Goodbye, Cruel World

September 5, 2007 10:30 AM

What do James Stockdale, Drew Carey, Mike Wallace and Nadia Comaneci have in common? They, along with a long list of others, have all, at one time or other, believed suicide was the only answer to their various problems.
posted by Oriole Adams (66 comments total)

This post kills me.
posted by humannaire at 10:32 AM on September 5, 2007

Greg [Louganis] attempted suicide three times (including once by an aspirin-and-Ex Lax combo) after a knee injury at age 12

Sorry to shit in this thread. I was attempting suicide.
posted by phaedon at 10:37 AM on September 5, 2007 [1 favorite]

I believe some people's suicides would be the answer to my problems, too.
posted by kuujjuarapik at 10:40 AM on September 5, 2007

This post is statistically useless without a corresponding list of people who would have been famous had their suicide attempts not succeeded.
posted by DU at 10:45 AM on September 5, 2007 [2 favorites]

Some of these people simply did not try hard enough.
posted by psmealey at 10:46 AM on September 5, 2007 [2 favorites]

.
|
posted by poppo at 10:47 AM on September 5, 2007

Needs more Milli Vannilli.
posted by phaedon at 10:48 AM on September 5, 2007

James Stockdale was the unmoving, non-speaking lump next to H Ross Perot in 1992 and 1996.
posted by DU at 10:50 AM on September 5, 2007

(Not to be disrespectful--apparently he was an awesome dude. I just found it funny at the time how non-photogenic and silent that guy was. And that was compared to Perot himself!)
posted by DU at 10:52 AM on September 5, 2007

This post is statistically useless without a corresponding list of people who would have been famous had their suicide attempts not succeeded.

Also, people who are famous only because of their succeeded suicide attempts.
posted by pokermonk at 10:55 AM on September 5, 2007

And Jesus, because he's, like, the trifecta.
posted by pokermonk at 10:56 AM on September 5, 2007 [1 favorite]

This post is statistically useless without a corresponding list of people who would have been famous had their suicide attempts not succeeded.


Along the same lines, a list of people who would have been famous had they not been cruelly aborted before birth. Oh, the inhumanity!

Followed by a list of famous people who should have been aborted of course.
posted by CynicalKnight at 10:58 AM on September 5, 2007

DU, fandango_matt was kidding -- recall Stockdale's famous opening VP debate line?
posted by brain_drain at 11:00 AM on September 5, 2007

Also, people who are famous only because of their succeeded suicide attempts.

May I present, at least for internet "fame": An Heroes. (WARNING: Encyclopaedia Dramatica, NSFW, makes fun of suicides.)
posted by TheOnlyCoolTim at 11:01 AM on September 5, 2007

I guess they just weren't good enough at math.
posted by LordSludge at 11:03 AM on September 5, 2007

DU, Adm. Stockdale was an inspiration to the other prisoners who were being tortured by their captors.

I'm a little taken aback by the desire to unleash snark in this thread.
posted by ibmcginty at 11:03 AM on September 5, 2007 [5 favorites]

Well, at least Drew Carey was right.
posted by squirrel at 11:04 AM on September 5, 2007

Along the same lines, a list of people who would have been famous had they not been cruelly aborted before birth.

Or a list of people who would have been famous had their parents had sex.
posted by LordSludge at 11:06 AM on September 5, 2007 [2 favorites]

What the fuck, people?

Chirst, what a bunch of assholes.
posted by mr_roboto at 11:08 AM on September 5, 2007 [14 favorites]

George Sanders? Pills. April 25, 1972, in a Costa Brava hotel room. Pier Angeli, 1971 or '72, also pills. Donald "Red" Barry, shot himself in 1980. Charles Boyer, 1978, pills again. Charles Butterworth, 1946, I think. In a car. Supposedly, it was an accident, but, you know, he was distraught. Dorothy Dandridge, pills, 1965. Albert Dekker, 1968. He hung himself. He wrote his suicide note in lipstick on his stomach. William Inge, carbon monoxide, 1973. Carole Landis, pills again. I forget when. George Reeves, "Superman" on TV, shot himself. Jean Seberg, pills, of course, 1979. Everett Sloane - he was good - pills. Margaret Sullivan, pills. Lupe Velez, a lot of pills. Gig Young, he shot himself and his wife in 1978. There are tons more.
posted by fire&wings at 11:08 AM on September 5, 2007

You know who else thought suicide was a solution?
posted by 2sheets at 11:15 AM on September 5, 2007 [7 favorites]

I'm a little taken aback by the desire to unleash snark in this thread.

