"Can I borrow your cell phone?" "Sure!!!"
June 29, 2007 6:38 PM Subscribe
With intimidating red laser! Respect my RED LASER!
posted by malaprohibita at 7:43 PM on June 29, 2007 [1 favorite]
posted by malaprohibita at 7:43 PM on June 29, 2007 [1 favorite]
Yeah, that flashlight just sounds brutal.
The site in the first link is cool, I've happened upon it before and it stuck in my memory, because really, 80,000 volt taser for $20? Either they're trying to put one over on me or I just FOUND A DEAL!!!!
posted by invitapriore at 7:44 PM on June 29, 2007
The site in the first link is cool, I've happened upon it before and it stuck in my memory, because really, 80,000 volt taser for $20? Either they're trying to put one over on me or I just FOUND A DEAL!!!!
posted by invitapriore at 7:44 PM on June 29, 2007
I think that flashlight is a combination kitty-finder, kitty-toy, and kitty punisher, all in one.
posted by The Deej at 8:19 PM on June 29, 2007 [2 favorites]
posted by The Deej at 8:19 PM on June 29, 2007 [2 favorites]
I love that it has a 30 day return period. Are there going to be all these loons buying these things, and thinking "have to pepper-spray someone within 30 days"?
posted by pompomtom at 8:22 PM on June 29, 2007
posted by pompomtom at 8:22 PM on June 29, 2007
This is stupid. Stupid like the kid in high school who took a few martial arts classes and thought he was all badass and started side-kicking other kids in the hallway. Stupid like the tin-foil-hat-cum-survivalist guy who stockpiles automatic weapons in his basement because he's afraid of black helicopters swooping out of the sky to confiscate his land for the U.N. Stupid like the scary guy down the block who carries nunchucks and IS READY TO USE THEM ON YOU if you look at him funny.
This is the kind of shit that proves that America isn't the land of the free and the home of the brave --- its the land of the sheltered and sequestered and home of the scared shitless.
posted by googly at 9:15 PM on June 29, 2007
This is the kind of shit that proves that America isn't the land of the free and the home of the brave --- its the land of the sheltered and sequestered and home of the scared shitless.
posted by googly at 9:15 PM on June 29, 2007
Oh, yeah, googly!? Let me get my flashlight, cell phone, pen, and lipstick, and let me hear you say that again.
Hiiiii-YAAAAA!!!!!!!!
posted by The Deej at 9:25 PM on June 29, 2007 [1 favorite]
Hiiiii-YAAAAA!!!!!!!!
posted by The Deej at 9:25 PM on June 29, 2007 [1 favorite]
I wonder how many stunguns are used for protection in comparison to how many are used by guys who just want to shock their buddies' asses while shitfaced? 'Cuz by looking on google, I'm thinking not many.
posted by miss lynnster at 10:02 PM on June 29, 2007
posted by miss lynnster at 10:02 PM on June 29, 2007
Now, now, Divine Miss L... whatever possessed you to search for "stun gun fun" on Google???? No plans for the weekend yet? :)
posted by The Deej at 10:12 PM on June 29, 2007
posted by The Deej at 10:12 PM on June 29, 2007
Is it really all that "sheltered and sequestered and scared shitless" of me to want to be able to defend myself, googly? I carry security guard-grade pepper spray (may cause blindness at close range!) when I go out at night- do you think that not carrying it would somehow make me... not sheltered? Less scared? I'm really not following you here.
posted by showbiz_liz at 10:43 PM on June 29, 2007
posted by showbiz_liz at 10:43 PM on June 29, 2007
Love that 30-day satisfaction guarantee. Because at least several times a month I am accosted and require high powered ballistic pepper spray devices!
posted by AmberV at 11:01 PM on June 29, 2007
posted by AmberV at 11:01 PM on June 29, 2007
its the land of the sheltered and sequestered and home of the scared shitless.
Yeah, but we have really awesome flashlights!
posted by dirigibleman at 11:38 PM on June 29, 2007
Yeah, but we have really awesome flashlights!
posted by dirigibleman at 11:38 PM on June 29, 2007
This is the kind of shit that proves that America isn't the land of the free and the home of the brave --- its the land of the sheltered and sequestered and home of the scared shitless.
