:(

July 25, 2007 7:42 AM

Lindsay Lohan, America's Dream Girl*, has been a potent pop culture event ever since her rise to fame in Disney's 1998 remake of Parent Trap. As the first red haired child ever hired by Ford Modeling Agency at the age of 3, Lohan clearly had her young eye aimed at Hollywood. Her breakout role came with the 2004 release of Mean Girls. Skyrocketed into the public consciousness, Lohan quickly released two pop albums and pumped out classic films such as Herbie: Fully Loaded and Georgia Rule. With Britney Spears's descent into oblivion and Paris Hilton's problems with the law, Lohan appeared ready to supplant Britney as The It Girl. But with her rocky personal life and her love of night clubs, the party scene, strawberry quick, and after problems with her studio, and running low on cash, people wondered, could Lohan turn her life around? Sadly, that appears to be a no. After being charged with a DUI on Thursday for an accident in May, Lohan was charged with another DUI (and cocaine possession) Monday morning after chasing another car. A story is quickly unfolding involving a fired assistant, bad damage control, a bar at a rehab center, prison chic, more bad parenting and a request for privacy / denial of drug possession. Mugshots were also released. Is she the next Pete Doherty?
posted by Stynxno (188 comments total)

Is this something you'd have to not have a brain to know about?
posted by psmealey at 7:44 AM on July 25, 2007 [3 favorites has favorites]

Of the Big 3 (Paris, Britney, and Lindsay), Lindsay is the one I feel sorriest for. Paris has a family to be there for her, and Britney would have a family to be there for her, if she didn't shut them out. Lindsay's parents are both absolute nuts- after yesterday's arrest, her father gave his usual round of interviews, and who knows where "White Oprah" (Lindsay's mother has aspirations of her own) was. Really sad.
posted by ThePinkSuperhero at 7:47 AM on July 25, 2007 [3 favorites has favorites]

I will continue to adore her and no badmouthing by the media will make me turn away from this goddess.I believe she is the target of the leftwing media in our nation.
posted by Postroad at 7:47 AM on July 25, 2007 [5 favorites has favorites]

from the a bar at a rehab center link:

“I’m really upset with how Lindsay has conducted herself with this latest arrest,” said Brookes. “We have two intense classes at our rehab facility that teaches our patients techniques on how to walk a straight line and touch their noses while drunk. It’s very embarassing to see one of our ex-patients perform so poorly after being arrested for drunk driving.”
posted by mds35 at 7:47 AM on July 25, 2007 [2 favorites has favorites]

* American's Dream Girl Pagent doesn't have anything to do with Lohan, of so I think. That's pure editorializing on my part.
posted by Stynxno at 7:47 AM on July 25, 2007

I prefer to get my gossip fix at The Superficial, where people actually care about this stuff.
posted by PeterMcDermott at 7:48 AM on July 25, 2007 [2 favorites has favorites]

Of the Big 3 (Paris, Britney, and Lindsay), Lindsay is the one I feel sorriest for.

She's also the only hot one out of the three.
posted by PeterMcDermott at 7:49 AM on July 25, 2007 [1 favorite has favorites]

mugshot
posted by nervousfritz at 7:49 AM on July 25, 2007

FYI, the "bar at the rehab center" link is from a joke website.
posted by ThePinkSuperhero at 7:50 AM on July 25, 2007 [2 favorites has favorites]

OMG THIS IS THE WORSE THING HAPPENING IN AMERICA!
posted by chunking express at 7:51 AM on July 25, 2007 [1 favorite has favorites]

the bar at the rehab is satire. that site is like the onion. we all realize that there is, in fact, no bar in rehab
posted by Flood at 7:51 AM on July 25, 2007

Lindsey Lohan is redheaded?
posted by DU at 7:53 AM on July 25, 2007

I like her boobies. That is all.
posted by zorro astor at 7:54 AM on July 25, 2007

from the a bar at a rehab center link:

From the same site with that link:

‘TONIGHT SHOW’ BAND LEADER KEVIN EUBANKS HAS BEEN DEAD FOR 5 YEARS

posted by delmoi at 7:54 AM on July 25, 2007

Wow. Just, wow.
posted by absalom at 7:55 AM on July 25, 2007

So why was she chasing the other car anyway? What's the deal?
posted by delmoi at 7:56 AM on July 25, 2007

She's just a floozin boozin happy-go lucky starlet with money to spare and going to mediocre Hell in a designer handbasket. Not that there's anything wrong with that.
posted by doctorschlock at 7:56 AM on July 25, 2007

the bar at the rehab is satire. that site is like the onion. we all realize that there is, in fact, no bar in rehab

[Barney walks out of the Detox center into the Retox center]
Barney: Hey Moe, what'll you give me for an A. A. Chip?
Moe: Uh, Barney, this is a five minute chip. Ehh, it's worth a Pabst.
posted by ninjew at 7:57 AM on July 25, 2007

I think she looks decent in that mugshot. Much better than in some other recent photos--like this one.
posted by mullacc at 7:59 AM on July 25, 2007

Supposedly she was chasing the car of her personal assistant who had just quit.
posted by frecklefaerie at 7:59 AM on July 25, 2007

You know, I was actually thinking of going to see Herbie: Fully Loaded. Then I heard this news, and I lost all interest in the movie.
posted by Faint of Butt at 7:59 AM on July 25, 2007

Stynxno, you clearly put a lot of work into this post. I don't know why.

Something is seriously fucked up about our culture and our media. I don't know why.

I replied in this thread. I don't know why.
posted by pardonyou? at 8:04 AM on July 25, 2007 [10 favorites has favorites]

Fuck her and Pete Doherty. Fuck them in their stupid celebrity asses. I have absolutely not one jot of sympathy for either of them. Life is tough all over bitches. If you can't sort things out when you have a personal assistant and for all intents and purposes an infinite line of credit you can suck my salty ones. Stop taking coke/crack/pills you fucking morons and stop smashing up cars that cost more than I will ever have in my life.

Oh, and since my TV is now disconnected from the wide world outside - are these people I would need a tv to know about etc.

And yes, I am jealous of their money. Particularly the part when they piss it all away. Talentless fucks that they are.
posted by longbaugh at 8:05 AM on July 25, 2007 [5 favorites has favorites]

All your heroes are lushes.
posted by Brandon Blatcher at 8:05 AM on July 25, 2007

There are some odd looking bottles in some of the photos at the "night club" link. (No, not the Red Bull.) What are those? Some sort of fancy booze?
posted by soundofsuburbia at 8:06 AM on July 25, 2007

I don't understand the fascination, here. Don't get me wrong: I'm all about taking the piss out of Paris Hilton, a careerless joke of a woman whose every action redefines the word schadenfeude (for me), but Lohan... Meh.

