Damn you for making me have to watch that yet again!!! posted by spotty_dog at 8:41 AM on July 12, 2007
We don't need no steenking badgers. posted by MtDewd at 8:46 AM on July 12, 2007 [1 favorite]
Wife's reaction: "Oh, they're cute!"
Not if one of them kicks in your door at 3am, they ain't. posted by WPW at 8:46 AM on July 12, 2007
Make friends with the Badger....
I think the Dead Milkmen did it. posted by SaintCynr at 8:47 AM on July 12, 2007
Liars. Operation Snake, It's A Snake, Ohhhh, It's A Snaaaake! went off just as planned. Jason Leopold told me all about it. posted by Pope Guilty at 8:51 AM on July 12, 2007
But several of the creatures, caught and killed by local farmers, have been identified by experts as honey badgers.
Oh, now the tables are turned! And just in time for lunch! posted by NationalKato at 8:53 AM on July 12, 2007
I think we can safely say Iraq surely is lost. posted by PHINC at 8:57 AM on July 12, 2007 [2 favorites]
I have seen those fucking badgers & they are angry. posted by Henry C. Mabuse at 8:57 AM on July 12, 2007
Metafilter: My husband hurried to shoot it but it was as swift as a deer. It is the size of a dog but his head is like a monkey. posted by es_de_bah at 9:02 AM on July 12, 2007
I ahve just now decided that I am going to write a 1970s-style exploitation film called Kung Fu Bitches, and the main character is going to be named Honey Badger. posted by Astro Zombie at 9:05 AM on July 12, 2007
I can categorically state that I have released a badger into my pants. Also, I am happy to see you. posted by Horace Rumpole at 9:09 AM on July 12, 2007
The badgers are not in Baghdad. My initial assessment is that all the humans will die. posted by DU at 9:09 AM on July 12, 2007
Jesus, you can't even climb a tree to escape those fuckers! What chance do we have? Why isn't science addressing this threat? I want Badger Missile Defense NOW! posted by NationalKato at 9:17 AM on July 12, 2007
I want one! I don't need any neighbors anyway! posted by davy at 9:17 AM on July 12, 2007
At this point in the war, when every single coalition strategy has failed, why the hell not try badgers? Or spider monkeys? Or fill several million water balloons with potent deli mustard with which to bombard the Sunni triangle like one big, sandy pastrami sandwich?
Any of these plans makes about as much sense as standing in the middle of a civil war and asking everyone to settle down. posted by EatTheWeak at 9:19 AM on July 12, 2007 [2 favorites]
potent deli mustard with which to bombard the Sunni triangle like one big, sandy pastrami sandwich?
Man, that would go great with some honey badgers right about now. posted by NationalKato at 9:24 AM on July 12, 2007 [1 favorite]
I neither confirm nor deny my location. posted by badger_flammable at 9:26 AM on July 12, 2007
Any of these plans makes about as much sense as standing in the middle of a civil war and asking everyone to settle down.
or better yet we could hang out in heavily armed forts, occasionally going out to blow shit up and give weapons and training to anyone that asks, while building massive strategic military bases and playing puppet-show with the "government."
and then send the badgers...
fucking badgers. posted by geos at 9:35 AM on July 12, 2007
When will the cover-ups end??? posted by boo_radley at 9:39 AM on July 12, 2007
These badgers will kick your ass. They kick the ass of lions. They are unstoppable, people. posted by Henry C. Mabuse at 9:41 AM on July 12, 2007
"People think I have got the power cause I've got the badgers. Nope. I've got the power because I'll let the badgers loose... they don't understand. They goddamn don't understand THAT... and they goddamn don't understand me. But that's okay. That's all right, see... cause people... they understand badgers."
"There is a bloody brave little animal in Africa called the honey badger. It may be the meanest animal in the world. It kills for malice and for sport and it does not go for the jugular--it goes straight for the groin. It has a lot in common with the modern American woman."
Robert Ruark
* Working from memory, I'm pretty sure this is paraphrased, but the book is out of print and this is the only quote I can find. posted by unrepentanthippie at 10:05 AM on July 12, 2007
Also: I never realized how well the Buffy theme song leant itself to a fast-paced chant of "Badgerbadgerbadgerbadgerbadgerbadger, Badgerbadgerbadgerbadgerbadgerbadger, Badgerbadgerbadgerbadgerbadgerbadger..." so thanks for that, caddis! posted by Alvy Ampersand at 10:10 AM on July 12, 2007
There it is... my day is now made. posted by AspectRatio at 10:11 AM on July 12, 2007
Those are the cutest badgers I have ever seen; my back yard longs for one of those badgers. posted by jamjam at 10:25 AM on July 12, 2007
One housewife, Suad Hassan, 30, claimed she had been attacked by one of the badgers as she slept.
Oh no, it's a mortar round! posted by Anything at 10:39 AM on July 12, 2007
"We can categorically state that we have not released man-eating badgers into the area."
(What could that possibly mean? Well, let's see..)
* We can also categorically state that we have not released zombies, pirates, ninjas, furries, killer clowns, disgruntled mimes, Ridlin riddled children, B-list celebrities, or Don Johnson into the area. Oh, and most other zoo animals.
* Badger-eating men however...
* What about pointed sticks? (Shaddup!)
* ...and when we state categorically, that is to say we made a statement and then reserve the right later to categorically deny said statement.
* We didn't release them. They escaped.
