Step 2— A power greater than ourselves?

July 18, 2007 3:22 PM

So now we can all stop, right?A brief catalog of Bloglish clichés from Gawker.
posted by klangklangston (126 comments total)

New clichés can be readily adopted from whatevs.org.
posted by klangklangston at 3:24 PM on July 18, 2007 [1 favorite has favorites]

Well, that's that then. Let's fold up the tent and call it a day. Eight years isn't bad.
posted by papercake at 3:27 PM on July 18, 2007 [1 favorite has favorites]

I, for one, welcome our new Gawker Overlords..
posted by doctor_negative at 3:30 PM on July 18, 2007

None of these things listed in the article is as insufferably condescending as a long blog post bitching about what other people are putting in their blog posts, however.
posted by clevershark at 3:32 PM on July 18, 2007 [4 favorites has favorites]

Oops, that should be "None of the things..."
posted by clevershark at 3:33 PM on July 18, 2007

Best. Column. Evar.





Sorry, had to!
posted by SaintCynr at 3:34 PM on July 18, 2007

That's more of a meta-complaint, clevershark. They also miss the misuse of Godwin, or of ad hominem...
posted by klangklangston at 3:34 PM on July 18, 2007

Um, what's next? An catalog of overused Bloglish definite articles? Seriously? Seriously? I'm looking at you, klang. I just threw up a little in my mouth. Oy, yo.
posted by cortex at 3:35 PM on July 18, 2007 [3 favorites has favorites]

PWND
posted by [insert clever name here] at 3:37 PM on July 18, 2007

U KAN SPEAK THEMS WITH TEH BASEBALL CARDS MEN, CORTEKS
posted by klangklangston at 3:39 PM on July 18, 2007

Its a cliche to write some observations about the blog world in order to get that same blog world to link to you.

At least he didn't make it a countdown list: "And the number #1 most over-used blog cliche, are you ready for this, is...."
posted by vacapinta at 3:41 PM on July 18, 2007

BASEBALL CARDS ARE THE NEW BLOG
SPONSORED BY HATERADE
posted by cortex at 3:42 PM on July 18, 2007

and actually that's a pretty good idea for Friday
posted by cortex at 3:42 PM on July 18, 2007

Writing about online chichs [sic] is the new online chiche.
posted by muthecow at 3:43 PM on July 18, 2007

on edit vacapinta made the point far better than i ever could.
posted by muthecow at 3:43 PM on July 18, 2007

The Sam Rauch thing on Gawker (scroll down) is worth reading, only because it will make you sad about the degree of irony that seems to be necessary to say anything in snark-space.

Also, what the hell is Williamsburg? What does it mean to live there? Seems like a symbol of something or other? Do all liberal arts grads need to make a stop there? In my day it was Billings, Montana.
posted by MarshallPoe at 3:43 PM on July 18, 2007

Gawker is a cliche!
posted by delmoi at 3:46 PM on July 18, 2007

"They also miss the misuse of Godwin, or of ad hominem..."

No kidding. I don't think that anyone who goes around crying "Godwin" nowadays has any clue whatsoever about what Godwin's Law is.
posted by clevershark at 3:47 PM on July 18, 2007

this was bound to go poorly...
posted by HuronBob at 3:50 PM on July 18, 2007

I could stand to see the end of "Fixed that for you".
posted by Steven C. Den Beste at 3:50 PM on July 18, 2007

ad hominem..

I think we should all start saying it like Ralph Kramden: "ad homeinemhominemhominem..."
posted by jonmc at 3:51 PM on July 18, 2007 [3 favorites has favorites]

Clevershark— I think those are more "political blog clichés," and should include something about fascism and linking to Juan Cole.
posted by klangklangston at 3:52 PM on July 18, 2007

I could also stand to see the end of this:

quote: declarative statement

You're right, if by that you mean "exactly the opposite declarative statement".

posted by Steven C. Den Beste at 3:52 PM on July 18, 2007

Writing about online chichs [sic] is the new online chiche.

No, this is the new online Cheech.