She's a really crappy, average, mediocre 'actress' who has never made a decent film. Why do we have to talk about her? Surely there are other crappy, average, mediocre 'actresses' who are more fun to hate on?
posted by chuckdarwin at 8:09 AM on July 25, 2007

200+ word FPP on this BS? Are you striving to keep those geriatric MeFites up to date who may have fallen asleep during Wheel Of Fortune before they could flip over to Entertainment Tonight? Wank.
posted by prostyle at 8:10 AM on July 25, 2007

Clearly you have not seen Parent Trap; she was great in that. Or Mean Girls, she was great in that. The quality of the rest of the films she's been in is debatable, but she's not a horrible actress, she's a good actress who has made some bad films.
posted by ThePinkSuperhero at 8:11 AM on July 25, 2007 [4 favorites has favorites]

There was nothing else on last night, so I watched The O'Reilly Factor, as I sometimes do, y'know, for the Carny value. He was talking about Lindsay Lohan. I came to some really cosmic insights about the nature of infinity as I meditated on all the things I care about more than Lindsay Lohan.
posted by jefgodesky at 8:11 AM on July 25, 2007 [1 favorite has favorites]

longbaugh, I just get tired of all the scrutiny. Yes, they're famous and drunk. Wow. End of. Why does the actual HARD NEWS MEDIA cover these stories? The state of journalism these days!

Fuck; it's not like we have a WAR ON, or anything.
posted by chuckdarwin at 8:12 AM on July 25, 2007

Stynxno, you clearly put a lot of work into this post. I don't know why.

? You can feel the post straining to be about something other than what it is actually about. Not knocking the post, mind you. Indeed, we should be thankful the inevitable post on this topic was done with so much care for the reputation of the site for relative seriousness of purpose. Or LOLcatz. Or whatever.
posted by spitbull at 8:12 AM on July 25, 2007

Fuck her and Pete Doherty. Fuck them in their stupid celebrity asses.

That's my idea of the perfect threesome.
posted by PeterMcDermott at 8:13 AM on July 25, 2007 [1 favorite has favorites]

There are some odd looking bottles in some of the photos at the "night club" link.

Voss water.
posted by Tacos Are Pretty Great at 8:13 AM on July 25, 2007

Stynxno, your triad is complete! Congratulations!
posted by arialblack at 8:13 AM on July 25, 2007

Tacos Are Pretty Great: Thank you!
posted by soundofsuburbia at 8:15 AM on July 25, 2007

ThePinkSuperhero, I've seen both of those movies... The Parent Trap on an intercontinental flight with my daughter. It was OK for a kid actor. Meh; it was a remake of a silly Disney flick. Mean Girls was only good because of Fey. Anyone could've nailed that part; it was well-written. She wasn't astonishingly good.
posted by chuckdarwin at 8:16 AM on July 25, 2007 [1 favorite has favorites]

She's a really crappy, average, mediocre 'actress' who has never made a decent film.

That takes it a bit too far. I think she's a completely adequate comic actress, with a spunky charisma that's endearing and somewhat unique. I like garbage movies as much as the next guy, and she's really not that bad for what she does.

What I don't understand is this tedious obsession the media (and the people who dig such things) have with someone who is at once living as fast as she can and clearly in dire need of help.
posted by psmealey at 8:18 AM on July 25, 2007 [1 favorite has favorites]

Mean Girls was only good because of Fey. Anyone could've nailed that part; it was well-written. She wasn't astonishingly good.

Yeah. No. Imagine Paris Hilton or Jessica Simpson in that role. The film would have bombed. Lohan can be a very good actress and she's talented. She's just a total train wreck at the moment.
posted by Stynxno at 8:18 AM on July 25, 2007

Imagine Paris Hilton or Jessica Simpson in that role

Oh my word. I'd rather not. Jessica Simpson, now THERE'S a bad actress.
posted by ThePinkSuperhero at 8:19 AM on July 25, 2007 [1 favorite has favorites]

I think one can say "Lindsay Lohan is a messed up trainwreck of a drunk" in less than 35 links.
posted by contessa at 8:20 AM on July 25, 2007

america is more easily distracted of late. even a nominally serious fellow like myself clicked on this shit. shame on me!
posted by bruce at 8:20 AM on July 25, 2007

Oh my word. I'd rather not. Jessica Simpson, now THERE'S a bad actress.

If she had been the star of Mean Girls, Mean Girls would still be in post-production being "recut" and "edited".
posted by Stynxno at 8:21 AM on July 25, 2007

All due respect to Ms Simpson... you can't compare her to Hilton, who has never been in anything.
posted by chuckdarwin at 8:21 AM on July 25, 2007

you can't compare her to Hilton, who has never been in anything.

Not true. She's been in many films... that have gone straight to video. Haven't gotten around to seeing them yet.
posted by ThePinkSuperhero at 8:22 AM on July 25, 2007 [1 favorite has favorites]

america is more easily distracted of late.

It's war fatigue! [according to the clown-in-chief]
posted by chuckdarwin at 8:23 AM on July 25, 2007

All I know is that she got some big ass titties, and that's all I want to know.
posted by Astro Zombie at 8:23 AM on July 25, 2007 [1 favorite has favorites]

who has never been in anything.

Paris has been in a few things (Zoolander for one), but it's more true that many more things have been in Paris.
posted by psmealey at 8:24 AM on July 25, 2007 [6 favorites has favorites]

Fuck; it's not like we have a WAR ON, or anything.

Also, it's funny that no one complains about THE WAR when we're all too busy posting in an FPP about limericks, potter spoilers, speeding tickets, or whatever. /derail
posted by Stynxno at 8:24 AM on July 25, 2007 [10 favorites has favorites]

Not true. She's been in many films... that have gone straight to video.

Yeah, that's what I meant by 'nothing'. Simpson has been in some truly awful films that actually opened at cinemas and made money [from brain-dead suckers who wanted to see her tits].
posted by chuckdarwin at 8:24 AM on July 25, 2007

I heard she was engadged to Josiah?
posted by Dreamghost at 8:25 AM on July 25, 2007

Fuck this post.

We killed off the Athenian gods, and here they are again.
posted by four panels at 8:25 AM on July 25, 2007 [5 favorites has favorites]

Yeah, that's what I meant by 'nothing'.

Of course it is, dear.
posted by ThePinkSuperhero at 8:26 AM on July 25, 2007 [1 favorite has favorites]

I feel bad for Lindsay Lohan. I feel bad for her because, in her earlier movies (Parent Trap and Mean Girls, namely) she was good. She was very good. And then she decided to piss away her talent and her career by partying and drinking and just generally being very very stupid.

What a waste.
posted by Zephyrial at 8:26 AM on July 25, 2007

I'm not even sure she decided, Zephyrial; it seems clear that she is in the hands of a pretty serious drug and alcohol addiction, with completely useless parents who have done their fair share of dumb stuff. So young ::sigh:: And she's already been in "rehab" twice! When will it finally sink in?
posted by ThePinkSuperhero at 8:28 AM on July 25, 2007 [1 favorite has favorites]

Stynxno, please don't think I was complaining about this post in particular. You have done this sort of thing as well as it can be done on the blue and far better than I. I made a Paris Hilton FPP here that was deleted in a nanosecond.