The Munchkins giggle, but refuse to believe you're a witch.
posted by Slithy_Tove at 1:24 AM on June 30, 2007
The Munchkins giggle, but refuse to believe you're a witch.
posted by Slithy_Tove at 1:24 AM on June 30, 2007
The Deej, actually my thought process is even more wacked out. It started out that I was remembering Erik Estrada talking about getting an enlarged testicle from getting stunned for some tv show so I thought I'd find some joke to make about that. But it turns out he wasn't stunned, he was tasered.
When I first typed in "stun gun" though, I noticed that "stun gun fun" was the name of a HUGE percent of the videos. So I ran with that.
posted by miss lynnster at 5:36 AM on June 30, 2007
When I first typed in "stun gun" though, I noticed that "stun gun fun" was the name of a HUGE percent of the videos. So I ran with that.
posted by miss lynnster at 5:36 AM on June 30, 2007
OK, lynn... thanks for the link. But, I only got 15 seconds into it, before any drama, and then just from your description about the "enlarged testicle" I just couldn't go on, so I scurried back here like the girly-man I am. My own testicles sucked themselves inside for protection. :: shudder :: I hope they come back out soon.
posted by The Deej at 7:28 AM on June 30, 2007
posted by The Deej at 7:28 AM on June 30, 2007
I carry security guard-grade pepper spray (may cause blindness at close range!) when I go out at night- do you think that not carrying it would somehow make me... not sheltered? Less scared? I'm really not following you here.
showbiz_liz, I will stipulate that you have a very good reason for carrying pepper spray. I will grant that carrying pepper spray might be a good idea for some people in certain situations. You may be one. Far be it for me to tell you in particular that you should or shouldn't carry pepper spray. I wanted to make three points (in an admittedly hyperbolic and snarky way):
1) I am commenting on the more widespread American phenomenon at work here. If I were an anthropologist from Mars, after observing the proliferation of concealed weapons like cell phone stun guns and "stunlights" and pepper spray pens, in the context of relative affluence and relatively low rates of violent crime, I'd likely conclude that Americans are sheltered and sequestered and scared shitless most of the time.
2) The causality goes the other way. Not carrying weapons doesn't make people less sheltered and less scared; being sheltered and scared makes people more likely to think that they need to carry weapons.
3) The analogies were meant to point out that things like cell phone stun guns tend to appeal more to peoples' insecurities and paranoias than reasonable assessment of risk. Again, you may have a very good reason to carry pepper spray, or learn martial arts, or carry nunchucks. But a lot of people have no real need for them, other than defending themselves against perceived threats to their security, property, manhood, or whatever. And, unfortunately, those are precisely the "accidents waiting to happen" that I find frightening. I'd rather walk down a street where I have a small but real chance of getting mugged, than one in which every single person I passed was carrying a stun gun and pepper spray.
posted by googly at 9:40 AM on June 30, 2007
showbiz_liz, I will stipulate that you have a very good reason for carrying pepper spray. I will grant that carrying pepper spray might be a good idea for some people in certain situations. You may be one. Far be it for me to tell you in particular that you should or shouldn't carry pepper spray. I wanted to make three points (in an admittedly hyperbolic and snarky way):
1) I am commenting on the more widespread American phenomenon at work here. If I were an anthropologist from Mars, after observing the proliferation of concealed weapons like cell phone stun guns and "stunlights" and pepper spray pens, in the context of relative affluence and relatively low rates of violent crime, I'd likely conclude that Americans are sheltered and sequestered and scared shitless most of the time.
2) The causality goes the other way. Not carrying weapons doesn't make people less sheltered and less scared; being sheltered and scared makes people more likely to think that they need to carry weapons.