PS: STFU GAWKER
posted by nasreddin at 3:52 PM on July 18, 2007

Miss a key one in your list, much?
posted by allkindsoftime at 3:52 PM on July 18, 2007

After reading that , I'm now bleeding from my sensory organs. FWIW
posted by nola at 3:52 PM on July 18, 2007

I'd be interested in knowing where one of the more infuriating of these clichés - to wit: "[undesirable counter-example], not so much." originated. Is there a popular culture reference of which I am ignorant? Anyone? Bueller?
posted by nowonmai at 3:52 PM on July 18, 2007

I could stand will never live to see the end of "Fixed that for you".

Um... I did the thing with the thing. 4U. Sez Prince.
posted by klangklangston at 3:53 PM on July 18, 2007 [3 favorites has favorites]

First comment?
posted by klangklangston at 3:55 PM on July 18, 2007

[any word]-gasm
Not orgasmic in any respect, and long past funny or clever.

Probably true, though I once used this one academically in a way I think is timelessly aporopos. Andy Warhol's Blowjob is irrefutably a screaming Boregasm.
posted by Ambrosia Voyeur at 3:56 PM on July 18, 2007 [1 favorite has favorites]

Are the gawker people not able to produce the e-acute necessary to spelling the word "cliché"?
posted by clevershark at 3:57 PM on July 18, 2007

*tries to stick blogs in bicycle spokes. fails.*
posted by jonmc at 3:58 PM on July 18, 2007

I thought that "Best. XXX. Evar." came from "The Simpsons" -- isn't that something that "Comic Book Guy" says? (Myself, I've never watched the show, but it's part of popular culture and I've heard about it.)
posted by Steven C. Den Beste at 4:00 PM on July 18, 2007

"Turn down your pants, you would-be dude! Raining in dear ole Lunnon!"

(waits for it to catch on)
posted by goatdog at 4:02 PM on July 18, 2007

1. Start popular ad-supported blog
2. Write post bitching about blogging clichés
3. ????
4. Profit!
posted by padraigin at 4:02 PM on July 18, 2007 [2 favorites has favorites]

That was actually very good, it clearly summed up everything that irritates me about Metafilter and the fuds who populate it.
posted by fire&wings at 4:03 PM on July 18, 2007

nowonmai: "I'd be interested in knowing where one of the more infuriating of these clichés - to wit: "[undesirable counter-example], not so much." originated."

I thought that it was a Jon Stewart thing.
posted by octothorpe at 4:03 PM on July 18, 2007

At least this wasn't "[Huge number] [things] that you have to [verb]". As if I'm going to read 167 links on increasing my productivity/customising Firefox etc. etc.

Sorry. Those huge lists are my new pet hate. This? Not so much.
posted by djgh at 4:07 PM on July 18, 2007 [2 favorites has favorites]

These always die out on their own, eventually; the trend of writing snarky "stop it guys!" articles, however, will apparently never die.
posted by emjaybee at 4:07 PM on July 18, 2007

"Strawman" is teh new "ad hominem".
posted by LordSludge at 4:08 PM on July 18, 2007

Also, they forgot "teh".
posted by LordSludge at 4:08 PM on July 18, 2007

This post really begs a myriad of questions.
posted by GooseOnTheLoose at 4:11 PM on July 18, 2007 [1 favorite has favorites]

I thought that "Best. XXX. Evar." came from "The Simpsons" -- isn't that something that "Comic Book Guy" says?
No, you've been misinformed.
posted by Wolfdog at 4:13 PM on July 18, 2007

You know who else used cliches?
posted by elwoodwiles at 4:14 PM on July 18, 2007 [3 favorites has favorites]

I can't believe nobody has mentioned "I can't believe nobody has mentioned..."
posted by vacapinta at 4:15 PM on July 18, 2007 [2 favorites has favorites]

nonmai: I'd vote for Paul Reiser on "Mad About You" (derivative, I am colloquially certain of good old fashioned Jewish ... uh ... colloquialism. Crap. What's the opposite of empirical? As in, I have no empirical data, but I'm intuitively certain that he didn't invent the phrase? Bah, I give up, you get the point)

Story.
posted by ZakDaddy at 4:16 PM on July 18, 2007

As someone who grew up in an oy veying household, I will say it whenever I damn well please and Gawker can just FOAD, lolz. Also, jokes about Jews controlling the media are hoarier than anything on this list, so much so that even the revivified corpse of Henny Youngman wouldn't make them. Take my wifi -- please.
posted by melissa may at 4:17 PM on July 18, 2007 [2 favorites has favorites]

[Argument], wait for it, [rhetorical flourish].