I was complaining about the obsession with celebrity in general. It disgusts me, especially when it's me who is obsessing.

Stop me, someone!
posted by chuckdarwin at 8:29 AM on July 25, 2007

Fuck her and Pete Doherty. Fuck them in their stupid celebrity asses. I have absolutely not one jot of sympathy for either of them. Life is tough all over bitches.

They never did a thing to you, but you hate 'em anyway. Well fuck you then. People like you (but not necessarily you in particular, I'm sure you're a wonderful person) are, in aggregate the reason the world sucks so much.

There are millions of people in this country who have the same problems, but somehow being on TV makes you despicable? Fuck that shit.

She's a really crappy, average, mediocre 'actress' who has never made a decent film.

She seems to be afflicted with the same problem as Will Smith. An OK or even good actor with no taste for picking good projects. Look at Scarlett Johanson. She doesn't have a lot of range, but she's in good movies because she picks her projects well.
posted by delmoi at 8:29 AM on July 25, 2007

engaged even...

curses opera spell checker you will rue the day you made dreamghost the great your enemy!
posted by Dreamghost at 8:29 AM on July 25, 2007

Or Mean Girls, she was great in that.

Pleh. I saw Mean Girls, more than once. The other actors in it nail their roles way more than she does. She's like Jerry on Seinfeld: not really great, but acceptable when placed in the right situation.

Also, redhead with teh boobies.
posted by 23skidoo at 8:30 AM on July 25, 2007

Fuck longbaugh and fuck all Westerners. Fuck them in their stupid post-Imperial asses. I have absolutely not one jot of sympathy for their petty 'issues'. Life is tough all over bitches. If you can't be happy when you have continuous electricity and medics show up in minutes after dialing 911 try getting by with these oral rehydration salts. Stop being 'depressed' you adult children and throwing away more shoes than I'll ever wear in my life.

Also, since I spend all day fetching safe drinking water, are these people I'd need to be invaded by to know about etc.

And yes, I am jealous of their lives. Particularly the part where they piss them all away. Ingrate fucks that they are.
posted by Firas at 8:30 AM on July 25, 2007 [2 favorites has favorites]

The problem with Jessica Simpson in "Mean Girls" is that she looks like an "adult", meaning that she couldn't really pass for a highschool kid.
posted by delmoi at 8:32 AM on July 25, 2007

Of course it is, dear.

I'm glad we cleared that up ;-)

House of Wax is an unsung classic, I'm sure.
posted by chuckdarwin at 8:32 AM on July 25, 2007

Who says Weekly World News is dead?
posted by spock at 8:33 AM on July 25, 2007

Paris has been in a few things

She showed up in a couple of episodes of Veronica Mars and it was like someone flipped a photo from color to negative. It was, words fail me . . . she not only sucked, but sucked so hard she took an A cast and A writing and turned the whole thing into an F-. Stupid WB/CW/network run by a toad (and advertises it) stunt casting.
posted by yerfatma at 8:33 AM on July 25, 2007

Look at Scarlett Johanson.

OK.
posted by chuckdarwin at 8:34 AM on July 25, 2007 [7 favorites has favorites]

The problem with Jessica Simpson in "Mean Girls" is that she looks like an "adult", meaning that she couldn't really pass for a highschool kid.

jessica did not look like an adult 3 years ago.

actually, jessica doesn't look like an adult now. and if her creepy ass father keeps it up, she's probably going to end up de-aging.
posted by Stynxno at 8:35 AM on July 25, 2007

There are millions of people in this country who have the same problems, but somehow being on TV makes you despicable? Fuck that shit.

Her problem isn't "she's an alcoholic, coked-out trainwreck," it's "she's an alcoholic, coked-out trainwreck who is given a bazillion chances to straighten out but ganks them all up and who has so much money that she suffers no consequences for her self-destructive behavior."

There's not a million people in this country with that problem.
posted by 23skidoo at 8:35 AM on July 25, 2007

When will it finally sink in?

I guess she has to appear nude in Playboy and flash David Letterman. Then she can make a comeback by way of a bit part in a credible horror movie. Then the world will be her oyster again!
posted by soundofsuburbia at 8:35 AM on July 25, 2007

All I really need to know about this is the South Park episode about Spoiled Stupid Whores.
posted by chlorus at 8:36 AM on July 25, 2007 [1 favorite has favorites]

If I were rich, beautiful and famous, I'd probably be drunk/on drugs all the time too.

Well, at least I'm drunk, which makes me like a fifth of a Lohan.
posted by slimepuppy at 8:36 AM on July 25, 2007 [1 favorite has favorites]

actually, jessica doesn't look like an adult now.

She looks both old and young at the same time- she looks young in spite of all the shit she's doing to herself that's making her look older (plastics, tanning, restylyne).
posted by ThePinkSuperhero at 8:37 AM on July 25, 2007 [1 favorite has favorites]

I protest this blatantly unjust victimization of America's shiningest star! It's an outrage! A travesty! I look forward to the day when Lindsay will prevail against these kangaroo court charges!

(I just realized I've never seen a movie with Lindsay Lohan in it; as far as I'm concerned she's "famous for being famous," like Karl Rove.)
posted by davy at 8:40 AM on July 25, 2007

23skidoo, I know a man who is exactly like that. He's a talented singer-songwriter who has wasted EVERY big opportunity he's ever had. He's been on national TV, national radio, had agents, etc... he always manages to show up drunk or not show up at all.

It's such a waste. I still see him around, but it's pretty sad.

So, yeah. It does happen. If I lived in LA, I'd probably know 100 people like him.

/derail
posted by chuckdarwin at 8:42 AM on July 25, 2007

Plus when you're rich and famous, the drinks and the drugs are way better.
posted by ninjew at 8:43 AM on July 25, 2007

Well, at work today I think I heard about Lohan around 40 times from the radio and TV in the breakroom. It was tragic just how much airtime that was being devoted to it.

She used to be much hotter, imho, when she had more flesh on her bones.
posted by Talanvor at 8:43 AM on July 25, 2007 [2 favorites has favorites]

Nonono, Karl Rove is famous for being formed from the distillate of pure evil, a dash of demagoguery, and the zombiefied left brain of Goebbels.
posted by eurasian at 8:43 AM on July 25, 2007 [1 favorite has favorites]

davy, after having looked, it seems that she was in Altman's last film. What a shame. I was going to watch that... now, not so much.
posted by chuckdarwin at 8:44 AM on July 25, 2007

Hey Firas - I didn't have electricity, running water or light or anything else like that about a week ago. I've been so poor that I've lost over 30lbs in a month because I couldn't afford to eat. I had three guys bust into my house with knives earlier that week and I have two pairs of shoes to my name. So thanks and all, but no, you're wrong. The difference between me and these fucking idiots is that when I screw up something awful it's me who suffers. These shitheels have enough lawyers and assistants to cover for them. If they found coke in my pocket after I'd chased someone, drunk, in my car they'd stick me in jail and that'd be that.

