Comments on: I Can't Help It - My Boner Won't Go Down!

I Can't Help It - My Boner Won't Go Down!

jonson — Mon, 01 Oct 2007 13:00:43 -0800

Apparently the lead singer from Tool has had sex with many of the luminaries of Country Music.

All this sex seems to take place in Maynerd's side project, Puscifer. In his main band, he's too busy writing tunes based on the fibonacci sequence. That is, when he's not wrestling his fans to the ground & sitting on them.

By: quonsar

quonsar — Mon, 01 Oct 2007 13:13:46 -0800

christ, what a tool.

By: Schlimmbesserung

Schlimmbesserung — Mon, 01 Oct 2007 13:15:06 -0800

"Rev. 22:20" is actually a hell of a catchy tune. Also a sly reference to the best double entendre in the Bible: "Surely I come quickly."

By: duende

duende — Mon, 01 Oct 2007 13:15:07 -0800

eponyfrightening.

By: billysumday

billysumday — Mon, 01 Oct 2007 13:20:40 -0800

"Surely I come quickly." That Shirley was one lucky gal.

By: ZachsMind

ZachsMind — Mon, 01 Oct 2007 13:22:43 -0800

Yet another example against censorship. If one were to bleep every 'fuck' and 'boner' in that song, it'd sound like the song was actually praising country music rather than satirizing it, and inspiring the country to always rise up. But I do agree we need to keep the "O" in country. I mean, think of the children!

By: BitterOldPunk

BitterOldPunk — Mon, 01 Oct 2007 13:23:59 -0800

Remember that Tool show, where some drunk guy kept yelling, "Tool sucks! Bring back the Melvins!" Remember that? Yeah, that was me.

By: M Edward

M Edward — Mon, 01 Oct 2007 13:26:14 -0800

Maynard is a busy man. I like putting REV. 22:20 (underworld soundtrack) Hooker With a Penis (tool aenima) Fiddle and the Drum (APC emotive) Pot (tool 10,000 days) all in a playlist, he's got a lot of range and he has a lot of fun with it.

By: item

item — Mon, 01 Oct 2007 13:28:11 -0800

Horrendously unfunny.

By: cog_nate

cog_nate — Mon, 01 Oct 2007 13:29:25 -0800

So he is the bringer of grayish pink?

By: King Bee

King Bee — Mon, 01 Oct 2007 13:30:42 -0800

Item - seconded. There was a time when I thought his antics were funny, but this is just garbage.

By: kuujjuarapik

kuujjuarapik — Mon, 01 Oct 2007 13:49:01 -0800

My boner just went down.

By: chuckdarwin

chuckdarwin — Mon, 01 Oct 2007 13:50:16 -0800

Thanks for that, jonson.

By: fearfulsymmetry

fearfulsymmetry — Mon, 01 Oct 2007 13:51:45 -0800

Much prefer Hank...

By: Stunt

Stunt — Mon, 01 Oct 2007 13:51:55 -0800

Yeah, I used to be a huge fan of tool and usually like related things....but I thought this sucked pretty bad too.

By: blaneyphoto

blaneyphoto — Mon, 01 Oct 2007 13:52:29 -0800

I loved (still do) thier first EP, but I've been less and less interested in everything they've done since. Can't stand them now.

By: Stunt

Stunt — Mon, 01 Oct 2007 13:52:53 -0800

Not the post, just making sure I'm clear on that. Not disparaging your postin' skills, jonson.

By: oddman

oddman — Mon, 01 Oct 2007 13:53:36 -0800

Meh.

By: klangklangston

klangklangston — Mon, 01 Oct 2007 13:59:53 -0800

"Remember that Tool show, where some drunk guy kept yelling, "Tool sucks! Bring back the Melvins!" Remember that? Yeah, that was me." I saw Tool at the Kalamazoo Wings stadium, and the Melvins opened. (In fact, I saw them twice, once in Toledo, and both times the Melvins opened). The Melvins were greated cooly by the Tool fans, who took to booing them about halfway through the set. So, for the last 15 minutes of their opener, King Buzzo played only a single note, sustained with as little variation as possible, for that whole quarter-hour. I have never seen a more annoyed crowd.

