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September 12, 2007 6:18 AM   Subscribe

I think....that unicorn love is a beautiful thing, and that if you find a spicy sexy unicorn stud muffin and want to let him fill you with his magical glittering seed, that is just fantastic. Probably NSFW.
posted by nebulawindphone (89 comments total) 2 users marked this as a favorite

 
what
posted by Avenger at 6:20 AM on September 12, 2007 [1 favorite]


Hmmm.

*Uninstalls Second Life*
posted by chillmost at 6:23 AM on September 12, 2007 [5 favorites]


When someone asks me why I think Second Life is so stupid, I normally just shrug and say "cos". Figure it'd take too long to get into a discussion on the matter. Now, though, I can just point to this,...
posted by cgc373 at 6:24 AM on September 12, 2007


I feel like an 80 year old man. Only REM can help me remember a simpler time.
posted by zerobyproxy at 6:25 AM on September 12, 2007


Marcelle DeCuir conceives her first unicorn prim baby
Waaaaaaaaaaa!!!
posted by Foci for Analysis at 6:29 AM on September 12, 2007




What the hell?

*tries to restart boggled brain inserting a screwdriver through my nose*

*fails*
posted by Iosephus at 6:32 AM on September 12, 2007


Unicorn in C Major - NSFW clip
posted by madamjujujive at 6:34 AM on September 12, 2007 [1 favorite]


I love the fact that these are 'fasionistas' doing this, not random furries.
posted by delmoi at 6:38 AM on September 12, 2007


How can unicorn sex not directly involve the horn? Shouldn't that be the damn point? I mean, if you are not going to utilize the horn early and often, then just go out and have sex with a horse like everyone else.
posted by flarbuse at 6:40 AM on September 12, 2007 [15 favorites]


I would pretend to be interested except for the overwhelming stench of Pepsi Blue about this "story". The fpp wouldn't be here if it hadn't already been on boingboing, and it wouldn't have been on boingboing if there wasn't some kind of contractual "cash for links" relationship between Linden Labs and boingboing.
posted by roofus at 6:42 AM on September 12, 2007


She pointed me towards Sensual Stoneworks, and I was shamelessly raped by a unicorn. I don't mind.

.
posted by slimepuppy at 6:45 AM on September 12, 2007 [1 favorite]


I don't think Linden Labs want this particular story circulating widely. They always present SL as some sort of virtual utopia, instead of the pit of stupidity and degeneracy that it actually is.
posted by Spacelegoman at 6:48 AM on September 12, 2007


Um ... *head explodes*
posted by ZenMasterThis at 6:50 AM on September 12, 2007


Fashionistas? Ewwwww.
posted by Joeforking at 6:50 AM on September 12, 2007


I don't feel so dirty owning one of these(nsfw!) anymore.
Or maybe I feel dirtier
posted by Cat Pie Hurts at 6:57 AM on September 12, 2007


Unicorns? No shit?

*installs SecondLife*
posted by loquacious at 6:58 AM on September 12, 2007


Far into the future, the alien archaeologists will uncover the Second Life servers, actually manage to get them running, and then assume it's an accurate representation of what human life on earth was like.

They'll incinerate Earth just on general principal.
posted by Thorzdad at 7:00 AM on September 12, 2007


roofus writes "The fpp wouldn't be here if it hadn't already been on boingboing, and it wouldn't have been on boingboing if there wasn't some kind of contractual 'cash for links' relationship between Linden Labs and boingboing."

No, I might have posted it, and I found out about it from Kotaku, which certainly has no love for (nor cash relationship with) Linden Labs. Unless you have some sort of concrete evidence that nebulawindphone got this from boingboing, you may as well be blaming it on Al Gore, because people make jokes about Al Gore inventing the internet, and Second Life is on the internet, therefore it's Al Gore's fault.
posted by Bugbread at 7:02 AM on September 12, 2007


I suspect this will lead to awkward "the birds and the bees" conversations later on when the baby unicorns learn how to talk.
posted by soundofsuburbia at 7:02 AM on September 12, 2007


"When a human and a unicorn love each other very much..."
posted by ZenMasterThis at 7:05 AM on September 12, 2007 [2 favorites]


bugbread I agree I'm unfairly speculating on nebulawindphone's sources. However I don't believe this story emerged out of the slime of SL without a fat push from Linden Labs' PR. None of the components of the story are new or newsworthy and yet it's getting widespread exposure.
posted by roofus at 7:07 AM on September 12, 2007


