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September 30, 2007 7:52 PM   Subscribe


 
More Cracked? Really?

Also, The Last Unicorn isn't on the list, which fucked me up for several hours after I saw it.
posted by spikeleemajortomdickandharryconnickjrmints at 8:02 PM on September 30, 2007


No Return to OZ? No Dark Crystal?

More like Crapped, amirite?
posted by Alvy Ampersand at 8:06 PM on September 30, 2007 [1 favorite]


oh. animated.

More like chastened, amirite?
posted by Alvy Ampersand at 8:07 PM on September 30, 2007 [2 favorites]


P.S.

The Velveteen Rabbit also depressed the hell out of me for the rest of the day.

P.P.S.

While we're at it, does anyone remember a story about a Christmas tree that's cut down, used, broken, and then burned? Oh sweet therapy.

posted by spikeleemajortomdickandharryconnickjrmints at 8:08 PM on September 30, 2007


spikeleemajortomdickandharryconnickjrmints, you have to admit that was a stellar cast, especially for an animated film:

Alan Arkin, Jeff Bridges, Mia Farrow, Robert Klein, Angela Lansbury, Christopher Lee, Keenan Wynn, Rene Auberjonois, Brother Theodore ...
posted by mr_crash_davis at 8:08 PM on September 30, 2007


whoever compiled that list must clearly have never seen hugo the hippo.
posted by wreckingball at 8:14 PM on September 30, 2007 [1 favorite]


it's missing the brave little toaster

also, "tankui"? come on
posted by tumult at 8:20 PM on September 30, 2007


No Bambi?
posted by amyms at 8:21 PM on September 30, 2007


I only agree with last two.
posted by CitrusFreak12 at 8:22 PM on September 30, 2007


Props to this article for introducing me to Pom Poko. :speechless:
posted by fleetmouse at 8:22 PM on September 30, 2007


No "Grave of the Fireflies"? That scarred me as an adult.
posted by zardoz at 8:23 PM on September 30, 2007 [6 favorites]


No Brave Little Toaster? Major offenses: A) Apparently being made on a $4 budget. B) Inspiring children to view their possessions as sentient, inspiring a generation of packrats and hoarders. C) Featuring a musical number in which these anthropomorphic items are mercilessly crunched up by a junkyard compressor.
posted by dougunderscorenelso at 8:24 PM on September 30, 2007 [4 favorites]


Umm, yeah, Watership Down: we made a special warning label for it at my old video rental gig after multiple kiddie trauma reports.

Not feature-length, but the Tom and Jerry cartoons deserve special mention for giving me tension-induced stomach aches as a tot. Brilliant stuff, but yikes. Still, they did clear the way for Itchy and Scratchy, for which we must all be grateful.
posted by Kinbote at 8:26 PM on September 30, 2007


The Mouse and His Child.

We even had a post about it. It will mess you up.
posted by blahblahblah at 8:33 PM on September 30, 2007 [3 favorites]


Wow. As soon as I saw the title I said "Watership Down. Number one. Not even a contest." The internet continues to surprise.

Regrettable ommission: The Fox and the House. The ending to that movie was two childhood friends realizing that, basically, the way the world works is that they can't be friends with each other.

Then they made a direct-to-DVD sequel where they went off and formed a country band together. Fuck you, Disney. Fuck you so very hard.
posted by XQUZYPHYR at 8:38 PM on September 30, 2007 [4 favorites]


All Dogs Go to Heaven.

Its just......I dunno......this dog gangster gets murdered, goes to heaven, but wants to come back for revenge. His life is symbolized by a watch that, should it break, will send him to Hell for all eternity.

That, and the "YOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOU KILLLLLLLLLLED MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!" part.

I mean, Christ, that was a fucking dark "kids movie".
posted by Avenger at 8:41 PM on September 30, 2007 [2 favorites]


B) Inspiring children to view their possessions as sentient, inspiring a generation of packrats and hoarders.

The Christmas Toy was the reason I couldn't throw away my stuffed animals until I was about mid-way through high school, for pretty much this exact reason.

Yeah, Last Unicorn should be on the list, as well as pretty much everything Ralph Bakshi ever made.
posted by XQUZYPHYR at 8:41 PM on September 30, 2007 [2 favorites]


By Fox and House, I of course mean Fox and Hound. Dur.
posted by XQUZYPHYR at 8:43 PM on September 30, 2007


Little Nemo: Adventures in Slumberland please.
posted by revfitz at 8:45 PM on September 30, 2007


When the Wind Blows wins. Saw that my sophomore year of college. Yikes.
posted by lumensimus at 8:46 PM on September 30, 2007


zardoz, I saw that movie about a year ago and was totally unprepared for it. Feel good movie of the year!

My wife jokes that I have an amazing track record with accidentally renting depressing movies (holocaust films, Dancer in the Dark, etc).
posted by spikeleemajortomdickandharryconnickjrmints at 8:46 PM on September 30, 2007


When the Wind Blows. An animated movie about the aftermath of nuclear war, with a soundtrack by Roger Waters at his whiniest.
posted by SansPoint at 8:49 PM on September 30, 2007


C'mon, even if they didn't have the OH GOD I FEEL WORSE THAN MARVIN Grave of the Fireflies, they could at least have mentioned the bit in Akira where Tetsuo is hallucinating putting his guts back into himself.

Good times.

