Join 3,556 readers in helping fund MetaFilter (Hide)


Make Yourself Look Good on Facebook
August 24, 2007 7:51 AM   Subscribe

10 Steps to a More Dateable Facebook Profile 6. Un-tag photos at will. Bad angle? Bad outfit? Bad situation? Un-tag that picture! It's not worth adding a few numbers to that photo count to be seen in a photo that doesn't cast you in an entirely positive light. Did you see what happened to Miss New Jersey?
posted by ThePinkSuperhero (67 comments total) 3 users marked this as a favorite

 
This is wrong. There is only one step to having a dateable facebook profile:

1. Be female. And single.

Actually, I kinda want to set the author of this blog on fire.
posted by nasreddin at 7:59 AM on August 24, 2007 [3 favorites]


Why would you want to date anyone dull enough to spend that much time on Facebook?
posted by Armitage Shanks at 8:01 AM on August 24, 2007


Step 1-10. Delete it.
posted by Citizen Premier at 8:01 AM on August 24, 2007 [2 favorites]


Sometimes I forget that Facebook is used completely differently on college campuses, since every student is inevitably a member.
posted by smackfu at 8:02 AM on August 24, 2007


What incredibly scandalous photos. This says more to me about our puritanical standards than it does about her wanton ways.
posted by djeo at 8:04 AM on August 24, 2007


It's not your fault if your friends write stupid things on your wall, but it is your fault if you leave them up there for the whole world to see. Worried that you'll hurt their feelings? They obviously weren't being so considerate when they wrote YOU ARE A DOUCHE AND I HATE YOUR FAT FACE.

What kind of friends does this person have?

Most of these tips are really asinine.
posted by orange swan at 8:05 AM on August 24, 2007


Moderate your wall comments and though your life depended on it

Seriously... Facebook is for dating?!?!? It seems like there are plenty of other avenues out there for that ...

Dating news and advice for top college students

Horrible.
posted by mrgrimm at 8:05 AM on August 24, 2007


There was a scandal about those pics? Jeez, if anything, they humanize her.
posted by notsnot at 8:10 AM on August 24, 2007


The days of being too cool for social networking sites are over

Fail.
posted by prostyle at 8:10 AM on August 24, 2007


Seriously... Facebook is for dating?!?!? It seems like there are plenty of other avenues out there for that ...

I don't think it works that well as a dating system. Dating systems have to have good search functions, which allow for picking out people based on whatever criteria you want. Facebook doesn't have this, so I can't find interesting men and therefore don't send out any bids. I do get pokes and messages and friend requests from people who want to date me, but I've never responded to any of them because I didn't find any of them at all attractive or interesting. Some of them aren't even single. Ugh.
posted by orange swan at 8:11 AM on August 24, 2007


1. Be female. And single.

More accurately this would read stating that you are female and that you are willing? Forget the single part.
posted by Pollomacho at 8:14 AM on August 24, 2007


The tips in this article might seem like common sense, but I have seen at least 7 of the infractions he mentions.
posted by ThePinkSuperhero at 8:14 AM on August 24, 2007 [1 favorite]


Tips on optimizing your internet to be more dateable. Too bad this idea wasn't around when Alanis Morissette wrote her famous song.
posted by DU at 8:18 AM on August 24, 2007 [2 favorites]


Facebook is definitely used by people for dating, but not in the way orange swan is talking about. Usually it will be people who have already met, and they use Facebook to find out more information about each other. Including, most crucially, whether they are single and how to contact them.
posted by grouse at 8:20 AM on August 24, 2007


Facebook is definitely used by people for dating, but not in the way orange swan is talking about. Usually it will be people who have already met, and they use Facebook to find out more information about each other

I used to think this was how people used Facebook and MySpace for dating purposes, but I'm hearing more and more stories of people who meet ON one of the sites. Maybe they have a "real life" connection some how- mutual friends, school connection- but they contact each other for the first time through a social networking site.
posted by ThePinkSuperhero at 8:22 AM on August 24, 2007 [1 favorite]


#8 is so true. Sometimes I think - is this student/person really a lesbian?
posted by k8t at 8:25 AM on August 24, 2007


a More Dateable Facebook Profile

people date web pages?
posted by quonsar at 8:26 AM on August 24, 2007 [1 favorite]


I can only report on the dating habits of my friends, myself, and my exes.
posted by grouse at 8:28 AM on August 24, 2007


DU: "Too bad this idea wasn't around when Alanis Morissette wrote her famous song."