I take it you don't really believe that it's fair that people who are on TV or in the newspapers get a different set of rules that normal folks. Doherty has been given approximately 1x10*30 more chances that any normal crackhead fool because he wears a funny hat and fucks a model. This is not a good thing.

Delmoi - the reason they are undeserving of the sympathy I might give to a poor person undergoing the same issues is that it's harder for people to get over stumbling blocks like alcoholism and addiction. We don't get to go to $3,000/week centres to find ourselves. We get ignored, put in prison or borstal or some other shithole. I have no sympathy for these people because they have the money and all the help that it buys and they still can't fucking sort themselves out. Sorry if that's cruel but I have been in worse situations and have had to extricate myself without the benefit of a high-class lawyer and personal assistant.
posted by longbaugh at 8:45 AM on July 25, 2007 [6 favorites has favorites]

Well, at least I'm drunk, which makes me like a fifth of a Lohan.

What a coincidence -- last night I got drunk on a fifth of Lohan, too. I would have preferred Gray Goose, but I can't afford the good stuff.
posted by pardonyou? at 8:49 AM on July 25, 2007 [1 favorite has favorites]

Doherty has been given approximately 1x10*30 more chances that any normal crackhead fool because he wears a funny hat and fucks a model.

...and because he made a decent-ish album with Carl Barât at one point [up the bracket]. At the time, they were hailed as the saviours of British music.

Also, the jails here are full to overflowing and he has lawyers who can probably argue their way out of most things.

I do wonder, like you, when he will do something that finally earns him so real prison time [i.e. kills someone].
posted by chuckdarwin at 8:49 AM on July 25, 2007

Are you seriously expecting anyone to click on thirty-seven Lindsay Lohan links? LOLZMEFI.
posted by phaedon at 8:50 AM on July 25, 2007

chuckdarwin - Does the British judiciary have an appreciation of modern music? I can't really see any other reason why he hasn't been chained to a radiator somewhere for a couple of weeks otherwise.
posted by longbaugh at 8:53 AM on July 25, 2007

longbaugh, see, it doesn't matter where you start from. Life's a fucking bitch, as you said. Queens have existential angst. CEOs commit suicide. Celebrities have problems.

I agree definitely with a 'are you taking responsibilities for your actions' criterion for evaluating 'sympathy' in a technical sense (ie. has life been unfair to her or has she ruined it.) but on the other hand, you know, being screwed is being screwed and being screwed sucks.

I agree with in the end that I only have so much attention/sympathy to dole out and britney spears doesn't really receive much of it.
posted by Firas at 8:55 AM on July 25, 2007 [1 favorite has favorites]

You spent alot of time on crafting this post. I'm very sorry for you.
posted by Burhanistan at 8:58 AM on July 25, 2007

Surely, those tired of IraqFilter are also tired of DrunkenRichSlutsFilter as well. I await the inevitable 400 comment MeTa thread.
posted by trondant at 9:00 AM on July 25, 2007 [1 favorite has favorites]

My main question for these people is why don't they take a fucking limo/have a driver?

I'd be such a better millionaire gadabout than them because I'd get just as fucked up, be just as entitled and vapid (also I'd wear an ascot at all times, especially when hottubbing or dragging my vast damp bulk across some poor fool of a groupie), be three times meaner to my "assistants" ("Assist me over to the toilet you bug-eyed hag, I wish to disgorge!") and I'd TAKE A FUCKING CAB WHEN I WAS ALL RIPPED UP ON VODKA AND BLOW! Therefore my legal problems would be ten times more entertaining, especially when I have Johnny Cochran cloned to mount my legal defense.

Homegirl is going to kill someone with her car any day now, I can't believe it hasn't happened already.

Yes, there is a war on by the way, which was why my solution to the whole thing is to move Hollywood to Iraq and send the brave reporters of Extra! to go find out what the blast wave of an IED looks like.

People like to bug out on famous people, what can you do?
posted by Divine_Wino at 9:01 AM on July 25, 2007 [7 favorites has favorites]

Does the British judiciary have an appreciation of modern music?

If it generates a massive amount of tax revenue, they probably are a little biased towards the defendant. Not in any measurable way.
posted by chuckdarwin at 9:03 AM on July 25, 2007

it seems clear that she is in the hands of a pretty serious drug and alcohol addiction,

I don't think that's clear.

It's just as likely that she's taking 'young and irresponsible' to the obvious next level. The one that's available when you're rich, famous and don't have particularly good friends and family in your life.
posted by Tacos Are Pretty Great at 9:04 AM on July 25, 2007

I feel bad for Lindsay, but only because she is beautiful.

Thou shalt remain, in midst of other woe
Than ours, a friend to man, to whom thou say'st,
'Beauty is truth, truth beauty,—that is all
Ye know on earth, and all ye need to know.'
posted by ogre at 9:06 AM on July 25, 2007

Herbie: Fully Loaded

A good candidate for the title of her autobiography.
posted by pardonyou? at 9:07 AM on July 25, 2007

Divine_Wino, may I humbly submit the sad (not) tale of one Jack Whittaker?

[a West Virginia businessman who became famous when he won $315 million in the Powerball multi-state lottery. At the time it was the largest jackpot ever won by a single winning ticket in the history of American lottery. He has become even more famous since his win due to several well-publicized brushes with the law as well as personal tragedies.]

posted by chuckdarwin at 9:07 AM on July 25, 2007

When I used to drive ganked on coke like that I usually went no more than 15 mph because I was so concerned about attracting attention. Driving 25 mph under the speed limit is not a great way to not attract attention, but this neither here nor there.

When I got home I usually ran up the stairs as fast possible yelling, "LOOK AWAY LOOK AWAY" at anyone I encountered. Then I stared at the phone for two days straight and if it rang, I would scream until it stopped.

If I had ever went back out for another coke sack and there were 500 photographers piled up on my front steps snapping pictures of me with my pie plate eyes I would have spontaneously combusted. So I think girlfriend does deserve some small measure of respect for remaining relatively easy breezy by comparison.
posted by The Straightener at 9:08 AM on July 25, 2007 [11 favorites has favorites]

I'm surprised no one brought up Robert Downey Jr.'s name. Fantastic actor. But does being a fantastic actor (note that Lohan had also recently been hired by veteran directors such as Altman and Gary Marshall for what turned out to be crap, but .... and was in "Bobby," she'd been making more interesting choices), and an older man who has a decidedly more worldly persona, make people less likely to bitch about all the chances he was given--as opposed to the chances typically granted to the average lower-income crack or meth addict?

