Powerful mood-altering chemicals

July 18, 2007 9:39 PM

Alexyss Tylor was right! Semen is a powerful drug. (Fairly SFW, text-only link.)
posted by Brittanie (58 comments total)

I remember reading the original paper discussing this a few years ago. It was a pretty bad paper - most notably there was no attempt to control for other confounding variables. It seems reasonable to expect that people who use condoms with their sex partners are likely to differ in other ways from those who don't use condoms and that these other variable could equally well impact their happiness.

If you really want to demonstrate that semen is affecting the happiness of women, the much better way to do this would be to take a group of women who have regular sexual partners and don't use condoms and randomly assign half of them to begin using condoms, then see if their happiness changes. Even that is not perfect however, as it's impossible (or at least very difficult) to do a double-blind study and so there is a possibility of a placebo effect.
posted by pombe at 9:46 PM on July 18, 2007

Ah ha! Men were right!
"Oh, she's not depressed, she just needs a good fuckin'."
(Assume yokel-esque accent)
posted by The Esteemed Doctor Bunsen Honeydew at 9:46 PM on July 18, 2007

Fascinating. However, I can't help but wonder whether the author considered the same issues for gay men. I've wondered, at times, what the effect might be of the semen I've taken. My wilder days were pre-AIDS (a fact for which I am highly grateful), so condoms were never used. And since, I've been largely monogamous.

The article said the hormones get absorbed through the vaginal wall, but I wonder about semen that is ingested, or taken the in the other end.
posted by Goofyy at 9:47 PM on July 18, 2007

I agree. The methods of the study aren't all that great but it's hilarious nonetheless. After reading this I tried to find information on any studies that discussed the consumption of semen but couldn't find anything other than a rundown of "nutritional values."
posted by Brittanie at 9:50 PM on July 18, 2007

Goofyy - "I understand that among some gay males who have anal intercourse, it is not uncommon to attempt to retain the semen for extended periods of time," he adds. "Suggesting, of course, that there may be psychological effects."
posted by tellurian at 9:51 PM on July 18, 2007

Semen vs face moisturizer (probably nsfw)
posted by Blazecock Pileon at 9:51 PM on July 18, 2007

Funny, that's just what Jude Law (ridiculously NSFW) told me!
posted by dhammond at 9:53 PM on July 18, 2007

Didn't Psychology Today used to be a more reputable rag years ago?
posted by daninnj at 9:56 PM on July 18, 2007

Didn't Psychology Today used to be a more reputable rag years ago?

Yeah, the pages now stick together. It's gross.
posted by Blazecock Pileon at 9:58 PM on July 18, 2007 [4 favorites]

"semen withdrawal" places women at an increased risk for depression when they are premenstrual, menopausal or have just given birth

Enough said.
posted by five fresh fish at 10:01 PM on July 18, 2007

Funny. I feel better when I get rid of semen.
posted by Astro Zombie at 10:06 PM on July 18, 2007 [1 favorite]

Gallup's survey of 293 college women also found that those who did not use condoms were most likely to initiate sex and to seek out new partners as soon as a relationship ended. "These women are more vulnerable to the rebound effect, which suggests that there is a chemical dependency," says Gallup.

So those pornos about "cum addicted co-eds" were actually right on the money. Amazing!
posted by Ynoxas at 10:11 PM on July 18, 2007 [1 favorite]

Win-Win!
posted by GuyZero at 10:12 PM on July 18, 2007

Oy. I like this article, but not when I consider the last one FPPed from them.
posted by Ambrosia Voyeur at 10:13 PM on July 18, 2007

We now pause this sanctimonious drivel to present a dog entering the Tour de France.
posted by weapons-grade pandemonium at 10:16 PM on July 18, 2007

those who did not use condoms were most likely to initiate sex and to seek out new partners as soon as a relationship ended. "These women are more vulnerable to the rebound effect, which suggests that there is a chemical dependency," says Gallup.


Couldn't this also mean that women who are predisposed to being lonely and horny (ie "sluts") are also less likely to use condoms? This might suggest that such women are less educated or less concerned about the risks of sex without protection, and likely so about the risks of sex in general.

I mean, as long as we're going to take raw data and make up theories, right?
posted by davejay at 10:24 PM on July 18, 2007

What about the oral introduction of semen in conjuntion with or without condom facilitated intercourse?

