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Without Breasts There Is No Paradise
July 9, 2007 11:01 PM   Subscribe

Without Breasts There Is No Paradise NBC wunderkind Ben Silverman's first new series is a Spanish-language soap opera called Sin Tetas No Hay Paraiso. It's about Catalina, a teenage prostitute seeking breast implants to win the heart of a cocaine smuggler, whom she hopes will free her from a live of poverty. Can a sweet young thing from a small town find happiness in a fast-paced world of easy money and drug trafficking?
posted by Yakuman (48 comments total) 2 users marked this as a favorite

 
I hope this follows Deal or No Deal.
posted by Stan Chin at 11:25 PM on July 9, 2007


He's gotten off to such a classy start.
posted by maryh at 11:27 PM on July 9, 2007


Um, I don't think "tetas" translates as "breasts," exactly...
posted by zoogleplex at 11:37 PM on July 9, 2007


Cocaine and breast-implants and teen-aged, latina prostitutes. Political correctness has most certainly died.

What a crap idea! If I came up with such an anti-feminist idea, I would be fired.

And then all of my female friends and relatives would track me down and kill me.

That sh^t might fly in Latin America, but it's just a social minefield on this side of the Rio Grande. Whoever this Silverman is, he's got to give up the cocaine, because it's Fred Phelps' people that are soon going to be gathering on his lawn in a minute and the rough justice won't go down well if he's still high.
posted by vhsiv at 11:42 PM on July 9, 2007


Um, I don't think "tetas" translates as "breasts," exactly...
posted by zoogleplex at 11:37 PM on July 9


Then what does it translate as, exactly?
posted by vacapinta at 11:42 PM on July 9, 2007


vhsiv writes "Political correctness has most certainly died."

About time ! I am politically offended by your lack of correctnes in poiting out the lack of political correctness ! Also , I speak with the dead !
posted by elpapacito at 11:44 PM on July 9, 2007


Put your butt in my mouth. And that's all I have to say about that.
posted by PostIronyIsNotaMyth at 11:53 PM on July 9, 2007


Then what does it translate as, exactly?

Vacapinta, try something starting with the same letter.

Anyway, why don't we discuss the inherent fallacy in the assumption that breast implants are somehow an improvement of the woman's breast?
posted by Laotic at 12:11 AM on July 10, 2007 [1 favorite]


What a crap idea! If I came up with such an anti-feminist idea, I would be fired.

As a staunch feminist I don't think that the concept is anti-feminist at all. It's an interesting and plausible story with great potential over time (which will probably be screwed up but hey.....). Women are just as diverse and worthy of examination in all their iterations as men, after all.
posted by fshgrl at 12:18 AM on July 10, 2007 [1 favorite]


Well, before we base this entire conversation over a very bait-ish description of the show, snippets of what I've seen on DailyMotion makes me think that the show could be another Nip/Tuck (could just be the opening credits) if done correctly. However, this promo on YouTube makes me think otherwise.

In any case, I don't think this will fly on a major network's advertisers. I doubt it will happen, on NBC at least.
posted by Stan Chin at 12:20 AM on July 10, 2007


Can a sweet young thing from a small town find happiness in a fast-paced world of easy money and drug trafficking?

I'm guessing "no".
posted by Avenger at 12:24 AM on July 10, 2007


Gustavo Bolivar Moreno (who wrote the book this soap is based on) is an investigative reporter "I have met 13-year-olds saving up surgery money specifically to reach their ultimate goal — a cocaine smuggler."
posted by adamvasco at 12:36 AM on July 10, 2007


You know how when you say a word over and over, just a single word or phrase, after awhile, it sounds like total gibberish? How, given time and repetition, the sound coming out of your mouth somehow separates itself from your consciousness and it's foreign, it's weird, it doesn't make sense?

Well, sometimes that's what late-night clickin' on Metafilter is like. You click and click and suddenly the very action of opening new windows has removed itself from your id, ego, the whole thing. Clickety click click. Look! A link your index finger just bounced twice opens a story about a television show with a mistranslated title that may or may not get made by a network corporation that you have no interest in, you never will, but your eyes take it in, it means nothing to anyone--and there goes your index finger again, clickety click clickeroo!
posted by _sirmissalot_ at 12:37 AM on July 10, 2007 [5 favorites]


Whoops, meant to say here's a pretty repesentative episode on Dailymotion, where you can basically get the entire gist of the show even if you don't understand the spanish. No, seriously, you really don't need to know what they're saying, even during the scene where the heroine gets tips on prostituting herself on the corner to a prospective drug lord, only to get the girl with the bigger boobs chosen over her.

