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The Doctor Who Fan's Phrasebook
July 8, 2007 10:15 AM   Subscribe

The Doctor Who Fan's Phrasebook is like looking down a long dark corridor and seeing yourself. Surprisingly flexible too. "The Silent Majority -- A collection of people who don’t exist. I’ve just made them up so that I can claim to speak for them." Note: Big spoilers for the third new series, which has just begun on Sci-Fi in the US, and possibly Torchwood.
posted by feelinglistless (36 comments total) 7 users marked this as a favorite

 
Some readers might notice that I've already posted this elsewhere, but I thought it too good not to let you enjoy it too.
posted by feelinglistless at 10:16 AM on July 8, 2007


Allow me to amend one...

“Why do we have all these deus ex machina endings?”
Look Ma! I'm using Latin on the Internet!

Er, good point, actually.
posted by nthdegx at 10:24 AM on July 8, 2007


“I am not in the UK, but ...”
I am praying that nobody asks me the blatantly obvious question of how I can possibly pass comment on episodes that I cannot, legally, have seen yet.

*ahem*
posted by John Kenneth Fisher at 10:37 AM on July 8, 2007


I'm a Doctor Who fan. I don't read outpost Gallifrey specifically because of stuff like this. I didn't get more than halfway through before I decided that the entire list can be summed up thusly:

"Everyone except me is an irrational fanboy but I approach the show with the appropriate level of importance. That's why I'm posting in-jokes on this fansite."
posted by Legomancer at 10:43 AM on July 8, 2007


Don't care much about the doctor anymore. Wanna see more Torchwood. That show kicked the doctor's ass all over the place...... Not even slightly aimed at young people. Captain Jack's blatant gayness makes people uncomfortable, and I like to see people uncomfortable. (Esp. hardcore Who fans.)
posted by metasonix at 10:56 AM on July 8, 2007


Television has rotted your brain.
posted by IronLizard at 11:07 AM on July 8, 2007


Captain Jack's blatant gayness makes people uncomfortable.

Is there some kind of homophobic backlash against the Whoniverse over there? Here in the states, it's far too unknown to cause backlash, even if sections of the country are rather backwards at these things.
posted by John Kenneth Fisher at 11:11 AM on July 8, 2007


“I am not in the UK, but ...”
I am praying that nobody asks me the blatantly obvious question of how I can possibly pass comment on episodes that I cannot, legally, have seen yet.


Not to worry, all of the internet-literate fanbois have already done exactly the same thing you have. You're no longer part of SciFi's target audience and you probably haven't been since 2003.

Shame, that.

And this season of Who kicked Torchwood's ass. Indira Varma was the best thing about Torchwood and they killed her – twice.
posted by vhsiv at 11:28 AM on July 8, 2007


The new series IS frequently shoddy crap though.
posted by Artw at 11:30 AM on July 8, 2007


Torchwood - like chucklevision with fighting and cumshots.
posted by Artw at 11:33 AM on July 8, 2007 [1 favorite]


Captain Jack's blatant gayness makes people uncomfortable

Jack's not gay. If he was gay he wouldn't be chasing after human females and bipedal bugs with legs on their faces.
He's omni-sexual.
that translates to:
   If it moves, fuck it.
   If it doesn't move, fuck it 'till it does.
posted by Dillenger69 at 11:37 AM on July 8, 2007


Sorry about the double-post.
posted by vhsiv at 11:41 AM on July 8, 2007


Torchwood - like chucklevision with fighting and cumshots .

Does anybody remember when Charlie Brooker was actually funny? He's really gone off the boil recently.

I'm only posting this because I know he'll probably read it at some point. He's definitely the kind of guy who Googles for himself. He might even have a MeFi account or two.
posted by humblepigeon at 11:48 AM on July 8, 2007


“I am not in the UK, but ...”
I am praying that nobody asks me the blatantly obvious question of how I can possibly pass comment on episodes that I cannot, legally, have seen yet.


he's gonna ruin it for us! ; >
posted by amberglow at 1:16 PM on July 8, 2007


I am praying that nobody asks me the blatantly obvious question of how I can possibly pass comment on episodes that I cannot, legally, have seen yet.

