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"Fighting is bad." *THWACK*
September 14, 2007 6:35 AM   Subscribe

Child Beater. Part II. YouTubes, from onehitmaster.com. (No children were harmed during the making of these movies.)

I saw this linked in a comment by user Drastic and laughed so hard I thought this surely should be FP'd.
posted by BeerFilter (28 comments total) 8 users marked this as a favorite

 
Those kids are going to dominate whatever school they go to. Then they will either end up in jail or become towtruck drivers.

Video was brain-damagingly dumb, but that's YouTube (sorry for the snark)
posted by KokuRyu at 6:50 AM on September 14, 2007


Awwwww

But why does Rocky have hair during the fight when he doesn't in the intro?

Answer: Hitting children will put hair on your chest head.
posted by DU at 6:54 AM on September 14, 2007


BeerFilter indeed!
posted by Pollomacho at 7:03 AM on September 14, 2007


Man, that was really well done.
posted by phrontist at 7:13 AM on September 14, 2007


My daughter's favorite game used to be "beat up." Alas, as she grows into teenager-hood, her enthusiasm for it is waning, but, indeed, I used to throw her around like the Child Beater does his kids. Thanks for the post, BeerFilter.
posted by MrMoonPie at 7:23 AM on September 14, 2007


OK that was the greatest thing ever.
posted by LarryC at 7:26 AM on September 14, 2007


Well cut, funny as hell. Good stuff.
posted by Happy Dave at 7:35 AM on September 14, 2007


Babies eating lemons.
posted by empath at 7:42 AM on September 14, 2007 [3 favorites]


Funniest goddam thing I've ever goddam seen in my goddam life.
posted by Wonderwoman at 7:51 AM on September 14, 2007


The first one's amazing, the follow-up's got some good stuff in it. I can't help but wonder what puberty's going to do to change the power dynamic.
posted by Busithoth at 7:58 AM on September 14, 2007


That was great. I loved roughhousing as a kid and it amazes me how few parents will do that anymore. It's one of the reasons I am highly in demand (by kids) as a babysitter.
posted by arcticwoman at 8:06 AM on September 14, 2007


Kids are meant to be tossed around (safely).
posted by pmbuko at 8:09 AM on September 14, 2007


If you aren't throwing your kids around, squeezing them until they can't breathe and letting them jump on your body, you aren't raising them right.
posted by DU at 8:13 AM on September 14, 2007


Awesome.
Awesomer.
Child Beater.
posted by slimepuppy at 8:16 AM on September 14, 2007


Babies eating lemons.

It's interesting how similar that is to First Goatse shots. (sfw, no actual goatse pictures)
posted by Pollomacho at 8:22 AM on September 14, 2007


I'm surprised how much trouble I had watching that, given how obviously fake it is, and given that I have no history of physical abuse. I couldn't take more than a minute of watching kids getting "kicked." It just turned my stomach.
posted by desjardins at 8:53 AM on September 14, 2007


That was the greatest thing ever. I lucked out and had lots of good fun adult types like this growing up. If we COULDN'T roughhouse like this we were like little monsters.

Dads who can come from work and make roughhouse time for the kids - US against the big Dad monster was the BEST - are dads who will be remembered well.

Thanks, BeerFilter!
posted by humannaire at 9:35 AM on September 14, 2007


That was great. I love the littlest dude who, at the end, pants like an excited puppy at the prospect of candy.
posted by thehmsbeagle at 9:37 AM on September 14, 2007


That was great. I loved roughhousing as a kid and it amazes me how few parents will do that anymore. It's one of the reasons I am highly in demand (by kids) as a babysitter.

For a bit after I first came across these, I was considering an actual post about it. I was going to overdo it, dig up articles on different views on roughhousing play, etc. Then I got really lazy and never did, and as this thread shows, the solution to that is more beer. :)

But there's quite a bit of anti-roughhousing viewpoint out there. Most of it I ran across struck me as extremely silly, and a patchwork of dubious assumptions and breathtaking leaps of logic. One could probably make a case it's a weird side-symptom of the same kind of social weirdness behind the recent thread about "stranger danger"--an allegedly well-intentioned projection of adult anxieties onto kids who are, when well cared for, undeserving of it.

Depends on the kid, of course. One of my nephews generally doesn't like roughhousing, so we don't; his brother is a whole different story and enjoys being flung about, and I recently kept my niece entertained for easily fifteen minutes by repeatedly "throwing" her up over the back of a couch onto the cushions, whereupon she'd screech with laughter, bound back to the floor, and race back around it for it to happen again.
posted by Drastic at 9:45 AM on September 14, 2007


Revver has higher res versions, & the original files for download: one, two.
posted by Pronoiac at 9:57 AM on September 14, 2007


The last lemon-eating baby was teh a\^/3s0mE!1! Hooray for delayed reaction and synchronized scoring.
posted by mistersquid at 10:21 AM on September 14, 2007


I'm glad they made a part 2, the first one cracked me up so hard.
posted by spec80 at 11:45 AM on September 14, 2007


Sweet Jesus, this is great. My friend has two little boys and I can never resist the opportunity to toss them around when I visit. I miss being that indestructible.
posted by quite unimportant at 11:57 AM on September 14, 2007


I recently kept my niece entertained for easily fifteen minutes by repeatedly "throwing" her up over the back of a couch

Yeah, I threw up my kids too, but that's 'cause Zeus and Rhea poisoned me. In retrospect, I guess I shoulda seen that coming.
posted by Greg Nog at 12:47 PM on September 14, 2007 [1 favorite]


What a fantastic home video. I hope the kids get to see this 20 years from now.
posted by mek at 1:36 PM on September 14, 2007


Those videos cracked me up! My Dad used to roughhouse with me when I was that age and it made me confident about my body and strength. My mother used to freak out and say you should only roughhouse with boys but Dad didn't listen, thank goodness.
posted by hojoki at 2:42 PM on September 14, 2007


Yeah, I threw up my kids too, but that's 'cause Zeus and Rhea poisoned me. In retrospect, I guess I shoulda seen that coming.
The worst ones are the few that pop right out of your forehead.

Other than that, kids are great.
posted by Drastic at 2:52 PM on September 14, 2007


I would much rather watch a sitcom about Child Beater than the Geico caveman. It would probably get really tired after the first five or six seasons, though.
posted by chudmonkey at 4:19 PM on September 14, 2007


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