Comments on: Let Slip The Badgers of War

Let Slip The Badgers of War

WPW — Thu, 12 Jul 2007 08:32:36 -0800

Dateline Basra: "We can categorically state that we have not released man-eating badgers into the area."

By: clevershark

clevershark — Thu, 12 Jul 2007 08:35:26 -0800

Well, that's a relief!

By: fleetmouse

fleetmouse — Thu, 12 Jul 2007 08:35:54 -0800

mushroom, mushroom

By: steef

steef — Thu, 12 Jul 2007 08:37:17 -0800

Cry haddock!

By: hermitosis

hermitosis — Thu, 12 Jul 2007 08:39:30 -0800

"I did not have sex with that woman."

By: miss lynnster

miss lynnster — Thu, 12 Jul 2007 08:39:41 -0800

Someone had to do it.

By: spotty_dog

spotty_dog — Thu, 12 Jul 2007 08:41:50 -0800

mushroom, mushroom Damn you for making me have to watch that yet again!!!

By: MtDewd

MtDewd — Thu, 12 Jul 2007 08:46:08 -0800

We don't need no steenking badgers.

By: WPW

WPW — Thu, 12 Jul 2007 08:46:50 -0800

Wife's reaction: "Oh, they're cute!" Not if one of them kicks in your door at 3am, they ain't.

By: SaintCynr

SaintCynr — Thu, 12 Jul 2007 08:47:42 -0800

Make friends with the Badger.... I think the Dead Milkmen did it.

By: Pope Guilty

Pope Guilty — Thu, 12 Jul 2007 08:51:22 -0800

Liars. Operation Snake, It's A Snake, Ohhhh, It's A Snaaaake! went off just as planned. Jason Leopold told me all about it.

By: NationalKato

NationalKato — Thu, 12 Jul 2007 08:53:03 -0800

But several of the creatures, caught and killed by local farmers, have been identified by experts as honey badgers. Oh, now the tables are turned! And just in time for lunch!

By: grobstein

grobstein — Thu, 12 Jul 2007 08:53:35 -0800

I dunno, I remember reading an awful lot about Blue and Green Badgers lately.

By: prostyle

prostyle — Thu, 12 Jul 2007 08:54:39 -0800

This occasion calls for very special mushroom, befitting a man eating badger.

By: PHINC

PHINC — Thu, 12 Jul 2007 08:57:07 -0800

I think we can safely say Iraq surely is lost.

By: Henry C. Mabuse

Henry C. Mabuse — Thu, 12 Jul 2007 08:57:55 -0800

I have seen those fucking badgers & they are angry.

By: es_de_bah

es_de_bah — Thu, 12 Jul 2007 09:02:52 -0800

Metafilter: My husband hurried to shoot it but it was as swift as a deer. It is the size of a dog but his head is like a monkey.

By: Astro Zombie

Astro Zombie — Thu, 12 Jul 2007 09:05:26 -0800

I ahve just now decided that I am going to write a 1970s-style exploitation film called Kung Fu Bitches, and the main character is going to be named Honey Badger.

By: caddis

caddis — Thu, 12 Jul 2007 09:07:40 -0800

Go Badgers!

By: Horace Rumpole

Horace Rumpole — Thu, 12 Jul 2007 09:09:35 -0800

I can categorically state that I have released a badger into my pants. Also, I am happy to see you.

By: DU

DU — Thu, 12 Jul 2007 09:09:50 -0800

The badgers are not in Baghdad. My initial assessment is that all the humans will die.

By: davy

davy — Thu, 12 Jul 2007 09:11:10 -0800

These little cuties are dangerous? UH-OH.

By: caddis

caddis — Thu, 12 Jul 2007 09:14:16 -0800

Honey Badger

By: NationalKato

NationalKato — Thu, 12 Jul 2007 09:17:43 -0800

Jesus, you can't even climb a tree to escape those fuckers! What chance do we have? Why isn't science addressing this threat? I want Badger Missile Defense NOW!

By: davy

davy — Thu, 12 Jul 2007 09:17:55 -0800

I want one! I don't need any neighbors anyway!

