Comments on: Helen Duncan was the last woman to be convicted of witchcraft in Britain. This was in 1944.

Helen Duncan was the last woman to be convicted of witchcraft in Britain. This was in 1944.

Kattullus — Thu, 05 Jul 2007 16:21:58 -0800

Helen Duncan was the last woman to be convicted of witchcraft in Britain. This was in 1944. British authorities "were alarmed by reports that she had disclosed - allegedly via contacts with the spirit world - the sinking of two British battleships long before they became public." Her descendants still smart from the trial and there is a campaign to pardon Mrs Duncan, who some consider a martyred medium who could regurgitate ectoplasm out of her mouth. More than a decade before her trial legendary psychic researcher Harry Price exposed Mrs Duncan as a fraud in his essay The Cheese-Cloth Worshippers. If you want to judge for yourself you can take a look at the photographs Mr Price took of a séance performed by Mrs Duncan.

By: miss lynnster

miss lynnster — Thu, 05 Jul 2007 16:27:35 -0800

Engraved cartoon re Mary Toft, the 'Guildford rabbit breeder' (1726) who deceived many medical men by concealing live rabbits in the vaginal passage. Wait... what? No I did not just read that. No no no no no.

By: mr_crash_davis

mr_crash_davis — Thu, 05 Jul 2007 16:42:28 -0800

Stay classy, miss lynnster.

By: mrzarquon

mrzarquon — Thu, 05 Jul 2007 16:45:07 -0800

Metafilter: concealing live rabbits in the vaginal passage. There was a professional regurgitator that visited my college back in the day. He swallowed and regurgitated live gold fish, etc. But the big thing he could do was bring back specific things on command, such as swallow an "unsolved" rubicks cube, and spit out a solved one, etc. (unless there was a quick trick that he swapped one out before swallowing, or stomach acid soluable dyes). Nothing about rabbits in vaginas thou. Hopefully they were declawed? Maybe fresh baby ones?

By: quin

quin — Thu, 05 Jul 2007 16:49:01 -0800

Damn it miss lynnster, how is it that, in all those links, and pages into one of them at that, you grabbed the exact same quote that I was going to remark on?! Still, your response was probably better than mine which was going to be a less than eloquent: WTFF? [What The Fucking Fuck?] Sometimes you just need that little extra.

By: mr_crash_davis

mr_crash_davis — Thu, 05 Jul 2007 16:52:38 -0800

There once was a lady from Toft Whom so many laddies had boffed Her elastical cunny Could swallow a bunny Like a haybale fits into a loft

By: Avenger

Avenger — Thu, 05 Jul 2007 16:54:41 -0800

(unless there was a quick trick that he swapped one out before swallowing, or stomach acid soluable dyes). Well, it's one of those options or some other slight of hand. I'm pretty sure that his stomach muscles didn't manipulate the cube into a solved position.

By: Kattullus

Kattullus — Thu, 05 Jul 2007 16:57:07 -0800

Y'know, I looked at all the pictures and didn't notice the caption about Mary Toft. I don't know whether that speaks well or ill of me. Probably ill :) 'vaginalrabbits' tag added

By: Kattullus

Kattullus — Thu, 05 Jul 2007 17:28:58 -0800

To risk diverting attention from the extremely important subject of vaginal rabbits, I just came across text of the Witchcraft Act used to prosecute Helen Duncan. It makes for fascinating reading. What I didn't realize was that the law also punished people who "pretend[ed] to exercise or use any kind of Witchcraft, Sorcery, Inchantment, or Conjuration." Now the whole affair makes much more sense.

By: quin

quin — Thu, 05 Jul 2007 17:38:03 -0800

I am the very picture of skepticism. I doubt, very vocally, the existence of any kind of supernatural or paranormal manifestations. That said, I never understood the rectum clenching fear that would cause people to take some poor soul and burn them as a suspected witch. Or, heaven forbid, for pretending to be a witch. I'm betting it's a 'consorting with the Devil' kind of thing, so I'll drop it because I don't want to derail the thread with a long anti-religious rant on my part.

