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Elvis Lives.
July 14, 2007 6:20 PM   Subscribe

Elvis Lives.
posted by sgt.serenity (34 comments total) 2 users marked this as a favorite

He lives in my belly, too. I had a bunch of those over the past week, They're real good.
posted by jonmc at 6:30 PM on July 14, 2007

posted by zeoslap at 6:32 PM on July 14, 2007

Elvis needs boats.
posted by docgonzo at 6:40 PM on July 14, 2007 [1 favorite]

It made for a great movie.
posted by ZachsMind at 6:45 PM on July 14, 2007

Another silence. Far across the marsh, I can see a bank of thunderheads coming our way. By now the pirogue is so snarled, we'll need a hoist to lift us clear. 'What I think, the writers got it wrong. They all followed Sam Phillips and said I was a white kid who sounded black, like that explained everything. But I never did sound black; I didn't even try to. What I really sounded was church. That's the first place I sung, First Assembly of God Pentecostal, back in Tupelo, when I wasn't but two years old. And then, in Memphis, gospel singers were always my idols. White church, coloured church, it didn't matter. Meet them offstage and they were just regular folks, but when the spirit hit them, they were lifted up. Transported.'

True or bunk, I love this image of church as a distinct sound that took people to some other place. Growing up Catholic in a California suburb meant church sounded like a strumming acoustic guitar and collective mumbling; the only place I was transported was the parking lot at the end. I have to say I wish that some part of my faith physically resounded as strongly within me as this person, whoever they are, claims to have felt.
posted by mdonley at 6:48 PM on July 14, 2007

Elvis died fighting an Egyptian mummy with a black JFK at his side.

Dammit, ZachsMind already said it, but it bears repeating.

posted by Cyrano at 6:54 PM on July 14, 2007 [3 favorites]

What a fine example of responsible journalism.
posted by item at 6:57 PM on July 14, 2007

"'They sell us fear, same way they sell cars or electric blankets. I was frightened most of my life, and I'll tell you this: fear will eat your soul, son. Sure as hell ate mine."

Bunk or baloney, I adore the ring of truth to this myth-take.

Upon 'preview' actually you said it better, Cyrano. I just linked to it. =)
posted by ZachsMind at 7:00 PM on July 14, 2007

Elvis: Ask not what your rest home can do for you. Ask what you can do for your rest home.
JFK: Hey, you're copying my best lines!
Elvis: Then let me paraphrase one of my own. Let's take care of business.
JFK: Just what are you getting at, Elvis?
Elvis: I think you know what I'm gettin' at Mr. President. We're gonna kill us a mummy.
posted by nola at 7:01 PM on July 14, 2007

Everybody's mostly joking, in here, but I want to thank you, sgt.serenity, because this piece of writing works like thunder! It's journalism and it's maybe bunkum throughout, but it's good, dammit.
posted by cgc373 at 7:04 PM on July 14, 2007

Well, the author also made up the story that brought us this. Better Elvis than the Bee Gees, I say.
posted by miss lynnster at 7:05 PM on July 14, 2007

I think the article's author missed an opportunity. If he had just written that Elvis was a Holocaust-denier, too, the headline could've been "Elvis lives, veils evils." How many chances do you get to write a four-word headline composed entirely of anagrams?
posted by cerebus19 at 7:08 PM on July 14, 2007 [5 favorites]

No. Elvis is Dead.
posted by quin at 7:09 PM on July 14, 2007

What a crap piece of fiction. Some of the dialogue was so bad it made my gums bleed.

'They sell us fear, same way they sell cars or electric blankets. Well, we're all afraid; that's the condition of being alive. '

Uh, yeah. That sounds like Elvis to me.
posted by turducken at 7:10 PM on July 14, 2007

Great, now I'm the jerk. Finger spasm = double mouse. Flagged.
posted by turducken at 7:12 PM on July 14, 2007


posted by item at 7:45 PM on July 14, 2007

Elvis Lives in Ypsilanti
posted by beelzbubba at 7:48 PM on July 14, 2007

So, I don't get it, this is some from the short fiction section of the Guardian or something?
posted by eurasian at 8:15 PM on July 14, 2007

I don't get it. Nice piece of writing, but for what? Is he riffing on his own history of making shit up?
It would've been better if it had been clearly labeled as fiction. And I second the opinion that Elvis wouldn't sound like that.
posted by bashos_frog at 8:30 PM on July 14, 2007



posted by ZachsMind at 8:32 PM on July 14, 2007

I just don't know about this.
posted by stavrosthewonderchicken at 8:53 PM on July 14, 2007

More often than not I'm surprised at how poorly published authors write.
posted by Ynoxas at 9:29 PM on July 14, 2007

Aww, he's making shit up, I think. I would be amused if someone dug up a real Jake Smith from Metairie displaced by Katrina, though.

