Have too much money?
July 16, 2007 3:04 PM   Subscribe

Do all your friends already own yachts? Perhaps you should consider getting a luxury submarine.
posted by pantsrobot (38 comments total) 5 users marked this as a favorite

 
Just try not to excite the dolphins.
posted by Manjusri at 3:07 PM on July 16, 2007


"Dolphins are easily excited when they sense people making love," Jones says. "They get jealous and bang their noses against the window."

posted by YoBananaBoy at 3:11 PM on July 16, 2007


It’s spelt “Luxury Submarine” but it’s pronounced completely differently.
posted by Smedleyman at 3:13 PM on July 16, 2007


Now I know what the Beatles meant by "sea of green".
posted by kuujjuarapik at 3:22 PM on July 16, 2007


I saw a couple of those articles when I was looking for more submarine links but it looks like they either copied or quoted the Bloomberg text. Why don't those other papers have someone dedicated to covering the excesses of the rich and famous? This is an oversight that must be corrected!
posted by pantsrobot at 3:23 PM on July 16, 2007


None of my friends have yachts, but I've always wanted a personal sub. Plus an island with an underground sub base. And the island would be populated by Utahraptors. With rocket launchers.
posted by brundlefly at 3:24 PM on July 16, 2007


Man, I remember seeing a writeup on that US Subs Phoenix years ago, and I lusted for it as intensely then as I do now. I would have them customize my sub to look exactly like the Nautilus, complete with pipe organ and Peter Lorre sidekick.

Besides getting way cool stuff for my friends and saving the world, it seems to be that THIS would be the main motivator for being a gazillionaire. Thanks so much for the post!
posted by dbiedny at 3:24 PM on July 16, 2007 [1 favorite]


Don't point that gun at him, he's an unpaid intern.
posted by phaedon at 3:27 PM on July 16, 2007


I thought the authors made up all that Hagbard Celine stuff. Guess not.
posted by Electrius at 3:31 PM on July 16, 2007 [1 favorite]


1500 sq ft? That's a lot of cocaine. Surely a less-than-scrupulous ship builder would never make a stripped version of this submarine.
posted by geoff. at 3:40 PM on July 16, 2007



"Dolphins are easily excited when they sense people making love," Jones says. "They get jealous and bang their noses against the window."


Heeey! Me too! Oh... "noses." No. I don't bang my nose.
posted by tkchrist at 3:40 PM on July 16, 2007


DO NOT WANT.
posted by everichon at 4:06 PM on July 16, 2007


I am glad that when people finally acquired supervillany levels of wealth, they opt out of torpedo tubes on their subs.
posted by absalom at 4:12 PM on July 16, 2007 [1 favorite]


If I had that much money, I would definitely get my own sub. Also: a secret lair inside a hollowed out volcano.
posted by Astro Zombie at 4:22 PM on July 16, 2007


Tom Perkins'* high-tech yacht, Maltese Falcon.

'Mine's Bigger.

'My other car is a Hummer!!!
posted by ericb at 4:25 PM on July 16, 2007


Screw being a writer, I'm starting a hedge fund so that I can afford one of those!

what's a hedge fund and how do I go about starting one, anyway?
posted by Kattullus at 4:34 PM on July 16, 2007 [1 favorite]


Yeah, sure, you can buy one, but then the henchmen will nickel-and-dime you to death.
posted by dhartung at 4:36 PM on July 16, 2007 [1 favorite]


Whoa. This is 100% Villian-spec cockpit. Holy crap. Just look at all those buttons and dials and blinky screens. There are even 2 big red don't-fuck-with-that buttons.
posted by ninjew at 4:37 PM on July 16, 2007


what's a hedge fund and how do I go about starting one, anyway?

You'll need a long, thin strip of soil - perhaps along the front of your property - and some seedlings. For maximum returns, I recommend you plant cannabis or coca.
posted by UbuRoivas at 4:38 PM on July 16, 2007


le sigh...

Next on my list of pre-complete-and-unchallenged-world-domination start up costs...
posted by Samizdata at 4:38 PM on July 16, 2007


Now people can start joining the "mile-low" club.
posted by kisch mokusch at 4:52 PM on July 16, 2007


That sounds like a fun way to get the bends.
posted by UbuRoivas at 5:26 PM on July 16, 2007


I prefer my yacht. The sun is so much nicer on deck. Oh, another Pina Colada? O.K. Ahhhh. Please, a little more sunscreen between the shoulder blades.....mmmmm.

