I Can't Help It - My Boner Won't Go Down!

October 1, 2007 1:00 PM

Apparently the lead singer from Tool has had sex with many of the luminaries of Country Music.

All this sex seems to take place in Maynerd's side project, Puscifer. In his main band, he's too busy writing tunes based on the fibonacci sequence. That is, when he's not wrestling his fans to the ground & sitting on them.

posted by jonson (59 comments total)

christ, what a tool.
posted by quonsar at 1:13 PM on October 1, 2007 [5 favorites]

"Rev. 22:20" is actually a hell of a catchy tune. Also a sly reference to the best double entendre in the Bible: "Surely I come quickly."
posted by Schlimmbesserung at 1:15 PM on October 1, 2007

eponyfrightening.
posted by duende at 1:15 PM on October 1, 2007

"Surely I come quickly."

That Shirley was one lucky gal.
posted by billysumday at 1:20 PM on October 1, 2007

Yet another example against censorship. If one were to bleep every 'fuck' and 'boner' in that song, it'd sound like the song was actually praising country music rather than satirizing it, and inspiring the country to always rise up.

But I do agree we need to keep the "O" in country. I mean, think of the children!
posted by ZachsMind at 1:22 PM on October 1, 2007

Remember that Tool show, where some drunk guy kept yelling, "Tool sucks! Bring back the Melvins!" Remember that? Yeah, that was me.
posted by BitterOldPunk at 1:23 PM on October 1, 2007 [15 favorites]

Maynard is a busy man.

I like putting
REV. 22:20 (underworld soundtrack)
Hooker With a Penis (tool aenima)
Fiddle and the Drum (APC emotive)
Pot (tool 10,000 days)

all in a playlist, he's got a lot of range and he has a lot of fun with it.
posted by M Edward at 1:26 PM on October 1, 2007

Horrendously unfunny.
posted by item at 1:28 PM on October 1, 2007

So he is the bringer of grayish pink?
posted by cog_nate at 1:29 PM on October 1, 2007

Item - seconded.

There was a time when I thought his antics were funny, but this is just garbage.
posted by King Bee at 1:30 PM on October 1, 2007

My boner just went down.
posted by kuujjuarapik at 1:49 PM on October 1, 2007

Thanks for that, jonson.
posted by chuckdarwin at 1:50 PM on October 1, 2007

Much prefer Hank...
posted by fearfulsymmetry at 1:51 PM on October 1, 2007

Yeah, I used to be a huge fan of tool and usually like related things....but I thought this sucked pretty bad too.
posted by Stunt at 1:51 PM on October 1, 2007

I loved (still do) thier first EP, but I've been less and less interested in everything they've done since. Can't stand them now.
posted by blaneyphoto at 1:52 PM on October 1, 2007

Not the post, just making sure I'm clear on that. Not disparaging your postin' skills, jonson.
posted by Stunt at 1:52 PM on October 1, 2007

Meh.
posted by oddman at 1:53 PM on October 1, 2007

"Remember that Tool show, where some drunk guy kept yelling, "Tool sucks! Bring back the Melvins!" Remember that? Yeah, that was me."

I saw Tool at the Kalamazoo Wings stadium, and the Melvins opened. (In fact, I saw them twice, once in Toledo, and both times the Melvins opened).

The Melvins were greated cooly by the Tool fans, who took to booing them about halfway through the set. So, for the last 15 minutes of their opener, King Buzzo played only a single note, sustained with as little variation as possible, for that whole quarter-hour.

I have never seen a more annoyed crowd.
posted by klangklangston at 1:59 PM on October 1, 2007 [8 favorites]

Are you suggesting that you were OGT, blaneyphoto? From back in '92? The first e.p.?
posted by Kwine at 2:00 PM on October 1, 2007 [4 favorites]

OGT? More like OGC
posted by bobot at 2:04 PM on October 1, 2007

Are you suggesting that you were OGT, blaneyphoto? From back in '92? The first e.p.?
posted by Kwine at 5:00 PM on October 1 [+] [!]