This one particularly made me want to stomp on my own face. It welled up like a hemorrhoid on my eyeballs that I couldn't make go away; suddenly, it was everywhere.
posted by The Straightener at 4:19 PM on July 18, 2007

As someone who grew up in an oy veying household, I will say it whenever I damn well please and Gawker can just FOAD, lolz.

such language, bubeleh.
posted by jonmc at 4:19 PM on July 18, 2007

Crap. What's the opposite of empirical? As in, I have no empirical data, but I'm intuitively certain that he didn't invent the phrase?

Can't tell you for sure, man. But I've got a couple guesses I could make based on anecdotal data.
posted by cortex at 4:25 PM on July 18, 2007

such language, bubeleh.

You want she should sig heil, maybe?
posted by cortex at 4:26 PM on July 18, 2007

[Greeting or farewell in foreign language] mother fucker!
posted by quin at 4:27 PM on July 18, 2007

such language, bubeleh.

Such a shonda for the goyim, I know. I'm going to get a real talking to at the next World Bank meeting.
posted by melissa may at 4:27 PM on July 18, 2007

Also, what the hell is Williamsburg? What does it mean to live there? Seems like a symbol of something or other? Do all liberal arts grads need to make a stop there? In my day it was Billings, Montana.

Williamsburg is a large neighborhood in NW Brooklyn. It used to be a very ethnically diverse area, home to immigrant Jews and Poles and Italians, and to some degree still is, but in the last decade, as skyrocketing rents in the East Village forced new college graduates to move out, it has become a haven for young, artsy, educated people in their twenties. As such, it has also become synonymous with (or I guess a symbol of) Hipsters. I live there, and what it means is that I like my apartment, and the bars and restaurants nearby, and the fact that a lot of my friends live in the same area (though recently, they've been moving more towards Ft. Greene. Wait for that to become the new target of chic hate in a couple years.) I believe most liberal arts grads would have fun living here, unless they simply don't jive with city life, which sometimes happens.

This seems to be a good day for hipster-hating, as this A.V. CLub blog made a point about stopping all of the hipster hating, and then the comment thread commenced with some of the most vicious tripe I've come across recently, all while believing that they were agreeing with the original post.

As in any place, there're bound to be many different types of people, and the most obnoxious will be the loudest. I guess I'm a hipster myself, and I hope that we won't all be judged by the cult of Gawker.
posted by Navelgazer at 4:41 PM on July 18, 2007 [2 favorites has favorites]

I wouldn't mind never seeing "X just won the internet" again. It was funny the first time. And never, ever afterward. Evar.
posted by kittens for breakfast at 4:43 PM on July 18, 2007 [1 favorite has favorites]

Metafilter: [Undesirable experience] made my [sensory organ] bleed!
posted by Artw at 4:45 PM on July 18, 2007

I thought that "Best. XXX. Evar." came from "The Simpsons" -- isn't that something that "Comic Book Guy" says? (Myself, I've never watched the show, but it's part of popular culture and I've heard about it.)

Is this something I would need a TV to understand?
posted by gompa at 4:56 PM on July 18, 2007

Back in the day... they used to torch stripped vans in front of my art studio in Williamsburg. ( huh? what's that noise?...BOOOMM!)

But then it got all trendy, our lease expired, and the studio was converted into high end condos.
posted by RMD at 4:59 PM on July 18, 2007

"not so much" is a Yiddish/Jewish cultural construct, thus the Jon Stewart reference. You may have noticed when he uses it on his show half the time he's using his old Jewish man voice. First time I heard it was years ago from a friend in college. When I asked, she said she got it from her old granny.
posted by Belle O'Cosity at 5:01 PM on July 18, 2007

Aren't most Williamsburg hipsters Cobble Hill Alternadads by now?
posted by The Straightener at 5:02 PM on July 18, 2007

Yes, babies happen.
posted by RMD at 5:05 PM on July 18, 2007

For Williamsburg, just remember that '00s Hipster = '80s, '90s Yuppie.
posted by klangklangston at 5:06 PM on July 18, 2007

Evidentally, NOT [thing]IST is still okay.

