It’s a young man’s game, innit

September 12, 2007 6:40 AM

“I’m a singer. I’m a performer.” Accused of taking part in a £1.75m armed robbery Brian Hibberd had an unorthodox defence. Apparently it worked.

Mr Hibberd said that he had quit pop music when he became bald. “It’s a young man’s game, innit?” But he claimed that he still did voiceovers; leaning towards the witness box microphone, he growled: “Some of them are there to hurt you, some of them are there to help you.” It was, apparently, a line from the film Transformers, and an example of Mr Hibberd’s current — and wholly legitimate — work. “I do stuff like that,” he told the jury, without explaining how that would prove that he had nothing to do with an armed robbery.

posted by ninebelow (17 comments total)

Real life becomes as silly as Monty Python: Film at 11.
posted by Avenger at 6:45 AM on September 12, 2007 [1 favorite]

Well, to be fair, the defense didn't exactly work. He wasn't found "not guilty", the jury just failed to reach a verdict. Which is to be expected, really. The people on the jury can't reach a verdict, because they're bakers and accountants and taxi drivers, not jurors.
posted by Bugbread at 7:07 AM on September 12, 2007 [1 favorite]

I've been on a jury where some jurors literally didn't know which charge they were trying the defendant on. They were trying to judge if the defendant was a nice person or worthy of punishment.

The Netherlands has a panel of judges decide verdicts. I could get behind that.
posted by East Manitoba Regional Junior Kabaddi Champion '94 at 7:13 AM on September 12, 2007

Well, it seems to have been a pretty successful strategy to me: confound the jury with rambling anecdotes until they can't remember why they were there in the first place.
posted by ninebelow at 7:18 AM on September 12, 2007

(Ninebelow: it was just a joke. Guy defends himself with "I couldn't be the bank robber, I'm a singer". I point out "The jury couldn't provide a verdict, they're bakers and accountants and taxi drivers.")
posted by Bugbread at 7:52 AM on September 12, 2007

A deadlocked jury. A new trial is set.
posted by ericb at 7:57 AM on September 12, 2007

To be more precise: "A date for the retrial has yet to be set."
posted by ericb at 7:58 AM on September 12, 2007

"It's such a fine line between stupid and clever."

This is Spinal Tap (1984)
posted by ob at 8:15 AM on September 12, 2007

bugbread, it would appear I would make an ideal juror...
posted by ninebelow at 8:22 AM on September 12, 2007

I would not be surprised if Guy Ritchie bought the rights to this guy's story to conclude his mockney trilogy.

After all, bit of a 'geezer', Heathrow airport robbery, potential for some wide boy cockney japes in thrilling court rooms scenes with a 'banging' soundtrack of early 90s 'commercial soul music'.

The possibilities are endless.
posted by ClanvidHorse at 8:28 AM on September 12, 2007

I'm not sure it would work to cast a black woman in that role.
posted by InfidelZombie at 8:35 AM on September 12, 2007

"I didn't break that policeman's arm! I was passing the dutchie!"
posted by nasreddin at 8:38 AM on September 12, 2007

What's Chewbacca doing living on Endor instead of Kashyyk? He's a wookie, not an ewok!
posted by Pope Guilty at 8:52 AM on September 12, 2007 [1 favorite]

This is not without precedent. When brought to trail for the horrific things he had help do during the French Revolution, Jacques-Louis David plead (to paraphrase) 'I'm just a painter, how could I have done such things?' (he helped those in power orchestrate the mighty river of blood the revolution was known for). It worked for him too.
posted by eatdonuts at 8:52 AM on September 12, 2007

*trial
posted by eatdonuts at 8:53 AM on September 12, 2007

Guy Ritchie? I wouldn't be surprised if he did, since doesn't seem to have had any good ideas since he did 'Snatch' back in 2000.

(And yes, his remake of 'Swept Away' doesn't count as either 'good' or an idea.)

But since the movie would likely involve the mockery of questionable late-'90's Brit-Soul acts and Gangster-Fabulous types displaced from the East End, he's likely to get his wife signed as an Executive Producer.
posted by vhsiv at 9:16 AM on September 12, 2007

police and theives .the clash
posted by baker dave at 1:02 PM on September 12, 2007