3) The analogies were meant to point out that things like cell phone stun guns tend to appeal more to peoples' insecurities and paranoias than reasonable assessment of risk. Again, you may have a very good reason to carry pepper spray, or learn martial arts, or carry nunchucks. But a lot of people have no real need for them, other than defending themselves against perceived threats to their security, property, manhood, or whatever. And, unfortunately, those are precisely the "accidents waiting to happen" that I find frightening. I'd rather walk down a street where I have a small but real chance of getting mugged, than one in which every single person I passed was carrying a stun gun and pepper spray.
posted by googly at 9:40 AM on June 30, 2007
Things that look like other things are neat, but when I find myself situation that requires self defense of this sort I really want my stun gun to look like a stun gun, my cell phone to look like a cell phone, and my lipstick to look like lipstick so i can look cute when the cops show up.
Cautious vigilance works better than any of this stuff, but it doesn't have an awesome laser or anything.
posted by louche mustachio at 11:52 AM on June 30, 2007
Cautious vigilance works better than any of this stuff, but it doesn't have an awesome laser or anything.
posted by louche mustachio at 11:52 AM on June 30, 2007
googly: I'd rather walk down a street where I have a small but real chance of getting mugged, than one in which every single person I passed was carrying a stun gun and pepper spray.
Why? People occasionally get killed in muggings, but pepper spray and stun guns are generally non-lethal weapons with no permanent effects. Furthermore, why don't you think people can be trusted with them? Accidents with either tend to be of the 'goes off in your pocket' variety that only affect the holder.
Unless you're worried that people will flip out and attack you for no reason, I don't know why you'd even care if they had these things.
Also, I don't think these things appeal to the 'scared of humanity' market, like you think. I think they appeal to l33t teenagers and young adults who fancy themselves badass martial artists and/or secret agents. The same kind of people who buy samurai swords.
posted by Mitrovarr at 12:04 PM on June 30, 2007
Why? People occasionally get killed in muggings, but pepper spray and stun guns are generally non-lethal weapons with no permanent effects. Furthermore, why don't you think people can be trusted with them? Accidents with either tend to be of the 'goes off in your pocket' variety that only affect the holder.
Unless you're worried that people will flip out and attack you for no reason, I don't know why you'd even care if they had these things.
Also, I don't think these things appeal to the 'scared of humanity' market, like you think. I think they appeal to l33t teenagers and young adults who fancy themselves badass martial artists and/or secret agents. The same kind of people who buy samurai swords.
posted by Mitrovarr at 12:04 PM on June 30, 2007
Ooo... You can buy a "PracticeStream" canister of water for the flashlight. Single most badass squirtgun ever.
posted by empty commercial spaces at 12:33 PM on June 30, 2007
posted by empty commercial spaces at 12:33 PM on June 30, 2007
The Deej... you are such a wuss. He didn't really have an enlarged testicle, he was whining. You should watch the clip. It's worth it to see LaToya Jackson tasered. And Eric Estrada handles it as though he's Frankenstein being restrained. Celebrities being tasered = good.
posted by miss lynnster at 4:50 PM on June 30, 2007
posted by miss lynnster at 4:50 PM on June 30, 2007
I'll watch it under the condition that doing do will not remove the "wuss" badge that I have cultivated for so long.
I was just picturing a direct tazer-hit to the testicles.
OK... off I go to try and be as manly as miss lynnster. :)
posted by The Deej at 5:10 PM on June 30, 2007
I was just picturing a direct tazer-hit to the testicles.
OK... off I go to try and be as manly as miss lynnster. :)
posted by The Deej at 5:10 PM on June 30, 2007
Oh, that was nuthin!!!! And the LeToya part was dang near erotic.
But, ya, Ponch TOOK IT LIKE A MAN!!!!!!
Hang on... cell phone's ringing... HelloooooWWWWYYYEEEEOOOWWW!!!!!!
posted by The Deej at 5:25 PM on June 30, 2007
But, ya, Ponch TOOK IT LIKE A MAN!!!!!!
Hang on... cell phone's ringing... HelloooooWWWWYYYEEEEOOOWWW!!!!!!
posted by The Deej at 5:25 PM on June 30, 2007
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posted by puke & cry at 7:02 PM on June 29, 2007