Now we know what Hircine's quest in Oblivion was about.
posted by Smart Dalek at 7:08 AM on September 12, 2007


Unicornography.
posted by rhymer at 7:09 AM on September 12, 2007


unicr0n?
posted by ZenMasterThis at 7:13 AM on September 12, 2007


unipr0n?
posted by ZenMasterThis at 7:13 AM on September 12, 2007


UNICRON
posted by Avenger at 7:15 AM on September 12, 2007


How can unicorn sex not directly involve the horn? Shouldn't that be the damn point?

See, now you're just objectifying the unicorns. The fact is, they have four hooves, a mane a tail and a BRAIN just like every other mammal you know.

Someone's got a case of Meadow Fever, and it ain't pretty.
posted by PlusDistance at 7:18 AM on September 12, 2007 [10 favorites]


I encourage people to send this to all groups and companies who want to establish a "Second Life presence".
posted by Mikey-San at 7:19 AM on September 12, 2007


"When a human and a unicorn love each other very much..."

More like "sometimes a human gets very, very sick..."
posted by fleetmouse at 7:40 AM on September 12, 2007


You know, believe it or not, at one time it was a pretty interesting place, filled with highly intelligent people, doing very interesting stuff. One guy actually did a perfect reimplementation of Settlers of Catan in the Second Life scripting language, which is the nearest thing to pure witchcraft I can think of.

You could approach anyone, anywhere, and essentially be assured of an interesting conversation. It was like picking random MeFite posters; not every one was a paragon, but hardly any were boring. There were 10 or 12 'events' a day, but they were all good. Trivia, in many forms, was a real mainstay.. particularly the brain-bending stuff. There was so little happening that people actually were careful not to schedule when other people were doing something... if there was an event at 7, you'd move to, say, 8 instead. I'd guess there were no more than a few thousand active participants, and their relative coolness factor exceeded that of any online group I've ever seen. There were actually early meetings of 'how do we maintain the culture of SL with this deluge of new people?' which, in retrospect, was hopelessly naive.

That original great set of users were drowned out by a sea of mediocrity. There are still fascinating, intelligent people showing up, but they're just drops in the ocean, and are often put off the system before ever finding anything they even remotely like. There are hundreds of events each day, and 99.999% of them are worthless garbage. ("SALE ON MY CRAP!") And then the servers barely freaking work; it's unusual to log in and have all the designed functionality actually present at any given time. If you're tempted to ask, "Is X broken for you too?", don't even bother, because it is.

I still drop by for my once-weekly event, but that's the only thing I do there. That's still fun because the people are great, but it's a tiny island of relative sanity in a rather messed-up place. I'm sure there are other little islands of cool people, but, god, finding them is difficult these days.

All that said, I really don't get the furry hate. It's like no social group, even online, can exist without some other group to despise. Give it a break, people.
posted by Malor at 7:58 AM on September 12, 2007 [4 favorites]


That original great set of users were drowned out by a sea of mediocrity. There are still fascinating, intelligent people showing up, but they're just drops in the ocean, and are often put off the system before ever finding anything they even remotely like.

Metafilter?

*ducks*
posted by mrgrimm at 8:03 AM on September 12, 2007


Try a unicorn mare, if you please
You'll love the tight, velvety squeeze
And save all the fluids!
You can sell them to druids
Who make magical filly cream cheese.
posted by Wolfdog at 8:08 AM on September 12, 2007 [13 favorites]


So, basically, some perv wrote a room where avs are visibly sexually assaulted* and one of the assaulting figs can "impregnate" avs so that they can produce proof that they're down with the concept as long as they get something out of it.

Disgusting.



*their word was a bit more blunt, but they also seem to be titillated by it, so I'll use the phrase that makes the point that needs to be made; I think Xeni Jardin's gleeful twittering over having been "raped by a unicorn" pretty much tells me anything I need to know about those going for the gold, as it were.
posted by batmonkey at 8:10 AM on September 12, 2007


the internet is not only stranger than we imagine, it is stranger than we CAN imagine
posted by pyramid termite at 8:18 AM on September 12, 2007 [1 favorite]


>>It's like no social group, even online, can exist without some other group to despise. Give it a break, people.

