Babies are far more dangerous than previously believed

September 13, 2007 10:20 AM

Babies are far more dangerous than previously believed
posted by nixerman (53 comments total)

OMG THAT BABY FIGHTS JUST LIKE NEO
posted by brain_drain at 10:25 AM on September 13, 2007 [3 favorites]

Quattro blue?
posted by photoslob at 10:30 AM on September 13, 2007

Well, I for one find this ad's message very convincing: never have a baby.
posted by The Card Cheat at 10:37 AM on September 13, 2007 [3 favorites]

I tried using a Schick Quattro Titanium and it just wasn't that great. The blades do last longer then steel blades, but the shave is not as good as, say, a Gillette® Fusion™, which has five blades closer together.

I know a bunch of people are going to chime in saying we should all be wet shaving with strait razors, but what ever.
posted by delmoi at 10:39 AM on September 13, 2007

I LOLed
posted by TungstenChef at 10:39 AM on September 13, 2007

If there's anything that sells product, it's beating up an infant.
posted by DU at 10:41 AM on September 13, 2007

I could kick that little guy's ass... (what was his name again, oedipus?)

AND ...I've got a beard....
posted by HuronBob at 10:42 AM on September 13, 2007

Wow. I went to the site in the vid's credits and waited two minutes for what turned out to be the commercial to load. Closing that, I ended up waiting two more minutes for the menu to load, and found the game, which requires registration and download.

I'll keep using your badger-hair brushes, but you're on thin ice, Wilkinson.
posted by Alvy Ampersand at 10:42 AM on September 13, 2007

Oh, I get it. Women only love men until they have babies, and then the men and the babies have to compete for attention. So it's all about her, then. Whew, it's a good thing men don't love their children.

Dumb commercial, boring animation.
posted by arcticwoman at 10:44 AM on September 13, 2007 [1 favorite]

Oedipal combat in the uncanny valley. To sell razor blades.

It's like a perfect storm of disturbing.
posted by PlusDistance at 10:44 AM on September 13, 2007 [7 favorites]

Aw, man.

This causes me two problems.

1) Now I'm going to think twice about punching babies...

2) Whenever I consider it, I will also be reminded of their crappy shaver.

Thanks a lot.
posted by sparkletone at 10:45 AM on September 13, 2007

"It's like a perfect storm of disturbing."

Only if it was posted on the "Marry my Daughter" website.
posted by HuronBob at 10:46 AM on September 13, 2007

Women only love men until they have babies, and then the men and the babies have to compete for attention.

Well that's the optimistic version. In reality the whole love thing is just marketing.
posted by nixerman at 10:53 AM on September 13, 2007 [1 favorite]

Now I remember why Final Fantasy sucked.
posted by Artw at 10:53 AM on September 13, 2007

This is just advertising. You should not have posted this.
posted by Malor at 11:07 AM on September 13, 2007 [3 favorites]

Metafilter: You should not have posted this.
posted by Citizen Premier at 11:09 AM on September 13, 2007 [5 favorites]

delmoi: technically, a Gillette® Fusion™ has 6 blades, the sixth one is on the back to use as a trimmer.

I'm hoping they'll develop one with enough blades to shave my entire face in one swipe. After that all that will be left is time travel, so I can shave next week, today.
posted by tommasz at 11:13 AM on September 13, 2007

Your comment contributed nothing to the discussion. You should not have posted it.

In all seriousness, did you think we didn't know it was advertising? Did you think we had never heard any arguments against advertising?
posted by tehloki at 11:14 AM on September 13, 2007 [2 favorites]

It is advertising and it is not good.
posted by Artw at 11:21 AM on September 13, 2007

I tried using a Schick Quattro Titanium and it just wasn't that great. The blades do last longer then steel blades, but the shave is not as good as, say, a Gillette® Fusion™, which has five blades closer together.

And yet for about 30 years there was no need to find advanced technology beyond the double-bladed razor. Now it's a damned cold war.

The only reason the razor guys don't look embarrassing are because the toothbrush guys look even stupider. I don't want to know how many millions of dollars went into scientific research devoted to creating a blue line that tells you when to buy a new one.
posted by XQUZYPHYR at 11:25 AM on September 13, 2007

Babies are far more dangerous than previously believed

Having recently been stabbed in the eye with a marker, I can attest to that.

/still wiping away the Crayola^® green verde vert tears

Yes it was an accident
posted by Zinger at 11:29 AM on September 13, 2007 [1 favorite]

Zinger, if you're just saying that 'cause you're being watched and not at liberty to write what really happened, blink three times.
posted by Alvy Ampersand at 11:33 AM on September 13, 2007 [9 favorites]

It is advertising and it is not good.

I liked the part where the father character in the video sees an advertisement which plays upon his dissatisfaction and insecurities and proceeds to buy the product. That's the only good part because that's telling you something about the way advertising people think.
posted by peeedro at 11:36 AM on September 13, 2007 [2 favorites]

I'd fuck that kid up in a straight fight, I don't care if he can bench press his toy-chest, I've got the reach.

And if he tries and of that fart-propulsion crap with me, he's going to find out that I've got a lighter with his name on it.

Bring it on, baby.
posted by quin at 11:37 AM on September 13, 2007 [2 favorites]

I honestly thought that was going to be a video of a baby fighting somebody. I mean, I know the training montage in Rocky is the part everyone remembers, but I'm kinda disappointed.
posted by shmegegge at 11:41 AM on September 13, 2007

Babies are far more dangerous than previously believed

Having recently been stabbed in the eye with a marker, I can attest to that.

I've got a $900 dentist bill from when my little darling flicked me on the front tooth with a bread knife, shattering my porcelain crown.