* There is no cause for alarm. By the way, anyone who sees a man-eating badger should report it immediately to the Missing Man-Eating Badgers Bureau. The reports that there actually are Missing Man-Eating Badgers in the area are largely untrue.
* We released them into an adjacent area, and they migrated of their own free will.
* We had intended on releasing man-eating badgers into areas that contained only women and children, but someone miscalculated, and said person has been eaten. Thank you. posted by ZachsMind at 10:54 AM on July 12, 2007 [1 favorite]
Buffalo badgers buffalo badgers badger badger buffalo badgers. posted by empath at 10:59 AM on July 12, 2007 [1 favorite]
* We can categorically state that we have not released man-eating badgers, because we speak English and have a functioning larynx. However, we are lying when we do so. posted by Horace Rumpole at 10:59 AM on July 12, 2007 [1 favorite]
That's why you Brits lose every war—you are afraid to unleash badger power on your foes! Operation: VoleStorm was an abject failure, and the Stoat Bombardment of aught six killed more friendlies than baddies! Your rodent-based warfare tactics are still mired in the 19th century. posted by Mister_A at 11:00 AM on July 12, 2007 [5 favorites]
Tsk, the BBC appears to be collective noun challenged. That would be, "Cete of Badgers." "Plague" = locusts. posted by PhiBetaKappa at 11:06 AM on July 12, 2007
If you can't respect the man, at least respect the badger... posted by 1f2frfbf at 11:09 AM on July 12, 2007
Remember, if you see a badger in the water, shout out "Cuidado! Alla es badgers!" posted by Devils Rancher at 11:16 AM on July 12, 2007
If ever cut an album, I'm calling it VoleStorm. posted by quin at 11:17 AM on July 12, 2007
My badgers, let me show you them. posted by elfgirl at 11:53 AM on July 12, 2007
Remember the man-eating tigers of Vietnam?
The man-eating badgers of Basra are just another illustration of how the war in Iraq is like the Vietnam war, only with a disturbingly malignant streak of surreal silliness. posted by jamjam at 11:53 AM on July 12, 2007 [1 favorite]
quin - that's going to need at least two umlauts. posted by longbaugh at 12:08 PM on July 12, 2007
First California steals the dairy state title from us, now Iraq's becoming the Badger State! What does that leave for Wisconsin? posted by drezdn at 12:19 PM on July 12, 2007
"We can categorically state that we have not released man-eating badgers into the area."
That is a very specific denial, which does not preclude the possibility that:
- they were the ones to start the badger rumors, perhaps to cut down on local's mobility at night
- they released badgers in nearby areas, with badger scent trails leading back to Basra posted by fairmettle at 12:28 PM on July 12, 2007
V214;LEST220;RM
When The Badgers Attack!
amazing guitar riff
'Twas Basra back in two thousand and seven,
That I first entered badger heaven,
Denied the chance to join the army,
The badgers rose up and went fucking barmy!
more wiggling guitar stuff
Erik, king of the honey badgers,
Kicked a terrorist in the nadgers,
Bit his wife and child as well,
Sent them all to badger hell!
pointless drum solo
Saddam was gone and the people riot,
The Army came to keep the quiet,
Americans stayed inside the bases,
Whilst badgers slashed Iraqi faces,
bassdriven headbanging bit
They nip your heels,
And slash your sack,
Watch your testes..... When the baaaaaaaaaaaadgers attack posted by longbaugh at 12:29 PM on July 12, 2007 [3 favorites]
shit... please to make the fixing of my umlauts. hope me I suck. posted by longbaugh at 12:31 PM on July 12, 2007
Cry "havoc" and let slip the dog of war!
Cry "havoc" and categorically deny having let slip the badgers of war! posted by lekvar at 12:38 PM on July 12, 2007
Longbaugh, you rule. posted by WPW at 12:39 PM on July 12, 2007
I have no idea how to fixing your umlauts. posted by cortex at 12:46 PM on July 12, 2007
Cortex, you did the rabbit song, are you up for this fresh challenge? posted by WPW at 12:48 PM on July 12, 2007
We remain firmly committed to clemency for badgers who have completed the "man-eating badger recovery program." The overall strategy cannot be judged by isolated incidents. It is important to stress that the general redicivism rate of this vital program is very low. This rehabilitation program has achieved "an acceptable level of violence," and is making satisfactory progress towards meeting the performance benchmarks that we have set. posted by soda pop at 1:43 PM on July 12, 2007
Well, they did go, like, 5-4-6 against France. posted by kirkaracha at 2:09 PM on July 12, 2007
So should I welcome our new man-eating badger overlords, or would that be just silly? posted by No Mutant Enemy at 6:32 AM on July 13, 2007
I bet I am the only one here who has actually been chased by a honey badger. It's true!
I lived in Zimbabwe for a year. I went to a game preserve on a five day trip while I was there. I was at this permanent camp that had a cookhouse and camp houses, which were made up of a cement pad with a roof surronded with hurricane fence. You had to sleep in the fence because if you didn't the hyenas would eat your face. Anyway, my friends and I had dinner around the fire and then were going to bed when I realized that I had left something at the fire. I went back to get it and found a honey badger scrounging for scraps. He made a bee-line right for me! It's true! He chased me back to my camp house and I closed the door just in time. I told my friends and they all laughed at my near death by badger saying things like, oh what were you afraid of, that he would nip your ankles? The bastards. Well he was pretty short, but he made this creepy grunty noise like mmp, mmp, mmmp, mmp as he chased me.
posted by clevershark at 8:35 AM on July 12, 2007