Martin's Unusual Penis

October 8, 2007 1:02 PM

Martin (no last name given) has done some fascinating and unusual things to his penis. In this interview, you can read about Martin's genital evolution, see pictures of the results, and find out the motivations behind Martin's actions. Despite what you might think, this is totally not safe for work. Via.
posted by jonson (99 comments total)

Posted by jonson. Well played, sir.
posted by Henry C. Mabuse at 1:03 PM on October 8, 2007 [12 favorites]

DO NOT WANT
posted by autodidact at 1:05 PM on October 8, 2007 [1 favorite]

Metafilter: experiments in “cock skinning”
posted by wfrgms at 1:05 PM on October 8, 2007

I just shot lunch all over the monitor. brb, gotta get a towel.
posted by nola at 1:08 PM on October 8, 2007

eponysterical?
posted by sneakin at 1:09 PM on October 8, 2007

Ow.
posted by ColdChef at 1:09 PM on October 8, 2007

Oh dear god. I don't even have a penis and I hurt.
posted by katillathehun at 1:10 PM on October 8, 2007 [1 favorite]

I wonder if he'll get a guest gig with Puppetry of the Penis.
posted by ericb at 1:12 PM on October 8, 2007

Tell me a little about yourself.

I’m thirty-six now. I was born in Austria . . .

Well say no more.

no offence to the people of austria
posted by nola at 1:13 PM on October 8, 2007

What a dick.
posted by sveskemus at 1:13 PM on October 8, 2007 [2 favorites]

my genital mods have definitely changed my life, but I don’t really know for certain how much of a change it’s made because I will never know how differently my life would have evolved had I not cut my cock.

Well, for one, you might have been able to pee without having to sit first.
posted by ColdChef at 1:14 PM on October 8, 2007 [3 favorites]

As I've said before: subincision = there is no God.

Mind bleach please!
posted by i_am_a_Jedi at 1:17 PM on October 8, 2007 [1 favorite]

eponysterrible.
posted by Riki tiki at 1:18 PM on October 8, 2007 [12 favorites]

OCD is the only thing that can explain me getting to the bottom of that article.
posted by BrotherCaine at 1:27 PM on October 8, 2007 [4 favorites]

Do genital mods wield bonehammers?
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 1:31 PM on October 8, 2007 [3 favorites]

I simply couldn't read it all. It struck me as someone really quite disturbed, but then I've never seen the attraction of 'body art' or (more accurately) self-mutilation.

Some of the pictures made me a bit ill. So I stopped looking at them. I wondered if his wee fella still functioned in any sensible capacity, but couldn't read enough of the article without cringing massively to find out.

Still, I don't suppose it matters. I'm not sure that anyone would want to go too near something that looks like that (a lump of road kill) and retain any sort of sexual desire. Or at the very least, not anyone that doesn't have some very serious issues with body parts anyway.

Ew.
posted by Brockles at 1:34 PM on October 8, 2007 [1 favorite]

I was clicking around the modblog a couple days ago when that whole thing was happening. Unsurprisingly there's a lot of stuff there like this, particularly in the guess-what and explicit categories. So if you're into that kind of thing, ya know. And yes, both of those links are not safe for work or anywhere else really.
posted by puke & cry at 1:34 PM on October 8, 2007

Don't taze it, bro! Don't taze it!
posted by jamstigator at 1:35 PM on October 8, 2007

Boy howdy, some people sure are fucked up!
posted by tommasz at 1:37 PM on October 8, 2007

I have not seen this particular article, but I have explored the BMEZine wiki which introduced me to the procedures Martin's done (and more!). I wonder when he'll split the penis down the middle. That's the next step. Apparently the two sides operate independently.

Yes, nothing says "We're friends, and that's how I know I can show you this without you killing me" like pictures of self-mutilated genitalia.
posted by schroedinger at 1:37 PM on October 8, 2007

Also, it's odd that they used the "motivational poster" template for all the pictures.
posted by puke & cry at 1:38 PM on October 8, 2007

CAN'T SCOOP BRAIN FAST ENOUGH
posted by stresstwig at 1:40 PM on October 8, 2007 [1 favorite]

Nope, I ain't clickin'.
posted by seanmpuckett at 1:45 PM on October 8, 2007

Christ, what a dickhole!
posted by SmileyChewtrain at 1:45 PM on October 8, 2007

Unicorn chaser!!! OMG, help, I feel like a menstruating, Swedish, game show hostess!
posted by PigAlien at 1:50 PM on October 8, 2007

fascinating and unusual = fucked up and scary
posted by chuckdarwin at 1:52 PM on October 8, 2007

Ok, I just read and look at the pictures. OMFG that shit was hectic.
posted by sneakin at 1:52 PM on October 8, 2007

Despite what you might think, this is totally not safe for work.

