Home Surgery

August 9, 2007 11:18 PM

Ewwwwww.Do-it-yourself home lipoma (fatty tumor) excision. But, to be honest, I can't tell if the surgery or the accompanying music is more sick-making.
posted by John of Michigan (64 comments total)

Yeah like I'm gonna click on that.
posted by PostIronyIsNotaMyth at 11:20 PM on August 9, 2007 [3 favorites has favorites]

*watches 10 seconds, runs away screaming*
posted by gomichild at 11:28 PM on August 9, 2007 [3 favorites has favorites]

That was actually pretty quick. I wish it had lasted longer.
posted by MaryDellamorte at 11:28 PM on August 9, 2007

Photo worse than video here.
posted by mdonley at 11:38 PM on August 9, 2007 [1 favorite has favorites]

I've sutured myself before but I think I'll leave the more advanced stuff to the professionals.
posted by Tenuki at 11:44 PM on August 9, 2007

I've sutured myself before but I think I'll leave the more advanced stuff to the professionals.

"Advanced stuff"? So, are you saying that the professionals suture fancy?
posted by blenderfish at 11:52 PM on August 9, 2007

I watched that wondering how someone who was skilled enough to know what to look for and what to cut (as well as what to extract and how it can be done) would do that without the necessary medical knowledge that would include usage of an anesthetic, a proper operating environment, antiseptic swabs, and whatever else one would otherwise use.

I know quite a few basement surgeons who do things like tongue splitting, amputations, scarring, and the like - but they're all quite a bit more professional about it.
posted by revmitcz at 11:53 PM on August 9, 2007 [1 favorite has favorites]

That photo is NOT worse than the video. Not by a longshot.
posted by ORthey at 11:54 PM on August 9, 2007

The US health care system works wonders.
posted by spacelux at 11:56 PM on August 9, 2007

It's like Sicko for cutters. Deaf cutters. Who hate themselves, and their thighs. Yuck.
posted by maryh at 11:56 PM on August 9, 2007

I know quite a few basement surgeons who do things like tongue splitting, amputations, scarring, and the like.

What? Quite a few? Where the hell do you live?
posted by Mr_Zero at 12:00 AM on August 10, 2007 [5 favorites has favorites]

Pretty good work actually.
posted by rmmcclay at 12:01 AM on August 10, 2007

Mr_Zero : Hollywood, CA.

It's not uncommon to find piercers around here with a side-business of DIY surgery in their apartments/homes. You just need to know who to ask, and how to ask them. Most have a "public" portfolio and a "private"portfolio.
posted by revmitcz at 12:06 AM on August 10, 2007

rotten.metafilter.com
posted by YoBananaBoy at 12:07 AM on August 10, 2007

Wasn't the "batshitinsane" tag invented for posts like this?
posted by Poolio at 12:11 AM on August 10, 2007

Next month: craniotomy using a Dremel tool, sterilized plastic forks and knives, and a Dustbuster.
posted by rolypolyman at 12:19 AM on August 10, 2007

You are a bunch of babies. Lipomas are nothing--just cosmetically unattractive. Removing a lipoma is trivial, usually done in the doctor's office, in exactly the same way shown in the video. Five minutes, three stitches and he sends you home with a tube of antibiotic cream. That guy in the video will end up with a tiny scar--IF he keeps it clean while it heals.
posted by metasonix at 12:47 AM on August 10, 2007

For a horrible second when he was holding it up, I thought he was going to eat it.
posted by crabintheocean at 12:56 AM on August 10, 2007

Can I make bacon from this?
posted by dirigibleman at 12:57 AM on August 10, 2007 [2 favorites has favorites]

just had to share with y'all this result from a search for "do-it-yourself circumcision".
posted by bruce at 12:57 AM on August 10, 2007

Can I make bacon from this?

At the very least, you can make it taste like bacon.
posted by Poolio at 12:59 AM on August 10, 2007

posted by rolypolyman Next month: craniotomy using a Dremel tool, sterilized plastic forks and knives, and a Dustbuster.

