"Unfortunately, Bin Laden was a really good hider."

August 26, 2007 10:43 AM

The Ongoing Hunt for Osama bin Ladenis a comprehensive Newsweek update on the search for Osama. Psychics can't find him. Native American trackers can't find him. As the Daily Show noted in 2004, the dead or alive terrorist mastermind is "a really good hider."
posted by kirkaracha (36 comments total)

If we find him, we have no bogeyman.
posted by Malor at 10:45 AM on August 26, 2007

Have they tried telemarketers? They seem able to track anyone down.
posted by gomichild at 10:47 AM on August 26, 2007 [1 favorite has favorites]

Come on, he's been dead for years: we've heard nothing from him. How long can you live on the run while needing dialysis?
posted by lupus_yonderboy at 10:51 AM on August 26, 2007

Osama bin Laden and Emmanuel Goldstein are hiding on an island somewhere, supping ice-cold margaritas whilst working on their tans.
posted by Blazecock Pileon at 10:51 AM on August 26, 2007 [4 favorites has favorites]

Is that who has been sleeping on my sofa? I was wondering why he always refused my delicious rum milkshakes.
posted by Astro Zombie at 10:56 AM on August 26, 2007

Osama Bin who??
posted by Skygazer at 10:57 AM on August 26, 2007

How can you find someone you aren't really looking for?
posted by Mikey-San at 11:09 AM on August 26, 2007 [5 favorites has favorites]

Doesn't Al-Qaeda go on vacation in August?
posted by any major dude at 11:27 AM on August 26, 2007

The administration would not benefit from capturing bin Ladin and therefore will not attempt to capture bin Ladin.
posted by Pope Guilty at 11:31 AM on August 26, 2007 [3 favorites has favorites]

I saw Osama just the other day. He was playing golf with this guy. Then afterwards they hung out at the Circle K with Elvis and Hendrix.
posted by ZachsMind at 11:31 AM on August 26, 2007

"...capturing bin Laden is 'not a top priority use of American resources.'" -- George W. Bush | September 2006

"I truly am not concerned about [bin Laden]" -- George W. Bush | March 2002
posted by ericb at 11:33 AM on August 26, 2007 [4 favorites has favorites]

Why the assumption he's dead?

The only time I've ever listened to Don Imus was on the radio once during a long drive. The guy who always plays the tough Drill Sergeant (think Full Metal Jacket) was a guest. He and Don agreed that not only was Osama dead but so was Saddam, who was currently in hiding. There wasnt much logic or proof other than "Rah rah america, we havent heard from those guys so they must be dead. Our bombs and soliders are too smart."

Sadly, Osama is probably alive and well and still working towards furthering Al Qaedas goals.
posted by damn dirty ape at 11:34 AM on August 26, 2007

Osama goes up to the north pole every year to help out Santa's elves. Labor day is fast approaching so he's probably helping Jerry's kids.
posted by ZachsMind at 11:36 AM on August 26, 2007

Its just as funny to hear the left make the same claim. Except he's alive because our politicians are too smart to let him die, instead of he's dead because our military is too smart to let him get away.
posted by damn dirty ape at 11:51 AM on August 26, 2007

Isn't he running for President?
posted by DenOfSizer at 11:55 AM on August 26, 2007

damn dirty ape,
Because even years ago when he regularly made appearances or tapes he was a sick man, and he's been on the run for years? It's not that the politicians are "too smart to let him die". You don't have to be a genius to refrain from action.

The reason it seems more plausible that the government is not really working as hard as it could on this is that for years, especially post-9/11, Osama was The Enemy. He was this evil mastermind, and yet we've basically never been anywhere near catching him, and we really don't even hear about any efforts to do so any more.

If he really was such a threat, it sure seems like no one in power cares enough to do something about it.
posted by Sangermaine at 11:55 AM on August 26, 2007

In January 1993 Mir Aimal Kansi killed two people on the street outside the CIA headquarters and fled to the same Afghanistan/Pakistan border region where bin Laden is probably hiding, where the FBI captured him in June 1997. Kill two people, we track you down. Plan an attack that kills 3,000 people, and you're "not a top priority."