Smithers, release the depth charges.
posted by caddis at 5:42 PM on July 16, 2007


Oh lord, won't you buy me a luxury sub.
My friends all have yachts, won't let me in their club
Don't need nothing posh, just a gym and hot tub
Oh lord, won't you buy me a luxury sub.
posted by anthill at 6:00 PM on July 16, 2007


I must be dense. There must be some reason you're posting a dupe, one year to the day.
posted by Deathalicious at 6:01 PM on July 16, 2007


"Around 100 luxury submarines are believed to be submerged in the world's oceans, but it is not known who owns the majority of these undersea palaces."

What the hell, when did the world turn into a Bond flick?
posted by BlackLeotardFront at 6:08 PM on July 16, 2007


"Around 100 luxury submarines are believed to be submerged in the world's oceans, but it is not known who owns the majority of these undersea palaces."

Curses! Now I will have to push the red self-destruct button! I'd have gotten away, too, if it weren't for those meddling mefites...
posted by misha at 6:35 PM on July 16, 2007 [1 favorite]


And here I am piloting just a regular personal submarine, like BOOB!
posted by DU at 6:37 PM on July 16, 2007


ArtOrPorn was all over this five years ago. Or you could save a few dollars by renovating your own.
posted by squalor at 9:01 PM on July 16, 2007


Captain Nemo's got you'll beat by decades.

So whatcha gonna do with your luxury sub, eh?

<wants personal sub>

lack of close tag not non-intentional
posted by porpoise at 9:29 PM on July 16, 2007


Just this morning I was asked what would be on my eccentric-billionaire shopping list. Personal submarine was item 1. Hovercraft was item 2, if I wanted to be "that guy" and seamlessly ride in from my private island to the grocery store.
posted by djb at 9:50 PM on July 16, 2007


Whoa. This is 100% Villian-spec cockpit. Holy crap. Just look at all those buttons and dials and blinky screens. There are even 2 big red don't-fuck-with-that buttons.

And the seat in front of the console is made of Robocop.
posted by Foosnark at 6:28 AM on July 17, 2007


brundlefly - I’ve always wanted to be a henchman for an evil genius. What kind of dental plan are we talking? (Also, do I need my own gimmicky lethal device or would the company reemburse me for say a throwing hat or lighter/pen/cigarette case that transforms into a silenced pistol?)

Y’know, the Celine thing is actually pretty on target....I probably shouldn’t mention this...nah, fuggit: it’d be a waste to smuggle cocaine on a sub like this. There are many other more valuable illegal or quasi-legal substances on a pound for pound basis that is more efficient to smuggle because there aren’ massive controls set against them. Governments don’t fund heavily against trafficking in truffles, for example. Big, big grey market in truffles (I think less than 5 percent of all truffles are sold openly). You probably could make a hefty chunk of change. Not that I’m advocating a life of crime.
posted by Smedleyman at 10:52 AM on July 17, 2007


Big, big grey market in truffles (I think less than 5 percent of all truffles are sold openly).

Oh. You don't know the truffles I've seen. Truffle is my middle name. My favorite movie is Big Truffle in Little China.
posted by tkchrist at 11:05 AM on July 17, 2007 [1 favorite]


brundlefly - I’ve always wanted to be a henchman for an evil genius. What kind of dental plan are we talking? (Also, do I need my own gimmicky lethal device or would the company reemburse me for say a throwing hat or lighter/pen/cigarette case that transforms into a silenced pistol?)

Why don't we go with the solid steel teeth and kill two birds with one stone?
posted by brundlefly at 1:50 PM on July 17, 2007


Smedleyman, you do realise that unless you're incredibly hot looking or able to totally change to the other side with a convincing backstory, you will die painfully, or even dismissively, at some stage?

I was surprised to see the estimated sub price was *only* $78 million. If I was a billionaire, I would be first in line for the biggest one of them.

Though a renovated Whisky-class soviet sub would be more fun if it came with torpedoes.
posted by wilful at 6:41 PM on July 17, 2007


Smedleyman, you do realise that unless you're incredibly hot looking or able to totally change to the other side with a convincing backstory, you will die painfully, or even dismissively, at some stage?

Not if you have the dental plan. Once he gets those metal teeth, he's golden. He'll live through the sequels and everything.
posted by misha at 8:22 PM on July 17, 2007 [1 favorite]


I'd also like a stealh catamaran. And a stealth cat, to pilot said boat.
posted by oxford blue at 9:47 PM on July 17, 2007


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