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July 16, 2007 10:54 AM   Subscribe

Home Made Sex Doll. Enough said, really. NSFW.
posted by parmanparman (88 comments total) 8 users marked this as a favorite

 
Fuck me.
posted by psmealey at 10:55 AM on July 16, 2007 [1 favorite]


What the fuck?
posted by Skygazer at 10:59 AM on July 16, 2007


Fucking fuck fuck
posted by Henry C. Mabuse at 11:00 AM on July 16, 2007


Miss Right looks eerily like a Mister Right.
posted by liquorice at 11:00 AM on July 16, 2007 [1 favorite]


Hott.

Anyone else think the finished products resemble the original Romero zombies from Dawn of the Dead? I'm not sure if this makes it more or less awesome.
posted by slimepuppy at 11:02 AM on July 16, 2007


It makes it more awesome, of course. Sheesh.
posted by Henry C. Mabuse at 11:04 AM on July 16, 2007 [1 favorite]


Is anyone else bothered by the fact these dolls have two right hands?
posted by psmealey at 11:07 AM on July 16, 2007


Is this something I'd need a can of Crisco(R) to understand?
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 11:10 AM on July 16, 2007


Wow..... just wow.
posted by spotty_dog at 11:12 AM on July 16, 2007


Those vagina feet are just fucking odd.
posted by ClanvidHorse at 11:12 AM on July 16, 2007 [1 favorite]


"...because fucking a decapitated head would be creepy."
posted by kirkaracha at 11:19 AM on July 16, 2007


Who knew the uncanny valley was so hot?
posted by Astro Zombie at 11:20 AM on July 16, 2007 [3 favorites]


Quite a few useful tips in this article.
posted by Turtles all the way down at 11:25 AM on July 16, 2007 [2 favorites]


The finishing touch would be to hot-glue fake fur all over these.
posted by adamrice at 11:29 AM on July 16, 2007 [4 favorites]


I used to work for a porn/sex toy distributor, so, while I'm not an authority on the subject,, I do have some things to add.

a) All the components on these dolls are going to get VERY nasty indeed within a short period of time. Cyberskin has a tendency to break down when placed in contact with pretty much any other plastic (like the mannequin body) and will eventually deteriorate on its own, leaving a trail of foul smelling chemical slime in its wake. The non-cyberskin rubber is not much better, though it won't break down the same way. It still secretes disgusting oily ooze that isn't really good for you to be sticking your business in (or sticking in your business, I DON'T WANT TO KNOW.)

b) Asses: There aren’t any complete tushes that we’re aware of

He didn't look hard enough. I know we sold a variety of asses, including a complete casting of Nina Hartley's ass and vagina.

c) For the cost of those components, which would run into the hundreds of dollars, one could obtain a sex doll with a similar set of components set into an inflatable doll. There was a Chasey Lain model that I remember in particular that had a full mannequin head with a battery operated tongue and creepy rubber hands and feet.
posted by louche mustachio at 11:30 AM on July 16, 2007 [2 favorites]


MetaFilter: Make sure you’re really getting breasts modeled from a real woman, otherwise they will probably not be life-sized.
posted by Firas at 11:31 AM on July 16, 2007 [1 favorite]


b-b-battery op-op-operated toungue? The mind boggles.

Do any of these have a pull chord operated voice? "Math is hard! Oh, wait, you're hard!"
posted by maxwelton at 11:35 AM on July 16, 2007 [5 favorites]


I was hoping for something that involved a fifty year old arc welder, some soggy driftwood, a crusty oil barrel, naptha, steel wool and powdered aluminum.
posted by prostyle at 11:37 AM on July 16, 2007 [3 favorites]


Pfft, all you really need are scissors, a couple of wire hangers, duct tape, some couch cushions and a wet/dry vac.

You may want to get your mom or dad to help you with cutting the necessary holes in the couch cushions...
posted by Alvy Ampersand at 11:38 AM on July 16, 2007


I used to work for a porn/sex toy distributor...

We can just use IANAP/STD for short from now on then.
posted by Sk4n at 11:39 AM on July 16, 2007 [1 favorite]


You could sell a lot of those in Germany.
posted by Mayor Curley at 11:39 AM on July 16, 2007


I said STD, heh, heh...
posted by Sk4n at 11:40 AM on July 16, 2007


maxwelton, don't lie: you wrote dialog for Star Wars didn't you?
posted by Firas at 11:40 AM on July 16, 2007 [3 favorites]


You kids with the batteries and technology. What ever happened to using seedless melons?
posted by tkchrist at 11:40 AM on July 16, 2007 [2 favorites]


Metafilter: we sold a variety of asses.

