Comments on: Please practice safe beastiality.

Please practice safe beastiality.

absalom — Thu, 30 Aug 2007 14:19:29 -0800

Is there anything Japanese sailors won't have sex with? [via]

By: Blazecock Pileon

Blazecock Pileon — Thu, 30 Aug 2007 14:22:50 -0800

Or as an Italian fisherman might croon, "That's a moray!" Awful, but funny.

By: Keith Talent

Keith Talent — Thu, 30 Aug 2007 14:25:07 -0800

This thread sucks without snark. To be fair, that was the dumbest single link post this week.

By: ninjew

ninjew — Thu, 30 Aug 2007 14:25:24 -0800

"But we were in port around that time and I did it with a woman, so I don't have any way of knowing if I picked it up from her, or from the manta." Ok. I think it's time to leave the internet. It's been real.

By: chundo

chundo — Thu, 30 Aug 2007 14:25:45 -0800

I found it enlightening.

By: bunnytricks

bunnytricks — Thu, 30 Aug 2007 14:26:18 -0800

The Japanese obsession with tentacle rape makes so much more sense now.

By: AwkwardPause

AwkwardPause — Thu, 30 Aug 2007 14:27:26 -0800

Where is fishfucker when we need him?

By: GuyZero

GuyZero — Thu, 30 Aug 2007 14:28:56 -0800

OH GOD NO DO NOT WANT

By: Senor Cardgage

Senor Cardgage — Thu, 30 Aug 2007 14:30:04 -0800

"Before I die.......Im gonna fuck me a fish"

By: never used baby shoes

never used baby shoes — Thu, 30 Aug 2007 14:30:24 -0800

She sexes sea serpents down by the sea shore?

By: luciaisdada

lucia__is__dada — Thu, 30 Aug 2007 14:31:41 -0800

Apparently it's not just the japanese. "In Minnesota it is illegal for men to have sex with live fish." -- here

By: Avenger

Avenger — Thu, 30 Aug 2007 14:33:29 -0800

"So if you stick in your you-know-what, it'll snap shut around it," he says. "You don't need any foreplay at all. Just ram the old avenger home. It feels goooood," OBJECTION.

By: soundofsuburbia

soundofsuburbia — Thu, 30 Aug 2007 14:34:39 -0800

"I'm going to Sea World!"

By: homodigitalis

homodigitalis — Thu, 30 Aug 2007 14:35:06 -0800

I'll never eat sushi again - who knows what kind of raw stuff is in there?!

By: anthill

anthill — Thu, 30 Aug 2007 14:36:03 -0800

Note that these traditions didn't need the internet, only for you to find out about them. I hypothesize, further, that satellite-delivered porno might be the way to relieve the problem on deep-sea ships. So lay off the intertubes, captain, it's my turn.

By: boo_radley

boo_radley — Thu, 30 Aug 2007 14:37:19 -0800

Hear that? That dull noise, just barely audible? That's the sound of a million people regretting their sushi lunches.

By: joseph_elmhurst

joseph_elmhurst — Thu, 30 Aug 2007 14:38:06 -0800

I bet pesctarians think this isn't beastiality, either.

By: the other side

the other side — Thu, 30 Aug 2007 14:38:20 -0800

I think that writer needs a new keyboard. His exclamation marks, question marks, and O's keep sticking.

By: maxwelton

maxwelton — Thu, 30 Aug 2007 14:41:12 -0800

Forgive me for saying so, but the idea of a bunch of tumescent men standing in line to roger a hapless fish? R-O-N-G wrong. Whatever happened to rum, sodomy, and the lash?

By: COBRA!

COBRA! — Thu, 30 Aug 2007 14:42:59 -0800

"In Minnesota it is illegal for men to have sex with live fish." There was a case last year (I think) where we were all grossed out to discover that sex with deer is apparently legal in Wisconsin. They have no morals over there.