Or just any randomly-selected episode of Evangelion.
posted by ROU_Xenophobe at 8:51 PM on September 30, 2007


Watership Down never bothered me as a child, now The Plague Dogs fucked me up. Even the book had a happier ending.
posted by Tenuki at 8:52 PM on September 30, 2007


Then they made a direct-to-DVD sequel where they went off and formed a country band together.
It seems that Disney is bent on ruining every single property that they own. I think they've actually run out of movies and are starting in on round III.

I hope they never, ever get creative control of Pixar's movies. <movie announcer voice>Coming this summer direct to Blu-Ray & HD-DVD: Toy Story VI: Sid's Revenge&lt/m&gt
posted by JDHarper at 8:56 PM on September 30, 2007


So tired. Can't seem to move my legs anymore.

Keep going. Try. We must be near the island.


Yeah. The Plague Dogs will fuck up your brain banana.
posted by Astro Zombie at 8:58 PM on September 30, 2007


The movie I want to see made is "Finding Dori" the sequel to Finding Nemo, where we learn once and for all why Dori has that mean looking scar, and why she experiences anterograde amnesia.

It would be dark. It would be scary and nasty and not at all for children. It would most probably suck by most people's standards. I'd love it. However, as I understand it, Disney controls the characters and if sequels are made it's by their decision, so the tale that is screaming to be told properly either never will be told or will be turned into a bleeding musical.
posted by ZachsMind at 9:00 PM on September 30, 2007 [1 favorite]


the bit in Akira where Tetsuo is hallucinating putting his guts back into himself.

When my nephew watched it that scene didn't bother him, instead it was when Testsuo stepped on the waterglass then pulled the broken shard from his foot. He stopped watching after that.
posted by Tenuki at 9:02 PM on September 30, 2007


Whenever I hear of kids being scared of Bambi and the likes, I can't help but think of them as being such wimps. And they're supposed to be the desensitized youth of America!

I watched it, other kids watched it, we were cool with it.
posted by Xere at 9:06 PM on September 30, 2007


Although I do remember some animated film about some bird being wiped out as being terribly depressing. Possibly the dodo. The birds get knocked out and shot at by farmers, one by one, until only Girl Bird and Boy Bird remain. After missing each other just by a sliver for a long time, Girl and Boy finally meet up. And then some farmer kills one of them. Depressing yes, but I wasn't all ZOMG NEED THERAPY NOW about it.
posted by Xere at 9:08 PM on September 30, 2007


Xere: The Last of the Curlews.
posted by ethnomethodologist at 9:24 PM on September 30, 2007


I could never have predicted where that article would end in a million years....wtf.

Also, where is All Dogs Go to Heaven, or the first movie that made me understand the term 'depression?'
posted by SassHat at 9:28 PM on September 30, 2007


Of course, some of these films are for adults, and probably shouldn't be seen by kids. I mean, just because it's animated, you're not going to prop your kids in front of the television and screen Fritz the Cat or Waking Life for them.
posted by Astro Zombie at 9:29 PM on September 30, 2007


The Velveteen Rabbit also depressed the hell out of me for the rest of the day.

Damn straight! The kid in that movie was a freakin sociopath!

THAT RABBIT STUCK WITH THAT KID THROUGH EVERYTHING!

And what did the kid do, huh? What did he do once he recovered from his near-deadly fever? Tosses out the rabbit. Tosses him right out on his ear, where he's burned up with the rest of the garbage. Ungrateful kid is probably cruising around town right now with his new rabbit. Can't even take a moment to think about the poor little rabbit who gave his little velveteen soul for him. Bastard.

Seriously, though, why did rabbit movies always have to be so scary?
posted by Afroblanco at 9:39 PM on September 30, 2007 [7 favorites]


Plague Dogs....wow. I had forgotten about that one somehow. That could not have been made for kids. It's like Schindler's List for puppies.
posted by spikeleemajortomdickandharryconnickjrmints at 9:42 PM on September 30, 2007


#10 - Really not a bad movie if you ignore all the bits baltantly stolen, nearly frame-by-frame from Akira.

#9 - I just watched this yesterday with my daughter, and while she was laughing at the funny people on the screen I was thinking, "good lord, this is grim for a kid's movie." Cracked is right on this one, though I doubt anybody but a parent (and certainly not a kid) would notice.

#7 - Devo on the soundtack. That alone seals the deal for me.

#2 - Scarring? Good lord, when I was little the intro scared me. The Black Rabbit? Even five-year-olds know when they're seeing Death personified.

#1 - (with appologies)
the article says raccoons but the movie features tanuki.
the article says raccoons but the movie features tanuki.
THE ARTICLE SAYS RACOONS BUT THE MOVIE FEATURES TANUKI.

And yes, this list is nothing without "Grave of the Fireflies."
posted by lekvar at 9:55 PM on September 30, 2007


No Pinocchio, with the bar scene with kids turning into donkeys and being sent off for forced labor, and later Pinocchio and Gepetto trapped in the whale? (The Disney sequel I want is Pinocchio 2: Revenge of the Donkeys.)
posted by Tuwa at 9:58 PM on September 30, 2007


Wow... nice list, though the Cars bit is kind of a phone-in.

The Incredibles scares the shit out of my nephews, though they can watch the shark and lantern-fish bits of Finding Nemo ad nauseum. I don't understand it.