As are self-hating lists, apparently.
posted by davejay at 5:09 PM on July 18, 2007

Since it is an incredibly overdone thing, and I promised myself I wouldn't do taglines anymore, I'm not actually posting:

Metafilter: Um, [condescension]?

Any perception to the contrary is just the drugs you took earlier finally kicking in.
posted by quin at 5:10 PM on July 18, 2007

This post is a very good example of a more subtle but widespread tendency of Internet writing: the absence of complete sentences when using using titled lists with explanation. Observe the following examples:

"Deadly serious in fact."

"Stage direction cues in the theater?"

"Beyond that, inexcusable."

In the United States in particular, the dogma that passive verbs are bad has led writers to write fragments rather than construct better sentences. These writers are mistaken. Look, for example, at Orwell's classic essay, "Why I Write". Decisive writing must employ the passive voice; "to be" verbs assert a certainty to which few are willing to commit.

In one way, those who omit verbs avoid the primary danger of avoiding the passive voice: the tendency to create sentences which seem nuanced by their use of a verb whose rich meaning is far greater than the purpose to which they put it-- just to avoid the passive voice.

I realize that in a world driven by page-views and ads, people write to be skimmed. But the cost of this practice is measured in the poverty of our ideas. Blog posts are far more likely to present descriptive lists than higher modes of thought.

(note, the irony implied in my particular sentence construction is not intended to completely undermine my statements)

Geeky Addendum: The verbless construct noted here is remarkably like the SELECT CASE and switch{} statements of some computer languages. Fascinating.
posted by honest knave at 5:12 PM on July 18, 2007 [6 favorites has favorites]

[Best. [ultimate thing or experience.] Ever/Evar. is] usually taken to mean a state of permanent, perpetual bestness, which is of course unsustainable.

Um, take things too seriously much?
posted by effwerd at 5:13 PM on July 18, 2007

You want she should sig heil, maybe?

Stop haken me a kup, ya furry nudnik.
posted by jonmc at 5:16 PM on July 18, 2007

I'd be interested in knowing where one of the more infuriating of these clichés - to wit: "[undesirable counter-example], not so much." originated. Is there a popular culture reference of which I am ignorant? Anyone? Bueller?

omgwtfbtvs
posted by zarah at 5:25 PM on July 18, 2007

I dunno about anyone else, but I got "wait for it" from Monty Python. (E.g. "Confuse-a-cat" sketch.) Anything from Monty Python is perpetually cool and absolutely immune to criticism.
posted by Steven C. Den Beste at 5:42 PM on July 18, 2007 [2 favorites has favorites]

These new cliches are going to take over teh anything. I'm having an [anyword]-gasm right now.

What's next? [outlandish scenario]?
posted by team lowkey at 5:51 PM on July 18, 2007

I could stand to see the end of "Fixed that for you".

Back in the day, it was "You misspelled "witty replacement". HTH!"

Ah, nostalgia.
posted by rifflesby at 6:11 PM on July 18, 2007

Or the pithy alternative: "ITYM 'ITYM' HTH HAND"
posted by cortex at 6:17 PM on July 18, 2007

Summary: Idiot prescriptivists pretend to be morally superior. Film at 11.
posted by oaf at 6:19 PM on July 18, 2007 [1 favorite has favorites]

I'm going to name my next band "Cobble Hill Alternadads."

(and I must admit, the "you know who else [anything just mentioned]?" cliché still makes me chuckle every time)
posted by ericbop at 6:22 PM on July 18, 2007

THAK GUDNESS IS CAN STILL HAZ LOLCATS!
posted by WinnipegDragon at 6:34 PM on July 18, 2007

"[Joke or pun too lame or obvious for anyone else to make]

Well, somebody had to!"
posted by George_Spiggott at 6:42 PM on July 18, 2007

These clichés...they vibrate?

(I'm so, so sorry.)
posted by SteelyDuran at 6:50 PM on July 18, 2007

WHAT ABOUT CAPS LOCK BITCHES?