I dunno, your ectomo link may be on to something:

...upon clicking on one of the small, pixelated/censored thumbnails I was presented with an image so abstract, so painful to me that my brain almost ceased to function... Needless to say that, should someone have walked by and peered over my shoulder, the image may have instantly been rejected by their psyche as well, thus saving me the chore of explaining why I, a supposedly straight man in a monogamous relationship, was spending time staring at images of cocks.

posted by dgaicun at 1:54 PM on October 8, 2007

Despite what you might think, this is totally not safe for work.
What if you work in a urologist's office?
posted by Brandon Blatcher at 1:56 PM on October 8, 2007

The gist of the article is, every time this dude gets in the bath, he does further permanent modification to his dick. Dude, take a freaking shower!
posted by SassHat at 1:56 PM on October 8, 2007 [2 favorites]

o

m

g

MeatotomyFilter.
posted by nickyskye at 1:57 PM on October 8, 2007

Why, my own great-grandpappy served as a cock-skinner with General Lee at Antietam!
posted by Abiezer at 1:58 PM on October 8, 2007 [1 favorite]

Will someone please poke my eyes out?
posted by sneakin at 2:05 PM on October 8, 2007

posted by puke & cry

Now that's eponysterical.
posted by papakwanz at 2:08 PM on October 8, 2007

After reading the comments, I'm too scared to click, but I'll admit to being curious. Would someone be so kind as to type up a synopsis of what he did? (preferably non-traumatizing, kthnxbye)
posted by amyms at 2:16 PM on October 8, 2007

Chris Knight: No seriously, listen...if there's ever anything I can do for you, or more to the point, to you, you let me know, okay?
Susan Decker: Can you hammer a six inch spike through a board with your penis?
Chris Knight: Not right now.
Susan Decker: A girl's got to have her standards.
posted by psmealey at 2:19 PM on October 8, 2007 [1 favorite]

amyms - he skinned an inch wide strip of flesh off his penis. Then he nearly severed his balls. Then he split the head of his penis. Then he inflate his penis with a pump until the skin threatened to tear. At which point he poked a hole in the flesh to release the pressure causing jets of blood to shoot out of his hyperinflated penis. Fortunately he took pictures of all of it.
posted by jonson at 2:20 PM on October 8, 2007 [16 favorites]

I'd just like to thank everyone for commenting. I was almost overcome by curiosity about that link, but I think I've gotten over it now. On preview, I'll be hanging out in the corner with amyms.
posted by mumkin at 2:20 PM on October 8, 2007

Fortunately he took pictures of all of it.
posted by psmealey at 2:21 PM on October 8, 2007

I'm still trying to calm myself. Jonson's comment was, for some reason, the funniest thing I'd read on MeFi in weeks.
posted by psmealey at 2:22 PM on October 8, 2007

Oh. Thanks, jonson. Shit.
posted by mumkin at 2:22 PM on October 8, 2007

photoshop, perhaps?
posted by mr_book at 2:24 PM on October 8, 2007

That'll teach me to ever ask for a synopsis again.
posted by amyms at 2:25 PM on October 8, 2007 [1 favorite]

Despite what you might think, this is totally not safe for work.
What if you work in a urologist's office?
posted by Brandon Blatcher at 3:56 PM on October 8

Not even then.

*hopes his urologist never, ever sees this site*
posted by BaxterG4 at 2:26 PM on October 8, 2007

I'm not surprised he doesn't give his last name, so you could link this with his repair business. With that record of frankly amateurish cock-modding, would you want him fixing your toaster? If it didn't just blow up or come apart, it'd start popping half-charred crumpets right across the kitchen.
posted by Abiezer at 2:28 PM on October 8, 2007 [1 favorite]

I told you I was hardcore.
posted by Tommy Gnosis at 2:29 PM on October 8, 2007 [3 favorites]

Thank you so much. I now have this curious feeling. "Turned off" doesn't quite cover it, though it is almost the exact opposite of being turned on. It's as though every sexual feeling in my body has been replaced with revulsion.