By: Kwine

Kwine — Mon, 01 Oct 2007 14:00:28 -0800

Are you suggesting that you were OGT, blaneyphoto? From back in '92? The first e.p.?

By: bobot

bobot — Mon, 01 Oct 2007 14:04:17 -0800

OGT? More like OGC

By: blaneyphoto

blaneyphoto — Mon, 01 Oct 2007 14:05:42 -0800

Are you suggesting that you were OGT, blaneyphoto? From back in '92? The first e.p.? posted by Kwine at 5:00 PM on October 1 [+] [!] Had to go look that OGT thing up... but yes, I'm only a fan of the Opiate EP.

By: matt_od

matt_od — Mon, 01 Oct 2007 14:05:44 -0800

am I the only one that thinks that looks and sounds nothing like Maynard?

By: opsin

opsin — Mon, 01 Oct 2007 14:11:06 -0800

A shame that his appears to be on the album. I was pretty much ignoring Puscifer for fears of it not being that great, as I hardly ever listen to A Perfect Circle anymore. That said, I agree, REV 22:20 is pretty cool. And seconding that his range is remarkable, hell of a singer.

By: matt_od

matt_od — Mon, 01 Oct 2007 14:11:27 -0800

nevermind... that video is posted on puscifer's own youtube page. Well, I have to say I'm pretty disappointed. I prepurchased the single a couple weeks ago. I think I'll be canceling my order now. It may be slightly funny for a youtube video, but not worth the $ to own.

By: juv3nal

juv3nal — Mon, 01 Oct 2007 14:16:00 -0800

Had to go look that OGT thing up... but yes, I'm only a fan of the Opiate EP. somebody get that bob marley wannabe motherfucker outta here!

By: basicchannel

basicchannel — Mon, 01 Oct 2007 14:37:49 -0800

Anything to do with Tool pretty much goes into the Hate Pit™. Ugh.

By: pyramid termite

pyramid termite — Mon, 01 Oct 2007 14:41:43 -0800

apparently, the lead singer of tool's never been to the rodeo that is how you do dirty country folks

By: kirkaracha

kirkaracha — Mon, 01 Oct 2007 14:53:52 -0800

Meh. They're no Knitters.

By: kosem

kosem — Mon, 01 Oct 2007 15:05:00 -0800

I thought it was funny. Quite funny--particularly "You fucked The Judds?" Also, of course it's not the Knitters. This is a joke, and the Knitters make seriously awesome country music.

By: Brittanie

Brittanie — Mon, 01 Oct 2007 15:33:34 -0800

Wow, even worse that real country. I like Unknown better.

By: andywolf

andywolf — Mon, 01 Oct 2007 15:43:24 -0800

REV 22:20 kinda sounds like mike patton came up with the music

By: nola

nola — Mon, 01 Oct 2007 16:06:05 -0800

Hell yeah fearfulsymmetry ! I got tickets to see Hank in Nashville in November.

By: Meatbomb

Meatbomb — Mon, 01 Oct 2007 16:11:51 -0800

I kind of like it, but Frank Zappa had the exact same idea 27 years ago with Harder Than Your Husband. His execution was much better, too. Nothing new under the sun.

By: chuckdarwin

chuckdarwin — Mon, 01 Oct 2007 16:23:05 -0800

Frank did everything first.

By: chlorus

chlorus — Mon, 01 Oct 2007 16:47:55 -0800

My shit is better than your shit because mine is older and drier.

By: 2sheets

2sheets — Mon, 01 Oct 2007 17:01:18 -0800

Seriously weak. I'm sure some Tool fan can explain why it's actually a work of staggering genius.