Now that I think about it I seem to recall some bra skip rope sounds coming from her bedroom before the incident...
posted by Turtles all the way down at 11:44 AM on September 13, 2007

This can only lead to a terrible escalation of violence.
posted by Drastic at 11:45 AM on September 13, 2007 [1 favorite]

Zinger, if you're just saying that 'cause you're being watched and not at liberty to write what really happened, blink three times.

Zinger

Sorry. I just couldn't resist.
posted by Zinger at 11:46 AM on September 13, 2007 [3 favorites]

Zinger

This could be bolder, honestly.

But the blink tag is snazzier than it gets credit for. I think the time has come to punch up its brand, and bring it back to the prominence it deserves.

Who's got ideas for the questionable CG ad for it?
posted by sparkletone at 11:52 AM on September 13, 2007

Note to self: Have run out. Buy more closing em tags the next time you're at Tags'R'Us.
posted by sparkletone at 12:01 PM on September 13, 2007

HAHAHA. Thanks for that link, Drastic! That's hilarious. That almost redeems this stupid advertisement post.
posted by BeerFilter at 12:14 PM on September 13, 2007

That kid may get the upper hand now, but check again in a couple decades.
posted by ardgedee at 12:31 PM on September 13, 2007

This is why I use a straight razor.
posted by Astro Zombie at 12:32 PM on September 13, 2007

This is why I use a straight razor.

Me too, much easier to slash those little bastards with when they come at you!
posted by Pollomacho at 12:48 PM on September 13, 2007 [2 favorites]

I don't want to know how many millions of dollars went into scientific research devoted to creating a blue line that tells you when to buy a new one.

Scientific?
posted by kirkaracha at 1:33 PM on September 13, 2007

There's an SNL fake commercial from c.1975, just after the two-blade razor came out. The fake product: A three-blade razor. The tagline: Because you'll buy anything.

You really only need one blade, guys.

P.S. Your favourite commercial sucks ...boobies
posted by Reggie Digest at 1:39 PM on September 13, 2007 [1 favorite]

There's an SNL fake commercial from c.1975...

"The Triple-Trac. Because you'll believe anything."
posted by Pollomacho at 1:54 PM on September 13, 2007 [1 favorite]

Five-bladed razors are just another step towards the razor blade singularity.
posted by penguinliz at 2:03 PM on September 13, 2007

Fuck Everything, We're Doing Five Blades
posted by poweredbybeard at 2:47 PM on September 13, 2007

For the love of all things holy please let's not have a matrix baby meme spreading over the internet.
posted by gomichild at 3:40 PM on September 13, 2007

Why is everyone so down on advertising? Goodness. That's like being down on gravity for pete's sake.
posted by bz at 4:02 PM on September 13, 2007

Well, I dug it. Seeing as almost every razorblade commercial out there is of the "muscular guy shaves, then jumps into his red Ferrari which spews thunder and adrenalin, drives to the football pitch (which is dark except for some misplaced floodlights), scores a few goals, then celebrates his victory by skydiving through ligtning and falling panthers and when he lands a dozen busty blondes appear to touch his cheeks" variety, I found this one refreshing, almost.

Leave it to the computer animated razorblade using guys to look more real than their flesh and bones counterparts.

And yeah, I cut myself shaving this morning.
posted by soundofsuburbia at 4:12 PM on September 13, 2007 [1 favorite]

Oh my goodness! What a creative commercial! Thanks for posting that one! I will be sure to link to your site and send out this post to all my friends.
posted by subaruwrx at 4:26 PM on September 13, 2007 [1 favorite]

Hah!
posted by bz at 4:39 PM on September 13, 2007

I'd put my grandson up against that kid any day.

He's only eight months old but that kid has a right hook you wouldn't believe.
posted by konolia at 5:17 PM on September 13, 2007

"Oh, I get it. Women only love men until they have babies, and then the men and the babies have to compete for attention. So it's all about her, then."

Correct.

I'm not bitter. It's just true.
posted by majick at 5:50 PM on September 13, 2007

Ah y'all are just fronting. That fart attack would mess up anyone of you. Admit it.
posted by Popular Ethics at 7:38 PM on September 13, 2007

Oh my goodness! What a creative commercial! Thanks for posting that one! I will be sure to link to your site and send out this post to all my friends.
posted by damn dirty ape at 9:00 PM on September 13, 2007

That fart attack would mess up anyone of you. Admit it.

No problem. OK, it knocked the dog out, I could do that. OK, it knocked the fence down. My brother's toots could fell sequoias. But that sucker knocked down the moon.
posted by kirkaracha at 9:28 PM on September 13, 2007

That sucked. It's about 10 years too late.
posted by zardoz at 2:52 AM on September 14, 2007

Oh god I'm merely a lamearse dial up user, so someone please please post the (inevitable) link via youtube to the (Australian early 90's) Late Show's awesome ode to the (not so) humble razor (sans babies). Not having clinked on the link (pointless, really) I'd just like to add that I (and most of my friends) have never shaved a baby nor have I ever seen a real one shaving itself, therefore I call a baby's authority on shaving equipment into question and I, myself, will never buy this product (whatever it is).

(Parentheses rock and I blame Terry Pratchett and Stephen King).
posted by h00py at 5:24 AM on September 14, 2007

Man, you people are jaded.

It was a cute and funny commercial.
posted by orange swan at 4:38 PM on September 14, 2007

"Oh, I get it. Women only love men until they have babies, and then the men and the babies have to compete for attention. So it's all about her, then."

Correct.

I'm not bitter. It's just true.

Wow. That's not even funny, it's just bitter.

Sounds like it's really all about you.
posted by misha at 10:42 AM on September 18, 2007