all detached on a radio-wave breeze
we have another caller with a bachelor degree
talkin alien invasion as the only chance for unity
well sorry to interrupt you caller
but that's a physical impossibility


~Emperor Penguin
by The Tragically Hip
posted by bwg at 12:40 AM on June 28, 2007 [1 favorite]


I really just don't, um, know what to type... so, I'll type this:

Icky.
posted by chuckdarwin at 12:40 AM on June 28, 2007


Oh, and those shots were not well-lit. At all.
posted by chuckdarwin at 12:50 AM on June 28, 2007


Dude, no way these are real.

They're totally real, the fake ones have that poorly spaced, aggresively round look. Sometimes the nipples even end up totally off looking.
posted by From Bklyn at 1:11 AM on June 28, 2007 [2 favorites]


Mom? Dad?
posted by humblepigeon at 1:50 AM on June 28, 2007 [2 favorites]


THAR STEALIN AR WIMMIN!

I'm in ur body, probin ur anal.
posted by humblepigeon at 1:51 AM on June 28, 2007


Use force, Luke. Use force.
posted by Joey Michaels at 3:01 AM on June 28, 2007


Fetishes are awesome. That's not supposed to be some ironic koan. I try to pick up a new one every week. The interplay between the fundamental drive of libido and the strange, forbidden flights of fancy of the imagination brings another dimension to sex and fantasy (in this case, literally!).
posted by Drexen at 3:02 AM on June 28, 2007


Ok, I normally wouldn't post this, but the right thread will never come up, and I think it's hilarious. It's Pterodactyl porn, and I think it's funny because I'm always imagining the director yelling at the actors to flap their wings whenever they slow down. "You are pterodactyls, come on and flap!"
posted by BrotherCaine at 4:22 AM on June 28, 2007 [4 favorites]


My flat mate had alien porn in a real dead tree magazine in the mid-90s, and it would have been a relatively mainstream one (Hustler maybe?).
The old line is if you type into a search engine you want to see pictures of people having sex with goats on fire you will have a choice of goat species.
posted by bystander at 4:41 AM on June 28, 2007


It's not often you get to exclaim "What the fuck?" and mean it literally.
posted by Faint of Butt at 4:50 AM on June 28, 2007 [2 favorites]


Huh. Sometimes it is easy being green.
posted by supercres at 4:52 AM on June 28, 2007 [4 favorites]


MetaFilter: people having sex with goats on fire.
posted by dbiedny at 6:31 AM on June 28, 2007


MeFi sure is porny this month.
posted by jessamyn at 6:36 AM on June 28, 2007


I always suspected aliens drink PBR
posted by rottytooth at 6:43 AM on June 28, 2007


Sometimes I wonder what the Nazi concentration camp badges for all these different fetishists would look like.
posted by Esoquo at 6:49 AM on June 28, 2007 [1 favorite]


Oh my God I know that photographer. Not like "I know his work" but like "Have stood around in the kitchen drinking beers with him." Terry Donovan. Nicest pervert you've ever met.


Wanna see him naked?




Maybe you already have.

posted by louche mustachio at 6:55 AM on June 28, 2007 [1 favorite]


On a mostly unrelated note, if your mother did not orgasm during your conception then your family line will probably not evolve during your generation.

And if your father didn't orgasm, you may be even more fucked.
posted by Navelgazer at 7:13 AM on June 28, 2007


It's Pterodactyl porn

Jesus wept. The alien porn didn't even make me flinch, but that was just bizarre. I laughed, I cried, I came in my pants.
posted by soundofsuburbia at 7:23 AM on June 28, 2007


I love the internet.
posted by fungible at 7:33 AM on June 28, 2007


For a multimedia experience, play this soundtrack while viewing photos.
posted by nonmyopicdave at 7:36 AM on June 28, 2007


WARNING: These photographs may be highly triggering.

(...if you're Whitley Streiber)
posted by kittens for breakfast at 7:55 AM on June 28, 2007


Thanks, louche mustachio, Terry Donovan it is! Here's the original gallery and lots of others. I'm sorry credit wasn't given in the link.

I have now seen pterodactyl porn and can't stop laughing.
posted by mediareport at 8:07 AM on June 28, 2007


Metafilter: There is porn of it.
posted by louche mustachio at 8:14 AM on June 28, 2007


In the first of three encounters, Stonebrooke remembers waking during the night surprised to find herself "making love to this gorgeous blond man. I had no idea who it was since I don't bring people home like that. But the sex was incredible, and I felt safe enough to just put my head back, close my eyes, and enjoy it. All of a sudden the energy felt totally different. It felt aggressive, and the entity felt bigger -- bigger than the person who was inside me."

In the throes of passion she opened her eyes to witness the blond dreamboy morph into a reptile. She was frightened only briefly. "The telepathic communication was so intense and sensual and emotional," she explained. "It was everything you would want to feel to be able to surrender in a sexual experience." And the reptile had great technique. "It was almost like every cell in your body was having an orgasm. It had a kind of playful, kind of bad-boy attitude," she recalled. "It was kind of a sly, slickā€¦ It's really hard to explain, but he was definitely in control!"


Yeah, so apparently reptilians are teh hot lovers.
posted by miss lynnster at 9:10 AM on June 28, 2007


Grays Gone Wild.
posted by Alvy Ampersand at 9:13 AM on June 28, 2007


This is awesome. Not ordinary Internet craziness, but inspired Internet craziness.

I can't believe anybody would not be happy to find this in their Metafilter.
posted by Joey Bagels at 9:39 AM on June 28, 2007


I am laughing, but also realising that there's a whole world outside my front door. And that's where I'd like it to stay.
posted by athenian at 12:46 PM on June 28, 2007


Metafilter: Masturbating to comedy.

(I almost never post these, but man...that one's just apt.)
posted by CrayDrygu at 12:52 PM on June 28, 2007


It's official, then: V stood not for "victory" (or for "vendetta"), but for va-va-voom!
posted by rob511 at 6:41 PM on June 28, 2007


Okay, the alien porn was pretty odd, but kinda cool and funny, and then there was PTERODACTYL PORN, and the show was stolen.

I am literally crying from laughing.
posted by WidgetAlley at 7:07 PM on June 28, 2007


If you do not click the pterodactyl porn link, you are really, really missing out.
posted by louie at 8:29 PM on June 28, 2007


Well, yes, rule 34 in the sense that it's all-inclusive, but....

Maybe this(NWS, obviously) would be eye-opening for some of you.

Not that I'm disappointed that it turned out not to involve tentacles, or anything.
posted by Many bubbles at 8:31 PM on June 28, 2007


I can understand having sex with dinosaurs, especially the ones that seem sentient and have erect, willing, and human-compatible wangers. But why pterodactyls? Why not pussysaurus or triceracock or tranny-soreass?

Sometimes I wonder what the Nazi concentration camp badges for all these different fetishists would look like.

In particular, what would the Nazi concentration camp badges for Nazi cosplay fetishists look like?
posted by ROU_Xenophobe at 9:07 PM on June 28, 2007


Use force, Luke. Use force.

Impressive...most impressive.

All too easy.
posted by Snyder at 2:18 AM on June 29, 2007


Doctor, what is it?

The message transmitted from the spacecraft had only three words:

Metafilter....needs....women......
posted by jonp72 at 5:09 AM on June 29, 2007


In particular, what would the Nazi concentration camp badges for Nazi cosplay fetishists look like?

S-S-S-SWASTIKA VORTEX.

!
posted by Esoquo at 6:20 AM on June 29, 2007


Once you go grey, you never go gay?
posted by Eideteker at 8:40 AM on June 30, 2007


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