Had to go look that OGT thing up... but yes, I'm only a fan of the Opiate EP.
posted by blaneyphoto at 2:05 PM on October 1, 2007

am I the only one that thinks that looks and sounds nothing like Maynard?
posted by matt_od at 2:05 PM on October 1, 2007

A shame that his appears to be on the album. I was pretty much ignoring Puscifer for fears of it not being that great, as I hardly ever listen to A Perfect Circle anymore.
That said, I agree, REV 22:20 is pretty cool. And seconding that his range is remarkable, hell of a singer.
posted by opsin at 2:11 PM on October 1, 2007

nevermind... that video is posted on puscifer's own youtube page. Well, I have to say I'm pretty disappointed. I prepurchased the single a couple weeks ago. I think I'll be canceling my order now. It may be slightly funny for a youtube video, but not worth the $ to own.
posted by matt_od at 2:11 PM on October 1, 2007

Had to go look that OGT thing up... but yes, I'm only a fan of the Opiate EP.

somebody get that bob marley wannabe motherfucker outta here!
posted by juv3nal at 2:16 PM on October 1, 2007

Anything to do with Tool pretty much goes into the Hate Pit™.

Ugh.
posted by basicchannel at 2:37 PM on October 1, 2007

apparently, the lead singer of tool's never been to the rodeo

that is how you do dirty country folks
posted by pyramid termite at 2:41 PM on October 1, 2007

Meh. They're no Knitters.
posted by kirkaracha at 2:53 PM on October 1, 2007

I thought it was funny. Quite funny--particularly "You fucked The Judds?"

Also, of course it's not the Knitters. This is a joke, and the Knitters make seriously awesome country music.
posted by kosem at 3:05 PM on October 1, 2007

Wow, even worse that real country. I like Unknown better.
posted by Brittanie at 3:33 PM on October 1, 2007

REV 22:20 kinda sounds like mike patton came up with the music
posted by andywolf at 3:43 PM on October 1, 2007

Hell yeah fearfulsymmetry ! I got tickets to see Hank in Nashville in November.
posted by nola at 4:06 PM on October 1, 2007

I kind of like it, but Frank Zappa had the exact same idea 27 years ago with Harder Than Your Husband. His execution was much better, too.

Nothing new under the sun.
posted by Meatbomb at 4:11 PM on October 1, 2007

Frank did everything first.
posted by chuckdarwin at 4:23 PM on October 1, 2007

My shit is better than your shit because mine is older and drier.
posted by chlorus at 4:47 PM on October 1, 2007

Seriously weak. I'm sure some Tool fan can explain why it's actually a work of staggering genius.
posted by 2sheets at 5:01 PM on October 1, 2007

Secretly, you are all TOOL fans.
posted by malaprohibita at 5:38 PM on October 1, 2007

When the guy's that into extra-dimensional sex magic, who hasn't slid a mile 6 inches at a time on Maynard's dick?

Some of you don't even know it yet, but you will.
posted by BeerFilter at 5:47 PM on October 1, 2007

For a 3:09 video, that went on 3:10 too long.
posted by dw at 6:13 PM on October 1, 2007 [2 favorites]

klangklangston writes "The Melvins were greated cooly by the Tool fans, who took to booing them about halfway through the set. So, for the last 15 minutes of their opener, King Buzzo played only a single note, sustained with as little variation as possible, for that whole quarter-hour.

"I have never seen a more annoyed crowd."

Heh. Now that's punk.

Fucking excellent.
posted by krinklyfig at 6:42 PM on October 1, 2007

The video is cheesy but still good for a laugh or too.

That said, those of you who gave up on Tool after Opiate....Wow, just wow. They've gotten better with each album, and do things that no major rock band currently touring does. With time signatures, with some of the sickest drumming in rock music....ever, with transcendental lyrics, incredible vocals, psychedelic imagery, etc.

I mean, to each their own in a music thread and all, but I couldn't let what is quickly becoming a Tool-bashing thread go by without letting the unitiated know that Tool most certainly does rock.

Incidentally, they've just begun announcing dates for their Nov-Dec U.S. tour. Check www.toolband.com for details.
posted by Roach at 6:45 PM on October 1, 2007

Also, klangklangston, I was at that K-Zoo show. Wings Stadium, right?
posted by Roach at 6:46 PM on October 1, 2007

When I think of Kevin Rutmanis in a granny moo moo, gyrating in front of 20,000 confused and distressed meatheads, I want to weep with joy.
posted by The Straightener at 7:16 PM on October 1, 2007

Tool is the man. Even though it's a band. It's still, the MAN.

All you read and
Wear or see and
Hear on tv
Is a product
Begging for your
Fatass dirty
Dollar
So...shut up and
Buy my new record
Send more money
Fuck you, buddy.

posted by signal at 7:25 PM on October 1, 2007

Right on, kirkaracha.
posted by desuetude at 7:41 PM on October 1, 2007

utterly disappointingly. I love Tool, but I find most of Maynard's side work to be lacking.

It must be due to my love affair with Danny Carey's percussion.