Under almost all circumstances I agree that mental illness, depression and suicide not at all laughing matters. But the frivolousness and celebrity-exploitation tinged tenor of the linked piece pretty much invites the snark.
posted by psmealey at 11:16 AM on September 5, 2007 [1 favorite]

My birthmother got it right the first time. Losers!
posted by winks007 at 11:21 AM on September 5, 2007

You know who else thought suicide was a solution?

Owners of Ozzy records?
posted by vbfg at 11:27 AM on September 5, 2007

If I can laugh at my own setup of helium tanks and a gas mask or hooking a dryer vent hose to my Honda's exhaust or downing a mouthful of Klonopin (I'll admit, weak attempt) leading me to shit charcoal for a week, then I can laugh at this.

Or cry at the coldness of this absurd life.
posted by coachfortner at 11:30 AM on September 5, 2007 [2 favorites]

OWEN WILSON TRIED TO KILL HIMSELF ISN'T THAT HILARIOUS. IF I GET ENOUGH INTERNET SNARK POINTS I WIN A NEW IPOD SUPPOSITORY!
posted by basicchannel at 11:33 AM on September 5, 2007 [3 favorites]

This list doesn't much surprise me, actually. Creative people often draw on their demons to further their art, and sometimes those demons seem to be too much, especially when combined with alcohol and/ or the drugs that seem ever-present in celebrity circles.

If anything, I'm surprised the list isn't longer.
posted by quin at 11:42 AM on September 5, 2007

My sweet Satan.
posted by Mister_A at 11:42 AM on September 5, 2007

There's something weird and glib about the way that post is written. The tone seems more suited to something like "List of Celebs Who've Worn Embarrassing Outfits to the Oscars."

And also, Greg Louganis? Luckily, he recovered, and made it to the Games as a diver.

....aaaaand then he got AIDS! Lucky him.
posted by veronica sawyer at 11:44 AM on September 5, 2007

I WIN A NEW IPOD SUPPOSITORY!

iANAL?
posted by hermitosis at 11:45 AM on September 5, 2007 [4 favorites]

History is written by the winners.
posted by hermitosis at 11:48 AM on September 5, 2007

Yeah! Stick it up your butt..they'll be music in your ass.
posted by doctorschlock at 11:48 AM on September 5, 2007

This thread is useless without the faq. FTFY.
posted by localroger at 11:51 AM on September 5, 2007

Also, people who are famous only because of their succeeded suicide attempts.

Brandon Vedas aka 'ripper'
posted by PeterMcDermott at 11:58 AM on September 5, 2007

Will I dream?
posted by hal9k at 12:08 PM on September 5, 2007

No, no... iPository.
posted by BeerFilter at 12:09 PM on September 5, 2007 [2 favorites]

Hal9k! All your realities will be absorbed into your dreams.
When your flesh whithers aways or is burned, any cell that
survives will retain all that is you. You then rinse, shampoo, and repeat.
posted by doctorschlock at 12:12 PM on September 5, 2007

God this place has become a shitheap.

posted by ibmcginty I'm a little taken aback by the desire to unleash snark in this thread.

Welcome to MetaFilter.

