Now I'm going to suck your feet

September 11, 2007 3:09 PM

You know it's a bad day when this man mugs you and then sucks your toes.
posted by Astro Zombie (33 comments total)

Mmmm... athlete's tongue.
posted by fish tick at 3:13 PM on September 11, 2007

The lunatics are sucking toes!
posted by doctorschlock at 3:15 PM on September 11, 2007

That seems like the perfect opportunity to kick the guy in the face.

To me, anyway.
posted by oneirodynia at 3:21 PM on September 11, 2007 [1 favorite]

looks like Brian peppers is gettin' bumped down to #2 on the mugshot meme
posted by boo_radley at 3:24 PM on September 11, 2007

This is not an appropriate lick for the front page.
posted by fandango_matt at 3:28 PM on September 11, 2007 [1 favorite]

Unfortunately for the mugger, this is her foot.
posted by brain_drain at 3:28 PM on September 11, 2007

am I the only person wondering where the sexual assault charge is?
posted by rainman84 at 3:30 PM on September 11, 2007

[Your drug of choice] is a hell of a drug.
posted by Joe Invisible at 3:32 PM on September 11, 2007

am I the only person wondering where the sexual assault charge is?

Would you give a guy a foot massage?
posted by oneirodynia at 3:33 PM on September 11, 2007 [5 favorites]

"It'll make you crawl and climb the wall
And leave you without no thumb at all:
I ain't gonna let no thumbsucker
Suck my thumb!"

--Shel Silverstein
posted by texorama at 3:35 PM on September 11, 2007

Would you give a guy a foot massage?

shit yeah. i got my technique down and everything, i don't be tickling or nothin'
posted by rainman84 at 3:38 PM on September 11, 2007 [1 favorite]

Please distribute as you see fit.
posted by fandango_matt at 3:41 PM on September 11, 2007 [1 favorite]

That is so strange -- a few months back there was a spate of very similar attacks in Philadelphia. I wonder if it's the same guy?
posted by mothershock at 3:45 PM on September 11, 2007

Do you have any idea how much it would cost to get a stranger to suck your toes? If anything you should be glad someone is willing to do it for free.

If someone offers to 'suck yo dick' on the subway, don't get offended and call the police, accept the opportunity. If they did a bad job, you could always make up a story that the person was trying to rob you, then call the cops.
posted by hafetysazard at 3:54 PM on September 11, 2007 [2 favorites]

Good thing he didn't get it backwards: try to steal her feet and suck her cellphone.
posted by CKmtl at 3:55 PM on September 11, 2007

Wait wait wait. So toe-licking is okay, but toe-sucking is totally off? I'm confused.
posted by ardgedee at 3:56 PM on September 11, 2007

Breaking news: Weird Al is organizing a tribute LP as we speak.
posted by porn in the woods at 4:04 PM on September 11, 2007

Please distribute as you see fit.

Boring.
posted by delmoi at 4:07 PM on September 11, 2007

Otay! Buckwheat Sings The Classics!
posted by ericb at 4:09 PM on September 11, 2007

Call me a prude, but I'd consider it a bad day if anyone mugged me and sucked my toes.
posted by pompomtom at 4:29 PM on September 11, 2007

am I the only person wondering where the sexual assault charge is?

Shrimp + Glock = Jail
posted by rob511 at 4:33 PM on September 11, 2007

"He was licking me..."

- Ravenous
posted by quin at 4:47 PM on September 11, 2007 [1 favorite]

Not to derail, but a similar fate befell Cotton, the winsome heroine of John Waters' 1969 film “Mondo Trasho”. There years before his epic, “Pink Flamingos”, and still working in black and white, Waters was already showing promise as an auteur, using the attack to delve into Cotton’s inner lebenswelt, while being toe sucked, with a daring cut-away montage of her on her hands and knees scrubbing the floor.
posted by Huplescat at 5:09 PM on September 11, 2007

And then you feel sumpin' down by your feet.
It's me, it's JB, I'm suckin' upon your toes.

We don't mind sucking on toes!
Good luck finding a boyfriend who sucks toe, ow!

-- Tenacious D, Double Team
posted by solid-one-love at 5:12 PM on September 11, 2007

try to steal her feet and suck her cellphone

One look at his mugshot and that's a reasonable question.
posted by nickyskye at 5:29 PM on September 11, 2007

Man, Coolio's really fallen on hard times.
posted by dirigibleman at 5:55 PM on September 11, 2007 [4 favorites]

Davis has been charged with simple robbery

Simple? Simple?
posted by brundlefly at 6:48 PM on September 11, 2007

So does this mean he has to resign from the Senate?
posted by R. Mutt at 7:56 PM on September 11, 2007 [1 favorite]

"OK, OK, so this is what I look like when the toe's real close, real close, but the sucking has not commenced. And I am just looking at it thinking I AM GOING TO SUCK YOU."
posted by kingfisher, his musclebound cat at 8:06 PM on September 11, 2007 [1 favorite]

In my former building, I was stuck in the elevator with one of the staff who leered at my feet the way most sexist men do at breasts. Not fucking okay-- it doesn't matter which part of the body it is, what matters that it happens at all. I reported it to management but they didn't bother to do anything, and it was before I'd taken a self-defense class.
posted by brujita at 9:51 PM on September 11, 2007

shimmy shimmy yaa shimmy yam shimmy yay,
lemme suck your toes before they take me away !
posted by sergeant sandwich at 10:04 PM on September 11, 2007

First confirmed post-humous sighting of Old Dirty Bastard.
posted by tighttrousers at 10:56 PM on September 11, 2007

"Do you have any idea how much it would cost to get a stranger to suck your toes?"

Back in early 90's my GalPal and I would attend the monthly slave auction at Paddles in New York.

I'd almost always purchase her a foot slave for the evening. After all, it was only fair as she'd wear these totally awesome stilletos that I loved. While incredibly hot looking shoes they simply were not constructed with the comfort of the wearer in mind. Slave auctions always took place on a Saturday evening, and well after midnight. By the time we arrived at Paddles, we typically would have had drinks, dinner, more drinks and fit some dancing into the evening; her feet were sorely in need of a rubbing.

Now Paddles issued their own fiat currency which was acquired by purchasing admission, drinks, etc. But I recall we'd usually spend about $20 to acquire enough Paddles moneey to allow us to successfully bid for the services of a slave for the evening.

Most of them were into the toe action however she found that a little too too gross. I suspect most of these guys would have slaved for free - the auction was simply an acceptable outlet, a way to meet other like minded individuals.

But if not for free, than roughly $20 would do it.
posted by Mutant at 6:03 AM on September 12, 2007