Some of us just don't find the topic of sexual assault funny. But you're right. I just hate furries. There's no possible other reason for finding this repulsive.
posted by SaintCynr at 8:20 AM on September 12, 2007


the internet is not only stranger than we imagine, it is stranger than we CAN imagine

That is utterly ass-backwards. The internet is only just beginning to give a dim reflection of the strangeness our imaginations can conjure.
posted by Wolfdog at 8:20 AM on September 12, 2007 [2 favorites]


I just want to point out, to those that are skimming, that there's some quality comedy in this thread.

Carry on.
posted by spock at 8:26 AM on September 12, 2007


See people, this is what all those cyberpunk "Virtual Worlds" would be like if they ever become real. What a huge fucking disaster that would be.

"Hey Sally, wanna head over to the Unicorn Ass-Rape Plaza?"

"No thanks, Steve, I'm meeting a date over in the Unbirthing Vore Pavillion. =^.^="

"Ok, Sally, I'll meet you back at the Tentacle Rape Sushi Bar!" :D
posted by Avenger at 8:36 AM on September 12, 2007


On the one hand, I wanna say, you know: Go outside. Because...damn. But on the other hand, stuff like this means that I can go outside without any worry whatsoever that I might encounter any of these people. So please, unicorn assrape enthusiasts: Stay indoors!
posted by kittens for breakfast at 8:44 AM on September 12, 2007 [1 favorite]


I wish I had a sexual predilection for for something which doesn't exist. The internet makes me feel too normal.
posted by The Great Big Mulp at 8:48 AM on September 12, 2007 [1 favorite]


I wish I had a sexual predilection for for something which doesn't exist.

Hey, wait a minute, what? What are you talking about?
posted by Wolfdog at 8:49 AM on September 12, 2007


Who make magical filly cream cheese.
Genius.

Let's be serious, people, there is no sexual assault or rape occurring here, not even virtually. It's all consensual or people would just log out or turn off.
posted by misha at 8:57 AM on September 12, 2007


I'm not really following what they mean by "rape".

"I was talking to this married bachelor friend of mine, and he said he was going to consent to getting publicly raped in private by a unicorn, and in exchange they'd give him a real fictional unicorn."
posted by Bugbread at 9:03 AM on September 12, 2007


I think we're giving too much attention to the Unicorn fucking and overlooking the just-as-creepy bug fucking described in the article.

One of the griffin-bugs actually reaches out to grab you if you sit on him, and he holds you in place as he rams you from behind.

Eeewww!
posted by EatTheWeak at 9:10 AM on September 12, 2007


busted

now google associates the phrase "magical filly cream cheese" with my profile. :-(
posted by fleetmouse at 9:14 AM on September 12, 2007


Put two and two together here, fleetmouse.
posted by Wolfdog at 9:17 AM on September 12, 2007


My faith is restored!

God I love Finland. You gave me Linux, Pan Sonic, Finlandia vodka and now the best limerick ever.

<3
posted by fleetmouse at 9:22 AM on September 12, 2007


Some of us just don't find the topic of sexual assault funny. But you're right. I just hate furries. There's no possible other reason for finding this repulsive.

This is obviously consensual. Gross, but hey: their life, their problem. Just because they call it rape doesn't make it rape. They can obviously choose not to participate.

People make wry comments, which in many cases are accurate, about SLers getting confused about the difference between reality and fantasy. I've seen that myself, so I can't really argue. But your comment strikes me as equally confused, just from a different angle.
posted by Malor at 9:24 AM on September 12, 2007


This just might be the best laugh I've had all week.

Does anyone have the chops to set up a Metafilter shop in Second Life where 50 pissing elephants deluge you once you step inside?
posted by BobFrapples at 9:26 AM on September 12, 2007




Calling whatever this is "rape" pretty much devalues the importance of the real word rape, which is arguably despicable in it's own right.
posted by Skwirl at 10:07 AM on September 12, 2007


"I suspect this will lead to awkward "the birds and the bees" conversations later on when the baby unicorns learn how to talk."