The guy who always plays the tough Drill Sergeant (think Full Metal Jacket)

R. Lee Ermey was a drill sergeant before he started his acting career.
posted by kirkaracha at 11:55 AM on August 26, 2007 [2 favorites has favorites]

Poor people live on dialysis for decades. A near-billionaire on the run probably more resources than your average westerner. Incredible how convincing conspiracy theories are to people who should know better.
posted by damn dirty ape at 12:01 PM on August 26, 2007

damn dirty ape,
A sick man on the lam being at risk is a conspiracy?
posted by Sangermaine at 12:07 PM on August 26, 2007

Not to mention the importance of bin laden is overstated. Consider how easily Bush and the GOP turned Saddam into the bad buy, practially overnight. They didnt need bin laden for that. They just needed the NYtimes and Fox News to carry their talking points. WMDs, etc.

Cheney was nice enough to link Saddam and 9/11 but it was Colin Powell and the media who sold this war. No need for OBL really.
posted by damn dirty ape at 12:08 PM on August 26, 2007

My mom suggests that he is passing as a woman, under full burqu'ah somewhere.
posted by Riverine at 12:42 PM on August 26, 2007

At 6' 4" tall, bin Laden would make a mighty tall Middle Eastern woman!
posted by ericb at 12:46 PM on August 26, 2007

Never heard of a tall person slouching?
posted by ZachsMind at 1:00 PM on August 26, 2007

R. Lee Ermey was a drill sergeant before he started his acting career.

R. Lee Ermey is also batshit insane.
posted by Pope Guilty at 1:02 PM on August 26, 2007

So our plan is to just wait until he dies on his own? Brilliant! We should have just waited out Hitler too! And why ever arrest anyone? Waste of resources! Just wait for them to die!
posted by Astro Zombie at 1:02 PM on August 26, 2007

Alive he's a coward.
Dead he's a martyr.
Which would you choose?
posted by ZachsMind at 1:06 PM on August 26, 2007

Alive he's a coward.

Are you shitting me? He's the guy who punched the biggest sixth-grader on the playground and got away with it, the same way Saddam was after the first Gulf War.
posted by Pope Guilty at 1:20 PM on August 26, 2007 [3 favorites has favorites]

Psychics? oh good god, I live in a world full of morons.
posted by newfers at 1:21 PM on August 26, 2007

And that sixth-grader is still waiting to find out how 'My Pet Goat' ends.
posted by ericb at 1:24 PM on August 26, 2007 [3 favorites has favorites]

Psychics? oh good god, I live in a world full of morons.

...there really are no 'good psychics', only charlatans.
posted by ericb at 1:26 PM on August 26, 2007 [1 favorite has favorites]

Josef Mengele's World Hide-and-Seek title is still safe. Bin Laden's got some serious catching up to do - about 35 years or so, depending on how you want to count.

And there weren't many places in the world where Mengele would have been seen sympathetically, and there were people who were really trying to find him.
posted by dilettante at 3:37 PM on August 26, 2007

"Unfortunately, Bin Laden was a really good hider."

Olly olly oxen free!!
posted by GrammarMoses at 4:19 PM on August 26, 2007

And that sixth-grader is still waiting to find out how 'My Pet Goat' ends.

I thought President Bush "immediately...implemented our government's emergency response plans" sat on his ass scared shitless for 10 minutes courteously waited until the ending. "No child left behind," right?
posted by kirkaracha at 5:30 PM on August 26, 2007 [2 favorites has favorites]

Aggressively pursuing Osama in Pakistan is a bad idea. There are many sympathizers in Pakistan; if their own government sells out bin Laden it could lead to the militant-supporters taking control. Let's not forget Pakistan does have nukes.
posted by b_thinky at 10:31 PM on August 26, 2007

He's guarding the massive stash of Iraqi WMDs that we were assured were there. Didn't you know that?
posted by SisterHavana at 11:41 PM on August 26, 2007

Josef Mengele's World Hide-and-Seek title is still safe.

So they didn't find him in his South American Ariantown?

Mengele, whose health had deteriorated for years, died on February 7, 1979, in Santos, Brazil, when he suffered a stroke while swimming in the sea... In 1992, a DNA test confirmed Mengele's identity. He had evaded capture for 34 years.

Huh. Well I'll be. Motherfucker.
posted by porpoise at 11:45 PM on August 26, 2007