By: litfit

litfit — Thu, 05 Jul 2007 17:55:17 -0800

I'm betting it's a 'consorting with the Devil' kind of thing, so I'll drop it because I don't want to derail the thread with a long anti-religious rant on my part. I guess I'm just jaded, but it always seems like people are hanged not for what they do, but for who they're presumed to be. Seems to me that at the time she was tried, there were laws against witchcraft like they allegedly have laws against taking a bath on your front lawn in Florida. With a law against taking a bath on your front lawn, and no compelling reason, if you decide to take a bath on your front lawn and you don't have the social capital to overturn the stupid law, you're not a martyr or a rebel, you're just asking for it.

By: scody

scody — Thu, 05 Jul 2007 18:27:36 -0800

As might be expected from anything involving vaginal rabbits, the Mary Toft case is fascinating stuff. (And for anyone interested in reading about it in the broader context of the emerging science of obstetrics, I shamelessly direct you to my sister's book, Birthing the Nation.)

By: Samizdata

Samizdata — Thu, 05 Jul 2007 18:55:44 -0800

Mmmmm... Cooter bunnies...

By: longsleeves

longsleeves — Thu, 05 Jul 2007 19:54:22 -0800

I knew a girl named Emma Babbit Whose twat could conceal a whole rabbit she would say when asked asked why she would even first try "I wanted to be on Dick Cavett"

By: rob511

rob511 — Thu, 05 Jul 2007 20:08:45 -0800

In the "many a slip 'twixt the bun and the (labial) lip" department, mr_crash_davis: the lady was named Toft.

By: Abiezer

Abiezer — Thu, 05 Jul 2007 20:21:46 -0800

In the hopes of securing a pension, in parts not polite here to mention, She'd insert objects foreign - like a cervical warren - Then expel them with muscular tension.

By: rob511

rob511 — Thu, 05 Jul 2007 20:30:37 -0800

Tho' Duncan, they claimed, was a witch, Whose sorceries sank many a ketch, The true binder of spells Was Miss Toft, in whom dwells A tame coney, with nary an itch.

By: cortex

cortex — Thu, 05 Jul 2007 21:01:56 -0800

There was a sly witch (or deceiver?), Whose rabbits she said would not leave her: "They love taxidermy," She said, a bit squirmy, "And can't live without my stuffed beaver."

By: Ambrosia Voyeur

Ambrosia Voyeur — Thu, 05 Jul 2007 21:06:02 -0800

Yow! Funny cunny bunnies.

By: Webbster

Webbster — Thu, 05 Jul 2007 21:09:13 -0800

She turned me into a newt. (I got better)

By: CitrusFreak12

CitrusFreak12 — Thu, 05 Jul 2007 21:10:18 -0800

Er. MeTa, apparently... fyi.

By: obliquicity

obliquicity — Thu, 05 Jul 2007 21:14:27 -0800

Wow, scody, thanks for your sister's book -- what a random way to find a great reference! For those of you interested in short stories and vaginal rabbits, may I recommend The Woman Who Gave Birth To Rabbits by Emma Donoghue. Hmm, looking that up on Amazon, I discover that there's a plethora of resources on this subject...

By: Ambrosia Voyeur

Ambrosia Voyeur — Thu, 05 Jul 2007 21:24:39 -0800

There was a Brit slag name of Mary, Whose womb was foredoomed to miscarry, Caw! Her litter was phony, Just cheap chunks of coney, Good thing blokes back then liked it harey.

By: lemuria

lemuria — Thu, 05 Jul 2007 21:26:25 -0800

Madam's doctors looked ready to faint, When they heard her peculiar complaint. "Fine rabbits!" she said, as she pushed out one's head, "But some would consider them quaint."