By: malaprohibita

malaprohibita — Mon, 01 Oct 2007 17:38:13 -0800

Secretly, you are all TOOL fans.

By: BeerFilter

BeerFilter — Mon, 01 Oct 2007 17:47:26 -0800

When the guy's that into extra-dimensional sex magic, who hasn't slid a mile 6 inches at a time on Maynard's dick? Some of you don't even know it yet, but you will.

By: dw

dw — Mon, 01 Oct 2007 18:13:08 -0800

For a 3:09 video, that went on 3:10 too long.

By: krinklyfig

krinklyfig — Mon, 01 Oct 2007 18:42:39 -0800

klangklangston writes "The Melvins were greated cooly by the Tool fans, who took to booing them about halfway through the set. So, for the last 15 minutes of their opener, King Buzzo played only a single note, sustained with as little variation as possible, for that whole quarter-hour.

"I have never seen a more annoyed crowd." Heh. Now that's punk. Fucking excellent.

By: Roach

Roach — Mon, 01 Oct 2007 18:45:14 -0800

The video is cheesy but still good for a laugh or too. That said, those of you who gave up on Tool after Opiate....Wow, just wow. They've gotten better with each album, and do things that no major rock band currently touring does. With time signatures, with some of the sickest drumming in rock music....ever, with transcendental lyrics, incredible vocals, psychedelic imagery, etc. I mean, to each their own in a music thread and all, but I couldn't let what is quickly becoming a Tool-bashing thread go by without letting the unitiated know that Tool most certainly does rock. Incidentally, they've just begun announcing dates for their Nov-Dec U.S. tour. Check www.toolband.com for details.

By: Roach

Roach — Mon, 01 Oct 2007 18:46:36 -0800

Also, klangklangston, I was at that K-Zoo show. Wings Stadium, right?

By: The Straightener

The Straightener — Mon, 01 Oct 2007 19:16:23 -0800

When I think of Kevin Rutmanis in a granny moo moo, gyrating in front of 20,000 confused and distressed meatheads, I want to weep with joy.

By: signal

signal — Mon, 01 Oct 2007 19:25:32 -0800

Tool is the man. Even though it's a band. It's still, the MAN. All you read and Wear or see and Hear on tv Is a product Begging for your Fatass dirty Dollar So...shut up and Buy my new record Send more money Fuck you, buddy.

By: desuetude

desuetude — Mon, 01 Oct 2007 19:41:05 -0800

Right on, kirkaracha.

By: willie11

willie11 — Mon, 01 Oct 2007 19:42:12 -0800

utterly disappointingly. I love Tool, but I find most of Maynard's side work to be lacking. It must be due to my love affair with Danny Carey's percussion. I hope I will always get slightly excited when listening to Danny Carey's badass percussive rockitudinal efforts on AEnima.

By: Nabubrush

Nabubrush — Mon, 01 Oct 2007 20:15:14 -0800

Much prefer Hank... posted by fearfulsymmetry at 1:51 PM on October 1 I'm seeing Hank a couple days before New Years in Vegas.

By: crabintheocean

crabintheocean — Mon, 01 Oct 2007 21:01:12 -0800

Ewww, I felt embarrassed watching this.

By: klangklangston

klangklangston — Mon, 01 Oct 2007 21:13:15 -0800

"Also, klangklangston, I was at that K-Zoo show. Wings Stadium, right?" Yeah. With the weird paper floor.

By: dersins

dersins — Mon, 01 Oct 2007 22:28:39 -0800

Frank did every~~thing~~one first. fixed &c.

By: juv3nal

juv3nal — Mon, 01 Oct 2007 23:05:18 -0800

That said, those of you who gave up on Tool after Opiate....Wow, just wow. I dunno, I think recent tool is still ok, but I do like opiate best. Maynard's vocals in their later stuff trades away some earnestness/immediacy/impact for cutesy production effects.