I am so sorry...
posted by DreamerFi at 11:40 AM on July 16, 2007


Metafilter: we sold a variety of asses

Fixed that for you.
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 11:48 AM on July 16, 2007 [12 favorites]


I am not a porn/sex toy distributor, but I pretend to be one on the internets.
posted by Henry C. Mabuse at 11:50 AM on July 16, 2007


Creepy! Very creepy!
posted by homodigitalis at 11:51 AM on July 16, 2007


MetaFilter: Here's me with an unintentional look of shock on my face.
posted by phaedon at 11:51 AM on July 16, 2007


Fist!...

I mean...
posted by Wonderwoman at 11:55 AM on July 16, 2007


Davecat and his friends don't let people who make these sit at their lunch table.
posted by solipsophistocracy at 12:03 PM on July 16, 2007 [2 favorites]


battery operated tongue- does that taste like a 9V battery?
posted by MtDewd at 12:09 PM on July 16, 2007 [4 favorites]


I think I'm more disturbed by the Popcorn Pocket Pussy, if only because I can be reasonably sure that people won't be bringing their Frankensluts to the theater and sitting next to me during Ratatoullie.
posted by L. Fitzgerald Sjoberg at 12:25 PM on July 16, 2007 [4 favorites]


This post has evoked intense feelings in me. Strange, new, exciting feelings.
posted by milarepa at 12:25 PM on July 16, 2007


Sex Dolls for Dogs.
posted by phaedon at 12:29 PM on July 16, 2007


I'm afraid they left out one key component of this project (SFW).
posted by FelliniBlank at 12:32 PM on July 16, 2007


Sex Dolls for Dogs.

Is it me, or is that spaniel having carnal relations with Chelveston the duck?
posted by FelliniBlank at 12:36 PM on July 16, 2007


via.
posted by Ambrosia Voyeur at 12:39 PM on July 16, 2007


I've had one of these for years. Her name is Hanes, which I admit isn't as sexy as other female names, but it is written right there on her cottony, white skin. And after all these years, she hasn't lost a bit of her elastic form. Ahhh, Miss Hanes, you dirty girl.
posted by NationalKato at 12:42 PM on July 16, 2007 [1 favorite]


Firas, un-un-uncredited, alas.
posted by maxwelton at 12:43 PM on July 16, 2007


You kids with the batteries and technology. What ever happened to using seedless melons?

You would deny mefites their fruitless lovelives?
posted by srboisvert at 1:04 PM on July 16, 2007 [1 favorite]


I doubt that these dolls can accomplish anything that a starved dog and a jar of Skippy can't.
posted by The Straightener at 1:06 PM on July 16, 2007 [2 favorites]


I WILL NEVER, EVER, EVER GO TO THE MOVIES AGAIN without one of these
posted by b_thinky at 1:11 PM on July 16, 2007


It must be said: DO NOT WANT
posted by GuyZero at 1:34 PM on July 16, 2007 [1 favorite]


I'd hit it.
posted by Astro Zombie at 2:03 PM on July 16, 2007


Those vagina feet are just fucking odd.

Don't pussyfoot around, tell us how you feel.
posted by jonmc at 2:05 PM on July 16, 2007 [3 favorites]


One: cut a hole in the popcorn tub
Two: put your junk in that popcorn tub
Three: make her open the popcorn tub

And that's the way you do it...
posted by asuprenant at 2:32 PM on July 16, 2007 [2 favorites]


I think I'm more disturbed by the Popcorn Pocket Pussy, if only because I can be reasonably sure that people won't be bringing their Frankensluts to the theater and sitting next to me during Ratatoullie.

Oh lord - the M&M's screaming on that tub of popcorn are both relevant and hilarious.
posted by TypographicalError at 2:38 PM on July 16, 2007 [3 favorites]


The Straightener - I doubt that these dolls can accomplish anything that a starved dog and a jar of Skippy can't.

But the odds of having your Johnson bitten off are much much lower with the Frankenslut.
posted by porpoise at 2:53 PM on July 16, 2007


Yunno, being able to inconspicuously stick your monkey into a popcorn tub and being able to inconspicuously thrust your monkey into a popcorn tub are two entirely different things.