What, there's no way to drown no-longer-cute kids in a rainbarrel in SL?
posted by klangklangston at 10:20 AM on September 12, 2007


Metafilter: Gross, but hey: their life, their problem.
posted by jbickers at 10:24 AM on September 12, 2007


Filing this under "more reasons the internet is stupid"

Just because we can imagine it doesn't mean we should. Ick.
posted by caution live frogs at 10:26 AM on September 12, 2007


Magical filly cream cheese... is that the same as magical unicorn mayonnaise?
posted by clevershark at 11:54 AM on September 12, 2007 [1 favorite]


Skwirl:
"Calling whatever this is "rape" pretty much devalues the importance of the real word rape, which is arguably despicable in it's own right."

Agreed, although that's what a lot of people who are going through with this weird thing are calling it, which is why I specifically used "sexual assault". I don't think they understand that there is no playful form of rape. There's no "hahahaha! rape!" tradition and there really, really shouldn't be.

They either need to call it something else or they're going to keep getting bitchy little comments from those who would really rather not see people trying to come up with a FUNSHINEY rape to share with the world.

It's hard enough for sexual assault to be handled appropriately by communities, the legal system, and individuals. Making plans to go "get raped" implies a certain level of confusion about some very basic terminology used to delineate consensual versus non-consensual.

In short: yeah, I know. I was making the point for those who apparently don't.
posted by batmonkey at 1:00 PM on September 12, 2007 [2 favorites]


"I don't think they understand that there is no playful form of rape. There's no "hahahaha! rape!" tradition and there really, really shouldn't be."

You've obviously never been a Viking.
posted by klangklangston at 1:11 PM on September 12, 2007


klang, I realize this is all giggles for you, but try empathy. I hear chicks dig it.
posted by SaintCynr at 1:54 PM on September 12, 2007


Oh, Jesus, did you just do that sincerely? In a thread about virtual unicorn rape?

How about this—I promise not to pick up chicks on Metafilter. That way I can keep making fun of doe-eyed sensitive goobers like you.
posted by klangklangston at 2:00 PM on September 12, 2007


Don’t unicorns only consort with virgins?
*raises eyebrow*
Might want to check those ‘horns’ for PT Barnum glue.
posted by Smedleyman at 2:08 PM on September 12, 2007 [1 favorite]


Rape! That's where I'm a Viking.
posted by arcticwoman at 2:12 PM on September 12, 2007 [6 favorites]


>>That way I can keep making fun of doe-eyed sensitive goobers like you.

Those happy with themselves rarely attack others.
posted by SaintCynr at 2:24 PM on September 12, 2007


yeah, klang. by thor's hammer, be happy with thyself!
posted by cgs at 2:30 PM on September 12, 2007 [2 favorites]


Y'know, I fully support and encourage whatever vulgar activities consenting adults want to do to get off, virtually or IRT, amongst themselves. but Jesus K. Horse, sites like Second Life afford this sort of groovy, mind-bending quasi-opportunity to rethink the whole nature of society and existence and interaction, and the best its users can come up with is the crassest, most sordid hyper-capitalism Monopoly game bullshit and unicorn-fucking? What's next, "cuddle parties", with Precious Moments figurines?

That tears it: we need to nuke the shit out of our benighted species right now and let the porpoises and cockroaches have their chance.
posted by FelliniBlank at 2:54 PM on September 12, 2007


"Those happy with themselves rarely attack others."

Does saying shit like this help you get chicks? Or is this one of those "He's only beating you up because he has a dismal home life, dear" platitudes that weenies are told by mothers?
posted by klangklangston at 3:01 PM on September 12, 2007 [1 favorite]


SaintCynr writes "Those happy with themselves rarely attack others."

Yeah, you should probably work out your own unhappiness issues instead of attacking klangklangston. But realizing you're unhappy is the first step, so, congratulations.
posted by Bugbread at 3:16 PM on September 12, 2007


You see? This is why unicorn rape fantasies are wrong. It comes out and next thing you know everyone's at each other's throats.
posted by Mr.Encyclopedia at 3:29 PM on September 12, 2007


Um, so my nickname among some friends is "the unicorn". WHAT ARE THEY TRYING TO SAY?
posted by liquorice at 4:02 PM on September 12, 2007


liquorice writes "Um, so my nickname among some friends is 'the unicorn'. WHAT ARE THEY TRYING TO SAY?"