I'm broke but I'm happy
I'm poor but I'm kind
I'm short but I'm healthy, yeah
I'm high but I'm grounded
I'm sane but I'm on Facebook
...
posted by Plutor at 8:32 AM on August 24, 2007 [2 favorites]


*clicks on Miss New Jersey link, looks at pictures*

I thought we did the Hot Chicks With Douchebags thing yesterday.
posted by the other side at 8:33 AM on August 24, 2007 [2 favorites]


A few years back a couple of (male) friends of mine decided that Facebook was the ultimate way to meet girls. They'd basically search through our school's directory for single women. I remember one giving this advice to the other "poke as much as humanly possible. Eventually, one will respond." I'm pretty sure this plan didn't end up being as successful as originally anticipated...
posted by SassHat at 8:34 AM on August 24, 2007


I thought we did the Hot Chicks With Douchebags thing yesterday.

Every great thing deserves a second look.
posted by Stynxno at 8:35 AM on August 24, 2007


I used to think this was how people used Facebook and MySpace for dating purposes, but I'm hearing more and more stories of people who meet ON one of the sites. Maybe they have a "real life" connection some how- mutual friends, school connection- but they contact each other for the first time through a social networking site.

Yes, this is true. Facebook can lead to dates, but they usually have a "reconnecting with someone from your past" or "meeting the friend of a friend" kind of angle to them, rather than the truly random connections you get on typical dating sites.
posted by orange swan at 8:37 AM on August 24, 2007


I don't think that Facebook is used as a traditional dating site (searching for people you don't know) as much as a way to find out more about good-looking acquaintances, other people in class, etc.
posted by the jam at 8:37 AM on August 24, 2007


I actually scolded an ex of mine for not telling me about all his cute single friends;-)
posted by orange swan at 8:38 AM on August 24, 2007


A few years back a couple of (male) friends of mine decided that Facebook was the ultimate way to meet girls. They'd basically search through our school's directory for single women. I remember one giving this advice to the other "poke as much as humanly possible. Eventually, one will respond." I'm pretty sure this plan didn't end up being as successful as originally anticipated...

I believe that the technical term for this is "carpet bombing".
posted by Stynxno at 8:39 AM on August 24, 2007


Agreed -- I never thought of Facebook as a dating site. I've had an account there for several months and it's a pretty dead social scene compared to other places. Since it's not really doing much of anything except feeding others info for their own benefit, I'm debating whether to delete the account.
posted by zek at 8:41 AM on August 24, 2007


I don't know about the rest of you, but I use Facebook and MySpace to look up the profiles of people I hated in high school and laugh at how they are going nowhere.

And then I ask them for a date.
posted by fallenposters at 8:51 AM on August 24, 2007 [6 favorites]


Uh, best of the web?
posted by dontoine at 9:03 AM on August 24, 2007


In 1000 years, when anthropologist discover these photos amidst the blasted out remains of what was once North America, they will know without a doubt what it was like to be from New Jersey.
posted by four panels at 9:18 AM on August 24, 2007 [4 favorites]


...and all this time I thought Facebook was just for stalking.
posted by Floydd at 9:20 AM on August 24, 2007


Step 1-10. Delete it.

I thought it was impossible to delete FB accounts.
posted by dobbs at 9:24 AM on August 24, 2007


How the hell do you randomly meet someone on Myspace or Facebook?