By: EatTheWeak

EatTheWeak — Thu, 12 Jul 2007 09:19:39 -0800

At this point in the war, when every single coalition strategy has failed, why the hell not try badgers? Or spider monkeys? Or fill several million water balloons with potent deli mustard with which to bombard the Sunni triangle like one big, sandy pastrami sandwich? Any of these plans makes about as much sense as standing in the middle of a civil war and asking everyone to settle down.

By: NationalKato

NationalKato — Thu, 12 Jul 2007 09:24:56 -0800

potent deli mustard with which to bombard the Sunni triangle like one big, sandy pastrami sandwich? Man, that would go great with some honey badgers right about now.

By: badger_flammable

badger_flammable — Thu, 12 Jul 2007 09:26:07 -0800

I neither confirm nor deny my location.

By: blaneyphoto

blaneyphoto — Thu, 12 Jul 2007 09:29:11 -0800

Homer vs. Badger

By: InfidelZombie

InfidelZombie — Thu, 12 Jul 2007 09:29:12 -0800

No, no, the plan was to make a huge wooden badger, then wait until they fall asleep...

By: mr_crash_davis

mr_crash_davis — Thu, 12 Jul 2007 09:33:07 -0800

Badgers? We didn't release no stinking badgers!

By: geos

geos — Thu, 12 Jul 2007 09:35:21 -0800

Any of these plans makes about as much sense as standing in the middle of a civil war and asking everyone to settle down. or better yet we could hang out in heavily armed forts, occasionally going out to blow shit up and give weapons and training to anyone that asks, while building massive strategic military bases and playing puppet-show with the "government." and then send the badgers... fucking badgers.

By: boo_radley

boo_radley — Thu, 12 Jul 2007 09:39:15 -0800

When will the cover-ups end???

By: Henry C. Mabuse

Henry C. Mabuse — Thu, 12 Jul 2007 09:41:39 -0800

These badgers will kick your ass. They kick the ass of lions. They are unstoppable, people.

By: doctorschlock

doctorschlock — Thu, 12 Jul 2007 09:41:56 -0800

Badgers ripped my flesh!

By: Smart Dalek

Smart Dalek — Thu, 12 Jul 2007 09:46:07 -0800

"Look out! Those badgers are badgering!" "Someone should stop them, before they enter that building!" "Stop them? Their teeth are so terrifying, the way they tear apart everything-" "-Ooohhhhhhhaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhh!"

By: Henry C. Mabuse

Henry C. Mabuse — Thu, 12 Jul 2007 09:50:07 -0800

Zappa ref. FTW

By: Alvy Ampersand

Alvy Ampersand — Thu, 12 Jul 2007 10:05:16 -0800

"People think I have got the power cause I've got the badgers. Nope. I've got the power because I'll let the badgers loose... they don't understand. They goddamn don't understand THAT... and they goddamn don't understand me. But that's okay. That's all right, see... cause people... they understand badgers." God, I love badgers.

By: zeoslap

zeoslap — Thu, 12 Jul 2007 10:05:17 -0800

The British Badger is much cuter

By: unrepentanthippie

unrepentanthippie — Thu, 12 Jul 2007 10:05:17 -0800

"There is a bloody brave little animal in Africa called the honey badger. It may be the meanest animal in the world. It kills for malice and for sport and it does not go for the jugular--it goes straight for the groin. It has a lot in common with the modern American woman." Robert Ruark * Working from memory, I'm pretty sure this is paraphrased, but the book is out of print and this is the only quote I can find.

By: phaedon

phaedon — Thu, 12 Jul 2007 10:07:52 -0800

Man eating badgers causing controversy in New Jersey

By: Alvy Ampersand

Alvy Ampersand — Thu, 12 Jul 2007 10:10:18 -0800

Also: I never realized how well the Buffy theme song leant itself to a fast-paced chant of "Badgerbadgerbadgerbadgerbadgerbadger, Badgerbadgerbadgerbadgerbadgerbadger, Badgerbadgerbadgerbadgerbadgerbadger..." so thanks for that, caddis!

By: AspectRatio

AspectRatio — Thu, 12 Jul 2007 10:11:44 -0800

There it is... my day is now made.

By: jamjam

jamjam — Thu, 12 Jul 2007 10:25:47 -0800

Those are the cutest badgers I have ever seen; my back yard longs for one of those badgers.