Here you go!
posted by fandango_matt at 1:05 AM on August 10, 2007

Jesus H. Christ on a fucking crutch.
posted by pjern at 1:21 AM on August 10, 2007

I'm with metasonix. I'm no doctor and don't particularly revel in the sight of blood and gore, but that looked relatively quick and painless. I'd say the girl was a nurse or doctor-in-training. Big hairy deal. Medical practices of the middle ages — hell, the 19th century — creep me out as more "gross" and "archaic."
posted by sharpener at 1:47 AM on August 10, 2007

I'll see your lipoma and raise you the voiding of one sebaceous cyst. (NSFW language, visually not safe for anyone, anywhere...)
posted by St Urbain's Horseman at 2:51 AM on August 10, 2007

rmmcclay: "Pretty good work actually."

That's what I thought, too. It looks as if it was removed completely, there was hardly any bleeding and the wound looked clean and neat; I would have complained about the goofball that moves (blurry) into the shot shortly after the incision is made. Operating under such conditions might be ok for smallish stuff like that, but having your friends jump between the camera and the operating area where someone handles sharp knives does not seem like a very good idea. Likewise I would have asked the girl who looks as if she's about to vomit to stay back a little bit further, just in case...

Oh, and I wold have something like that done by a real doctor, if only because I've seen what happened to friends of friends who tried to save money on piercings; infections are risky, and avoiding them is worth a lot.
posted by PontifexPrimus at 2:56 AM on August 10, 2007

Surgery only squicks me out during the initial cutting. I find the vague transitional period between "whole human" and "bloody guts" unnerving (probably has something to do with the uncanny valley effect). Once the incisions has been completed though, it's no more disturbing to me than a butcher shop.
posted by PsychoKick at 3:01 AM on August 10, 2007

Where's the 'gross' here? I've got one of those things myself. I'd give this a try, except the thing is on my back, and I can't see what I'm doing.
posted by Goofyy at 3:57 AM on August 10, 2007 [1 favorite has favorites]

The music is worse than the video. Goddamn myspace.
posted by seanmpuckett at 4:38 AM on August 10, 2007

Just like crabintheocean, I thought he was going to eat it too.
That said, it was actually a pretty good job.
posted by The Mermaid at 5:04 AM on August 10, 2007

One less thing I have to do today - clink anything here, I mean.
posted by Jody Tresidder at 5:11 AM on August 10, 2007

Where's the 'gross' here? I've got one of those things myself. I'd give this a try, except the thing is on my back, and I can't see what I'm doing.

See, who needs healthcare for all? You're all a bunch of whiners! I'm offering a special this week, any routine 'menu' surgery with an ala carte black market collagen or botox injection [*].

// Microscopic font
[*]Buyer assumes all risk, in the event of medical mishap internment services will be provided for free. Rolled up in a carpet - at the bottom of Lake Superior.
posted by substrate at 5:15 AM on August 10, 2007

Yeah, that 'sebacious cyst' video is interesting, but more for the conversation about how it is NOT a spider bite and whether it is a MRSA boil. I was a bit appalled that he did not take any sanitary pre-cautions -- the kitchen shears were a bit much and the tweezers, ah yes, low control tweezers. If any of the medical folks here can clarify what it was that caused that cyst that would be good and what was that material that was dangling from the wound?
posted by jadepearl at 5:17 AM on August 10, 2007

death. liquid death was dangling from the wound.

(not a medically qualified opinion)
posted by exlotuseater at 5:35 AM on August 10, 2007

So you want to remove your own appendix?
posted by blue_beetle at 6:38 AM on August 10, 2007

I saw that trepanation thing a while ago. Still can't get over the fact that there exist people who think that the brain can work better than it already does, encased by a skull. The idiocy astounds me. "Pulsation" and "dormant areas" and all that crap. If you think drilling a hole in your head will make you smarter, your entire brain is a dormant area.
posted by caution live frogs at 6:41 AM on August 10, 2007

I've got a good sized sebaceous cyst on top of my head. I don't have insurance to cover it now, but I can't imagine trying to remove it myself.
posted by scalefree at 7:05 AM on August 10, 2007

I call fake.