"hey baybee w3 hav so much in comon! ur qiz resoolt 4 'whut bublegum flavr r u?!?!111' is turd flavr too hahahah lol wana ride my e-dick111!!11!!?!1?!"
posted by bunnytricks at 9:32 AM on August 24, 2007


people date web pages?

Sometimes; sometimes they just have one-night stands with them. Either way, it gets messy fast.

and Flickr never returns my calls, that fucker.
posted by COBRA! at 9:32 AM on August 24, 2007


and Flickr never returns my calls, that fucker

I think you mean fuckr(tm).
posted by uncleozzy at 9:37 AM on August 24, 2007 [1 favorite]


I am the titan Epimetheus, come to inform everyone who does not yet have my gift of hindsight:

If you diverted the effort you currently use in hunting for tang, and did something constructive with it, you will be better off. Working harder to get sex has a net negative effect on how much sex you get.

if you are not generally successful at getting laid, your Facebook profile will not help you. If you are generally successful at getting laid regularly, you do not need Facebook. Do not bother to micromanage your profile in the hopes of seeing another's naughty bits.
posted by Mayor Curley at 9:39 AM on August 24, 2007 [2 favorites]


Not having Facebook is the new not watching TV for smug intellectual types.

If you're from/been to Canada lately you'll know that virtually EVERYBODY is on it/talking about it. It's actually unbelievable how much the site has taken off here. (at least the parts of the country I've been around in the last while)

Toronto has almost 800,000 Facebook members - this is out of a population of just 2.4 million.

I can't say I know for sure where the whole thing is going, but there are a hell of a lot of people going with it.

I'll leave you with a quote from my mom:

"I don't have any idea what this Facebook is, but I think it should be stopped"
posted by davey_darling at 9:46 AM on August 24, 2007


OK... so here I am, a lowly faceless government cubicle gnome in Ottawa, spending part of my Friday lunch hour looking at "blackmail" photos of Miss New Jersey that wouldn't earn a box of blackboard chalk from my kid's elementary schoolteacher were she the "blackmailee" in question. And as I wade through a few screens indicating that it was a fairly significant news item on at least one US national television network, suddenly it hits me: "WHAT THE $%#^ IS THE MATTER WITH EVERYONE (me included)??"

If I find an answer, I'll let you know. Meanwhile, I'm off to finish my lunch hour by picking up around p.400 or thereabouts of the first time I've ever read Ayn Rand's "The Fountainhead". Great book, by the way. I haven't found anyone the least bit likeable yet among its cast of characters , but wow can this woman write!

C-U-L8R is, I believe, the correct message for this medium.
posted by Mike D at 9:48 AM on August 24, 2007


I think you mean fuckr(tm).

Now that is a terrific name for a certain type of dating site.
posted by orange swan at 10:05 AM on August 24, 2007


Not having Facebook is the new not watching TV for smug intellectual types.

The difference being that, even if you think television is beneath you, you understand that it's there to entertain. I just don't "get" social networking. I have friends, and if I want to know what they're up to, I call them or email them or go have a beer with them. I don't mean this in a get-off-my-lawn kind of way. I genuinely don't understand what value Facebook adds to my life. (I should say that I do have a Facebook profile, but I have no idea what to do with it.)
posted by uncleozzy at 10:06 AM on August 24, 2007


Actually, I kinda want to set the author of this blog on fire.

*reads blog entry*

*hands nasreddin a lighter*

I thought it was impossible to delete FB accounts.

It isn't. And with every application my friends add to their profiles, the closer I get to doing it.

Meanwhile, I'm off to finish my lunch hour by picking up around p.400 or thereabouts of the first time I've ever read Ayn Rand's "The Fountainhead".

I haven't liked what I've read of her work, but I haven't tried The Fountainhead. I'm off to finish Astonishing X-Men #22.
posted by Tehanu at 10:10 AM on August 24, 2007


> Sometimes; sometimes they just have one-night stands with them. Either way, it gets messy fast.