Back to the sextoy guerrilla drawing boards, Pee-wee.
posted by dgaicun at 2:55 PM on July 16, 2007 [1 favorite]


Metafilter: the odds of having your Johnson bitten off are much much lower with the Frankenslut.
posted by rdone at 3:15 PM on July 16, 2007 [3 favorites]


Okay if you're gonna spend this much time and money in making a fake whore, just save up your money and get a real one.

Maybe this would be sexually stimulating for engineers who spend their time building stuff anyway. To me this just looks like work. Asking a girl out on a date sounds a lot easier, and less expensive. Although admittedly it's not so much a sure thing.

So. Okay. This is for engineers with no social skills. Am I getting warm?
posted by ZachsMind at 3:29 PM on July 16, 2007


Oh come on ZachsMind. I've never used anything like an artificial vagina much less an artificial body (unless you're talking about Aunt Palm and her five daughters &c.) but although you may have a point about getting a 'real whore', a realdoll doesn't compare to fucking an actual person in terms of the rational choices one makes to get to either end (that is to say they're hardly substitutes in terms of the -- excuse the phrase -- barrier to entry.) Real girls need at least some cognitive attention to their person beyond their use as orifices. It's a whole different ball game so to speak. It's disingenous to pretend otherwise.
posted by Firas at 4:00 PM on July 16, 2007 [1 favorite]


I don't think they'll ever form the close relationships with their mannequins that these men do with their Real Dolls.
posted by The corpse in the library at 4:05 PM on July 16, 2007


So is it just me or has Metafilter become Sex Doll Links HQ for the internet?

not that I'm complaining, mind you
posted by Avenger at 4:11 PM on July 16, 2007


"We tried to rebuild the sex doll but we had no frame of reference really...."
posted by PHINC at 4:19 PM on July 16, 2007


That's way more than mildly disturbing.
posted by ninjew at 4:56 PM on July 16, 2007


Those who know me will understand the gravity of this statement:

I have absolutely no words to describe my reaction to this.
posted by dirtynumbangelboy at 5:00 PM on July 16, 2007 [3 favorites]


Metafilter: Because even Fark requires greenlighting.

Seriously, is this the best we can do now?
posted by FormlessOne at 5:34 PM on July 16, 2007


One of the strangest sex toy mutations we’ve ever seen is a masturbator shaped like a woman’s foot, with a fuckable vagina on the sole. Yes, a vagina on the sole of the foot.

I think it might even be accurate to state that I have never conceived of a vagina being located any other place than where one usually finds them located.

A vagina in a foot? There is a strange genius to that sort of thinking. It is, in my opinion, a truly brilliant idea.

Still, I'm glad it wasn't my idea.
posted by five fresh fish at 6:40 PM on July 16, 2007


The final product looks sort of like how I imagine the first-generation sexbots will look like. Except they'll have visor eyes!
posted by maus at 6:40 PM on July 16, 2007


I have absolutely no words to describe my reaction to this.

Not even... "Meh."?
posted by ROU_Xenophobe at 6:45 PM on July 16, 2007


One of the strangest sex toy mutations we’ve ever seen is a masturbator shaped like a woman’s foot, with a fuckable vagina on the sole.

Be the first on your block to fuck the stigmata!
posted by lekvar at 7:26 PM on July 16, 2007 [3 favorites]


I don't think they'll ever form the close relationships with their mannequins that these men do with their Real Dolls.
posted by The corpse in the library at 7:05 PM on July 16 [+] [!]


That was one of the saddest things I have ever seen. I couldn't even sit through it all.
posted by Julnyes at 7:34 PM on July 16, 2007


The facial expressions on Mr & Ms Right are terrific. They look appalled, horrified even, as if to say, 'NO WAY, you've gotta be fucking kidding'
posted by mattoxic at 7:47 PM on July 16, 2007


with a fuckable vagina on the sole.

I can't reduce the list to just one pun.
posted by OrangeDrink at 7:51 PM on July 16, 2007 [1 favorite]


You kids with the batteries and technology. What ever happened to using seedless melons?

They've got instructions for that as well.
posted by jefbla at 7:51 PM on July 16, 2007 [1 favorite]


Vaginas would be better on walls and furniture than feet. One could have a Vagina Wall and invite friends over.