As for Watership Down, I remember watching it in bits and pieces over and over again as a toddler, and not being traumatized. My girlfriend has a tatoo of the black rabbit of Inlay, so when she was given the DVD's of that and the Plague Dogs, we watched them once more.

Holy shit those are dark.

Still, nothing beats Return to Oz, but as that's not an animated film, may I suggest the little-loved, little-remembered, Pinnochio and the Emperor of the Night?
posted by Navelgazer at 9:59 PM on September 30, 2007


Watership down displaced by some anime crap? FUCK THAT SHIT!

No more link to Cracked again, ever, thank you.
posted by Artw at 10:00 PM on September 30, 2007 [3 favorites]


A Plague Dogs/When the Wind Blows double bill would probably make you want to top yourself.
posted by Artw at 10:02 PM on September 30, 2007


Oh, and it's not for kids, but Wizards surprised me as a teenager with how dark it was (nuclear war, science outlawed, cartoons drawn over footage of Nazis, etc.)
posted by Tuwa at 10:06 PM on September 30, 2007


A couple more -

The Giving Tree - Ungrateful fucking bastard. This one is like the Velveteen Rabbit times 10. All the tree wants is for the kid to be happy. And what does the kid do? He sells its apples, cuts off its branches, and chops the fucker down! And in the end he's just a pathetic old man with nothing but a stump to sit on. Bastard.

The Secret of NIMH - "Hi kids! Back in the 60s, there was this thing called LSD..."
posted by Afroblanco at 10:13 PM on September 30, 2007


The Secret of NIMH indeed. If it wasn't for the comic relief of a the clumsy crow named Jeremy, I would have killed my kid self many times over.
posted by peeedro at 10:20 PM on September 30, 2007 [1 favorite]


Yeah, I used to work at a video store where When the Wind Blows was in the Kids Section.

"This isn't a kids' movie, George," we would tell the manager.

"It's a cartoon." he would say. Finally he watched it. "Saaaay," he said, "this isn't a kids' movie."

JDHarper -- you might be interested in this article, which reports that John Lasseter has essentially pulled the plug on Disney's direct-to-video sequels.
posted by Karlos the Jackal at 10:23 PM on September 30, 2007


Afroblanco, our two year old was given The Giving Tree. We read it in bed and the kid fell asleep right at the last page. My wife and I just looked at each other, blinked twice, and then stared at the ceiling for a while.
posted by spikeleemajortomdickandharryconnickjrmints at 10:26 PM on September 30, 2007 [3 favorites]


The list is very weak.

I definitely believe agree with "The Secret of NIMH." That movie is probably one of the reasons I'm so screwed up.

You know what other movie screwed with me as a kid? "The Phantom Tollbooth." I saw it again many years later, when I was 17 or so, and I thought it was great, yet as a small child I remember being freaked out by it.
posted by champthom at 10:27 PM on September 30, 2007 [1 favorite]


Yeah, NIMH is kinda like Jacob's Ladder for kids.
posted by Afroblanco at 10:46 PM on September 30, 2007


Additionally, Princess Mononoke and Ghost in the Shell were quite unexpected and challenging to me as an adult, but I can't guess what their effect would be on children. It seems that including even mainstream anime would open this list to all sorts of disturbing possibilities.

The Hobbit, along with all the Rankin/Bass productions, was pretty intense to me as a kid. But I was a sheltered and sensitive child.
posted by peeedro at 10:47 PM on September 30, 2007


Watership Down deserves to be on there, and I can't comment on the raccoon-testicle one, not having seen it, but most of the rest of them are pretty lame. There are certainly way more traumatic possibilities out there. I mean, Song of the South? It's politically incorrect, sure, but traumatic? Come on.

Of any of the Disney movies, The Brave Little Toaster definitely should have been there, if only for the final (trash compactor) scene, and the completely cracked-out "toaster nightmare" (which in retrospect is pretty funny).
posted by Kadin2048 at 10:53 PM on September 30, 2007


Here's a similar but better list. (Yes, it includes Grave of the Fireflies.)
posted by Rangeboy at 10:58 PM on September 30, 2007 [3 favorites]


As for Watership Down, I remember watching it in bits and pieces over and over again as a toddler, and not being traumatized. My girlfriend has a tatoo of the black rabbit of Inlay, so when she was given the DVD's of that and the Plague Dogs, we watched them once more.

Wait a second...Plague Dogs is out on DVD now? Sweet! I remember hunting that down on VHS a few years ago and spending way too much for a copy on eBay.

"I hope you make sure we're properly dead before you start, old rip-beak!"
posted by infinitywaltz at 10:59 PM on September 30, 2007


While the original article wasn't all that great for all the reasons pointed out above, the links in these comments make the post worth it. Now that I'm older and wiser, I'll have to go back and check out the ones I missed as a child.

And this isn't quite on theme, but I saw Twice Upon a Time when I was young (about 4, I believe) and once I was old enough to realize it was a really weird movie, I couldn't remember the name, and neither could my parents. I spent a long time wondering if it was some fever dream. Not until I was in college did I happen to stumble upon it again.
posted by recursion at 11:02 PM on September 30, 2007


Karlos the Jackal, that is good news indeed!
The Last Unicorn, Hugo the Hippo, and the Hobbit freeked me out as a kid. But I'm surprized no one has mentioned Alice In Wonderland. That one still creeps the hell out of me.
posted by bstreep at 11:06 PM on September 30, 2007


Spirited Away freaks the shit out of my five-year-old son. Just pulling out the DVD box sends him into a panic. Same for the Incredibles. So we avoid bringing out those DVDs AT ALL COSTS.