By: pracowity

pracowity — Thu, 12 Jul 2007 10:27:16 -0800

One housewife, Suad Hassan, 30, claimed she had been attacked by one of the badgers as she slept. I object, your honor. She's witnessing the badger.

By: quin

quin — Thu, 12 Jul 2007 10:33:43 -0800

Finally, I get to deploy the dachshund assault team I've been training for the last three years. I told you we'd need them! Who's crazy now?

By: cerebus19

cerebus19 — Thu, 12 Jul 2007 10:35:24 -0800

This is the city: Basra, Iraq. I work here. My name's Friday. I carry a badger.

By: Anything

Anything — Thu, 12 Jul 2007 10:39:03 -0800

Badger badger badger badger badger badger badger... Oh no, it's a mortar round!

By: ZachsMind

ZachsMind — Thu, 12 Jul 2007 10:54:56 -0800

"We can categorically state that we have not released man-eating badgers into the area." (What could that possibly mean? Well, let's see..) * We can also categorically state that we have not released zombies, pirates, ninjas, furries, killer clowns, disgruntled mimes, Ridlin riddled children, B-list celebrities, or Don Johnson into the area. Oh, and most other zoo animals. * Badger-eating men however... * What about pointed sticks? (Shaddup!) * ...and when we state categorically, that is to say we made a statement and then reserve the right later to categorically deny said statement. * We didn't release them. They escaped. * There is no cause for alarm. By the way, anyone who sees a man-eating badger should report it immediately to the Missing Man-Eating Badgers Bureau. The reports that there actually are Missing Man-Eating Badgers in the area are largely untrue. * We released them into an adjacent area, and they migrated of their own free will. * We had intended on releasing man-eating badgers into areas that contained only women and children, but someone miscalculated, and said person has been eaten. Thank you.

By: empath

empath — Thu, 12 Jul 2007 10:59:24 -0800

Buffalo badgers buffalo badgers badger badger buffalo badgers.

By: Horace Rumpole

Horace Rumpole — Thu, 12 Jul 2007 10:59:42 -0800

* We can categorically state that we have not released man-eating badgers, because we speak English and have a functioning larynx. However, we are lying when we do so.

By: Mister_A

Mister_A — Thu, 12 Jul 2007 11:00:46 -0800

That's why you Brits lose every war—you are afraid to unleash badger power on your foes! Operation: VoleStorm was an abject failure, and the Stoat Bombardment of aught six killed more friendlies than baddies! Your rodent-based warfare tactics are still mired in the 19th century.

By: PhiBetaKappa

PhiBetaKappa — Thu, 12 Jul 2007 11:06:15 -0800

Tsk, the BBC appears to be collective noun challenged. That would be, "Cete of Badgers." "Plague" = locusts.

By: 1f2frfbf

1f2frfbf — Thu, 12 Jul 2007 11:09:51 -0800

If you can't respect the man, at least respect the badger...

By: Devils Rancher

Devils Rancher — Thu, 12 Jul 2007 11:16:06 -0800

Remember, if you see a badger in the water, shout out "Cuidado! Alla es badgers!"

By: quin

quin — Thu, 12 Jul 2007 11:17:02 -0800

If ever cut an album, I'm calling it VoleStorm.

By: elfgirl

elfgirl — Thu, 12 Jul 2007 11:53:07 -0800

My badgers, let me show you them.

By: jamjam

jamjam — Thu, 12 Jul 2007 11:53:51 -0800

Remember the man-eating tigers of Vietnam? The man-eating badgers of Basra are just another illustration of how the war in Iraq is like the Vietnam war, only with a disturbingly malignant streak of surreal silliness.

By: longbaugh

longbaugh — Thu, 12 Jul 2007 12:08:01 -0800

quin - that's going to need at least two umlauts.

By: drezdn

drezdn — Thu, 12 Jul 2007 12:19:34 -0800

First California steals the dairy state title from us, now Iraq's becoming the Badger State! What does that leave for Wisconsin?

By: caddis

caddis — Thu, 12 Jul 2007 12:24:22 -0800

Beer and brats.