Shhhh. My TARDIS isn't street-legal in the US, either.
posted by dhartung at 1:22 PM on July 8, 2007


With slight modifications, almost all those items could be found a Star Trek Fan Phrasebook.

/me ducks, sneaks into what looks like a big, blue police box which subsequently vanishes before flames can begin.
posted by ilsa at 1:40 PM on July 8, 2007


I am of a different opinion. Torchwood is complete nonsense and the latest Who season was Torchwoodified, which made it nearly complete nonsense.

But as always of course, such things are relative, enjoy what you will, dislike what you will.
posted by juiceCake at 1:47 PM on July 8, 2007


Indira Varma was the best thing about Torchwood and they killed her – twice.

They killed her only half-way through Rome too. Twits.
posted by homunculus at 1:48 PM on July 8, 2007


“The TV Movie is Canon, the New Series is not.”
I have an almighty crush on Paul McGann and am still sulking because they never made a series with him.


Er. No comment. (Aside from THAT'S RIGHT BITCHES, eighth doctor fans represent.)

I see Torchwood as more or less harmless fun with the occasional really good moment, but overall Doctor Who strikes me as about a thousand times better. They have character development! (And after Family of Blood/Human Nature, the show owns my heart and soul, incidentally.)

In other news, this list kinda made my day. And reminded me why I avoid online fandom at all costs.
posted by kalimac at 3:08 PM on July 8, 2007


Let me just check... nope, no sign of any problems with Jack's sexuality (I go with 'flexible') over here.

Heck, I run a Catholic kids group for 6-8 year olds (I'm not Catholic - that makes things interesting), and I haven't picked up even a hint that there might be a problem with the show. It's an acceptable theme for birthday parties (2 so far this year), and their favourite game is Doctor Who and the Daleks (rules got from a 1970's kids games book - ahhh recycling). Of course, they're too young for Torchwood... (I hope).
posted by Helga-woo at 4:04 PM on July 8, 2007


The new series IS frequently shoddy crap though.

Yeah, I have to agree. Although, there weren't any standout "misses" with Eccleston, though they always seem to blow it on series finales. I mean, this season is a wonderful example. I won't spoil it if you're one of the three people on the planet who doesn't know what's coming up, but suffice to say I would have been far happier if they'd just ended on the first of the three-part finale. Maybe a simple cliff-hanger, nothing terribly fancy. Instead, like the season before and the season before that, they (and by "they," I really just mean RTD) has to have some completely over-the-top Grand Finale.

I don't mind the "experimental" shows (as RTD considers them). Even though you get duds like with the ELO guy and his petrified girlfriend, you also get absolute stunners like Father's Day and this season's Blink (one of my all-time faves, and that includes the Old Who).

But the series enders coupled with the overwhelming desire to romanticize Who are what break it for me (the "gay" thing is just a by-product of RTD's work on Queer as Folk, but the whole "I'm in love with you, Doctor" crap has got to stop).
posted by Civil_Disobedient at 4:10 PM on July 8, 2007


"IMHO ."
I am American.


They're on to us!!!
posted by wendell at 4:14 PM on July 8, 2007


(Aside from THAT'S RIGHT BITCHES, eighth doctor fans represent.)

Fifty-seven McGann fans just punched the air.
posted by feelinglistless at 4:23 PM on July 8, 2007 [1 favorite]


I'm still hoping that, when the inevitable "Two Doctors 2008 (or whatever)" episode is made, they make it with McGann. What a great chance to tie that in better, and besides, no silly "but he looks too old" problems there.
posted by John Kenneth Fisher at 4:36 PM on July 8, 2007


the whole "I'm in love with you, Doctor" crap has got to stop

I'm fairly confident Catherine Tate will see to that.

(If you think Love and Monsters divided the fans, then I think this one will make that look like a polite argument over who hated Bonnie Langford more)
posted by Luddite at 5:27 PM on July 8, 2007


I'm still hoping that, when the inevitable "Two Doctors 2008 (or whatever)" episode is made, they make it with McGann. What a great chance to tie that in better, and besides, no silly "but he looks too old" problems there.