To anybody who thinks this is a ridiculous show, NBC's Passions is a ridiculous show.
posted by Stan Chin at 12:38 AM on July 10, 2007


Stan Chin watches Passions.
posted by _sirmissalot_ at 12:42 AM on July 10, 2007 [1 favorite]


adamvasco-- it is definitely not an unfamiliar scene in many parts of the world. Tough economic situations in male-dominated societies leave few options for women.

"Louisa Burton was naturally ill-tempered and Cunning; but she had been taught to disguise her real Disposition, under the appearance of insinuating Sweetness, by a father who but too well knew that to be married would be the only chance she would have of not being starved, and who flattered himself that with such an extraordinary share of personal beauty, joined to a gentleness of Manners, and an engaging address, she might stand a good chance of pleasing some young Man who might afford to marry a Girl without a Shilling."
--Jane Austen, from "Lesley Castle"
posted by honest knave at 12:54 AM on July 10, 2007


But, but... Psychology Today told me why men want big-breasted blondes... surely that means that every woman on the planet should bleach her hair white and get implants.
posted by chuckdarwin at 1:20 AM on July 10, 2007


She comes from a poor single-parent family and her brother works as a hired killer for drug traffickers. The girl dreams of a life of luxury, but she is not bosomy enough to attract a wealthy pusher whom she can seduce into making her a pampered paramour.

Y'know... there's really just not enough squalor, moral or otherwise, in my life at the moment. I'll definitely be tuning in.
posted by psmealey at 1:51 AM on July 10, 2007


You know what I am going to do? I am going to bottle my outrage/curiousity/giggles/opinions until the show actually exists. Then when the show airs I am going to open that bottle and notice that is past its expiry date. I guess this is why I have never been staunch.
posted by srboisvert at 2:25 AM on July 10, 2007 [1 favorite]



But, but... Psychology Today told me why men want big-breasted blondes... surely that means that every woman on the planet should bleach her hair white and get implants.


Actually, it means that women who aren't naturally big-busted (and rail-thin at the same time) and blonde should just go out and kill themselves, because clearly appealing to the average man is the only thing a woman's good for. Cross-reference this to the Fark/Something Awful nerds who scream in impotent rage when they see a girl dressed in clothes she likes (e.g. a turtleneck) instead of clothes designed to display her body enough to give random male strangers erections.
posted by watsondog at 3:05 AM on July 10, 2007


That's a really awkward English title.
posted by Faint of Butt at 3:06 AM on July 10, 2007


Clearly, appealing to the average man (not to mention the average Fark/Something Awful nerd) is something no decent woman would want to do anyway.

So, it all kind of works out.
posted by psmealey at 3:09 AM on July 10, 2007


I like turtlenecks.
posted by Slithy_Tove at 3:19 AM on July 10, 2007


That's a really awkward English title.

Yeah, I'd go with "Honkers If You Love Jesus" or "Funbags Macht Frei."
posted by rob511 at 4:13 AM on July 10, 2007 [4 favorites]


She comes from a poor single-parent family and her brother works as a hired killer for drug traffickers.

Those drug traffickers aren't paying assassins like they used to.
posted by jonmc at 4:38 AM on July 10, 2007


I read the Variety article, but I still don't get it. Why is an NBC wunderkind creating shows for Telemundo? Or is it going to be broadcast on NBC, in which case why in Spanish?
posted by DU at 4:53 AM on July 10, 2007


Telemundo is part of the NBC/Universal/Bravo/TelevisionWithoutPity brand conglomerate. If one part owns your soul, the whole owns your soul.
posted by Dreama at 5:08 AM on July 10, 2007


I'm going to watch this show every week and jerk off to it.
posted by zorro astor at 6:01 AM on July 10, 2007


Anybody have any pics of the teen whore?
posted by zorro astor at 6:01 AM on July 10, 2007


Maria Adelaida Puerta's breasts are perfectly fine the way they are. check out the link under the pic for más.
posted by exlotuseater at 6:20 AM on July 10, 2007


*clicks exlotuseater's link*

¡Ay, mami mira!
posted by jonmc at 6:22 AM on July 10, 2007


If it's half as good as Latin Lovers I'm watching it.
posted by chunking express at 6:22 AM on July 10, 2007



I'm going to watch this show every week and jerk off to it.


Well, I think that sums this thread up quite nicely!
posted by From Bklyn at 6:24 AM on July 10, 2007


Telemundo is part of the NBC/Universal/Bravo/TelevisionWithoutPity brand conglomerate.