On a more serious note, I enjoyed the read, klang. That shit was mad trenchant, yo.
posted by Mister_A at 7:00 PM on July 18, 2007

Oh and my least favorite: [Noun] motherfucker, do you [verb] it?
posted by Mister_A at 7:02 PM on July 18, 2007

Mister_A... I think I [adverb] [verb] in my [noun] a [adjective].
posted by acro at 7:24 PM on July 18, 2007

I have one thing to say to you, British boy: Bob's your uncle.

What's that? Did I freak you out? Let me say it again:

BOB'S YOUR UNCLE.
posted by thanotopsis at 7:24 PM on July 18, 2007

[Noun] [verb] [adjective] [noun].

Totally overused.
posted by gompa at 7:30 PM on July 18, 2007 [2 favorites has favorites]

You know, I've been wondering this for a while, but it's proved impossible to Google for: what is the origin of the "These x... they vibrate?" meme?
posted by rifflesby at 7:53 PM on July 18, 2007

After reading that, my blood is bleeding.
posted by 2sheets at 8:06 PM on July 18, 2007

rifflesby -- I think that's from the Amazon vibrating Harry Potter broom meme. See also.
posted by spiderskull at 8:12 PM on July 18, 2007

I could stand to see the end of "Fixed that for you".
Well, stop making us have to fix things for you, dammit.

Also: Lists are cliche.
posted by Alvy Ampersand at 8:23 PM on July 18, 2007

Surely this will put an end to clichés.
posted by weapons-grade pandemonium at 8:27 PM on July 18, 2007

Does anybody else here watch Clone High? (Or watched it during the brief season before MTV gave up on it?) There's one episode were Abe's dad gets carried away with euphemisms for the sex act (e.g. "dunk the wet weasel!", "bury the rusty anchor!") and by the end of his rant he's yelling "Verb the adjective noun!!"

You had to be there.
posted by LMGM at 8:45 PM on July 18, 2007

I like turtles.
posted by humannaire at 8:55 PM on July 18, 2007

The only one I actually agree with is the "Um" usage, which I'm guilty of myself. "Um" is basically Internet for "I'm about to be an asshole."
posted by XQUZYPHYR at 9:26 PM on July 18, 2007 [2 favorites has favorites]

This is why we can't type nice things.
posted by Astro Zombie at 9:26 PM on July 18, 2007 [2 favorites has favorites]

Someone just threw up in my mouth a little bit.
posted by aubilenon at 9:45 PM on July 18, 2007 [2 favorites has favorites]

This was an awesome list a year and a half ago.
posted by jjg at 9:46 PM on July 18, 2007

Christ, what an asshole.
posted by painquale at 9:57 PM on July 18, 2007

My blog contains none of these.

Does anybody else hate "COUGH word COUGH"? I mean, you can't HEAR them coughing. I find this one irritating.
posted by ethnomethodologist at 9:59 PM on July 18, 2007

Ass, what a Christhole.
posted by quin at 10:02 PM on July 18, 2007 [6 favorites has favorites]

I thought there was a stigma about using "christhole."
posted by maxwelton at 10:13 PM on July 18, 2007 [10 favorites has favorites]

In related news: blog posts about blog posts considered harmful. Story at 11.
posted by clevershark at 10:19 PM on July 18, 2007

stigma about christhole?

stigma about christhole?

i'm laughing out loud so hard right now, that i'm practically rolling on the floor! if i do not stop soon, i will be in want of an ass from having laughed mine right off my body!
posted by Hat Maui at 11:28 PM on July 18, 2007 [3 favorites has favorites]

Why can't anyone make a list of things that will never get old?
posted by camcgee at 11:35 PM on July 18, 2007

'methinks' was over by 1650 AD

"Methinks 9/11 conspracy shit is Best o' the Web".

No, Shakspeare, you don't think.
posted by rockhopper at 12:02 AM on July 19, 2007

Instagoof uses 'er', which is too smarmy by half.
posted by rockhopper at 12:09 AM on July 19, 2007

Ha! I broke the thread! I win teh internets!
posted by rockhopper at 12:10 AM on July 19, 2007

aubilenon, you owe me a new keyboard. NO REALLY PEA SOUP OUT MY NOSE AND ALL OVER OH FUCK THIS IS GOING TO BE EXPENSIVE

also, allcaps: old and busted. *punches self in face*
posted by dreamsign at 2:43 AM on July 19, 2007

[Noun] motherfucker, do you [verb] it?