I hope I will always get slightly excited when listening to Danny Carey's badass percussive rockitudinal efforts on AEnima.
posted by willie11 at 7:42 PM on October 1, 2007

Much prefer Hank...
posted by fearfulsymmetry at 1:51 PM on October 1

I'm seeing Hank a couple days before New Years in Vegas.
posted by Nabubrush at 8:15 PM on October 1, 2007

Ewww, I felt embarrassed watching this.
posted by crabintheocean at 9:01 PM on October 1, 2007

"Also, klangklangston, I was at that K-Zoo show. Wings Stadium, right?"

Yeah. With the weird paper floor.
posted by klangklangston at 9:13 PM on October 1, 2007

Frank did everythingone first.

fixed &c.
posted by dersins at 10:28 PM on October 1, 2007

That said, those of you who gave up on Tool after Opiate....Wow, just wow.

I dunno, I think recent tool is still ok, but I do like opiate best. Maynard's vocals in their later stuff trades away some earnestness/immediacy/impact for cutesy production effects.
posted by juv3nal at 11:05 PM on October 1, 2007

All this sex seems to take place in Maynerd's side project, Puscifer.

My only question is whether that is pronounced Puss-ifer or Poo-sipher.
posted by stavrosthewonderchicken at 11:05 PM on October 1, 2007

It's spelt "Puscifer", but it's pronounced "Throat-Warbler Mangrove."
posted by moonbiter at 12:00 AM on October 2, 2007 [1 favorite]

I managed to catch tool on the 2nd stage at Lala, on their first go around (was that 92?). I wouldn't have even seen them, but I was on my way to the bathroom because someone atrocious was on stag (I think Babes in Toyland or something).

Anyway, my first impression of the band still stands today: That's a very cool sound, I'll listen to it again and again, but damn, that Maynard needs a hug.
posted by thanotopsis at 4:21 AM on October 2, 2007

Here's what prevents me from enjoying the linked video:

AVC: Given how many records Tool sells, do you feel your message just gets diluted anyway?

MJK: Oh, it's going to get diluted. I tested the water with the political album A Perfect Circle did. [Until 2005, Keenan was pulling double-duty in A Perfect Circle; the political album was 2004's covers EP eMOTIVe. —ed.] I didn't even write those songs; I was just letting people hear what was said before me, the things that inspired me as a child, and things that were said during various turbulent times. And I was fucking crucified. If you go back and listen to that album and just forget that it's covers, it's a good album, but I was crucified because of its content, because there's an army of little fucking brats out there just going into every little chat room, talking shit and undermining anybody who has anything to say. It's like this insane, 1984/Big Brother infrastructure.

No, no it wasn't a good album. It was a poor cover album, and no amount of after the fact posturing is going to make it any less of a poor cover album. (Counting Bodies Like Sheep was a solid track though.)

I like Tool, I enjoy their work and think they're all very talented, but I absolutely cannot stand this "if you don't enjoy my work you're just too dumb to understand it" sneering David Cross sort of hand-waving.

Similarly, if Maynard wants to put on a cowboy hat and make a dick joke song and say the F word a lot, excellent for him. But something tells me that the whole thing is being done with an underlying "this is actually a performance explaining the fear of sexuality in middle america combined with a direct attack on the idols that these people hold dear, country stars which in this part of the world are revered as gods, and saying anything bad about them would get you beat up in Tulsa, I know man cuz I've seen it, so by doing a send-up of late era pop country music standards and presenting it in a sonically pleasing way, I'm getting these ignoramuses to sing along with my own mockery of who they are, and of COURSE you don't get it, because if you could recognize my genius, it would BLOW YOUR SQUARE MIND MAN"
posted by Uther Bentrazor at 5:41 AM on October 2, 2007

Wow, I came in here expecting a few naysayers, but certainly not expecting a tool-bashing...

I thought this was hilarious...i laughed out loud, a lot. My gf and i have been singing it out loud...

Oh, well, I guess your favorite band sucks too...
posted by schyler523 at 6:38 AM on October 2, 2007

Tool = awesome math rock.

"But his whole joke is that he'd watch the song and not react at all, and then take out his calculator to figure out how good the song was."

My TI-85 says Tool rocks.
posted by rusty at 7:50 AM on October 2, 2007 [1 favorite]

I've never heard of the Melvins, but there was large amounts of HATE for The Cosmic Psychos when they supported Tool in Melbourne.
posted by goshling at 8:19 AM on October 2, 2007

I saw Tool in Sacramento. Tricky opened, to a huge amount of indifference, merited in part by a lackluster performance, which was a shame, as there was a time when that would have been a double-bill made in heaven.
posted by signal at 2:25 PM on October 2, 2007