By: lemuria

lemuria — Thu, 05 Jul 2007 21:29:55 -0800

A virgin quite down on her luck Fell pregnant without all the muck. She courted some rabbits, With perverse, dirty habits: A trend most were willing to buck.

By: brain_drain

brain_drain — Thu, 05 Jul 2007 21:42:09 -0800

some nerds stared at their computers exhausted with first-person shooters they started out tired but then grew inspired to write poems about bunnies and cooters

By: longsleeves

longsleeves — Thu, 05 Jul 2007 21:48:07 -0800

-asked

By: lemuria

lemuria — Thu, 05 Jul 2007 22:00:13 -0800

Mary's children's lamenting began, When they learned they were only half-man. "This hutch is uncool, We get teased in school, We don't want to be part lagomorphan."

By: fandango_matt

fandango_matt — Thu, 05 Jul 2007 22:48:00 -0800

"Jackrabbit jump from here . . . to there."

By: fandango_matt

fandango_matt — Thu, 05 Jul 2007 23:38:39 -0800

When the libertine's privates fell ill, To her doctor she confessed a strange thrill: "It's long been my habit, To insert a rabbit-- You should see what I do with my gerbil."

By: mdonley

mdonley — Fri, 06 Jul 2007 00:39:40 -0800

Am I the only one picturing Carl Kassell from "Wait Wait, Don't Tell Me?" right now? Yikes. [/NPR nerdiness]

By: pracowity

pracowity — Fri, 06 Jul 2007 01:09:30 -0800

Higglers not amused:

24 December 1726 Several higglers from Cambridgeshire, Suffolk, and other parts, affirm, they have lost above a hundred pounds a man by the detestable Rabbet-breeding Woman; they being under contracts to take of the Warreners, weekly, a certain number, which afterwards came to bad markets, and they could not dispose of them, so that rather than she should escape punishment, they declare they would sue her for damage.

By: lonefrontranger

lonefrontranger — Fri, 06 Jul 2007 01:15:47 -0800

i love this thread so much that i wish to marry it.

By: taz

taz — Fri, 06 Jul 2007 01:43:03 -0800

*sings* Here comes Peter Cottontail, hopping down the bunny trail!

By: dg

dg — Fri, 06 Jul 2007 01:54:19 -0800

Careful Peter, it's slippery there.

By: pracowity

pracowity — Fri, 06 Jul 2007 03:21:17 -0800

Again? That trick never works.

By: Wolfdog

Wolfdog — Fri, 06 Jul 2007 03:45:47 -0800

"Ah, Mary, my dear, I'm beguiled!" Her lover declared, as he smiled: "Any man would admit You've a great pair of tits But the pubic hare's driving me wild!"

By: PeterMcDermott

PeterMcDermott — Fri, 06 Jul 2007 04:33:29 -0800

A woman whose surname was Toft, Felt too many of her lovers were soft, She developed a habit, Of inserting a rabbit, Till its wriggling got them aloft.

By: No Mutant Enemy

No Mutant Enemy — Fri, 06 Jul 2007 04:55:28 -0800

Giving birth to rabbits? Meh. Mary had a little lamb.

By: pyramid termite

pyramid termite — Fri, 06 Jul 2007 05:27:32 -0800

Well, that's no ordinary rabbit! That's the most foul, cruel, and bad-tempered rodent you ever set eyes on!

By: empath

empath — Fri, 06 Jul 2007 05:35:27 -0800

This is either the best or worst mefi thread ever, depending on one's tolerance for puns.

By: asok

asok — Fri, 06 Jul 2007 05:59:37 -0800

Has someone been reading the new book by Derren Brown? He has a section about the wonderful cheesecloth ectoplasm practitioners.

By: patricio

patricio — Fri, 06 Jul 2007 06:11:20 -0800

No Mutant Enemy: When Mary had a little lamb the doctors were surprised, when Old MacDonald had a farm they couldn't believe their eyes.