Maybe, but certainly lots of "why's the other one from Withnail and I claiming to be the Doctor?".
posted by Lentrohamsanin at 5:36 PM on July 8, 2007



Fifty-seven McGann fans just punched the air.


Hey, with all the Withnail and I and Hornblower fans, there's got to be at least 60 of us! ;)

(While we're nerding out, I would like to say word word word to everything Civil_Disobedient wrote. They need to lay off the special effects (no really, please), and the Life-Changing Finale's and just let the actors act. Something small, subtle and beautiful would work so much better than another Dalek-y thing that Changes Canon Forever.)
posted by kalimac at 6:11 PM on July 8, 2007


Which is why Blink was brilliant. Unfortunately, there seems to be a hard core group who just love the awful melodrama, and I don't think it is going anywhere.
posted by Chuckles at 10:20 PM on July 8, 2007


The new series veers wildly between the sublime and the dire. There were some outstanding (Human Nature/Family of Blood, Blink) and some very good (Lazarus Experiment) episodes this season, as well as a bunch of serviceable ones, and several (the Daleks in New York, and the last one) that were complete shite.

Davies deserves much credit for bringing the show back and injecting it with new life, but he needs to write fewer scripts.
posted by Artifice_Eternity at 12:38 AM on July 9, 2007


From the FPP link:

“Quotefile!”
I am old enough to remember rec.arts.drwho. And to shudder at the very mention of its name.


Uh, rec.arts.drwho is still around. That's where I get my Who news, gossip, and backbiting. Yes, it's full of raving lunatics, including the legendary Yads, and a new brigade of homophobes. But r.a.dw was my first online forum for discussing Doctor Who (back in 1992!), and that's where I returned when the new series came along.

The Outpost Gallifrey site is badly formatted (the designer is unfamiliar with the concept of "white space") and their registration system is too complicated to deal with. I've never used their forums.

On r.a.dw, incidentally, they make fun of the OG forums for being full of uncritical RTD-worshipping sycophant fanbois who will never rate any episode lower than 8/10.
posted by Artifice_Eternity at 12:44 AM on July 9, 2007


My prediction for next year's season finale:

With the connivance of the British Prime Minister, an army of 1
quadrillion gay Daleks use the cell phone network to go back in time to destroy the universe before it begins.

But the Doctor magically jump-starts the Big Bang, by French-kissing Catherine Tate, who then makes a chavvy remark. Love conquers all! Humanity is saved, and everyone forgets the whole thing.
posted by Artifice_Eternity at 12:47 AM on July 9, 2007


Chuckles: "Unfortunately, there seems to be a hard core group who just love the awful melodrama, and I don't think it is going anywhere."

And one of that group is running the show.
posted by infidelpants at 9:13 AM on July 9, 2007


My prediction for next year's season finale:

With the connivance of the British Prime Minister, an army of 1
quadrillion gay Daleks use the cell phone network to go back in time to destroy the universe before it begins.

But the Doctor magically jump-starts the Big Bang, by French-kissing Catherine Tate, who then makes a chavvy remark. Love conquers all! Humanity is saved, and everyone forgets the whole thing.


Except that Catherine Tate doesn't play Donna this time around--she plays her identical cousin! Oh, and there's still at least one more slightly crazy Time Lord who inexplicably survived the destruction of Gallifrey, and the wrinkly face of another minor character from five billion years in the future warns the Doctor again, only he still doesn't get the message.
posted by Saellys at 1:17 PM on July 9, 2007 [1 favorite]


Except that Catherine Tate doesn't play Donna this time around--she plays her identical cousin!

Nope, she plays both! ; >
posted by amberglow at 1:28 PM on July 9, 2007


Brooker was spot on about Torchwood, the spin off I'd really like to see would be Swallow & Nightingale from Blink. Fantastic episode.
posted by drill_here_fore_seismics at 1:58 PM on July 9, 2007


And one of that group is running the show.

Indeed. He's an enormous asset and I really wish he'd go away. Steven Moffat FTW!
posted by Artw at 3:19 PM on July 9, 2007


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