I'm sick of hearing about this as well, and wonder why she just doesn't have a driver, and so forth. But I'm interested in this whole "he/she earns jail time" concept. You're forgiven crimes via great acting, rocking out or producing great art? OK.
posted by raysmj at 9:08 AM on July 25, 2007

rumors about a drug dealer connection
posted by Stynxno at 9:13 AM on July 25, 2007

Surely, those tired of IraqFilter are also tired of DrunkenRichSlutsFilter as well. I await the inevitable 400 comment MeTa thread.

Ask and ye shall etc.
posted by cortex at 9:15 AM on July 25, 2007

Firecrotch!
posted by stinkycheese at 9:18 AM on July 25, 2007

Nice!
posted by trondant at 9:18 AM on July 25, 2007

Does the British judiciary have an appreciation of modern music? I can't really see any other reason why he hasn't been chained to a radiator somewhere for a couple of weeks otherwise.

It isn't that -- it's more that despite having laws against these things, by and large, we almost never send anybody to prison for straight possession in the UK.

Even a couple of 'possession with intent to supply' or a fistful of acquisitive crimes like shoplifting, credit card fraud, etc. aimed at funding a habit are likely to only mean treatment via the Drug Interventions Programme.
posted by PeterMcDermott at 9:20 AM on July 25, 2007

They tried to make her go to rehab,
they said "Go, Lo, Go!"

: >
posted by amberglow at 9:21 AM on July 25, 2007 [1 favorite has favorites]

I love posts like these. They make me feel successful and worthwhile.

30 years and counting, no arrests, no DUIs, almost no all night cocaine-induced drunken driving road rage.
posted by Deathalicious at 9:22 AM on July 25, 2007

I'm surprised no one brought up Robert Downey Jr.'s name.

Robert Downey Jr
posted by otherwordlyglow at 9:27 AM on July 25, 2007

In other celeb news, Beyonce fall down go BOOM. She apparently asked the crowd to please not post the fall to YouTube... hahahah.
posted by ThePinkSuperhero at 9:28 AM on July 25, 2007 [2 favorites has favorites]

(fall happens around 27 seconds)
posted by ThePinkSuperhero at 9:29 AM on July 25, 2007 [1 favorite has favorites]

"More broadly, Ms. Lohan’s arrest prompted veteran talent managers to issue dire warnings about the actress’s prospects if she is unable to clean up her act. 'I hope they put her in jail for as long as they can,' said Bernie Brillstein, whose company has represented John Belushi and Chris Farley. 'Maybe she’ll realize how serious it is. I believe she’s uninsurable. And when you’re uninsurable in this town, you’re done.' Ms. Lohan’s publicist and manager did not respond to messages." [NY Times, 7/25/07]
posted by blucevalo at 9:29 AM on July 25, 2007

Sweet Jesus ...

Lindsay. Lohan. Doesn't. Matter.
posted by Relay at 9:31 AM on July 25, 2007

Ah. Thank GAWD! The important stuff.

Good thing there was none of that awful IraqFilter to distract us from this ground breaking news.
posted by tkchrist at 9:34 AM on July 25, 2007

I luv this site. tmz rocks. I just wanna say that, like, her career is so over. Innocent? Ha! I think ... ... wait I see blue.

Sorry. Wrong site.
posted by TrolleyOffTheTracks at 9:40 AM on July 25, 2007

Fuck firas and fuck all Earthlings. Fuck them in their stupid post-Cenozoic asses. I have absolutely not one jot of sympathy for their petty 'issues'. Life is tough all over bitches. If you can't be happy when you have self-sustaining oxygen and a complex ecosystem that harnesses solar energy into food try getting by with these artificially maintained bio-domes. Stop being 'depressed' you adult children and throwing away more biomass than I'll ever recycle in my life.

Also, since I spend all maintaining my existing service bots, are these people I'd need to on Earth to know about etc.

And yes, I am jealous of their lives. Particularly the part where they piss them all away. Ingrate fucks that they are.
posted by Bonzai at 9:41 AM on July 25, 2007 [6 favorites has favorites]

I have this weird disagreement with apparently everyone else on what constitutes someone being a redhead. Evidently, I'm weird because I tend to believe that being a redhead involves having red hair.
posted by Pope Guilty at 9:48 AM on July 25, 2007

I wonder if any of them teenyboppers have learned any lessons from these role models.
posted by Anything at 9:48 AM on July 25, 2007

I think LiLo is still considered a redhead because we know she was born a redhead. Her actual haircolor changes regularly- right now, she's more blonde than strawberry blonde.
posted by ThePinkSuperhero at 9:49 AM on July 25, 2007 [1 favorite has favorites]

I think LiLo is still considered a redhead

What colour is Stitch's hair these days?
posted by chuckdarwin at 9:56 AM on July 25, 2007 [1 favorite has favorites]

actually, jessica doesn't look like an adult now. and if her creepy ass father keeps it up, she's probably going to end up de-aging.

I bet she's just doing character work for a film of Eclipse Fever, amirite?
posted by Lentrohamsanin at 10:01 AM on July 25, 2007

Seriously, who the fuck give a shit?
posted by pmbuko at 10:07 AM on July 25, 2007

At last count - around 90+ MeFites.
posted by longbaugh at 10:11 AM on July 25, 2007

I actually don't care, I just wanted to be snarky.
posted by chunking express at 10:18 AM on July 25, 2007

Hating celebrities is slightly more moronic than loving them.
posted by signal at 10:21 AM on July 25, 2007 [2 favorites has favorites]

I'd be three times meaner to my "assistants" ("Assist me over to the toilet you bug-eyed hag, I wish to disgorge!")

Brings to mind Lewis Black's comedy sketch in which he says he'd spend money on having a "personal ball washer." -- YouTube.
posted by ericb at 10:22 AM on July 25, 2007

I think losing her career would be the best thing for Lindsay. She's obviously not handling it very well, and it doesn't seem like she has anyone in her life who has the courage to intervene. The pictures I've seen of her recently make it look like she's pissing her beauty away, too. It's too bad because she was a very beautiful girl.

I don't understand why people would be so bitter about her "getting away with it" either. Sure, it may seem like a good thing but that's only in the short term. In the long term, getting away with it is the worst thing that can happen to her. I don't see why anyone would revel in a beautiful young girl destroying her life with coke and booze regardless of how rich and famous they are.
posted by effwerd at 10:26 AM on July 25, 2007

as I just said on the metatalk thread, I larned of this thing by watching CNN, where it was treated not as some curiosity (which would be OK, let's not be snobs) by as almost-breaking-news news. which was frankly troubling. but then, they're the ones who employ Larry King and Nancy Grace, so I guess it makes sense.
posted by matteo at 10:27 AM on July 25, 2007

Watching Nancy Grace and that other jackal- the tmz.com guy - makes you feel sorry for Lohan and Hilton.