By: miss lynnster

miss lynnster — Fri, 06 Jul 2007 06:55:50 -0800

I go away... then I come back to find I created a monster! I do apologize to the OP for the derail, but man... the limericks are good!

By: longbaugh

longbaugh — Fri, 06 Jul 2007 07:11:40 -0800

There was a young man called Warren, With hares all over his sporran, With a witch he did lay, For a night and a day, Like rabbits they humped off and on again.

By: cortex

cortex — Fri, 06 Jul 2007 07:44:18 -0800

There once was a girl in a coven, Ejected for excessive lovin'— "We don't mind the sex" said the crones, with a hex, "But it seems you've a bun in the oven."

By: Wolfdog

Wolfdog — Fri, 06 Jul 2007 08:44:47 -0800

Though many men wanted to jump her, Inevitably they would dump her It's a hell of a blow When you're diving below To go down and be greeted by Thumper

By: It's Raining Florence Henderson

It's Raining Florence Henderson — Fri, 06 Jul 2007 08:48:41 -0800

A Doctor from Toft from a dark- ened alleyway heard a strange bark. A red fox had attached To Mary's bunniful snatch, And then fled with a mouthful of snark.

By: longbaugh

longbaugh — Fri, 06 Jul 2007 09:17:47 -0800

It'd be weird if you were going down on her. Lapping away at un lapin... Bunnylingus I think it's called...

By: It's Raining Florence Henderson

It's Raining Florence Henderson — Fri, 06 Jul 2007 09:24:26 -0800

Bunnylingus I think it's called... A bite of the hare that dogged you.

By: Wolfdog

Wolfdog — Fri, 06 Jul 2007 09:25:59 -0800

Rabbit stew! That's a sure way to hook 'em in I hope that you don't mind my lookin' in The aroma's divine But I have to opine That's a rather strange kettle you cook 'em in

By: Wolfdog

Wolfdog — Fri, 06 Jul 2007 09:38:43 -0800

It is said that she never showed fear As she made all those rabbits appear But picture her face When a sizeable brace Of pheasants emerged from her rear

By: fandango_matt

fandango_matt — Fri, 06 Jul 2007 10:10:25 -0800

During acts that politeness prohibits Mary's lover did vocal exhibits-- His fetish of choice? To mimic a voice: "Be vewwy kwiet, I'm hunting for wabbits!"

By: miss lynnster

miss lynnster — Fri, 06 Jul 2007 10:31:07 -0800

By the way, for those of you who didn't find it, here is the illustration you are all waxing poetic about...

By: fandango_matt

fandango_matt — Fri, 06 Jul 2007 10:33:16 -0800

Five dollars is not too much money To post remarks both profound and funny I've waited all day For the chance to say, "Witch, you better give me my bunny!"

By: steef

steef — Fri, 06 Jul 2007 11:49:11 -0800

Aaah! Here's that Mary Toft again, birthing more of her bunny brood. Thanks for this, Kattullus and ms. lynn!

By: Megafly

Megafly — Fri, 06 Jul 2007 12:18:54 -0800

A new horror movie can keep us on the edge of our seats, and steep us in this the tale of woe, of problems down below, Its the spine-tingling "Night of the Lee-Puss"

By: Megafly

Megafly — Fri, 06 Jul 2007 12:22:30 -0800

"Desperate" star TV's Terri Hatcher Is currently in talks to match her Skills to the role of fur-lining her hole thus, Invasion of the Bunny Snatchers

By: Fezboy!

Fezboy! — Fri, 06 Jul 2007 12:29:25 -0800

The wiccan from Guilford did bet Every damn golfer she met That when she splayed in the rough A bunny'd silflay from her muff And that her OB was also her vet

By: Fezboy!

Fezboy! — Fri, 06 Jul 2007 12:34:21 -0800

I also want to say that Elastical Cunny is the name of my new band.