I crave my partner all of the time and all this time I thought it could be explained by the fact that I love him. Now I know I'm just hooked on the juice.
posted by inconsequentialist at 10:38 PM on July 18, 2007

If I may: el. oh. el.
posted by blacklite at 10:43 PM on July 18, 2007

I completely accept the premise that semen is addictive and women can't get enough of it.

So, why are men usually the ones chasing after us? Seems unfair. Unless we're addictive too. Discuss.
posted by misha at 10:45 PM on July 18, 2007 [1 favorite]

I wonder if this drug is more powerful if administered orally? I think further in-depth research is required.
posted by UbuRoivas at 10:51 PM on July 18, 2007 [3 favorites]

But the article was peer-reviewed by a circle of preeminent psychics!
posted by Blazecock Pileon at 10:53 PM on July 18, 2007

"Scientific" studies are almost always anything but.
posted by Viomeda at 11:00 PM on July 18, 2007

I can't help but wonder whether the author considered the same issues for gay men.

But all men have testicles, and therefore an unlimited supply of semen. Men should then be happier than women. But not all men are happy, so maybe semen only helps women...but, then again, why are gay men called "gay"?
posted by KokuRyu at 11:04 PM on July 18, 2007

The Esteemed Doctor Bunsen Honeydew writes 'Ah ha! Men were right!'

Tell us something we didn't already know. Even when we're *wrong*, we're right.

misha writes 'So, why are men usually the ones chasing after us? Seems unfair. Unless we're addictive too. Discuss.'

Men: wading nostril deep through a river of shit since the day we stepped out of the primordial swamp.
posted by PeterMcDermott at 11:15 PM on July 18, 2007

Behold, the Power of My Testicles!
posted by five fresh fish at 11:18 PM on July 18, 2007

MetaFilter: wading nostril deep through a river of shit
posted by UbuRoivas at 11:56 PM on July 18, 2007

Goofyy: Semen ingested does have an effect on preëclampsia risk (vaginally works also, though— so much for my proposed alteration to the food pyramid).
posted by hattifattener at 12:14 AM on July 19, 2007

Somewhere in America there is a double-blind study going on involving masturbation, turkey basters, and faux man mayo. If it pans out Pfizer is going to be milking men to synthesize the ultimate antidepressant.
posted by BrotherCaine at 12:15 AM on July 19, 2007

I thought masturbation causes double blindness.
posted by weapons-grade pandemonium at 12:20 AM on July 19, 2007 [2 favorites]

I hear it doesn't cause blindness, but stings like a mofo.

A gentleman must always give his pearl necklaces away with the utmost of care.
posted by five fresh fish at 12:24 AM on July 19, 2007

Pass the dong, man.
posted by trondant at 1:12 AM on July 19, 2007 [1 favorite]

Psychology Today: look at what we've pulled out of our asses today!

...okay, not exactly their asses, but still...
posted by watsondog at 1:14 AM on July 19, 2007 [2 favorites]

Psychology today is hurting science. It is like Cosmo except for people who either never got past their first year of undergrad or were a legacy admission at an ivy.
posted by srboisvert at 5:27 AM on July 19, 2007

Everyone with me now: correlation does not indicate causation.
posted by splice at 5:34 AM on July 19, 2007

Viomeda: ""Scientific" studies are almost always anything but."

...and just how many scientific studies have you written, or been involved with, or asked to conduct a peer review of?

If you're being sarcastic, try harder to make it obvious. If you're actually serious, try not talking out of your ass unless your ass really, really knows what it's talking about. Right about now your ass is way off base.
posted by caution live frogs at 6:06 AM on July 19, 2007

Not arguing that this is a valid study - I didn't read the original nor did I review it. Just reacting to the comment at face value.
posted by caution live frogs at 6:07 AM on July 19, 2007

Can we get a moratorium on Psychology Today? That rag will publish anything, as evidenced by the most recent series of one link posts to these abominations.

However, considering this newfound concept, I can think of no better way to follow up your daily dose of neurochemically enhancing spooge than to chase it with some FU (5-MeO-W).
posted by prostyle at 6:14 AM on July 19, 2007

Jump up bubble up - what´s in store
Love is the drug and I need to score
Showing out, showing out, hit and run
Boy meets girl where beat goes on
Stitched up tight, can´t shake free
Love is the drug, got a hook on me
Oh oh catch that buzz
Love is the drug i´m thinking of
Oh oh can´t you see
Love is the drug for me
posted by Floydd at 6:23 AM on July 19, 2007

Yummy yummy yummy I got love in my tummy.
posted by goodnewsfortheinsane at 6:27 AM on July 19, 2007

Wait. Um.
posted by goodnewsfortheinsane at 6:27 AM on July 19, 2007

Psychology today is hurting science.