The people who "report" on these chicks are far more despicable.
posted by wfc123 at 10:29 AM on July 25, 2007

who?
posted by HuronBob at 10:38 AM on July 25, 2007

Actually, I do feel sorry for Lindsay Lohan, the same way I feel sorry for the Olsen twins and anyone who has grown up in Hollywood. I have trouble imagining a worse culture to raise your kids in, and yet parents consciously choose to spend their lives creating starlets, pushing them into modeling and Disney movies before they can tie their fucking shoelaces. I can't imagine being brought up feeling that what's important is that you're seen buying the right $$$ handbag, aspiring to have shots of your grocery trips published in US Weekly, believing your life and career is over when your tits start to sag or you gain twenty pounds.

I'm not saying she's suffering the way a Sudanese kid on the run after the destruction of her home is suffering, but it's not a contest. It's not like you only get to feel pain when you have more problems than everybody else in the world.

And I don't think having bags of money helps you when you're self-destructing. Nor does a get-out-of-jail-free card. It just gives you more leway to do the dumb shit you do when you're all messed up and in over your head, makes it easier to shield yourself from reality. When she finally does have to pull back adn clean herself up, the damage will be that much worse.
posted by bookish at 10:38 AM on July 25, 2007

Fuck bonzai and fuck all organic matter. Fuck them in their dull 'manifested' asses. I have absolutely not one jot of sympathy for them. Or a jot of anything for that matter. Life is tough all over bitches. If you can't deal with entropy when you have thermodynamics and object permanence you can suck my Platonic cave-ashes. Stop radiating atoms you fucking morons and and creating more gravity than me and all my friends combined.

Oh, and since I'm being synthesized and analyzed, are these something I'd need to be a discrete entity to manipulate etc.

And yes, I am jealous of their existence. Especially the part where they're governed by predictable laws. Mass-possessing fucks that they are.
posted by Firas at 10:38 AM on July 25, 2007 [6 favorites has favorites]

Stynxno, you clearly put a lot of work into this post. I don't know why.

Because TPS was looking over his shoulder going "please, oh please post it!!!1". Sadly, it took a minute to switch accounts once they swapped places in front of their computer so she only got the second comment.
posted by justgary at 10:50 AM on July 25, 2007 [1 favorite has favorites]

More than RDJ, I am starting to think Lohan will go the way of Dane Plato.
posted by vansly at 10:52 AM on July 25, 2007 [1 favorite has favorites]

Well. THAT tears it. She has really blown it this time. She could have had me. But NOOOOO. She threw it all away for the blow.

If she thinks I'm sleeping with a convicted criminal, drug addict, and alcoholic she has another thing coming.

After all there can't be TWO of those in a healthy stalking relationship.
posted by tkchrist at 10:54 AM on July 25, 2007 [1 favorite has favorites]

I actually went out with a woman who looked like Lindsey Lohan after 20 years of booze, coke, and cigs. Of course, she turned out to be Completely Fucking Insane.

Yes, I have horrifyingly bad taste in women. But the club was dim. And I was drunk. And she had nice freckled breasteses.
posted by BitterOldPunk at 10:58 AM on July 25, 2007

HuronBob, if 20+ links in the FPP isn't enough to tell you who we're talking about, I'd say the problem lies with you.
posted by NationalKato at 11:02 AM on July 25, 2007

Because TPS was looking over his shoulder going "please, oh please post it!!!1". Sadly, it took a minute to switch accounts once they swapped places in front of their computer so she only got the second comment.

You're metafilter's own TJ Hooker.
posted by Stynxno at 11:15 AM on July 25, 2007 [1 favorite has favorites]

Well, I feel sorry for her. She's been the golden goose for her famously dysfunctional parents since toddlerhood, turned into a brand by Disney at the age most girls are awkwardly exploring thier horsie fixations, celebrated and scrutinized for teh boobies since she hit puberty... This girl probably hasn't had a 'normal' moment in her life. Being raised as a veal calf for public consumption doesn't strike me as conductive to the formation of a well adjusted personality. I suspect the little Bartleby that lives in her lizard brain just preferred not to one day, and hit the self-destruct switch.
posted by maryh at 11:30 AM on July 25, 2007 [3 favorites has favorites]

Delmoi - the reason they are undeserving of the sympathy I might give to a poor person undergoing the same issues is that it's harder for people to get over stumbling blocks like alcoholism and addiction. We don't get to go to $3,000/week centres to find ourselves. We get ignored, put in prison or borstal or some other shithole. I have no sympathy for these people because they have the money and all the help that it buys and they still can't fucking sort themselves out. Sorry if that's cruel but I have been in worse situations and have had to extricate myself without the benefit of a high-class lawyer and personal assistant.

But that's why they're so screwed. They have the money to avoid all the consequences of their actions, or at least shield them. There are lots of ways that the state could help poor people if it tried, but nothing you can really do about rich people. I don't have too much sympathy for the rich, but when it comes to stories like this, or Anna Nicole (for example) I do feel some sympathy.
posted by delmoi at 11:35 AM on July 25, 2007

Oh sure, there’s the alcoholism, drug abuse, and mental illness, and maybe some Hollywood insiders considered her socially undesireable because of her sexual escapades with Bela Lugosi and others, but she was a fantastic actor.
Nah, no one’s going to supplant the original It Girl (and, really, Goth), Clara Bow
(the more things change....)
posted by Smedleyman at 11:36 AM on July 25, 2007 [1 favorite has favorites]

Because TPS was looking over his shoulder going "please, oh please post it!!!1". Sadly, it took a minute to switch accounts once they swapped places in front of their computer so she only got the second comment.

Yes, because I don't have a job, and neither does Stynxno. We just sit at home all day and troll Metafilter from the same computer. Matt pays us. Jealous?
posted by ThePinkSuperhero at 11:40 AM on July 25, 2007 [1 favorite has favorites]

"most girls are awkwardly exploring thier horsie fixations"

You mean "most suburban white girls from well-off familes," don't you?
posted by davy at 11:47 AM on July 25, 2007

"Matt pays us. Jealous?"

YES!!!
posted by davy at 11:48 AM on July 25, 2007

Don't be too jealous- we get paid in sock puppets.
posted by ThePinkSuperhero at 11:50 AM on July 25, 2007 [2 favorites has favorites]

The people I really wonder about in all these incidents are everyone else involved. I mean, between Tara Reid, Britney Spears, Paris Hilton, and Lindsey Lohan, you'd wonder why Congress hasn't been called in to regulate personal assistants the way they want to mandate drug testing in Major League Baseball.

What the fuck requirements do you have to have to be a celebrity's personal assistant these days? How fucking hard is it to have a job that consists almost entirely of making sure you say "hey, idea- let me drive" ?
posted by XQUZYPHYR at 11:53 AM on July 25, 2007 [1 favorite has favorites]

In the book Fame Junkies (Exceprt), Jake Halpern examines the new culture of "celebrity personal assistants". Really interesting.
posted by ThePinkSuperhero at 12:06 PM on July 25, 2007 [3 favorites has favorites]

You mean "most suburban white girls from well-off familes," don't you?

Seeing as, barring her celebrity, she probably would have been a suburban white girl from a well off family, yes.
posted by maryh at 12:13 PM on July 25, 2007

The people who "report" on these chicks are far more despicable.