You can tell the easy ones. They're set in comic sans.
posted by jfuller at 10:16 AM on August 24, 2007


Yeah, I hardly ever log in just to look at the news feed anymore because there's no way to turn off all the application notifications.
posted by grouse at 10:21 AM on August 24, 2007


God, yes, those stupid applications. I'm an application refusenik. NO I AM NOT BECOMING A ZOMBIE IN ORDER TO BITE YOU, SO STOP ASKING.
posted by orange swan at 10:26 AM on August 24, 2007


Score: -1, would not date again.
posted by McGuillicuddy at 10:29 AM on August 24, 2007


I wonder if the Facebook devs are sad at what they've enabled. "Oh look, someone used our fancy API to make SuperPOKE XL (Kitten Version)."
posted by smackfu at 10:31 AM on August 24, 2007


I was having zero luck with my Facebook profile until I put a closeup pic of my cock on there. YMMV.
posted by LordSludge at 10:37 AM on August 24, 2007 [3 favorites]


Not all of us have access to scanning electron microscopes with digitizer units, like you...

*o snaps*
posted by stenseng at 11:01 AM on August 24, 2007


From the MSNBC link:

I feel sick to my stomach. I really do,” Amy Polumbo told host Matt Lauer. “You know, they’re not that bad, but they were meant to be private. And it is making me feel very vulnerable that the entire country has to see them now because of this situation.”

Update

* Pageant rules Miss N.J. can keep her crown | Video
* View the photos of Polumbo

posted by quin at 11:18 AM on August 24, 2007


Meanwhile, I'm off to finish my lunch hour by picking up around p.400 or thereabouts of the first time I've ever read Ayn Rand's "The Fountainhead".

I recommend Sewer, Gas, and Electric next.
posted by mrgrimm at 11:29 AM on August 24, 2007


"I feel sick to my stomach. I really do,” Amy Polumbo told host Matt Lauer.

Matt Lauer makes me sick, too, but it's either with rage or laughter, depending on the situation.
posted by COBRA! at 11:32 AM on August 24, 2007


Not all of us have access to scanning electron microscopes with digitizer units, like you...

Oh yeah? Oh yeah??? Well, your mother's so fat on Myspace!!

In my top 8, actually. Sweet lady.
posted by LordSludge at 11:40 AM on August 24, 2007


I know huh. She really is a sweetie, (of course I'm biased...)
posted by stenseng at 11:57 AM on August 24, 2007


mrgrimm : I recommend Sewer, Gas, and Electric next.

Too weird. I just grabbed this book off my shelf this morning to read over lunch.
posted by quin at 12:19 PM on August 24, 2007


i had no idea that facebook was for dating. does anybody actually get messages on facebook from people they don't know? i must be really lame. it's always just been a college thing for me.
posted by timory at 12:29 PM on August 24, 2007


For those who argue that Facebook is useless, consider my situation.

I'm running the Ball State game of Humans vs Zombies come October. (I'd be worried about self-linkage, but it's in a comment and it's not like any of you are BSU students anyway.) I'm creating flyers, posting them up all over campus, encouraging people to spread the word about the game, meeting with the Residence Life people to hammer out a mutually agreeable ruleset, that sort of thing. I want to have a way to know how many people are interested in Facebook and to be able to get in touch with all of them.

I could, I suppose, pay for hosting and build a website where people could put in their email addresses and have to deal with taking care of it and so forth. But screw all that time and expense and effort. I just created a Facebook group and now I have a discussion forum and membership list. And since everyone on campus has a Facebook account, anyone who wants in can just join the group, and I can discuss issues with players and

I guess my point is, Facebook and sites like it are useful to those whose needs align with their functions. Facebook provides a solution that matches up with my need. AutoCAD and Subversion are completely worthless to me, as none of my needs coincide with the solutions they present. That doesn't make them useless or pointless- it just means that I don't have a use for them.
posted by Pope Guilty at 12:58 PM on August 24, 2007


quin: great book. good for plenty of laughs, and an addictive read, imo.

the ghost of Ayn Rand is completely unfair, but very fun, especially at the end. i picked up a new version for $4. (found a $2 hardcover version of Fup on the same day... a very happy day.)