By: dirtynumbangelboy

dirtynumbangelboy — Thu, 30 Aug 2007 14:47:01 -0800

rum, sodomy, and the lash is the answer: 1) One of the greatest albums of all time - or - 2) The history of Britain as a seafaring nation

By: bashos_frog

bashos_frog — Thu, 30 Aug 2007 14:49:22 -0800

I just had all-you-can-eat sushi. I'll console myself with the fact that it was a Korean place.

By: KokuRyu

KokuRyu — Thu, 30 Aug 2007 14:50:05 -0800

Is there anything non-Japanese people won't believe about the supposed sexual depravity of Japanese people?

By: yeti

yeti — Thu, 30 Aug 2007 14:53:22 -0800

"More than a reproductive organ, it's basically an organ of elimination." "Of course you can't actually call that sex either; it's only oral sex." I see. It takes it in both holes.

By: anthill

anthill — Thu, 30 Aug 2007 14:54:15 -0800

Actually, I would belive this about most deep-sea mariners, Koku...

By: strawberryviagra

strawberryviagra — Thu, 30 Aug 2007 14:55:30 -0800

When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie - that's not a moray!

By: madamjujujive

madamjujujive — Thu, 30 Aug 2007 14:58:24 -0800

Crosses sailors and fishermen off potential date list.

By: Kickstart70

Kickstart70 — Thu, 30 Aug 2007 15:01:57 -0800

I completely doubt this is limited to the Japanese. I also doubt that they limit it to cold-blooded creatures. I'm certain the occasional seal or dolphin has had a little interspecies rape.

By: soundofsuburbia

soundofsuburbia — Thu, 30 Aug 2007 15:03:14 -0800

Actually, this reminds me of good old dolphinsex.org only less theory and more practice.

By: thirteen

thirteen — Thu, 30 Aug 2007 15:10:23 -0800

Troy McClure.

By: Maias

Maias — Thu, 30 Aug 2007 15:12:07 -0800

"More than a reproductive organ, it's basically an organ of elimination." "Of course you can't actually call that sex either; it's only oral sex." I see. It takes it in both holes. actually, the thing probably has a cloaca, which is both organ for giving birth and um, eliminating waste matter, so it's not two holes, just one. Or perhaps, not three holes, just two-- if you are counting the mouth.

By: Liquidwolf

Liquidwolf — Thu, 30 Aug 2007 15:19:07 -0800

Is there anything non-Japanese people won't believe about the supposed sexual depravity of Japanese people? No. It's fun.

By: Ambrosia Voyeur

Ambrosia Voyeur — Thu, 30 Aug 2007 15:19:09 -0800

"In Minnesota it is illegal for men to have sex with live fish." *checks anatomy* WOOHOO How much do those little bitty suckerfish cost?

By: lekvar

lekvar — Thu, 30 Aug 2007 15:29:41 -0800

At the risk of being a party pooper, manta rays don't have stingers.

By: quin

quin — Thu, 30 Aug 2007 15:33:45 -0800

Sex with manta rays is a right of passage? ::blinks:: Can I scrub my brain free of that image? Can I please? How much booze am I going to have to drink to eliminate this entire concept from my consciousness? DO NOT WANT! doesn't even begin to cover the extent of how wrong this is.

By: cillit bang

cillit bang — Thu, 30 Aug 2007 15:34:59 -0800

Is there anything non-Japanese people won't believe about the supposed sexual depravity of Japanese people? If packaged into a nice folksy tall tale with plenty of supposed first person experience, I'd say no.

By: ROU_Xenophobe

ROU_Xenophobe — Thu, 30 Aug 2007 15:37:00 -0800

Hi, I'm Troy McClure! You might remember me from such fishing vessels as Miyojin Maru and Zuiyo Maru.

By: ROU_Xenophobe

ROU_Xenophobe — Thu, 30 Aug 2007 15:38:43 -0800

Is there anything Japanese sailors won't have sex with? Me, apparently. Except when I tie them up. Then they do. For a while.