And an example of exactly why this place has become such a shitheap.
posted by LeeJay at 12:13 PM on September 5, 2007 [2 favorites]

people who are famous only because of their succeeded suicide attempts
posted by blacklite at 12:16 PM on September 5, 2007

The snark is proportional to the editorializing in the original post.
posted by yesster at 12:20 PM on September 5, 2007

Sheryl: [after Frank tried to commit suicide] I'm so glad you're still here.
Frank: Well, that makes one of us.
posted by phaedon at 12:22 PM on September 5, 2007

What? There doesn't seem to be much of an overflow of snark here, other than metasnark. Is any observation other than "OH HOW DREADFUL" verboten? Maybe my snarkometer is miscalibrated....
posted by JHarris at 12:28 PM on September 5, 2007 [1 favorite]

James Stockdale, Drew Carey, Mike Wallace and Nadia Comaneci all walk into a bar...
posted by Eekacat at 12:29 PM on September 5, 2007

I have this crazy hypothesis that all suicidal feelings are due to gastrointestinal distress and any stated reason why suicide is attempted or committed is merely the brain's attempt at rationalizing the impulse.
posted by effwerd at 12:33 PM on September 5, 2007

i told u i was hardcore.
posted by mullingitover at 12:34 PM on September 5, 2007

Another motivation for suicide is one of revenge. Face it, it's the ultimate "fuck you, I'm taking my toys and going home" to the person that hurt you.

Best revenge is to live and long time and become an mean old bastard and bother everyone.
posted by ranchocalamari at 12:44 PM on September 5, 2007 [1 favorite]

Durkheim's work on suicide is pretty relevant here.
posted by mullingitover at 12:48 PM on September 5, 2007 [1 favorite]

The Budd Dwyer live suicide will always haunt me.
posted by doctorschlock at 12:56 PM on September 5, 2007

Mod note: a few "kill yourself" "fuck yourself" remarks removed
posted by jessamyn (staff) at 1:08 PM on September 5, 2007

It's not very fair to compare Admiral Stockdale's situation - contemplating suicide in order to avoid further torture at the hands of your captors - to most of the other ones.
posted by yhbc at 1:15 PM on September 5, 2007

that Nadia Comaneci link didn't even hint at anything suicide related. WTF?
posted by quonsar at 1:22 PM on September 5, 2007

I'm all for laughing the face of horror (and suicides invariably involve a good deal of horror somewhere along the line) but some people here are just being assholes - if you think the post was editorialising, make a comment or flag to that effect and move on. Or - make a contribution that will actually encourage, rather than shut down, decent discussion.
posted by Drexen at 1:23 PM on September 5, 2007 [2 favorites]

also they had in common that they lived beyond their attempted suicide. also: got the benefit, though unknown to them, of such wise and witty and clever and tasteful remarks, including mine, about the troubled time in their lives.
posted by Postroad at 1:40 PM on September 5, 2007

I've never quite understood the desire to almost kill oneself. When I was suicidally depressed I decided that I was either going to do it or not.

Of course, I took 140mg of prozac at once to "jumpstart" getting the right level into my bloodstream. Looking back, I obviously didn't rationalize it, and as inane as it is to say suicide isn't a rational decision, I think losing your rationality in the middle of your pain is a prerequisite. Up until that fateful moment you can be semi-rational and suicidally depressed.
posted by wires at 2:16 PM on September 5, 2007

Don't take away my possible suicide! It's the only way I can continue making it cheerfully through life.

What's really irritating, though, is to be accused of trying to kill yourself in a totally ratassy attempt, when you really weren't. One time, a million years ago, when I had a severe bladder infection with fever, etc., etc., and not enough money to see a doctor (and no insurance, of course), I was taking aspirin for the fever, but amid all the waking and sleeping and waking and dreaming (over several days) that I did/didn't take the aspirin, I apparently took too many. And had to go to emergency. Where a really snotty little intern acted like an ass because he thought I was a very stupid suicider. In fact, he was a lot like a metafilter member... he may be commenting here right now!

I remember that more than anything else, I was horribly insulted by the notion that I would try to kill myself in such a stupid way, but I could barely put together a sentence at that point, so didn't have the pleasure of unloading on that creep. If you're here? I hope that's you in all in the anonymous AskMe questions. Asshole.
posted by taz at 3:11 PM on September 5, 2007 [2 favorites]

I've thought of suicide occasionally, just to see the MeTa thread. Assholes who hate me would claim to love me and stuff.
posted by jonmc at 5:44 PM on September 5, 2007 [1 favorite]

I hate you jonmc.