We've watched Pom Poko and Totoro dozens and dozens of times together. He also loves Cars, and we even bought the goddamned soundtrack. So now I have my son singing New Country and humming along to tepid Randy Newman scores while driving in the car.
posted by KokuRyu at 11:07 PM on September 30, 2007


The Giving Tree:

I was read this book many times as a child and had fond memories of it. I have a son of my own now and my mother sent him a copy. My wife read it for the first time and hated it because the kid was such an oblivious asshole. I had never realized it, but she was right that the kid just took and took and the tree just wanted to have him around but he kept leaving.

There are other ways to read it, of course. The tree's love is unconditional, and sometimes it hurts to love someone/something so much, but you still do it. But still, the kid is an asshole.
posted by recursion at 11:08 PM on September 30, 2007


What? No Dumbo? Surely, Cracked, you jest. I saw that when I was a wee child, and the pink elephants scene not only scared me shitless, but also led to unrealistic expectations regarding the effects of alcohol that disappoint me to this very day.
posted by louche mustachio at 11:11 PM on September 30, 2007 [7 favorites]


The Velveteen Rabbit is surely one of the most brutally depressing children's stories. It made me so sad when I first read it, and even now thinking about it brings a sense of melancholy. Its lesson is essentially that if you truly love someone, you'll be abused and taken for granted until they get tired of you, and then you'll be dumped with the trash. Screw that magic fairy ending, that was just tacked on to keep kids from suicide.
posted by Sangermaine at 11:26 PM on September 30, 2007 [2 favorites]


Another vote for 'Secret of NIMH'. Rats with glowing eyes people! Glowing eyes!

/my computers name is 'Nicodemus'.
posted by PenDevil at 11:34 PM on September 30, 2007


You know, I'm not a huge fan of the cracked links popping up so often here . . . but their analysis of Watership Down was perfectly timed. I mean, that movie scared the hell out of me, and I saw it for the first time two months ago.
posted by thecaddy at 11:59 PM on September 30, 2007


spikeleemajortomdickandharryconnickjrmints and recursion, have you seen The Unforgiving Tree?
posted by Araucaria at 12:16 AM on October 1, 2007


..why do fireflies die so young?

God did that movie make me cry.

The combination of that movie and Slaughterhouse Five is why I'm so anti-war now.

We were the 'good guys' in WWII and we still inflicted massive amounts of misery on innocent people. You can blame it on their leadership all you want, but it was our bombs that burned Tokyo to the ground and killed those kids mother.
posted by empath at 12:41 AM on October 1, 2007


Ok, i can't find an image of the Black Rabbit that adequately evokes the OH MY GOD CREEPY GHOST DEMON RABBIT terror that sequence evoked in me when I was younger, but I'm sure I remember the thing having hideous glowing red eyes and floating over a field to the strains of creepy music and generally scaring the living shit out of me. The Ringwraiths in Ralph Bakshi's Lord Of The Rings adaptation, which I saw at roughly the same time were, oddly, nowhere near as affecting.

When The Wind Blows was more viscerally terrifying in the "shit, that could actually happen" sense, but both are the only animations I've seen that had lasting, waking-up-in-the-night-sweating consequences.
posted by Jon Mitchell at 1:33 AM on October 1, 2007 [1 favorite]


Shall I be the first to bring up Rock and Rule? I was going to express astonishment that I'd be the first to mention it in this thread after sixty comments, but apparently until recently it was an incredibly obscure film. Not like that prevented me from picking it out in a laserdisc rental shop when I was seven (I think at that point I had seen just about all of that store's animated offerings--save for the anime with the "not for kids :(" stickers on them). The wiki entry has a little factoid about the film's making that can maybe illuminate why this film was so scarring:

According to the commentary on the DVD release, the effects for the demon in the movie's final sequence were produced by smearing cow brains over one plane of a multiplane camera.

...this scene with the demon being summoned fucked me up. I seem to recall that there was baby-eating involved. Another scene that stands out was one where the villain kidnaps the heroine by handing her a rose...and suddenly toothy tentacles burst out towards the viewer.

Although it wasn't a movie, The Animals of Farthing Wood made for some traumatizing viewing experiences. The series had an amazingly high body count, and was often quite graphic about offing its furry characters. The most memorable to me was an episode where a bird took the newly born litters of the voles and shrews and impaled all of them on a thorn bush...and the viewers got to see the bloodied and dead baby rodents. I was about five when I saw that, I think.
posted by kosher_jenny at 1:39 AM on October 1, 2007


I had a dream last night that Cracked announced their closure, and I wake up to this? I don't know whether to cry or start my own hackneyed top ten list site.
posted by bunnytricks at 2:08 AM on October 1, 2007


Way too much Cracked making it's way into the fuck-o-sphere, but this did leave me laughing against all expectations.
posted by telstar at 2:08 AM on October 1, 2007


Surprisingly misinformed article, and that's based on the few of these with which I'm familiar.

"Song of the South" is not hidden away in the vault. It's alive and well and being sold in the UK. Oops. That's the only reason I was able to see it.

"Who Framed Roger Rabbit" is a favorite of mine. Eddie Valiant was not a "police detective", he was a private detective. Big difference, and only an idiot would make that mistake.