By: fairmettle

fairmettle — Thu, 12 Jul 2007 12:28:15 -0800

"We can categorically state that we have not released man-eating badgers into the area." That is a very specific denial, which does not preclude the possibility that: - they were the ones to start the badger rumors, perhaps to cut down on local's mobility at night - they released badgers in nearby areas, with badger scent trails leading back to Basra

By: longbaugh

longbaugh — Thu, 12 Jul 2007 12:29:47 -0800

V214;LEST220;RM When The Badgers Attack! amazing guitar riff 'Twas Basra back in two thousand and seven, That I first entered badger heaven, Denied the chance to join the army, The badgers rose up and went fucking barmy! more wiggling guitar stuff Erik, king of the honey badgers, Kicked a terrorist in the nadgers, Bit his wife and child as well, Sent them all to badger hell! pointless drum solo Saddam was gone and the people riot, The Army came to keep the quiet, Americans stayed inside the bases, Whilst badgers slashed Iraqi faces, bassdriven headbanging bit They nip your heels, And slash your sack, Watch your testes..... When the baaaaaaaaaaaadgers attack

By: longbaugh

longbaugh — Thu, 12 Jul 2007 12:31:11 -0800

shit... please to make the fixing of my umlauts. hope me I suck.

By: lekvar

lekvar — Thu, 12 Jul 2007 12:38:51 -0800

~~Cry "havoc" and let slip the dog of war!~~ Cry "havoc" and categorically deny having let slip the badgers of war!

By: WPW

WPW — Thu, 12 Jul 2007 12:39:21 -0800

Longbaugh, you rule.

By: cortex

cortex — Thu, 12 Jul 2007 12:46:55 -0800

I have no idea how to fixing your umlauts.

By: WPW

WPW — Thu, 12 Jul 2007 12:48:23 -0800

Cortex, you did the rabbit song, are you up for this fresh challenge?

By: Mister_A

Mister_A — Thu, 12 Jul 2007 12:50:55 -0800

I promise this is not any kind of a Corey. TRFW (totally rad for work)

By: quin

quin — Thu, 12 Jul 2007 13:01:36 -0800

VöleStörm?

By: quin

quin — Thu, 12 Jul 2007 13:03:38 -0800

And who knew there was a wikipedia article on Heavy Metal umlauts? AKA 'Rock Dots'.

By: Devils Rancher

Devils Rancher — Thu, 12 Jul 2007 13:05:56 -0800

Ümlaüts Röck!

By: soda pop

soda pop — Thu, 12 Jul 2007 13:43:29 -0800

We remain firmly committed to clemency for badgers who have completed the "man-eating badger recovery program." The overall strategy cannot be judged by isolated incidents. It is important to stress that the general redicivism rate of this vital program is very low. This rehabilitation program has achieved "an acceptable level of violence," and is making satisfactory progress towards meeting the performance benchmarks that we have set.

By: kirkaracha

kirkaracha — Thu, 12 Jul 2007 14:09:36 -0800

Honey badgers defeat foxes and cobras. That's why you Brits lose every war Well, they did go, like, 5-4-6 against France.

By: No Mutant Enemy

No Mutant Enemy — Fri, 13 Jul 2007 06:32:10 -0800

So should I welcome our new man-eating badger overlords, or would that be just silly?

By: Belle O'Cosity

Belle O'Cosity — Fri, 13 Jul 2007 17:01:19 -0800

I bet I am the only one here who has actually been chased by a honey badger. It's true! I lived in Zimbabwe for a year. I went to a game preserve on a five day trip while I was there. I was at this permanent camp that had a cookhouse and camp houses, which were made up of a cement pad with a roof surronded with hurricane fence. You had to sleep in the fence because if you didn't the hyenas would eat your face. Anyway, my friends and I had dinner around the fire and then were going to bed when I realized that I had left something at the fire. I went back to get it and found a honey badger scrounging for scraps. He made a bee-line right for me! It's true! He chased me back to my camp house and I closed the door just in time. I told my friends and they all laughed at my near death by badger saying things like, oh what were you afraid of, that he would nip your ankles? The bastards. Well he was pretty short, but he made this creepy grunty noise like mmp, mmp, mmmp, mmp as he chased me. Honey Badger!