I gathered that much. What I'm delicately trying to ask without sounding racist, is why a wunderkind is delegated to Telemundo. I'm sure the star is rising fast on Latin TV, but can it hold a candle to the fat-assed English-only masses?
posted by DU at 6:33 AM on July 10, 2007


It should be followed up on the line-up by a show called Motorboating.
posted by SentientAI at 6:48 AM on July 10, 2007


Sorry, the links are here, and here, click under the pics for the galleries.
posted by exlotuseater at 7:04 AM on July 10, 2007


I think "No tits, no paradise" keeps more of the feel of the original.
posted by signal at 7:04 AM on July 10, 2007


But what about ass?
posted by Henry C. Mabuse at 7:30 AM on July 10, 2007 [1 favorite]


Haven't you been keeping up with stereotypes? She's Latina, so an ass is assumed.

And yeah, tetas is slang so tits would be a much better translation than breasts. Maybe that could be the new definition.

Implants == tits. Natural == breasts.
posted by Talanvor at 7:45 AM on July 10, 2007


American TV sucks.

I will watch 15 minutes of "Sabado Gigante" sometimes and just think about the panic "middle america" would go into if that was on one of the major networks here.

I still sometimes have to remind myself it was not a dream or hallucination that almost 1/2 of this 21st century technologically centered superpower LOST THEIR DAMN MINDS over seeing one of Janet Jackson's nipples for .7 seconds.

I can't help but believe that 10 years ago, it would have been just some sort of big joke, just "HAHA did you see her nipple! HAH!" instead of being some terroristic attack on the family.

Regarding Ben Silverman:

He is the executive producer of such shows as NBC's The Office, The Biggest Loser, and ABC's Ugly Betty, as well as several cable shows, including Nashville Star, on USA Network, 30 Days on FX, MTV's Parental Control and Date My Mom, Blow Out on Bravo, and House of Boateng on the Sundance Channel.

That's it? The Office is the only one of those that merits mention, and it is a port of a British show.

That's all it takes to be Chairman of NBC entertainment?

How in the world is Mark Burnett not already Chairman and CEO of CBS?
posted by Ynoxas at 7:48 AM on July 10, 2007


Ben Silverman: apparently not directly related to Fred Silverman
posted by Mcable at 8:01 AM on July 10, 2007


I will watch 15 minutes of "Sabado Gigante" sometimes and just think about the panic "middle america" would go into if that was on one of the major networks here.

What're you kidding me? I'm waiting for all of television to embrace the Telemundo aesthetic, mainly because the news story could be about 400 grandmothers going over a cliff in a flaming bus, but it will still be delivered by very sexy woman with her boobs barely contained by a tight black dress. I can just see it:

"Buena tarde, soy Lola Hotchacha. Nuestra primera historia: ¡Abuelas en Fuego!"
posted by jonmc at 8:22 AM on July 10, 2007 [4 favorites]


GAH WHAT AM I DOING IN THIS THREAD I WILL BE FIRED
posted by Baby_Balrog at 8:39 AM on July 10, 2007 [1 favorite]


the show could be another Nip/Tuck

That's supposed to be a compliment?
posted by papakwanz at 10:46 AM on July 10, 2007


the show could be another Nip/Tuck

That's supposed to be a compliment?
posted by papakwanz at 10:46 AM on July 10, 2007


What I'm delicately trying to ask without sounding racist, is why a wunderkind is delegated to Telemundo.

I gathered that a version would be developed for NBC, and another version for Telemundo. Different cast, and perhaps other differences; possibly more short, ugly Mexican men acting wacky around tall, buxom women in the Telemundo version. Just a guess.
posted by dammitjim at 2:01 PM on July 10, 2007


I watched some of the show, and came away unimpressed. What are they going to do when she gets the tits? You know at some point ratings will go down as the public gets bored with her boobs, and the producers will give her implants in a Very Special Episode, but then what? Another season of oggling her new wonderbags? And what happens if she still doesn't get the awesome cocaine smuggler boyfriend? Do you think they're going to explore the dissatisfaction a woman who undergoes cosmetic surgery might experience when the world doesn't start spinning around her after she goes under the knife?

Implants == tits. Natural == breasts

That's actually a really, really brilliant idea.
posted by Civil_Disobedient at 4:25 PM on July 10, 2007


Well, the operation has a lot of complications and it takes repeated surgery to get the desired results, but I think she ends up dying in the end from infection or something. It's a dark story.
posted by Electrius at 9:33 PM on July 10, 2007


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