I wonder whatever stupid mistakes are in there? No wonder the magazine went under.
posted by Goofyy at 2:35 AM on October 1, 2007


Top ten sites for linkflooding MetaFilter:

10. The Washington Post
9. LA Times
8. NY Times
7. The New Yorker
6. Cracked
5. A Cracked article that links to Wikipedia articles
4. A Cracked article that links to youtube videos
3. A Cracked article that links to Wikipedia articles and youtube videos
2. Wikipedia
1. zombo.com

Chances are, if it's on one of these sites, it doesn't need to be linked to MetaFilter. We've seen the site before and those who care know how to find their way back.
posted by Eideteker at 3:29 AM on October 1, 2007


telstar: Holy shit, my world has been turned upside down. Cracked did something good. Now I'm off to work the phrase "local science tough" into conversation.
posted by bunnytricks at 3:33 AM on October 1, 2007


It's often not the topics of movies that scared me but the style of animation itself. For some reason I found the animation style that involves super-overexaggerated and super-fluid movements (as in in Roger Rabbit, Rock and Rule, or Fleischer cartoons) to be incredibly distressing. Gave me the serious heebie-jeebies as a child and still induces nausea and disquiet now. I wasn't scared of the characters, just the way everything moved.
posted by schroedinger at 3:48 AM on October 1, 2007


Spirited Away traumatized a five year old relative. Pom poko amused them.
posted by zippy at 4:04 AM on October 1, 2007


As soon as I saw the FPP title, I knew this was a cracked.com post. Good conversation fodder, and at least the entire list was on one page (for once), but seriously, y'all. Seriously.
posted by kittens for breakfast at 4:11 AM on October 1, 2007


What? No Urotsukidoji?

Were this a fair vote, the Japanese would hold at least the top seven spots.
posted by Civil_Disobedient at 4:19 AM on October 1, 2007


This thread makes me glad that I only read books as a kid.
posted by jacalata at 4:38 AM on October 1, 2007


I would've included Coonskin by Ralph Bakshi.
posted by effwerd at 4:41 AM on October 1, 2007


For kids of a certain age, Bambi and Dumbo, the quintessential KILL MOMMY films, are the absolute top traumatizers. I met a man once who described a recurrent nightmare he had. It was a scene from Dumbo.

Grave of the Fireflies is different. It will make anyone of any age feel awful, but the effects wear off in a year or two.
posted by hexatron at 4:46 AM on October 1, 2007


I don't know about you guys, but when Riki Tiki Tavi came out on TV in the 1970s, I couldn't go out in my backyard for weeks, and I begged my mom to buy me a pet mongoose.
posted by thanotopsis at 4:54 AM on October 1, 2007


God I must be weirder than I thought because I loved a lot of these movies as a kid. I watched several of them over-and-over again: Watership Down, The Last Unicorn, Secret of NIMH, The Dark Crystal, and The Hobbit.

My poor children will be mercilessly subjected to them as well.
posted by i_am_a_Jedi at 5:18 AM on October 1, 2007


By Fox and House, I of course mean Fox and Hound. Dur.

Now you've got me wondering XQUZYPHYR how your Fox and House concept would work narratively. I think that's a traumatizing animated movie for kids right there.
posted by electricinca at 5:55 AM on October 1, 2007


No one ever saw Raggedy Ann and Andy? That traumatized me. The freaky scenes of some lollipop thing, the kidnapping of Babette (who I couldn't stand), and some dude who grew when he laughed.
posted by czechmate at 6:00 AM on October 1, 2007


#7 - Devo on the soundtack. That alone seals the deal for me.

Heavy Metal?
posted by kirkaracha at 6:25 AM on October 1, 2007


Raggedy Ann and Andy, indeed, czechmate. That was one weird-ass cartoon.
posted by Faint of Butt at 7:35 AM on October 1, 2007


Now you've got me wondering XQUZYPHYR how your Fox and House concept would work narratively. I think that's a traumatizing animated movie for kids right there.

"Its not lupine."

*eats fox, does drugs*
posted by Avenger at 7:51 AM on October 1, 2007


The Devil & Daniel Mouse. Watching the devil absolutely lose his shit at the firey conclusion of this one was pretty traumatic.
posted by stinkycheese at 8:25 AM on October 1, 2007 [1 favorite]


While we're at it, does anyone remember a story about a Christmas tree that's cut down, used, broken, and then burned? Oh sweet therapy. posted by spikeleemajortomdickandharryconnickjrmints

The Fir Tree by Hans Christian Anderson? (God he could write some depressing stories. I read The Little Match Girl as an adult was completely messed up over.)


I was scarred by:
Animal Farm - god damn those pigs. When I first saw this I had no idea it was an allegory and all that jazz, so I only got the message that pigs are evil and will fuck you over given the chance. I still mourn for that horse. They sold him for glue! Bastards.

Charlotte's Web - I didn't even care about Wilbur. I was all about Charlotte and really sad she died. Especially, because, at the time I thought the author just killed her off for pathos.

Fantasia - specifically Mickey's part with all those brooms completely out of control.
posted by nooneyouknow at 8:53 AM on October 1, 2007


"The Iron Giant" depressed the hell out of me when I saw it a few years ago. I think if I'd seen it as a child I would have needed therapy.

Now I only watch happy movies. Or zombie movies. Or happy zombie movies.
posted by Evangeline at 9:10 AM on October 1, 2007


I am no longer like the others, for no unicorn was ever born who could regret, but now I do. I regret.