The initial incision doesn't bleed at all. Even the sides of the skin flap aren't red.

And there's a quick cut right before she pinched the lump. After it's removed, there's no blood filling the hole. I bleed more if I cut myself shaving.

It looks like a cheesy latex flap glued over a piece of plastic that is covered with red paint When they cut into it, the paint slides around a bit, but there's no flow. Blood would be pouring out of that wound.
posted by Pastabagel at 7:13 AM on August 10, 2007

Holy shit, that spider bite one is... Genuinely sickening. To begin with it wasn't too bad, but then it just kept going and going and going.

It's funny that this should come up now, I linked this nasty home cyst removal video on my site just a week or two ago.
posted by The Monkey at 7:14 AM on August 10, 2007

I know quite a few basement surgeons who do things like tongue splitting, amputations, scarring, and the like - but they're all quite a bit more professional about it.

I got wondering about if you could get a real surgeon to split your tongue. It seems that you can. I wonder about scarring.
posted by kosem at 7:50 AM on August 10, 2007

It doesn't bleed because she's squeezing under the incision the entire time. That's what surgeons use hemostats for (hence the name).
posted by noble_rot at 8:02 AM on August 10, 2007

crabintheocean,
In one of Vice magazine's "Party Issues," a guy eats the cyst after home surgery to remove it from his head. There's even a picture of the cyst on his tongue. I can't find it in the online version though, sorry.
posted by solipsophistocracy at 8:34 AM on August 10, 2007

What a wonderful way to become infected!
posted by Muddler at 8:56 AM on August 10, 2007

I squeezed a cebacious cyst on my back out once. It started out as just a little stringy bit of wax, but just kept going, and going and going and going. I think I had a big enough pile of stuff at the end of it to make a candle out of it if I wanted to.
posted by empath at 9:12 AM on August 10, 2007

I watched this around 2 AM last night after struggling with insomnia. My heart began to race, my breath became short, I began to sweat and almost puked, in short I had a fair to middling panic attack. Slammed the laptop shut (cursing John of Michigan). Took half of a xanax, went to bed, slept like a babe. Thanks Metafilter, you rock!!
posted by Skygazer at 9:55 AM on August 10, 2007

These are the things we hate to love.

Gross. And totally awesome.
posted by SassHat at 10:00 AM on August 10, 2007

oh thats nothing! Wait till you see a perirectal abscess drained!
posted by cdcello at 10:29 AM on August 10, 2007

If you think drilling a hole in your head will make you smarter, your entire brain is a dormant area.

"You need a hole in your head like . . . well, like you need a hole in your head."
posted by jason's_planet at 10:56 AM on August 10, 2007

Do-it-yourself home lipoma (fatty tumor) excision

I think we of the YouTube generation have just witnessed the birth of a new and improved Internet Tough Guy.
posted by Blazecock Pileon at 11:01 AM on August 10, 2007

I thought I had a gross, but poppable/drainable cyst in my mouth for way too long. I can't tell you how many times I wanted to drain that thing. Then I finally went to the doctor and he discovered that it was a lipoma. Extracting a lipoma from the inside of your mouth is pretty heavy duty stuff. Thank goodness I didn't do it on my own. Here's what my little offspring looked like when it was out. Ew, ew, ewwww.
posted by redteam at 11:08 AM on August 10, 2007

soooo glad nobody has invented smell-o-vision for the intertubes.
posted by killy willy at 11:39 AM on August 10, 2007

If we're nominating for the grossest of youtube, I'd have to say that this quartet of videos* takes the cake.

*in which a physician extracts multiple liters of pus from each of several patients. For the medically skilled among us, the physician who filmed these asks for suggestions about WTF is going on.
posted by ROU_Xenophobe at 1:03 PM on August 10, 2007

I got wondering about if you could get a real surgeon to split your tongue. It seems that you can. I wonder about scarring.

