Internet as Confessional

July 25, 2007 12:22 PM

Something heavy weighing on your heart? Confess. Mom Confessions. Dad Confessions. Office Confessions. Bride Confessions.
posted by ThePinkSuperhero (37 comments total)

One of my guiltiest guilty pleasures.
posted by ThePinkSuperhero at 12:23 PM on July 25, 2007 [1 favorite]

True Wife Confessions
posted by NucleophilicAttack at 12:26 PM on July 25, 2007

Okay, who wants to register "truemetafilterconfessions.com" for our own trolls and other troublemakers? I'll go first. I don't like email. That's why my 'group email prank' was such a dirty dirty pleasure. Bwahahahaha.
posted by wendell at 12:29 PM on July 25, 2007

1:31PM: I ate your sandwich.
posted by boo_radley at 12:31 PM on July 25, 2007

My favorite thing about Bride Confessions is the way the secrets will play off each other- one day, someone will say, I love my $25K diamond ring, and everyone else is just jealous. The next day, there will be 5 secrets from people who say their ring was only $15 and they loooove it.
posted by ThePinkSuperhero at 12:37 PM on July 25, 2007 [1 favorite]

11:00 AM: Someone keeps stealing my sandwich, so I made a sandwich with mouse feces in it.
posted by isopraxis at 12:37 PM on July 25, 2007

this makes me miss (the old) lowbrow.com
posted by Mach5 at 12:39 PM on July 25, 2007

3:30: I am dis gusting

3:35: I am gusting

3:40: I am dis gusting again

3:50: Dear Diary, I am an idiot. That is all.
posted by Debaser626 at 12:39 PM on July 25, 2007 [1 favorite]

You know it's "true" because it says right there in the domain name! Aside from the arbitrary focus of each site, how is this any different from the often derided grouphug?

I love how in the comments they refer to each other by timestamp...
posted by prostyle at 12:41 PM on July 25, 2007

Most of these aren't confessions at all:

- When I travel, I masturbate to pictures of my wife
- I have a better woman at home than at the strip joint
- I've only ever had sex with my wife

Who needs to 'confess' stuff like that?
posted by PeterMcDermott at 12:49 PM on July 25, 2007 [1 favorite]

I get enough goddamned unwanted unnecessary personal information from people I do know, thank you.

But enough about me.
posted by psmealey at 12:49 PM on July 25, 2007

Somewhat more risque confessions.
posted by rhymer at 12:56 PM on July 25, 2007

2:05 - I think my coworker's trying to kill me!
posted by boo_radley at 1:05 PM on July 25, 2007

I must not have read a representative selection, because all I see in the dad confessions are "men" gloating because they think they're smarter and better than their wives and girlfriends. I'm not sure what definition of "confession" that falls under - perhaps "I'm such a moron I think being a self-absorbed, whining liar makes me a genius"?

And the mom confessions aren't much better either. At least they're not solely putdowns of men, but they're still not really confessions.
posted by watsondog at 1:15 PM on July 25, 2007

quit stealing your cow orker 's sandwiches
posted by Cranberry at 1:16 PM on July 25, 2007

I have a confession: That big refillable bottle of Poland Spring that I keep on my desk?

It's actually vodka.
posted by psmealey at 1:24 PM on July 25, 2007

Even more risque confessions.
posted by somnambulation at 1:34 PM on July 25, 2007

A lot of those didn't seem like confessions. Not my sort of thing.
posted by chuckdarwin at 1:41 PM on July 25, 2007

Confession: I orked Cranberry's cow.
posted by Pollomacho at 1:43 PM on July 25, 2007

Who needs to 'confess' stuff like that?

All those men have told their mistresses that they love them, and that they'll be getting a divorce soon. The guilt is horrible. I'd imagine.
posted by Lentrohamsanin at 1:45 PM on July 25, 2007

"I'm proud that my home-based business is a success" is a confession? And where are all the closeted married guys?
posted by ethnomethodologist at 1:46 PM on July 25, 2007

From the bride confessions:

"He is hands down, the most AMAZING MAN that I have ever met!!! I would go so far as saying that he tops my daddy!!"

Now, that is amazing.
posted by hermitosis at 1:53 PM on July 25, 2007

07.22.07 1:14a My wife won't quit reading the new Harry Potter book. So I pulled down my pants and showed her my magic wand.

Dammit we agreed no Harry Potter spoilers!
posted by ND¢ at 1:59 PM on July 25, 2007

Like his wife hasn't see better.

"My boss came up to my cubicle to ask me about a file, but little did he know that, under the desk, my pants were undone, and I had been masturbating to pictures of his hotass Jewish daughter."

Do people really do this, masturbate at their desk? I mean, I enjoy a good wank as much as the next guy, but not when we're sharing a cubicle.
posted by maxwelton at 2:42 PM on July 25, 2007

2:44 Ok, who ate my pooh-sandwich experiment?
posted by YoBananaBoy at 2:44 PM on July 25, 2007

I Confess
posted by vronsky at 2:56 PM on July 25, 2007

Bless me father, for I have sinned, it's been three months since my last confession. My husband told me that he was proud of me, next month is my 19th anniversary, my boss cheats on her husband, and I've found the love of my life.
posted by 23skidoo at 3:29 PM on July 25, 2007

I'm embarrassed to be human.
posted by Afroblanco at 4:04 PM on July 25, 2007

07.22.07 1:14a My wife won't quit reading the new Harry Potter book. So I pulled down my pants and showed her my magic wand.

Yes, but does his magic wand vibrate?
posted by porpoise at 4:24 PM on July 25, 2007

Ye gads. At least the mom confessions have a lot more to do with the kids, the dad ones are about how mom won't put out. Ugh.
posted by liquorice at 4:36 PM on July 25, 2007

Reading through the links, I was a reminded on an old New York Times article about the PostSecret site.

Online confessors are like flashers. They exhibit themselves anonymously and publicly, with little consideration for you, the audience. Browse some of the confessionals on the Web: grouphug.us (a simple log), notproud.com (organized by deadly sin) or dailyconfession.com (where you can barely find the confessions for all the promotional stuff). You can see for yourself.

One online confessional, though, breaks the mold. At PostSecret, found at postsecret.blogspot.com, the confessions are consistently engaging, original and well told. How come? The Web site gives people simple instructions. Mail your secret anonymously on one side of a 4-by-6-inch postcard that you make yourself. That one constraint is a great sieve. It strains out lazy, impulsive confessors.

posted by Jasper Friendly Bear at 6:16 PM on July 25, 2007

I confess that I like PostSecret better.

On preview: the Bear beats me to it.
posted by Tehanu at 6:20 PM on July 25, 2007

That'll teach me to get distracted and go read PostSecret before I actually post.
posted by Tehanu at 6:21 PM on July 25, 2007

Most of these aren't confessions at all:
- When I travel, I masturbate to pictures of my wife
- I have a better woman at home than at the strip joint
- I've only ever had sex with my wife
Who needs to 'confess' stuff like that?

Protestants?
posted by Alvy Ampersand at 6:45 PM on July 25, 2007 [1 favorite]

He is hands down, the most AMAZING MAN that I have ever met!!! I would go so far as saying that he tops my daddy!!

I'm confused: does this mean she wants her fiance to top her dad, or is he such a man that her dad automatically bottomed for him?
posted by bonehead at 8:23 PM on July 25, 2007

I guess I was expecting more horse porn confessions or something.
posted by Tommy Gnosis at 8:29 PM on July 25, 2007

"When I travel, I masturbate to pictures of my wife."

When you travel your wife and I swap handjobs.
posted by davy at 8:44 PM on July 25, 2007