By: Blazecock Pileon

Blazecock Pileon — Thu, 30 Aug 2007 15:41:18 -0800

At the risk of being a party pooper Luckily for you, Japanese sailors aren't into those shenanigans.

By: wendell

wendell — Thu, 30 Aug 2007 15:43:20 -0800

Is there any supposed sexual depravity of Japanese people that can't be turned into a Simpsons reference?

By: lekvar

lekvar — Thu, 30 Aug 2007 15:45:23 -0800

...Japanese sailors aren't into those shenanigans. Five minutes on 4chan would disabuse you of that notion right quick.

By: mosk

mosk — Thu, 30 Aug 2007 15:45:35 -0800

Bart: Why'd they make that one muppet out of leather? Marge: That's not a leather muppet, that's Troy McClure. Mmm, back in the '70s he was quite a teen heartthrob. Homer: Yeah, who'd have thought he'd turn out to be such a weirdo? Marge: What are you talking about? Homer: You know, his bizarre personal life. Those weird things they say he does down at the aquarium. Why I heard... Marge: Oh, Homer, that's just an urban legend. People don't do that type of thing with fish!

By: tapeguy

tapeguy — Thu, 30 Aug 2007 15:48:14 -0800

Is there any supposed sexual depravity of Japanese people that can't be turned into a Simpsons reference? Why you little...

By: RussHy

RussHy — Thu, 30 Aug 2007 15:52:01 -0800

Please practice safe ~~beastiality~~ bestiality.

By: soundofsuburbia

soundofsuburbia — Thu, 30 Aug 2007 15:53:22 -0800

Bart: And I think I've finally found what I was put on this earth to do -- dick goes in, guts come out, dick goes in, guts come out... [pulls out a talking fish] Fish: Spare my life and I will grant you three -- Bart: [fucks the talking fish] dick goes in, guts come out.

By: FelliniBlank

FelliniBlank — Thu, 30 Aug 2007 15:57:12 -0800

I am so glad I decided against renting the *unrated* version of The Perfect Storm after all. Meanwhile, right after I figure out how people can stand to have sex with people, I'll start working on why they'd want to have sex with fish.

By: Smedleyman

Smedleyman — Thu, 30 Aug 2007 16:02:18 -0800

Used fish! Used fish for sale. Getcher used fish heah. Can't watch the Yomiuri Giants withoutcher used fish! Want two buddy? *tosses two over an isle* Used fish heah.

By: mr_crash_davis

mr_crash_davis — Thu, 30 Aug 2007 16:03:00 -0800

"Where is fishfucker when we need him?" Last I heard, he had signed up as a crewman on a Japanese fishing boat.

By: kirkaracha

kirkaracha — Thu, 30 Aug 2007 16:22:57 -0800

Any port in a storm.

By: lazaruslong

lazaruslong — Thu, 30 Aug 2007 16:35:45 -0800

Goddamnit, some of the comments in this thread are just funny. I wish I could like triple favorite or something.

By: shakespeherian

shakespeherian — Thu, 30 Aug 2007 16:42:16 -0800

This is the Japanese Onion, right?

By: flapjax at midnite

flapjax at midnite — Thu, 30 Aug 2007 16:57:19 -0800

This is the Japanese Onion, right? Well, no, although you might imagine so from this article. One thing worth pointing out, though, is the paper's name: it's the Mainichi Daily News. Since the word "mainichi" already means "daily", this is a newspaper naming that came straight outta the Department of Redundancy Department.

By: Kirth Gerson

Kirth Gerson — Thu, 30 Aug 2007 16:58:09 -0800

Troy McLure??? Maybe Troy Donohue? Or Doug McClure? Ah - Capt. Adam Troy!

By: jack_mo

jack_mo — Thu, 30 Aug 2007 17:08:19 -0800

joseph_elmhurst writes 'I bet pesctarians think this isn't beastiality, either.' Fish and chypocrites.

By: mr_book

mr_book — Thu, 30 Aug 2007 17:40:01 -0800

i gotta try that.