Do you, by any chance, rape women when they ask you to?
posted by Bugbread at 4:15 PM on September 12, 2007


Not that I recall. However, even if this was the case, no baby unicorn would eventuate.
posted by liquorice at 4:23 PM on September 12, 2007


"Um, so my nickname among some friends is "the unicorn". WHAT ARE THEY TRYING TO SAY?"

That pimple on your forehead? Yeah, you might want to get that looked at.
posted by klangklangston at 4:26 PM on September 12, 2007


Not this unicorn, right liquorice?
posted by abulafa at 4:59 PM on September 12, 2007


Also, am I wrong to note that when SL fashionistas demanding the cutest animal-accessories must submit to metaphorical sexual assault to get them is proof that SL is a great place for performance art (if nothing else)?

Am I beanplating?
posted by abulafa at 5:02 PM on September 12, 2007


Um, so my nickname among some friends is "the unicorn". WHAT ARE THEY TRYING TO SAY?

Look on the bright side: maybe they don't mean that you ass-fuck Second Life dweebs but do mean that you're a narcissistic, paranoid, self-styled radical with delusions of grandeur who murders women. entombs their reeking remains behind the fireplace, and then flees to France!
posted by FelliniBlank at 5:22 PM on September 12, 2007


On preview: what abulafa said.
posted by FelliniBlank at 5:23 PM on September 12, 2007


>>Yeah, you should probably work out your own unhappiness issues

Sorry. I don't appreciate the trivialization of rape. I've experienced it. It's sickening, not a pop-culture joke to hang a half-informed opinion on.
posted by SaintCynr at 5:46 PM on September 12, 2007 [1 favorite]


Um, so my nickname among some friends is "the unicorn". WHAT ARE THEY TRYING TO SAY?

Probably that they've stalked you to your virtual pets persona.
posted by UbuRoivas at 6:06 PM on September 12, 2007


What I'm trying to get my head around is how unicorns are said to only approach virgins, and yet they commit rapes. The only conclusion I can come up with is that they are virgin-rape sickos, which puts them in the same class of detestable creatures as the gang-raping dolphins, in my books.

I think all those patchouli-stinking hippie-dippie crystal & faerie lovin' types need to wake up & smell the chai.
posted by UbuRoivas at 6:10 PM on September 12, 2007


Also, you know who else reached for his revolver when he heard pop-culture jokes?
posted by UbuRoivas at 6:16 PM on September 12, 2007


*ducks*

no, *unicorns*. pay attention.
posted by davejay at 6:21 PM on September 12, 2007


A gay boy wished for a planet full of unicorns.

(and watch out for dios' link!)
posted by UbuRoivas at 6:37 PM on September 12, 2007


Shit. My cover's been blown. Thanks a lot, Ubu.
posted by liquorice at 4:11 AM on September 13, 2007


So how will they follow this up on Boing Boing I wonder? Doctorow chaser?
posted by wheelieman at 5:58 AM on September 13, 2007


One of my husband's friends is on SL (way, way to into it, if you ask me -- all she talks about these days). I've told him to ask her the next time they talk if she has a baby unicorn, without telling him why I want to know, so he won't blow it (or freak out) when she gives him the answer. I can't wait to hear her answer. She seems the sort to want one, no matter what she had to do to get it ... which seems just a wee bit sick to me, but to each their own, I guess. At least it keeps some of these folks off the streets and out of my life.
posted by Orb at 7:23 AM on September 13, 2007


klangklangston said:
"That way I can keep making fun of doe-eyed sensitive goobers like you."

note: Help maintain a healthy, respectful discussion by focusing comments on the
issues, topics, and facts at hand—not at other members of the site.

posted by batmonkey at 3:11 PM on September 13, 2007


"note: Help maintain a healthy, respectful discussion by focusing comments on the
issues, topics, and facts at hand—not at other members of the site."

I was here before that note; I'm grandfathered in. You can ask about it in MeTa if you don't believe me.
posted by klangklangston at 3:54 PM on September 13, 2007


>>I was here before that note; I'm grandfathered in.

Typical.
posted by SaintCynr at 9:17 AM on September 16, 2007


I'm grandfathered in.

not at your age, kid
posted by pyramid termite at 5:01 PM on September 16, 2007


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