By: stavrosthewonderchicken

stavrosthewonderchicken — Mon, 01 Oct 2007 23:05:30 -0800

All this sex seems to take place in Maynerd's side project, Puscifer. My only question is whether that is pronounced Puss-ifer or Poo-sipher.

By: moonbiter

moonbiter — Tue, 02 Oct 2007 00:00:31 -0800

It's spelt "Puscifer", but it's pronounced "Throat-Warbler Mangrove."

By: thanotopsis

thanotopsis — Tue, 02 Oct 2007 04:21:42 -0800

I managed to catch tool on the 2nd stage at Lala, on their first go around (was that 92?). I wouldn't have even seen them, but I was on my way to the bathroom because someone atrocious was on stag (I think Babes in Toyland or something). Anyway, my first impression of the band still stands today: That's a very cool sound, I'll listen to it again and again, but damn, that Maynard needs a hug.

By: Uther Bentrazor

Uther Bentrazor — Tue, 02 Oct 2007 05:41:23 -0800

Here's what prevents me from enjoying the linked video:

AVC: Given how many records Tool sells, do you feel your message just gets diluted anyway? MJK: Oh, it's going to get diluted. I tested the water with the political album A Perfect Circle did. [Until 2005, Keenan was pulling double-duty in A Perfect Circle; the political album was 2004's covers EP eMOTIVe. —ed.] I didn't even write those songs; I was just letting people hear what was said before me, the things that inspired me as a child, and things that were said during various turbulent times. And I was fucking crucified. If you go back and listen to that album and just forget that it's covers, it's a good album, but I was crucified because of its content, because there's an army of little fucking brats out there just going into every little chat room, talking shit and undermining anybody who has anything to say. It's like this insane, 1984/Big Brother infrastructure.

No, no it wasn't a good album. It was a poor cover album, and no amount of after the fact posturing is going to make it any less of a poor cover album. (Counting Bodies Like Sheep was a solid track though.) I like Tool, I enjoy their work and think they're all very talented, but I absolutely cannot stand this "if you don't enjoy my work you're just too dumb to understand it" sneering David Cross sort of hand-waving. Similarly, if Maynard wants to put on a cowboy hat and make a dick joke song and say the F word a lot, excellent for him. But something tells me that the whole thing is being done with an underlying "this is actually a performance explaining the fear of sexuality in middle america combined with a direct attack on the idols that these people hold dear, country stars which in this part of the world are revered as gods, and saying anything bad about them would get you beat up in Tulsa, I know man cuz I've seen it, so by doing a send-up of late era pop country music standards and presenting it in a sonically pleasing way, I'm getting these ignoramuses to sing along with my own mockery of who they are, and of COURSE you don't get it, because if you could recognize my genius, it would BLOW YOUR SQUARE MIND MAN"

By: schyler523

schyler523 — Tue, 02 Oct 2007 06:38:03 -0800

Wow, I came in here expecting a few naysayers, but certainly not expecting a tool-bashing... I thought this was hilarious...i laughed out loud, a lot. My gf and i have been singing it out loud... Oh, well, I guess your favorite band sucks too...

By: rusty

rusty — Tue, 02 Oct 2007 07:50:24 -0800

Tool = awesome math rock. "But his whole joke is that he'd watch the song and not react at all, and then take out his calculator to figure out how good the song was." My TI-85 says Tool rocks.

By: goshling

goshling — Tue, 02 Oct 2007 08:19:25 -0800

I've never heard of the Melvins, but there was large amounts of HATE for The Cosmic Psychos when they supported Tool in Melbourne.

By: signal

signal — Tue, 02 Oct 2007 14:25:28 -0800

I saw Tool in Sacramento. Tricky opened, to a huge amount of indifference, merited in part by a lackluster performance, which was a shame, as there was a time when that would have been a double-bill made in heaven.