It's a surprisingly quick and (as I understand, painless) procedure. And reversible. I'd probably get it done, but my biggest fear is ending up with a lisp. That would ruin my goals of doing voicework.


Anyway - scarring is minimal.
posted by revmitcz at 1:20 PM on August 10, 2007

If we're nominating for the grossest of youtube, I'd have to say that this quartet of videos* takes the cake.

*in which a physician extracts multiple liters of pus from each of several patients. For the medically skilled among us, the physician who filmed these asks for suggestions about WTF is going on.
posted by ROU_Xenophobe at 4:03 PM on August 10

Dear god, if any videos every justified both the YouTube login and age verification warnings, these do.

Question for the medical professionals. Pus is white blood cells, blood, and bacteria, right? So when they drain these things, especially in the quantity from those leg videos, why wouldn't they pour some alcohol into the pan first, to kill everything living in that horrific liquid. You know just in case.

Doctors are heroes. I admire their patience. IF I was a doctor, after draining four liters of pus from the patient. I would stitch them up, get myself cleaned up, and then punch in face them as hard as possible yelling "WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?"
posted by Pastabagel at 1:55 PM on August 10, 2007

In this case, what's wrong with them is that they're rural Africans without regular access to health care, and are probably used to enduring painful chronic conditions.
posted by ROU_Xenophobe at 2:02 PM on August 10, 2007

I used to collect autopsy photos for fun, but this stuff is just too much. That spider bite....

Now where the hell did I leave that xanax....
posted by Skygazer at 2:23 PM on August 10, 2007

Yeah, that 'sebacious cyst' video is interesting, but more for the conversation about how it is NOT a spider bite and whether it is a MRSA boil.

I realize this doesn't help in this case, but Staph has a very distinct smell. You can usually tell something is staph-y before the dressing even comes off. Something that size being drained into the open air - it would have been pretty obvious if you were there. (and why guess MRSA first when there is plenty of normal staph out there? Does resistant staph form bigger tumors? That's an actual question, I have no idea.)

I would say that looks reasonably like a spider bite with some envenomation.
posted by milovoo at 2:35 PM on August 10, 2007

This is awesome. I still don't understand what makes pus that consistency, though. Especially where the guy with the thing on his jaw pulls out something that looks exactly like a worm at the end.
posted by Liosliath at 3:27 PM on August 10, 2007

My palomeidal abcess was worse. Imagine sprouting a second asshole above your regular one, except it always hurts like hell, and you can't control when the sticky, smelly stuff comes out of it.
posted by tehloki at 5:47 PM on August 10, 2007

We'll be seeing more of this. 50 million Americans without health insurance. It's a growing home hobby. Get in now while you can.
posted by Lucy2Times at 5:54 PM on August 10, 2007

Tehloki, do you mean a pilonidal cyst (abcess)? I have to tell you, you just get more interesting in my mind every day. (For the Pilonidal + swollen uvula, that is)
posted by Liosliath at 8:53 PM on August 10, 2007

The doctor in Minnedosa MB (this thing happened on Katimavik) was from South Africa, and had a thick accent and indecipherable handwriting. Who knew I was calling it the wrong thing all this time....
posted by tehloki at 10:55 PM on August 10, 2007

Also, via Lioslath's link:

"Rush Limbaugh, the conservative talk show host, was not drafted during the Vietnam War because he had been classified 1-Y (previously referred to as 4-F) after a physical found that he had an inoperable pilonidal cyst."

1st thought: damn, I have something in common with Rush Limbaugh

2nd thought: HAHAHA! COUNTING HIS MOUTH, HE HAS THREE ASSHOLES!
posted by tehloki at 10:58 PM on August 10, 2007 [1 favorite has favorites]

I love these weight loss videos! Eehk!
posted by petersn1 at 6:48 PM on August 15, 2007