Great. Good luck, there. Try to eat poptarts and play on the swingset now. Instant faeriegoth, just add TLU

One of my all time favorite movies, but I was so scared of that red bull, I drew it in Sunday school when assigned to draw something scary (great tactic, btw, christianity) and now it's the name of a consarned energy beverage? wtf?
posted by Ambrosia Voyeur at 9:10 AM on October 1, 2007


OMG. They made an animated movie out of the Plague Dogs? I thought you guys were telling a "You think Watership Down is depressing, imagine an animated Plague Dogs" joke. What's next, Shardik? (Checks IMDB with fear and trembling...)

Re: The Giving Tree - It's a lot more complicated than that. The kid is not a dick. It's just a tree. Eating apples, carving names, using the wood - thats what everybody does with trees. The kid has no idea that the tree loves him. The only one who really sees what's going on, the tree, is happy with the situation.

It's a complicated metaphor (not a one-to-one allegory) for parental love, in which you give to your kids so that they can become independent and not need you anymore. Your kids know that you love them, but they don't really know what that means or feels like. They don't know how much it hurts when they leave the house, start their own families, live their own lives--and you don't want them to know. You hate for them to leave, but it would be far worse for them not to leave.
posted by straight at 9:15 AM on October 1, 2007 [10 favorites]


I think the depressing thing about Secret of NIMH, and actually all those movies where heroes use special magic powers to overcome the vast institutional oppression arrayed against them, is that they're basically saying they couldn't make it without some sparkly fluffy narrative hand-waving. Imagine a kid applying that observation to the Real World. (Whether it's accurate or not... well goddammit, just look who's STILL in the White House after Katrina.)

I actually kinda agree on Cars, it's as if NASCAR suddenly realized it doesn't really need human beings any more and has slaughtered them all off-screen before the movie starts. Or someone used that context-based image resizer to just remove all human beings from each frame.

Someone should tell the Cracked guys that cute animals beating people up with their testicles is, in no way, more traumatic than Watership Down.
posted by JHarris at 9:41 AM on October 1, 2007


What, no Legend of the Overfiend?

/ kidding
posted by The Card Cheat at 9:52 AM on October 1, 2007


I sure hope that Hans Christian Andersen's "The Steadfast Tin Soldier" never got made into an animated story, because just having had it read to me when I was a little kid messed me up emotionally, but good.
posted by pax digita at 9:58 AM on October 1, 2007


I'd never heard of Plague Dogs, it's cool to know where that Skinny Puppy sample comes from

all my disturbing cartoons have already been mentioned
posted by Uther Bentrazor at 10:01 AM on October 1, 2007


I found Cars to be a ridiculous boomer fantasy. I was profoundly bored. John Lasseter was indulging his embalmed nostalgia for "cool old cars" and the myth of Route 66. I was born the year the Ford Pinto was introduced, so all I have is the baby boomer generation's reheated nostalgia for old diners, neon signs, and drive-in movies.

I also agree with Cracked's analysis: I found the extreme lengths they went to to exclude humans pretty weird:

The "reporter" cars at the racetrack all have cameras mounted on their front fenders. How are these cameras operated? None of the cars have arms, so who removes the tapes and sticks them in the recorder back at the newsroom?

While riding cross-country in the back of the semi-trailer, Lightning McQueen gets a phone call from his agent. McQueen operates the phone with a giant keypad mounted on the floor, so he can "dial" with his tires?

Why do these cars have doors if no one ever gets inside them? WHY?!
posted by Lord Kinbote at 10:07 AM on October 1, 2007 [1 favorite]


pax digita:

It showed up as a segment in Fantasia 2000, and is remarkably dark.
posted by Ickster at 10:43 AM on October 1, 2007


The kid is not a dick. It's just a tree ... It's a complicated metaphor (not a one-to-one allegory) for parental love

If this is true, then how come the kid is all alone in the end, with nothing but a disused stump to comfort him as he waits for death? I always assumed that this was his punishment for being such a dick to the tree all his life.

Oh yeah, and here's a movie that would be traumatizing, if they were to make it :

The Little Mermaid, only with the real ending instead of the happy Disney ending. I read the book when I was little - they didn't make it into a movie until I was 13 or so - and thus I was exposed to the original (disturbing) ending, complete with cogent body-image metaphor.
posted by Afroblanco at 10:48 AM on October 1, 2007


couldn't make it without some sparkly

LOL
posted by Ambrosia Voyeur at 10:54 AM on October 1, 2007


Animal Farm.
I saw it in college and wept when the horse got killed. Wept, I tell you.
posted by the sobsister at 11:29 AM on October 1, 2007


If this is true, then how come the kid is all alone in the end, with nothing but a disused stump to comfort him as he waits for death? I always assumed that this was his punishment for being such a dick to the tree all his life.

I think the story is much more complicated than "so there, the bad guy got his just deserts in the end." You might as well say, "What the kid did must be OK because the tree claims to be happy about it."

The story's not about the boy. It's about the tree. It's giving kids a glimpse of how it feels to be a parent.
posted by straight at 11:49 AM on October 1, 2007 [1 favorite]


Avenger: All Dogs Go to Heaven.

That movie gave me nightmares for years. When I think of Hell, I still picture it as the ship sinking in lava with the little demons jumping out and chasing you. Scares the crap out of me.