I want this on a t-shirt NOW.
posted by saturnine at 3:54 AM on July 19, 2007

I could stand to see the end of "Fixed that for you.".

Don't worry, I got your back.
posted by Eideteker at 4:22 AM on July 19, 2007

Anyone who uses the term 'media-blogosphere' should have their (we)blog deleted, keyboard confiscated and fingers broken.
posted by slimepuppy at 4:38 AM on July 19, 2007

FIRST!
posted by erniepan at 6:03 AM on July 19, 2007

This phrase, as spelled, makes me happy:

Your an idoit.

posted by LordSludge at 6:06 AM on July 19, 2007

[Adjective] [noun] [adjective] [noun] [verb] [verb] [adjective] [noun].

By which I mean, Buffalo buffalo Buffalo buffalo buffalo buffalo Buffalo buffalo.
posted by Faint of Butt at 6:44 AM on July 19, 2007

[Lame gag.]

Just sayin'...
posted by Mocata at 6:52 AM on July 19, 2007

Is it true that in Soviet Russia, the cliches blog about you?
posted by britain at 6:56 AM on July 19, 2007

I'm in ur intarwebs, clichein ur blogs.
posted by Foosnark at 8:24 AM on July 19, 2007

they forgot FTW
posted by analogue at 8:49 AM on July 19, 2007

omgwtfbtvs

That'll be another one.
posted by nowonmai at 8:57 AM on July 19, 2007

You know, I've been wondering this for a while, but it's proved impossible to Google for: what is the origin of the "These x... they vibrate?" meme?posted by rifflesby


rifflesby -- I think that's from the Amazon vibrating Harry Potter broom meme. See also.posted by spiderskull

Spiderskull,

I'm being thick. I still don't get it from your link. Am I missing the clever subtext of "these x...they vibrate?"
posted by Jody Tresidder at 9:28 AM on July 19, 2007

Jody, this might help.
posted by cortex at 9:45 AM on July 19, 2007

Someone at Gawker is just pissed because Fark gets more pageviews than they do and Drew Curtis has a new book.

Otherwise, that article read like they were doing nothing but surfing through Fark headlines for 3 days.
posted by drstein at 10:38 AM on July 19, 2007

What, too soon?
posted by rush at 11:23 AM on July 19, 2007

Anything from Monty Python is perpetually cool and absolutely immune to criticism I have heard a hundred million times and doesn't even cause a single neuron to fire anymore.

Fixed that for you me.
posted by hermitosis at 11:45 AM on July 19, 2007

(Hey Lord Sludge...would you email me? Address is in the profile.)
posted by Ian A.T. at 4:53 PM on July 19, 2007

This was an awesome list a year and a half ago.

I'm quite certain I've SEEN IT before, and semicertain that it was linked from here. But no, it wasn't really that awesome then, either.
posted by stavrosthewonderchicken at 5:06 PM on July 19, 2007

Also, is the continuing milquetoastification of the word 'awesome' on that list, or is the trend Bigger Than Blog?
posted by stavrosthewonderchicken at 5:07 PM on July 19, 2007

FWIW, I think this cliche thing has really jumped the shark.
posted by misha at 5:33 PM on July 19, 2007 [1 favorite has favorites]

Lists of "Things that irritate me" are a more pervasive cliche than anything on that blog.

That said, and I know others have mentioned it ... if I never see LOL ____S again, it will be two weeks too soon. I imagine everyone who types that phrase is wearing their most pinched self-righteous Church Lady face as they revel in their moral superiority.
posted by louche mustachio at 1:43 AM on July 20, 2007

"Um" is basically Internet for "I'm about to be an asshole."

Yes.

"Mmkay?" and "[Google or some other tool or resource] is your friend." are also good signs someone has been, is being, or is about to be an asshole.

And "Am I the only one who... ?" and "Is it just me or... ?" are usually pretty dumb on a site with 50,000 people. You're never the only one who thinks or does that. There's even a guy stalking you who purposely says and does everything you say and do.

Which reminds me of another one that must be retired: "special snowflake"
posted by pracowity at 3:39 AM on July 20, 2007