Lohan emails ‘Access’ to profess innocence.
posted by YoBananaBoy at 12:37 PM on July 25, 2007

in hollywood of yore, producers casting a movie would take the actresses they were considering to their private beachfront estates in malibu and santa monica. after the sun went down, the girls would lie on the sand and look at the stars, and the producers would lie on the stars and look at the sand.
posted by bruce at 12:45 PM on July 25, 2007

is the strawberry quick use as a cocaine mixer real? when i was a druggie many year back, i never would have imagined such a thing. kids these days.
posted by cazoo at 12:53 PM on July 25, 2007

Truly a tragicomic figure. And nippleslips during formal events don't help matters. :(
posted by milquetoast at 1:20 PM on July 25, 2007

It's all coming apart at the seams.

When will President Bush end this goddamn war so our starlets can get back to behaving normally?
posted by psmealey at 1:22 PM on July 25, 2007

in hollywood of yore, producers casting a movie would take the actresses they were considering to their private beachfront estates in malibu and santa monica. ...

I know you meant this as a snark, but that's exactly the point. At least in your scenario, someone was smart enough to make sure all of it was done in private. Where are the producers making sure that she has a sober driver (and a paid assistant with no record who can hold onto all the drugs)?
posted by Gary at 1:25 PM on July 25, 2007

It's all coming apart at the seams.

It sounds like Britney is turning into Devine. Would that be sad or awesome or a little of both? I can't decide.
posted by Lentrohamsanin at 1:37 PM on July 25, 2007

Being raised as a veal calf for public consumption doesn't strike me as conductive to the formation of a well adjusted personality.

You know we hear this excuse time and again, but you also see plenty of other child actors not in the same messes. Scarlett Johansson and Sean Astin aren't seen drunkenly chasing their publicist with a nickel bag of funk in the ash tray. Somehow Drew Barrymore came out of early rehab and possibly the most notoriously drunken gene pool on earth to be a fairly stable human being with an acting career. Jason and Justine Bateman don't seem to be showing up in tabloids for molesting kids or robbing Kwikie-marts to support their crack habits.
posted by Pollomacho at 1:38 PM on July 25, 2007

Life is tough all over bitches. If you can't sort things out....

Anyone else read that as "If you can't snort things out?"
posted by nzero at 1:46 PM on July 25, 2007

Info about Lohan's "drinky" bracelet. "Good Faith" is a croc basically.
posted by Stynxno at 1:52 PM on July 25, 2007

Did I miss the part where Lindsay asked longbaugh for sympathy? I didn't see anybody begging for help and understanding, but so many people here have to declare quite strongly that they have none.

Don't you get it? These people are not real. Their whole purpose is to entertain. That's what celebrities are all about -- we watch as they rise to stardom, cheer when they win awards and laugh when they fall down. It's all theater. None of it really matters to anyone who doesn't know them, just as they don't give a toss about you.

Hilton is the golden-haired blessed child of the super-wealthy business gods who was punished for her hubris; Lohan is the young former innocent led down the trail of sin, and etc etc. It means as much as any reality TV show -- nothing. And I enjoy gossiping about it just as I enjoy watching "Lost". It's simply a mild temporary diversion. I also manage to spend time trying to understand serious issues like THE WAR, contributing time and effort to a charity cause, studying whatever it is I'm into this month, raising a child and all the other important stuff that takes up my days.

Get over your passionate dispassion about it all. It's silly.
posted by Kraftmatic Adjustable Cheese at 1:53 PM on July 25, 2007 [1 favorite has favorites]

XQUZYPHYR writes "What the fuck requirements do you have to have to be a celebrity's personal assistant these days? How fucking hard is it to have a job that consists almost entirely of making sure you say 'hey, idea- let me drive' ?"

Have you ever spent much time with the entitlement set? As far as working for them, it's not about helping them make better choices. It's about not saying no, or getting fired.
posted by krinklyfig at 2:01 PM on July 25, 2007

It's about not saying no, or getting fired.

Very true, but there's a very practical reason it has evolved that way. The multi-platform (movies, modeling, tv, recording contracts, sponsorships) nature of these mega-stars put them beyond the ability of the motion picture houses to control their behavior. The whole business dynamic has swung such that these young retards hold most of the power in those relationships.
posted by psmealey at 2:03 PM on July 25, 2007

Great post Styxno, very impressed with all the linkage (except for the satire site, but that's OK, I didn't catch it at first). However, I don't have to click on any of those links, because me and my post-Imperial ass have nothing better to do than trawl gossip sites and follow this kind of thing on a regular basis. Tally ho!
posted by saturnine at 2:36 PM on July 25, 2007

More than RDJ, I am starting to think Lohan will go the way of Dane Plato.

Totally, but i still think Britney's ahead of Lindsay in line for that ending.

Lohan looked 30 when she was 16, and blond in that current pic she looks like a methed-out truckstop hooker.
posted by amberglow at 3:13 PM on July 25, 2007

Shit milquetoast, you rickrolled me.
posted by snoktruix at 3:17 PM on July 25, 2007

To be that close to total meltdown/self-destruction at, what? 21?

Pathetic. If she's going to go this route, her manager should advise her to switch to heroin. It's lower in calories than booze, and with enough money to stake you, you can probably make it at least through to your 30s while still maintaining your looks.
posted by Tommy Gnosis at 3:18 PM on July 25, 2007

Btw, who the fuck is Pete Doherty?
posted by Tommy Gnosis at 3:21 PM on July 25, 2007

Doherty is some Brit rock guy, and Kate Moss' ex?boyfriend, and a very public addict over there.
posted by amberglow at 3:27 PM on July 25, 2007

Hollywood is a snake pit, where the freaks come out at night.

And in the day, too.
posted by bwg at 3:51 PM on July 25, 2007

LINDSAY LOHAN IS NOT A ROBOT!!!!

JESUS H. CHRIST. I CANNOT STOP!!!!
posted by tkchrist at 3:53 PM on July 25, 2007

So not the best of the web. Sorry.
posted by misha at 4:52 PM on July 25, 2007 [1 favorite has favorites]

Sorry, that was poorly stated. I know who Pete Doherty is, but I HATE that I know who he is. I know that he's a musician, but I have never heard his music. Is he talented? Is he influential? Is he reaching people? I don't know.

What I do know is that he's a very prominent, very famous, self-destructive addict with an even more famous (and hot) girlfriend. I hate that I know that.

I really wish there were still a difference between famous and notorious, but there's not.
posted by Tommy Gnosis at 4:55 PM on July 25, 2007

As Y2Karl is to Iraq, so is Stynxno to Lindsay Lohan.
posted by LarryC at 5:30 PM on July 25, 2007

I know there are more important things to worry about, but...this is kind of sad. Poor girl has no friends, or no real ones anyway.
I like to think that if I had a friend who was having a crazy night, expecially if she had a history of car wrecks, rehab, etc., I'd say , "Hey Lindsay, don't drive tonight, let me call you a cab." And I hope my friends would do the same for me.