By: phoque

phoque — Fri, 06 Jul 2007 12:35:58 -0800

There once was a witch named Toft Whose tampon invention was scoffed She squirmed, she wiggled And with a mirth filled giggle Cried "they're fucking me like rabbits ought"

By: Samuel Farrow

Samuel Farrow — Fri, 06 Jul 2007 12:37:18 -0800

I read a story I thought was a crock, To others it came as a shock. It turns it's true Wikipedia knew. So tell me what's up doc?

By: miss lynnster

miss lynnster — Fri, 06 Jul 2007 12:39:15 -0800

Wouldn't you know it... she's inspired poetry before: On the Godalming Rabbits (Anonymous, early to mid-18th century)

By: norm

norm — Fri, 06 Jul 2007 13:23:22 -0800

This is a bit Meta: I read about Mme. Cooter Bunny about a month ago when I picked up a copy of the book "The Museum of Hoaxes". One of the last chapters in the same book is devoted to Internet Hoaxery, where I noted for the first time a reference to Metafilter in a book, as relating to the infamous Kaycee Nicole incident.

By: taosbat

taosbat — Fri, 06 Jul 2007 14:19:52 -0800

Samuel Farrow: Tofts was forced to admit on 7 December 1726 that she had manually inserted dead rabbits into her vagina and then allowed them to be removed as if she were giving birth. 215 years before the attack on Pearl Harbor...coincidence? I think not!

By: miss lynnster

miss lynnster — Fri, 06 Jul 2007 14:38:32 -0800

Can anyone say desperate cry for attention? Geez. I'm simultaneously relieved and disturbed to know the rabbits were already dead. Though admittedly it's a moot point. Because either way, all vivid mental images of the details squeek me out to my very core OH PLEASE DEAR GOD MAKE THEM STOP! [claws at eyes / screams]

By: misha

misha — Fri, 06 Jul 2007 15:54:53 -0800

Round the county, folks came from miles To see Ms. Toft's feminine wiles: Bunnies uttered no cries, Slipped numbly through her thighs (But I'm sure they all died with smiles).

By: Kattullus

Kattullus — Fri, 06 Jul 2007 16:12:40 -0800

Eh... if you can't beat'em, join'em There once was a lady from Scotland Who, in her chamber, perched over her pot and, Much to her surprise, From out 'tween her thighs, A rabbit ran. From there on it only worsened. (Yes, I know Mary Toft was from Godalming in Surrey)

By: miss lynnster

miss lynnster — Fri, 06 Jul 2007 17:32:20 -0800

Ok, so here's my haiku... Ignore the doorbell. Mary is not welcome here. Bunnies stained the couch.

By: UbuRoivas

UbuRoivas — Fri, 06 Jul 2007 18:03:28 -0800

fingers frozen on keyboard. miss lynnster shows class - damned sonnet!

By: rob511

rob511 — Fri, 06 Jul 2007 18:07:52 -0800

At the Fête des Amis-Legerdemains, Some conjured rare bifteck Diane, Houdini chose toad-in-the-hole, Mr. Norrell, a bland casserole. Mme Toft? "Pour moi, bien sûr, du lapin!"

By: cortex

cortex — Fri, 06 Jul 2007 19:16:16 -0800

As Seen On Music

By: longsleeves

longsleeves — Sat, 07 Jul 2007 00:50:37 -0800

clouds break for moonlight heady earth smells sweet by lake aren't you glad you're here?

By: emelenjr

emelenjr — Sat, 07 Jul 2007 09:49:48 -0800

Fezboy FTW with the Watership Down reference.

By: dg

dg — Sat, 07 Jul 2007 17:29:24 -0800

Meh. Mary had a little lamb. Mary had a little lamb with it she went to sleep the sheep turned out to be a ram Mary had a little lamb.

By: grouse

grouse — Fri, 20 Jul 2007 04:19:13 -0800

I wonder if that inspired this Perry Bible Fellowship comic.