Set this House in Order (Matt Ruff) is also excellent, but ultimately not as satisfying for me. Looking forward to Bad Monkeys once I find a copy ...
posted by mrgrimm at 1:00 PM on August 24, 2007


Er, "I want to have a way to know how many people are interested in Humans vs Zombies". I don't know how I typed "Facebook" there. I'm dumb.
posted by Pope Guilty at 1:08 PM on August 24, 2007


I was de-virginised by a woman I met on Unix `talk` after she liked my `finger` plan. With all the pretty pictures and suchlike, kids have it easy these days.

Also, with all the new widget cruft, many Facebook profiles are becoming as grotty and slow as MySpace. This is not progress. Meanwhile, Friendster remains the place to hook up with East Asians, and Orkut is great if you speak Portuguese .
posted by meehawl at 2:18 PM on August 24, 2007



i had no idea that facebook was for dating. does anybody actually get messages on facebook from people they don't know? i must be really lame. it's always just been a college thing for me.


If you're female and reasonably cute looking you will get quite a lot of random messages from people you don't know trying to hook up.

I'm neither of those things but I hacked into this girl "I know" account and she had dozens of them, usually with a terse "f off asshole, i don't do ugly" reply.

Eight of those were from me :(
posted by monkeyx-uk at 2:34 PM on August 24, 2007 [1 favorite]


God, yes, those stupid applications. I'm an application refusenik. NO I AM NOT BECOMING A ZOMBIE IN ORDER TO BITE YOU, SO STOP ASKING.

I've only recently become aware of the parallel world of Facebook zombies, werewolves, vampires, and pirates. Ironically I'm a big fan of all of those, but within the context of Facebook I really don't get it.
posted by Tehanu at 3:57 PM on August 24, 2007


The difference being that, even if you think television is beneath you, you understand that it's there to entertain. I just don't "get" social networking. I have friends, and if I want to know what they're up to, I call them or email them or go have a beer with them.

I find the facebook has become a significant source of email, for whatever reason. And I also have found it great for keeping in touch with people far away. For example, my new roomate in Montreal will be an old roomate who I contacted when her profile showed her to be a McGill student rather than going where I thought she was going. It has worked out great for that sort of connection.

I think that email can be too impersonal and telephone too inconvenient. Facebook, which gives you contact and a bit more face time (i.e. you can keep up with what friends are doing and not have to have the annoying "so, what have you been up to" conversation every time), is a happy medium.

People who use facebook (IMHO) do not, for the most part, become socially inept. I still go out, have beer with friends, etc. I just also use facebook as a convenient and useful way to stay in touch with people I may otherwise have lost contact with.
posted by ouchitburns at 7:06 PM on August 24, 2007


Man, Facebook should be subtitled "You are not going to believe what happened to everyone from high school."
posted by 235w103 at 7:31 AM on August 25, 2007


And I also have found it great for keeping in touch with people far away.

Me too. Especially people I met while traveling. I can vaguely keep tabs on what they're up to. The alternative is to send an email once every 6 months, which may or may not get any response at all. Because you really don't have that much to talk about... you just want to keep some connection so if you every find yourselves in the same location again, you can meet up. Facebook is ideal for this.
posted by smackfu at 11:48 AM on August 25, 2007


I stumbled across my summer camp boyfriend from the year I turned twelve. We are 38 years old, now. I live in Seattle, he lives in California. Kind of bizarre and amazing.
posted by astruc at 8:37 PM on August 25, 2007


In the world of modern photography, why not just embed the creation date in the EXIF metadata of the image? It's instantly machine-dateable then.
posted by davemee at 9:23 AM on August 27, 2007


davemee: Did you mean to post in this thread?
posted by grouse at 9:51 AM on August 27, 2007


« Older Bored? Why not watch some groovy slideshows from s...  |  Vernor Vinge: Mathematician, c... Newer »


This thread has been archived and is closed to new comments