Word to that. People who actually regard psychology as a worthwhile intellectual pursuit already have more than enough trouble shrugging off the bad rap we get every single time someone recites a "fact" learned in their intro psych class.
posted by solipsophistocracy at 6:46 AM on July 19, 2007

Come again?
posted by cerebus19 at 6:59 AM on July 19, 2007

Well, from an evolutionary perspective, at least, I understand why a chemical mechanism like this would arise . . . but it seems like the 'optimal' strategy would be for a man's semen to have some sort of chemical effect that went further than making a woman feel good and actually made all *OTHER* men's semen have a powerful depressing effect.

I guess I am somewhat surprised, based on rudimentary evolutionary logic, that this sort of . . . well, call it "semen vendor lock-in" after the typical Microsoft practice, isn't a readily observable hormonal fact.
posted by Ryvar at 7:02 AM on July 19, 2007

OR...women who have a partner with whom they feel close and comfortable enough with the state of their relationship with this man--and with his fidelity--to be willing to have his child are likely to describe themselves as happy.

But then again, Psychology Today really lost me with last month's fashion shoot "Good Heavens Miss Sagimoto, You're Beautiful!" about the sexual response of heterosexual men distracted by the tidying up of all their tubes and wires and careful notes.
posted by applemeat at 7:24 AM on July 19, 2007

Can't help but wonder if the study controlled for women who were on birth control. BC definitely has mood effects (and also results in women less likely to insist upon a condom), while this just looks like the researchers were using "science" to glorify their testicles.
posted by landedjentry at 7:42 AM on July 19, 2007

Isn't Psychology Today supposed to the the retarded dog-fucking cousin of psychology nobody likes to talk about?

This premise ignores the presence of so many outlying variables it boggles the mind.
posted by Anonymous at 7:43 AM on July 19, 2007

Maybe next time you could link to a reputable journal such as Popular Science?
posted by everichon at 8:25 AM on July 19, 2007

We now pause this sanctimonious drivel to present a dog entering the Tour de France .

I just knew it would be a lab.
posted by Mister_A at 8:56 AM on July 19, 2007

A sperm bank is like a real bank, except, after you make a deposit, you lose interest.

-- Dick Cavett
posted by bigskyguy at 8:58 AM on July 19, 2007 [1 favorite]

Maybe next time you could link to a reputable journal such as Popular Science New Scientist?
posted by everichon at 11:25 AM on July 19 [+] [!]

There, I fixed that for you.
posted by daHIFI at 9:39 AM on July 19, 2007

God, I loooove science!
posted by mds35 at 10:13 AM on July 19, 2007

My Cock is loving and gentle. It will ease your pain and bathe you in Its healing glory...
posted by oats at 10:35 AM on July 19, 2007

God, I love the Onion sometimes.
posted by misha at 11:43 AM on July 19, 2007 [1 favorite]

I’d’ve gone with ‘my seed is pure’
posted by Smedleyman at 11:53 AM on July 19, 2007

among some gay males who have anal intercourse, it is not uncommon to attempt to retain the semen for extended periods of time

I have never, never, ever heard this from anyone.
posted by ao4047 at 12:21 PM on July 19, 2007

Gods' honest truth, I did not need to know that homosexuals have leaky anuses.
posted by five fresh fish at 6:32 PM on July 19, 2007

Many here seem to carry the absurd notion that this research was published in Psychology Today. Actually it was published in The Archives of Sexual Behavior, one of the top scientific journals for sexual behavior research. (Further a lot more news agencies covered the story than PT too).

Most of the human behavioral science comments on MetaFilter don't ever rise much above 'OMG Sooodosyenz!!'. It's pretty lame.
posted by dgaicun at 7:20 PM on July 19, 2007

A sperm bank is like a real bank, except, after you make a deposit, you lose interest.

-- Dick Cavett

To help people understand this joke you need a little historical background. Dick Cavett was a comedian in the days of yore, when people earned interest on money in the bank.
posted by srboisvert at 2:20 AM on July 20, 2007