By: bruce

bruce — Thu, 30 Aug 2007 17:57:13 -0800

a month after 69 with the little mermaid, i can still smell the tuna.

By: flarbuse

flarbuse — Thu, 30 Aug 2007 17:57:31 -0800

Is there anything Japanese sailors won't have sex with? I am going to go out on a limb here: their wives?

By: rob511

rob511 — Thu, 30 Aug 2007 18:01:22 -0800

Crikey — it all makes sense now!

By: hal9k

hal9k — Thu, 30 Aug 2007 18:03:46 -0800

Fittingly so, Japenese fishermen have now jumped the shark.

By: longsleeves

longsleeves — Thu, 30 Aug 2007 18:08:26 -0800

Now we know what Steve Irwin was REALLY doing just before he died.

By: longsleeves

longsleeves — Thu, 30 Aug 2007 18:09:53 -0800

Crikey.

By: sourwookie

sourwookie — Thu, 30 Aug 2007 18:12:22 -0800

C'mon, now what Subgenii hasn't dallied with a Prairie Squid every now and then?

By: lekvar

lekvar — Thu, 30 Aug 2007 18:22:30 -0800

Prairie Squid ain't sealife, sourwookie, they're plains animals. Completely different.

By: amberglow

amberglow — Thu, 30 Aug 2007 18:49:54 -0800

Is there anything Japanese sailors won't have sex with? Senator Larry Craig ; >

By: longsleeves

longsleeves — Thu, 30 Aug 2007 19:02:50 -0800

Is there anything Japanese sailors won't have sex with? That should read Japanese fisherman. I don't think Japan has a navy as such these days. Although they would look good in sailor suits!

By: meehawl

meehawl — Thu, 30 Aug 2007 19:16:17 -0800

I've mentioned this here before, but back in the 90s on a bet me and some friends set up an egroup that was as nasty as possible: "Sex With Fish". Without any active advertising or marketing, it attracted over a thousand members, with some very active and impassioned debates and users actively creating content and telling stories. Sadly it was all deleted when Yahoo decided to ban me for "unspecified violations of TOS" and all content tied to my id was erased. Anyway, never underestimate the polymorphous perversity of humans.

By: Bugbread

Bugbread — Thu, 30 Aug 2007 19:17:47 -0800

It may be Mainichi Shimbun (a major and fairly respected newspaper), but it's the fucking Waiwai column. It's like the Washington Post or the New York Times had a weekly column called "News from the Tabloids", where it would reprint an article from the Enquirer or the Weekly World News. 75% of the time, it's completely fictional, and 25% of the time it's just mostly fictional with a single grain of truth.

By: Malor

Malor — Thu, 30 Aug 2007 19:32:37 -0800

I knew the Japanese were fucking the oceans, but I didn't realize it was quite so literal.

By: Uther Bentrazor

Uther Bentrazor — Thu, 30 Aug 2007 20:07:51 -0800

Sleeps with the fishes.

By: pyramid termite

pyramid termite — Thu, 30 Aug 2007 20:26:50 -0800

now you know why mrs paul got into business - she was jealous

By: gimonca

gimonca — Thu, 30 Aug 2007 20:34:56 -0800

Red Lobster: for the Seafood Lover in you.

By: Many bubbles

Many bubbles — Thu, 30 Aug 2007 20:51:14 -0800

From a friend of mine on IM:

When a fish filled with slime makes your dick feel sublime, that's a moray!

By: tellurian

tellurian — Thu, 30 Aug 2007 21:25:02 -0800

longsleeves - Seamen

By: Iron Rat

Iron Rat — Thu, 30 Aug 2007 21:55:11 -0800

A local fish and game warden was on a bluff top looking for halibut poachers when she saw some guy doing a dead sea lion. Folks never cease to amaze me. I mean how the hell do you get it up over stuff like this? What part of them looks at an animal or fish and goes,"Oh yeah, gotta get me some of that"?