I AM amused by the fact that I actually know a musician named Jake Smith who has a long pedigree with musicians and songwriters that must be seen as from the Nashville / Mephis school, which extends from Minneapolis down to New Orleans along the rivers. Cohn is far to knowledgeable about his subject to simply have riffed from whole cloth, and his nod to Minneapolitan Prince is no accident.

Jake, BTW, currently resides in the UK. Coinkydink?
posted by mwhybark at 9:36 PM on July 14, 2007

Commodore Elvis!
posted by docgonzo at 11:08 PM on July 14, 2007

I loved it. It was clever, touching and sad.

Thanks sgt.
posted by thatwhichfalls at 12:45 AM on July 15, 2007

Commodore Elvis!

The sailing Elvis, it is!
posted by stavrosthewonderchicken at 1:34 AM on July 15, 2007

I'm a Nik Cohn fan, and even I thought it sucked.

Besides, everyone knows that Elvis was reincarnated and lives in Liverpool.
posted by PeterMcDermott at 3:16 AM on July 15, 2007

Following the links up-thread I arrived at Kingtinued. What a jewel.

As for the article. It seems to me that the guy (Nick Cohn) was actually sent to interview that man, and he is reporting about that, I don't see the problem with that. I enjoyed the article, so thx, sgt. serenity.
posted by micayetoca at 7:59 AM on July 15, 2007

Peter Lorre isn't really dead either.
posted by juiceCake at 10:46 AM on July 15, 2007

The problem with articles on the Guardian/Observer website is that they lack pictures, or any kind of illustration. This means they often lack context that's necessary to make sense of something... Such as this article.

Personally I think the Guardian should get over the issue of paying extra for online repro of pics. I would love to visit their site more but I find reading one endless column of text nigh on impossible, even if I find the topic fascinating.
posted by humblepigeon at 1:03 PM on July 15, 2007

I think it's great fiction. It read well. I was entertained. And I now have this image in my mind of an old Elvis, a shadow of his former self but content in his current life, floating in a canoe in the stagnant water of a swampy bog, with a city slicker pencil neck geek alongside him. They's just floatin' in the stagnant water.

"So we're stuck?"

"Looks like." Elvis is nonplussed.

"What are we gonna do now?" asks the reporter.

"We sit tight and wait for my Claudette to come fetch us."

I'd rather my last image of Elvis be that, as opposed to the image I've had since childhood of a bloated whale with half of his gastrointestinal tract and his head in a hotel toilet bowl.

We envision him at the Circle K hanging with Lennon and Hendrix. We do this because we want to rewrite the ending, or maybe we don't want there to be an ending. If there must be an ending, we don't want it to be what it was. We hope better for these guys than what they got. As if we have any say in it.

It's how we play God. In our heads. Armchair quarterbacks of the universe. I wish I could write something this good in honor of Janis Joplin. I've never done it. I'm not this good.
posted by ZachsMind at 5:22 PM on July 15, 2007

We do this because we want to rewrite the ending, or maybe we don't want there to be an ending. If there must be an ending, we don't want it to be what it was.

I think we also don't want to know what the ending is...we invent better endings in our mind, so we can have that little bit of uncertainty, so we can go, "Well, you never know..." and uncertainty can never die.
posted by Snyder at 6:21 PM on July 15, 2007

We do this because we want to rewrite the ending, or maybe we don't want there to be an ending. If there must be an ending, we don't want it to be what it was. We hope better for these guys than what they got.

What does it say about us that so many rewrites involve aliens?
posted by Tehanu at 8:28 PM on July 15, 2007

Aliens are a God stand-in. They occupy the same mental space for many people. Also, they're a viable deus ex machina.
posted by Snyder at 12:58 PM on July 16, 2007

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