And Brave Little Toaster had my brother and me convinced for a decade that if you accidentally ran over a vacuum's cord while you were using it that it would go crazy and possibly attack you. When we saw my mom accidentally do it once we both screamed and ran away. It's led to a lifelong fear of vacuuming.
posted by lilac girl at 11:53 AM on October 1, 2007


I want a real Hobbit movie. I want PJ to direct it and I want a Smaug that will make people crawl under their theater seats. I want something that will forever take the taste of that Rankin-Bass piece of shit out of my mouth.
posted by Ber at 11:59 AM on October 1, 2007


Surprised no one has mentioned Tezuka Osamu's Jungle Emperor Leo. Wow. That movie is SAD SAD SAAAAAD.

That movie and Grave of Fireflies have messed me up as an adult way more than anything on that list.
posted by Lizc at 1:21 PM on October 1, 2007




straight - I see your point.

Man, I just watched The Giving Tree again. It's still sad. I almost cried. Shouldn't watch this stuff at work.
posted by Afroblanco at 1:39 PM on October 1, 2007


Man, I just watched The Giving Tree again. It's still sad. I almost cried.

I dare you to try and read this to kids without breaking out the wrist-slashing knives.

If you follow it up with Love you Forever, you're just asking for a few days of constant sobbing.
posted by thanotopsis at 1:47 PM on October 1, 2007


I don't know thanotopsis, I found the idea of a grown man crawling into his mother's window at night to cuddle with her slightly disturbing.
posted by schroedinger at 2:49 PM on October 1, 2007


Black Rabbit Scene from Watership Down
posted by anthill at 4:26 PM on October 1, 2007 [1 favorite]


Fantasia, not for the brooms (although that could put the fear of housecleaning into you), but for Night on Bald Mountain. Jee-hee-hee..zuz.

And the Giving Tree...(rant on) I used to love as a book, but heaven help my feminist soul--the pronoun used for the tree is feminine. It's a woman, destroying herself, to give to a man, who doesn't appreciate her. (rant off)

Somehow, images from Mary Poppins still trouble me, and I saw that flick when I was three. I mean--durable stress.
posted by datawrangler at 4:56 PM on October 1, 2007


datawrangler writes "And the Giving Tree...(rant on) I used to love as a book, but heaven help my feminist soul--the pronoun used for the tree is feminine. It's a woman, destroying herself, to give to a man, who doesn't appreciate her. (rant off)"

That's interesting, and it's an interpretation I've never heard, though I don't think it's consistent enough. Where does the arc of the man's life come into play? Did the woman start giving to a young child, as a lover?

Anyway, the interpretations I've heard have to do with whether the boy/man is selfish, and whether the tree is offering unconditional love and is satisfied that the old man came back, or is being abused by the relationship. I guess your interpretation might fit with those questions, but it's strange that the book would start with a boy if so. I will say that if Shel Silverstein really meant that he failed miserably in getting it across. Also, there's a lot more to it than that. Several other themes come into play, like what it means to grow from a child into an adult.
posted by krinklyfig at 5:38 PM on October 1, 2007


If someone were to ask me to make a list of the children's movies that frightened me the most or made me the most sad, it would probably be similar to the list of my favorite and most memorable movies from my childhood. I really do feel I benefited from experiencing them, and that they heightened my awareness of the world. I think as adults we want to protect a kind of 'innocence' we imagine children possess...but I think we don't give children enough credit for being able to handle complex and dark issues. I remember my aunt once walking in on her daughter (around 10 years old, i think) watching the horse-drowning scene in The Never Ending Story and immediately asking her to turn it off. which she grudgingly did. I don't know, I found that more depressing than the scene itself.
posted by troubles at 6:40 PM on October 1, 2007


And the Giving Tree...It's a woman, destroying herself, to give to a man, who doesn't appreciate her.

The more common feminist take on this story is to critique it as an oppressive view of motherhood -- telling mothers that they're to live only for their children and leave nothing for themselves.

I can only respond that, as a father, I find that the book captures something of how I feel towards my kids, a feeling that I do not at all believe comes from some external societal pressure.
posted by straight at 6:45 PM on October 1, 2007


Man, I haven't thought about Hugo the Hippo in years... I can't exactly remember when I saw it, though I know it comprises some of my earliest impressions (I wouldn't go so far as to call them memories). I don't know why, but it makes me feel sad. Like, Tarka the Otter sad. Or that other movie about the monkey or ape or whatever (named Amy??) who unnecessarily dies by bookcase and the dude floats her Raggedy Ann doll away.

I saw Legend of the Overfiend (Urotsukidoji) my freshman year of college; it opened my eyes to a whole new world, but not in a good way. Locke the Superman, which had been my main previous experience with feature-length anime, always left me a little melancholy too... though not traumatized like the former.

Traumatic only in an unresolved memory sort of way: For years I've been trying to remember another animated movie I saw as a kid, but by now it's so foggy in my mind I can't even describe it any more. Beautifully drawn (I think), and I know there was a princess and a hero and a wicked queen and maybe a forced marriage. All I can really picture any more was like there were fake people, made of paper or something(?), enchanted by the evil queen(?) in the church for the wedding... I think they were shaped like spoons. And in my mind I have an overall impression of pinkness. About 15 years ago I remembered enough to be able to ask my sister if she still remembered it and she just about did; a few years later she looked at me like I was crazy when I tried to describe it.
posted by Hal Mumkin at 7:06 PM on October 1, 2007


Oh also, Secret of NIMH was like my most favoritest movie ever. What an innocent time it was, being scandalized when Justin said "Damn!" I'm still conflicted about the book, though, which I read after having learned the whole movie by heart. Mrs. Frisby, WTF?
posted by Hal Mumkin at 7:11 PM on October 1, 2007


All I know is that The Blue Meanies scared the crap out of me as a kid.