By: PontifexPrimus

PontifexPrimus — Thu, 30 Aug 2007 22:55:54 -0800

lekvar: "At the risk of being a party pooper, manta rays don't have stingers." My first thought! Errr... ok, second, or third thought to be honest...
But I guess, if there is some truth to it, it just shows to what length human males will go to experience sexual release. I cannot honestly say that anything related to male sexuality surprises me much at this point - if it is in any way possible to come into contact with a textured surface or a kind of opening that is not immediately harmful to the touch, people will have sex with it (at least males will attempt to do so). Like it or not, that seems to be the way we are wired; sure, most of us prefer women, but if they are for some reason not available we'll literally fuck anything that moves (and some things that don't).

By: hal9k

hal9k — Thu, 30 Aug 2007 23:37:39 -0800

if it is in any way possible to come into contact with a textured surface or a kind of opening that is not immediately harmful to the touch, people will have sex with it Abalone. No ray, man.

By: hincandenza

hincandenza — Fri, 31 Aug 2007 01:08:57 -0800

Here's another take on it... The idea of the [poor] moray, getting raped by some fishermen then tossed back into the water. Well... you know those crazy stories people tell, of aliens coming down to some isolated field a couple of miles from the trailer park, doing some wacky "anal probe" experiment, and then letting them go? You realize, right, that those now make a whole lot more sense? That the idea of interstellar travelers fucking a human and then throwing it back, as a "rite of passage" for the creatures of Xenu 5 is no longer that far-fetched....?

By: SteveInMaine

SteveInMaine — Fri, 31 Aug 2007 03:46:09 -0800

Conjuring Kip Addotta... Think I had a wet dream Cruisin' thru the Gulf Stream Ooh Ooh Ooh Ooh Wet dream I invited her up to my place for a little midnight bait I said, "C'mon baby, it'll only take a few minnows" She threw me that same old line "Not tonight -- I got a haddock"

By: slimepuppy

slimepuppy — Fri, 31 Aug 2007 04:40:04 -0800

Did it not occur to any of the fishermen that they could, just, y'know, have sex with each other? Or would that just be weird?

By: pax digita

pax digita — Fri, 31 Aug 2007 05:20:43 -0800

Is there anything ~~Japanese~~ sailors won't have sex with? Fixed that for you. That is all; carry on.

By: Meagan

Meagan — Fri, 31 Aug 2007 06:06:35 -0800

Indeed, Mainichi Shimbun is a decent newspaper, but their Wai Wai section is really nothing more than tabloid style facts at best. Case in point. I'm not even sure if the section is even in the Japanese version, my quick glance and URL switch didn't find one, and every single Wai Wai piece is written by Ryann Connell, whose writing style makes me want to gouge my eyes out. There is such thing as too much alliteration, and he's long since crossed the line... I mean, "Churlish Chinese chided for chundering on chagrined Japan"? Come on.

By: yesster

yesster — Fri, 31 Aug 2007 06:13:16 -0800

Aaah, now I know why I can't make Lutefisk like grandpa used to.

By: JohnYaYa

JohnYaYa — Fri, 31 Aug 2007 06:27:56 -0800

A local fish and game warden was on a bluff top looking for halibut poachers... I really thought that was the start of a joke, you know, like "A horse walks into a bar..." Please tell me it was a joke. Please?

By: StickyCarpet

StickyCarpet — Fri, 31 Aug 2007 06:38:57 -0800

The standard self-pleasuring sex toy for men in Japan is called a blowfish, and is often shaped liked one.

By: graventy

graventy — Fri, 31 Aug 2007 07:58:51 -0800

I think it's a lot less "yeah, I wanna fuck that" and more "man, I bet that'd feel good on my dick". People regularly stick their dick in stupid stuff on land, so why not on the sea?

By: CitizenD

CitizenD — Fri, 31 Aug 2007 08:39:59 -0800

Metafilter: Rum, sodomy and the lash.