Meh.
posted by naoko at 5:33 PM on July 25, 2007

What stands out most about all this is...is that first link really her official site?
posted by Roman Graves at 7:24 PM on July 25, 2007

Very true, but there's a very practical reason it has evolved that way. The multi-platform (movies, modeling, tv, recording contracts, sponsorships) nature of these mega-stars put them beyond the ability of the motion picture houses to control their behavior. The whole business dynamic has swung such that these young retards hold most of the power in those relationships.

No offense, but that's really how it should be. It makes no sense for some random suit to be able to control someone's career
posted by delmoi at 7:45 PM on July 25, 2007

Totally, but i still think Britney's ahead of Lindsay in line for that ending. [like Diane Plato]

You mean working at a drycleaners, and robbing people? Those two will probably never run out of money.
posted by delmoi at 7:47 PM on July 25, 2007

No offense, but that's really how it should be

None taken. I mostly agree. Lindsey Lohan is just one example of how that can go wrong. Instead of building a staff of people who will watch out for her, she's gone the MC Hammer route and surrounded herself with sycophants who are there as long as the party lasts. The sad part is that her own parents are part of that crew.
posted by psmealey at 7:57 PM on July 25, 2007

When I saw the latest arrest on the news, I was reminded of Pete Doherty, in fact! Pete Doherty without the slightest trace of talent, that is. Not that I'm defending Pete Doherty, but really.. undeniably he has more talent than Lindsay Lohan! She's poised to become yet another punchline of the same joke.
posted by Mael Oui at 8:12 PM on July 25, 2007

Fun fact: Lindsay Lohan and I were born on the same day.

the more you know
posted by blasdelf at 8:36 PM on July 25, 2007

Stop with the Rickrolled.
posted by 517 at 9:28 PM on July 25, 2007

Firecrotch!

Is that the hot new browser people are talking about?
posted by stavrosthewonderchicken at 11:53 PM on July 25, 2007

I think it's amusing that in a Fox News op-ed entitled "Lock Up Lindsay Lohan" advocating that she be "charged with every possible crime, and given the maximum penalty when she is found guilty" editorialist Susan Estrich says this:

Compassion in this town is a business decision, not a personal one. Forgiveness is a calculation of future profits, not real remorse. If the powers that are, the agents, executives, producers and advertisers, were to decide that casting Lohan would spell doom for their projects, that putting Kate Moss on your cover means people won’t buy it, that Paris Hilton can no longer carry a show, then guess what would happen?

Yet, Fox News currently has Lohan on the front page of its site nine different times, in nine separate stories/features. (And Britney Spears shows up three different times.)

If the powers that are, the agents, executives, producers Fox News and its advertisers, were to decide that casting cashing in on Lohan, et al would spell doom for their projects so-called "news organization".... then guess what would happen?
posted by taz at 12:48 AM on July 26, 2007

I'd like to come back in and say that yeah - whilst I snapped yesterday at the sheer retardituditinessosity of Lohan et al that yeah, they are deserving of sympathy. They are imperfect, as are we all. I am fucking glad I don't have photographers chasing my ass around all day filming every screw up and making it headline news.

Ms Lohan - I am very sorry. Good luck getting better.

Mr Doherty - You are still a cunt in a hat with a hot model girlfriend. You shall not receive my sympathy. Your music is shit - I downloaded it last night, listened to it and thought "meh". You are everything that is wrong with British music you pasty-faced, gormless-looking crackhead twat.
posted by longbaugh at 1:51 AM on July 26, 2007 [1 favorite has favorites]

I think it's amusing that in a Fox News op-ed entitled "Lock Up Lindsay Lohan" advocating that she be "charged with every possible crime, and given the maximum penalty when she is found guilty"

Yet when it comes to Govt. officials, FOX never wants any GOP official punished and only Democrats, and they even employ indicted and unindicted former GOP officials.
posted by amberglow at 3:18 PM on July 26, 2007

Poll: Which Troubled Starlet Took The Better Mugshot?
posted by amberglow at 4:42 PM on July 26, 2007

Btw, it is *way* easier for rich people to get clean than poor people-- in fact, some of the highest success rates in treatment are for doctors who are not exactly known for impoverishment. the worst success rates are for the poor and uneducated who are also mentally ill and have massive histories of trauma. If you want to have a rehab with great success rates, charge $5000 a day and make people beg to get in: those who can afford it and are willing to beg will be by self-selection far more likely to do well.

the problem is not "escaping consequences" or having had too few bad things happened to you as delmoi suggested.

The problem is having a reason to get and stay clean and the ability to have a decent enough mood for long enough to stick with doing so: this is a lot easier when you still have something to lose and when you have access to alternate sources of pleasure and meaning and good psychiatric care. these are a lot easier to come by if you are rich.

We still think that addiction is solvable by punishment-- if negative consequences like prison or tough treatment worked to end addiction, addiction wouldn't exist since by definition it is compulsive use *DESPITE NEGATIVE CONSEQUENCES*. Though sometimes people stop when they experience bad consequences, it is not predictable that bad consequences will produce this result and often they just make things worse.

The notion of "hitting bottom" is also a myth, since this is always defined retrospectively and is often not the lowest point in someone's story at all.
posted by Maias at 6:11 PM on July 27, 2007

She's also the only hot one out of the three.

None of them are hot.

Anne Hathaway is hot lovely.
posted by bwg at 7:07 PM on July 27, 2007

This thread says a lot more about MetaFilter than it does about a lost 21st-centruy starlet.
posted by St Urbain's Horseman at 7:12 PM on July 27, 2007

Anne Hathaway is lovely.

Yeah, if you're into RealDolls.
posted by Pollomacho at 7:31 PM on July 27, 2007

Maias, you are the most consistently sensible Mefite ever.
posted by Firas at 7:55 PM on July 27, 2007

This thread says a lot more about MetaFilter quite a few Americans than it does about a lost 21^st-Century starlet.
posted by ericb at 7:55 PM on July 27, 2007

I have nothing more to contribute to this thread, often than to express my longing for the opportunity to call someone a "cunt in a hat".
posted by BitterOldPunk at 8:31 PM on July 27, 2007

Yeah, if you're into RealDolls.

Better than coked-out ditch-pigs.
posted by bwg at 8:42 PM on July 27, 2007

Often than?

Jesus Christ. I can't even frame irrelevant posts coherently. Me stop now.
posted by BitterOldPunk at 8:44 PM on July 27, 2007

Anne Hathaway is hot lovely.

Yeah, I've got a picture of her cottage on a tea towel.
posted by PeterMcDermott at 4:37 AM on July 29, 2007

cunt in a hat

This year's version of the Fleshlight.
posted by PeterMcDermott at 4:40 AM on July 29, 2007

That seems more like a cunt in a bat.
posted by BitterOldPunk at 12:04 PM on July 29, 2007