And please don't bring up The Lorax.
posted by brookeb at 7:57 PM on October 1, 2007


And how could no one mention The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe? You know which scene.
posted by Hal Mumkin at 8:08 PM on October 1, 2007


God bless YouTube... an itch finally scratched. Paper people, forced marriage, evil queen, overall pinkness... however, visually it doesn't look anything like I remembered, meaning that in my mind it melded with another cartoon, one which I will never be able to identify now.
posted by Hal Mumkin at 8:27 PM on October 1, 2007


What about Fern Gully? That one scared me for a good many years as a kid. I agree with a lot of the other ones, though - Brave Little Toaster, All Dogs Go to Heaven, Secret of NIMH, etc. And I hated and still hate The Last Unicorn, not because it was traumatic in the traditional sense, but in the sense of "Hey, here's a good idea: let's take a bunch of animators who have never so much as -seen- a horse and know nothing about their anatomy or movement and tell them to make a film featuring a horse-like creature!"

Seriously, bad animation traumatizes me as much as anything else.

Oh, and A Troll in Central Park. But I forget whether that was because of the animation or the story.
posted by po at 8:37 PM on October 1, 2007


troubles - if we're including non-animated, then definitely, The Neverending Story tops my list. After that comes Little Monsters, which gave me nightmares that lasted through puberty. I always imagined I could see the almost-invisible cracks in my wall where the monster had come through in the night and then re-sealed himself back inside, and once when I was very young I swear I saw that black clawed furry arm poke up beside my bed. *shudders*
posted by po at 8:42 PM on October 1, 2007


When The Wind Blows on Youtube in 8 or so parts.
posted by stavrogin at 10:13 PM on October 1, 2007


That's interesting, and it's an interpretation I've never heard, though I don't think it's consistent enough. Where does the arc of the man's life come into play? Did the woman start giving to a young child, as a lover?

Actually, it kinda works. The tree his the boy's childhood sweeheart. They get older and want to have fun, so they have sex (apples). Later, they get married and have kids (branches/house), and then they get divorced (boat). And then when he's about to die, he comes back, and she takes him back because she has low self esteem brought on by years of suffering through a codependent relationship.

Now, I don't think that's what Silverstein intended at all, but it is a plausible interpretation. You really could interpret the story any way you want to, which I think is one of the reasons it remains such a popular story.
posted by Afroblanco at 10:26 PM on October 1, 2007


If you watch that When the wind blows youtube video, it goes 1-6, 6.5, 7-8.
posted by stavrogin at 11:34 PM on October 1, 2007


Anyone ever seen "The Great Mouse Detective"? When that ugly, horrible rat is in the clock.... oh lord... I didn't like that movie.
I am gonna second "Little Nemo: Adventures in Slumberland", that kid was ALWAYS dreaming/having a nightmare, he never could wake up... how horrible.

Personally, I would have removed "Roger Rabbit" and "Song of the South" because they are not totally animated and then put in one of the above suggested, especially "All Dogs Go To Heaven".

I also think "Lion King" was overall pretty happy, it wasn't bad.
posted by ForeverDcember at 7:21 AM on October 2, 2007


What about Monsters, Inc.? It doesn't traumatize kids, but it should, given that the bad guys have the most horrifying plan I've ever seen in a kids movie.

The bad guys plan is to kidnap kids and trap them indefinitely in a moment of sheer terror. They're basically wanting to live off the pain of tortured children. Brrrrr.
posted by straight at 9:09 AM on October 2, 2007


I love the Last Unicorn and traumatise my children on a regular basis with it. I own Watership Down but so far have resisted showing them. I can never watch When the Wind Blows or FireFlies again. One cartoon that I was completely confused by was from the VeggieTales series, Rack, Shack and Benny in the chocolate bunny factory when the good guys, Larry the cuccumber, Bob the Tomato and the little kid are forced into the fiery furnace. And the movie keeps repeating, calling it a fiery furnace, showing the flames licking at the poor vegetables. I know it is Old Testament Christianity but that is pretty harsh to show a little kid.

When I was a teenager I used to rent a movie from the children's section of the video shop that was from Japan about a lamb who's family was being killed by another animal (a wolf?) and so he made himself into a crazy goat-like horned beast and hunted down the killer. But I think he was punished in the end for not wanting to be a little lamb. I have no idea what this movie is, I saw it in the early 90's. I can't imagine how many kids it traumatised.
posted by saucysault at 9:11 AM on October 2, 2007


And I find it on IMDB after I post. Chirin no suzu / Ringing Bell. Watching some excerpts only confirms that it really was messed up.
posted by saucysault at 9:19 AM on October 2, 2007


Karlos: Thanks for linking to that. Good news indeed.
posted by JDHarper at 5:03 AM on October 3, 2007


Winnie the Pooh having a freaky acid trip to the tune of "Heffalumps and Woozles" has certainly fattened some therapists' bankrolls.
posted by Rarebit Fiend at 11:14 AM on October 3, 2007


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