[Just so if we ever have that thread, people can point to this comment and call me a liar when I am praising you in MeTa.]
posted by quin at 5:56 PM on September 5, 2007

I hate you jonmc.

*sniff*

really?

*kills self*
posted by jonmc at 6:03 PM on September 5, 2007

"...the best part of revenge is sticking around to see it..."

Not to be a pain it the ass, but isn't that the same thing as: "Best revenge is to live and long time and become an mean old bastard and bother everyone."
posted by ranchocalamari at 8:47 PM on September 5, 2007 [1 favorite]

The best revenge is having sex with her mother.
posted by stavrogin at 10:02 PM on September 5, 2007

If I can laugh at my own setup of helium tanks and a gas mask or hooking a dryer vent hose to my Honda's exhaust or downing a mouthful of Klonopin (I'll admit, weak attempt) leading me to shit charcoal for a week, then I can laugh at this.

No need for pills, exhaust gases, or nooses when Helium is readily available. See EuthanasiaClinic.com for details.
posted by altman at 10:03 PM on September 5, 2007

But the frivolousness and celebrity-exploitation tinged tenor...

I think you're looking for the Pavarotti thread.
posted by pracowity at 10:20 PM on September 5, 2007

So you work hard, and do your best, and be all that you can be, and through talent and luck and "sticktuitiveness" you end up famous.

But now you have no privacy; everyone knows who you are and thinks they're your friend, photographers follow you, and the media makes up stories if the truth isn't juicy enough.

Meanwhile, you realize that having tons of cash is awesome, but doesn't offset everything you had to do to get that money, plus having to deal with your critics picking you apart at the seams. Oh, and you don't really know who your friends are, and you're not sure if your five minutes of fame are going to end right NOW.

So I can see why people like this might consider suicide. After all, they're just people, but in a situation where they thought they'd have no problems but instead have tons more, where they're still not happy with themselves no matter how much acclaim they receive...

...oh wait, did you mean suicide BEFORE they got famous? Huh. Go figure.
posted by davejay at 12:05 AM on September 6, 2007

These aren’t the people who died. Died.
They weren’t my friends and they didn’t die.

So Eminem, Vanilla Ice, yeah, there’s a loss.

Bucky Fuller would have been a serious loss had he succeeded. Probably the best outlook on suicide I’ve ever heard tho.
Sitting there on the shore of Lake Michigan looking to do himself in, Bucky realized that if he was going to die there was nothing left to fear. So he decided to live and live his life that way. Death is a constant, fear isn’t.
But I wouldn’t begrudge anyone their suicide. It’s perhaps the most intimate decision one can make. I mean if you’ve had enough, you can tap out.
posted by Smedleyman at 7:35 AM on September 6, 2007

It must be nice to be a person so devoid of compassion that you can joke and mock people who are suffering so much they want to take their own life. You should consider yourselves lucky you aren't subject to such a feeling. Speaking as someone who regularly contemplates suicide, I envy you.

Please, go on continuing to be jerks. I'll go over to Digg where the comments are more empathetic.
posted by Dantien at 8:57 AM on September 6, 2007

I dunno Dantien, been pretty damn close to it myself. Always thought suicide is a belated acquiescence in the opinion of one's wife's relatives.
(If you can’t laugh... is James Stockdale or Drew Carey on metafilter?)
But I don’t want to play that game. I mean you ask where the empathy is - well hell, where were YOU when I had a gun to my head?
It’s just not a very fair trip to lay on people.
And I do consider myself lucky I don’t think about it much anymore. But in relational terms these aren’t people people, these are talking heads. No one’s walking up to Carey and saying “yeah, ya fat slob you should have killed yourself” or discounting the pain you yourself feel.
But if you can’t laugh at death... then you probably don’t laugh at sex either.
posted by Smedleyman at 4:49 PM on September 6, 2007