And that brief second or so that I dared to glimpse at that mannequin was enough to burn the image into my brain. Damn you!
posted by Burhanistan at 8:28 PM on July 16, 2007


These are (metaphorically) screaming for stop-motion animation.
posted by Kickstart70 at 8:30 PM on July 16, 2007


Sounds like Hate Song is on-topic once again. Bagina! (NSFW, obviously)
posted by anthill at 8:37 PM on July 16, 2007


The facial expressions on Mr & Ms Right are terrific. They look appalled, horrified even, as if to say, 'NO WAY, you've gotta be fucking kidding'

WE WERE NEVER MEANT TO BE!
posted by 235w103 at 9:09 PM on July 16, 2007


five fresh fish - the nerve connections of the body map to specific anatomic parts of the brain re: the cortical homunculus*.

Interestingly, the nerve connections from the genitals are very very close to the areas from the feet; some speculate that this jjuxtaposition of wiring gives rise to foot fetishism in some people.

And I got my first (that I know of) "Metafilter: xxx"

*One of the things that really fascinates me is that if one loses a finger to, say, an accident, the adjacent fingers become more sensitive and the corresponding brain regions "take over" the region that the lost finger takes up (which has been pretty authoritatively proven in non-human primate experiments, also). I've heard anecdotes of para- and quadra-palegic people who lose sensitivity below the waist and subsequently develop hyper-erotic nipples - which would be consistent with the degree of plasticity that the human brain is capable of.

Er... Go Self Inanimate Love!
posted by porpoise at 9:18 PM on July 16, 2007


Metafilter: Who knew the uncanny valley was so hot?
posted by Many bubbles at 10:16 PM on July 16, 2007


And imagine trying to sneak the popcorn into the theater, with their general discouragement of outside food. "Oh, no--this isn't for eating, it's for fucking."
posted by Many bubbles at 10:23 PM on July 16, 2007 [4 favorites]


This is an icky fpp.
posted by From Bklyn at 12:11 AM on July 17, 2007


Anticipation.
posted by louche mustachio at 1:03 AM on July 17, 2007


What ever happened to using seedless melons?

they're not seedless if you reuse them
posted by pyramid termite at 1:40 AM on July 17, 2007


They have the Borat fist!
posted by roygbv at 3:11 AM on July 17, 2007


I know it's already been said but... THAT FOOT HAS A VAGINA!!!!!!!!!!
posted by The Monkey at 3:30 AM on July 17, 2007


Oh my god.
posted by sveskemus at 4:41 AM on July 17, 2007


Popcorn Pussy's got nothing on Dick in a Box.

One of the strangest sex toy mutations we’ve ever seen is a masturbator shaped like a woman’s foot, with a fuckable vagina on the sole.

They call it the "Cronenberg Special".
posted by mkultra at 8:08 AM on July 17, 2007 [3 favorites]


Does anyone else think the "DIY flashlight sex toy" on the sidebar is not worth the trouble?

The whole idea of the Lay's potato chip can as a homemade fleshlight is just not going to work because #1) It looks silly, not sexy, and #2) real Lay's would be devoured in 5 nanoseconds. Your can-o-love could be discovered by a buddy with the munchies, negating the benefit of having a supersecret sex toy in a special hidey place. Of course, if you have a homemade sex doll in the closet, you're probably not worried about about that kind of thing.

Flashlights are much more sexy.
posted by vewystwange at 6:32 PM on July 17, 2007


If desired, use a pink or red marker to draw a vagina or lips on the foam around the center hole before covering the foam with the condom.

Yeah right, like he usually doesn't just run upstairs and borrow his mom's lipstick.
posted by Alvy Ampersand at 8:16 PM on July 17, 2007


I simply can't imagine a self-service hand job not fulfilling the function perfectly well.
posted by five fresh fish at 8:30 PM on July 17, 2007 [2 favorites]




This is probably the funniest picture I've seen in awhile.
posted by tehloki at 1:48 PM on July 18, 2007


I mean, a mustache? But WHY?
posted by tehloki at 1:48 PM on July 18, 2007


We did find a smaller female fist, and some Cyberskin hands for jerking off. What the hell is the point of the cyberskin hands? The only thing I could think of is they're for using on guys you wouldn't touch with a ten foot pole.
posted by Mitheral at 4:13 PM on July 18, 2007


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