Can I say, "I know, but if I tell you I'll have to kill you"?

September 4, 2007 10:24 PM

Mayor of Siberian town orders his bureaucrats to stop using expressions such as "I don't know", "I can't", "I'm having lunch", and "It's impossible". Not sure if "You have got to be fucking kidding me." or "What the fuck, man? are on his list.
posted by weapons-grade pandemonium (16 comments total)

He should be banished to Siberia.

Oh, wait...
posted by Poolio at 10:26 PM on September 4, 2007

"Please hold"

*click*
posted by pompomtom at 10:47 PM on September 4, 2007

Yeah, well, if he really wanted to shake things up, he would have banned some Russian phrases too.
posted by klangklangston at 11:03 PM on September 4, 2007 [1 favorite]

You know who else banned the phrase "I don't know"?

That's right, I don't know.
posted by fandango_matt at 11:05 PM on September 4, 2007 [1 favorite]

If he really wanted to shake things up he would ban "blyad", "khui", and derivatives. But then most of the Siberian male population would be rendered speechless.
posted by Meatbomb at 12:02 AM on September 5, 2007 [1 favorite]

Here's a link that works (even though this is a really pointless post...)
posted by lupus_yonderboy at 12:03 AM on September 5, 2007

How about "You don't have permission to access /cp/Oddities/070904/K090417AU.html on this server." Was that banned?
posted by tellurian at 12:04 AM on September 5, 2007

He wants to ban bureauocrats from saying "I'm having lunch."? If they're at all worthy of the title "bureaucrat", they'll find a much more annyoing way to say the same thing. I don't know, something like:
"I'm currently involved in the personal integration and energy-conversion of vendibles, thus facilitating an investigation of the consumer-vendor experience from an end-user perspective"
posted by bunglin jones at 12:34 AM on September 5, 2007

I Don't Know's on third in Siberia.
posted by languagehat at 5:41 AM on September 5, 2007

I bet George Bush's staff are busy in Siberia right now, recruiting fresh faces. I mean these guys would be perfect and you could pay them peanuts on the dollar!

Say hello to Attorney General, Fedor Vasilyev.
posted by C.Batt at 6:25 AM on September 5, 2007

lupus_yonderboy & tellurian: Why would you not have permission to access the Canadian Broadcasting Corporation?
posted by weapons-grade pandemonium at 7:47 AM on September 5, 2007

I just came in here to say "the Mayor of Megion."

The Mayor of Megion.
posted by gubo at 8:07 AM on September 5, 2007

"we're currently looking into that"

"that doesn't seem to be operative at this time"

"umph ap an gbak oo oo apper is fannige"

"when hell freezes over and the devil goes ice skating"

see? it's not that tough to come up with new phrases
posted by pyramid termite at 9:38 AM on September 5, 2007

If they're dealing with regular people (i.e. not their superiors), there will always be a way to signal that a bribe is needed to get the job done.
posted by parudox at 12:57 PM on September 5, 2007

tellurian: Why would you not have permission to access the Canadian Broadcasting Corporation?
Buggered if I know. Must be some sort of APEC lockdown ;-)
posted by tellurian at 3:49 PM on September 5, 2007

"I'm currently involved in the personal integration and energy-conversion of vendibles, thus facilitating an investigation of the consumer-vendor experience from an end-user perspective"

That at least gives the complainer something to work with. "Я на обед" is just so final. Russians believe in обед like Americans believe in the First Amendment—guaranteed by law, tradition, and quite possibly God. (source) "Step away from the borsch and do one simple thing" is pretty much unthinkable.
posted by eritain at 10:15 PM on September 5, 2007