By: PsychoKick

PsychoKick — Fri, 31 Aug 2007 08:50:30 -0800

longsleeves: That should read Japanese fisherman. I don't think Japan has a navy as such these days. Although they would look good in sailor suits! They have "Maritime Self-Defense Force", and judging from their recruitment videos, they're absolutely faaabulous.

By: xthlc

xthlc — Fri, 31 Aug 2007 08:59:39 -0800

"Hell, T.C., don't you worry none. Plenty more fish in the sea." And that's my nerdy comic book reference for the week.

By: daHIFI

daHIFI — Fri, 31 Aug 2007 09:50:47 -0800

COBRA! That guy that had sex with the deer tried to get off the bestiality charge with the reasoning that because the deer was dead it was no longer an animal.

By: Pinback

Pinback — Fri, 31 Aug 2007 17:32:56 -0800

The Adventures of Manuel Pacifico makes much more sense to me now. I wish it didn't.

By: thatswherebatslive

thatswherebatslive — Fri, 31 Aug 2007 17:55:02 -0800

Metafilter: People regularly stick their dick in stupid stuff.

By: ROU_Xenophobe

ROU_Xenophobe — Fri, 31 Aug 2007 18:08:45 -0800

That guy that had sex with the deer tried to get off the bestiality charge ...but failed, because abstract legal concepts are invariably frigid. I apologize.

By: chance

chance — Fri, 31 Aug 2007 18:27:12 -0800

Cruel, selfish, brutish and sad.

By: EndsOfInvention

EndsOfInvention — Fri, 31 Aug 2007 19:36:14 -0800

Ha, it's like Old Greg but in reverse.

By: homunculus

homunculus — Sat, 01 Sep 2007 00:17:30 -0800

In other news: The US navy has won the latest round in a court battle over whether it can use sonar equipment which environmentalists say can kill whales and other mammals.The US navy has won the latest round in a court battle over whether it can use sonar equipment which environmentalists say can kill whales and other mammals. Now that's how you fuck whole species of ocean dwellers all at once. Take that, Cetaceofascist terrorists.

By: Kirth Gerson

Kirth Gerson — Mon, 10 Sep 2007 11:35:42 -0800

Two studies of fishermen on big commercial vessels found over 15 percent were HIV-positive in Thai and Cambodian ports.

Comments on: Please practice safe beastiality.

Please practice safe beastiality.

By: Blazecock Pileon

By: Keith Talent

By: ninjew

By: chundo

By: bunnytricks

By: AwkwardPause

By: GuyZero

By: Senor Cardgage

By: never used baby shoes

By: lucia__is__dada

By: Avenger

By: soundofsuburbia

By: homodigitalis

By: anthill

By: boo_radley

By: joseph_elmhurst

By: the other side

By: maxwelton

By: COBRA!

By: dirtynumbangelboy

By: bashos_frog

By: KokuRyu

By: yeti

By: anthill

By: strawberryviagra

By: madamjujujive

By: Kickstart70

By: soundofsuburbia

By: thirteen

By: Maias

By: Liquidwolf

By: Ambrosia Voyeur

By: lekvar

By: quin

By: cillit bang

By: ROU_Xenophobe

By: ROU_Xenophobe

By: Blazecock Pileon

By: wendell

By: lekvar

By: mosk

By: tapeguy

By: RussHy

By: soundofsuburbia

By: FelliniBlank

By: Smedleyman

By: mr_crash_davis

By: kirkaracha

By: lazaruslong

By: shakespeherian

By: flapjax at midnite

By: Kirth Gerson

By: jack_mo

By: mr_book

By: bruce

By: flarbuse

By: rob511

By: hal9k

By: longsleeves

By: longsleeves

By: sourwookie

By: lekvar

By: amberglow

By: longsleeves

By: meehawl

By: Bugbread

By: Malor

By: Uther Bentrazor

By: pyramid termite

By: gimonca

By: Many bubbles

By: tellurian

By: Iron Rat

By: PontifexPrimus

By: hal9k

By: hincandenza

By: SteveInMaine

By: slimepuppy

By: luciaisdada