I will now have to scrub this from my memory.
posted by cerebus19 at 2:31 PM on October 8, 2007

Boxers or briefs molded styrofoam?
posted by rob511 at 2:37 PM on October 8, 2007 [1 favorite]

Some days, you get up from the computer thinking "Well, I've seen it all." Then you sit back down the next day, and...
posted by evilcolonel at 2:38 PM on October 8, 2007 [4 favorites]

.
posted by procrastination at 2:38 PM on October 8, 2007

"They're gonna cut off my jonson!"

"What'ya need that for, dude?"
posted by notsnot at 2:39 PM on October 8, 2007

I like to think of myself as being open-minded -- even to a fault. I've always been one to believe that one's bodily autonomy and freedom trump whatever rules society might impose.

But I can't help but think that if I were a doctor, and Martin here came in for a checkup, my first reaction would be to refer him to a psychiatrist.

That and a full schedule of antibiotics. Seriously, I couldn't be bothered to read the whole thing, but does it say how he manages to avoid infection?
posted by Avenger at 2:41 PM on October 8, 2007

Hands down, this is the funniest goddamn MeFi thread ever.
posted by joseph_elmhurst at 2:43 PM on October 8, 2007

I didn't look at the pix beyond the first one, but what horrified me was the interview and the profound ignorance expressed therein-- clearly he was born with whatever that birth defect is called where you cannot retract the foreskin and he says he originally thought that his glans was another ball that was only held on by the foreskin.

It seems to me that sex ed 101 and proper medical care could possibly have solved this problem very early in life by teaching him about normal anatomy, the existence and OKness of gayness and professional medical treatment for the original problem. Its really sad.
posted by Maias at 2:46 PM on October 8, 2007

Heh, jonson's synopsis was enough to make my stomach do a couple flips and make a quavery "ta-daa!" noise. I think I'll not click on that link.
posted by kavasa at 2:48 PM on October 8, 2007

Hands down, this is the funniest goddamn MeFi thread ever.

If you're enjoying this one, you might check out some of the older threads (here's a representative example) about scarification, genital modification, etc. This is pretty much par for the course.
posted by box at 2:51 PM on October 8, 2007

box, sorry, but any thread that drops Real Genius references operates on a higher plane straight up Kool & the Gang style.
posted by joseph_elmhurst at 2:57 PM on October 8, 2007 [1 favorite]

This post was tremendously improved by just having watched some old Monty Python episodes and so imagining the post read by John Cleese in a deadpan BBC announcer voice.

Which is quite amusing. Or it might have just been the half bottle of wine I just had. Either way, I do not think I will RTFP on this one, thankyouverymuch. Via.
posted by Cironian at 2:58 PM on October 8, 2007

any thread that drops Real Genius references operates on a higher plane straight up Kool & the Gang style.

Can't argue with that.
posted by box at 3:06 PM on October 8, 2007

Hilariously gruesome synopsis jonson, you eponysterical rascal you.

This Martin's guy right up there, er down there, with Mr. Mark's ginormous penis, "The Blob". He used to have a site but apparently he's unwell and may be suffering from silicone embolism. On preview, box's MF link.

The extreme body modification thing, ow, ow, ow transcrotal handshake, human pin cushion guy, Fakir Musafar, Elaine Davidson, genital torture [not for the sane].

Has Martin done a urethral reroute?

More extreme gasp factor.
posted by nickyskye at 3:12 PM on October 8, 2007

Oh, Jesus Christ, kids these days think they just invented sex, don't they?

Martin, if you'll step off your LIVEJOURNALS and MYSPACES for two seconds and actually talk to a few of your parents' friends, you'll find that "scrotal splitting" -- or, as my granddad used to call it, "Strawberry Banking" -- was incredibly common back in the day. I can't count the number of times my parents would be at the dancehalls, and some young Turk with moxie to spare would jitterbug until his very foreskin was bulging with saline.

And YES, they would all take turns poking it with needles, and YES, invariably someone would insert the blade of some scissors into the tip and "Divvy The General", as it were. And then they'd all put on their raccoon coats and do the Charleston for a while, until the floor got too bloody and they'd all head home for celebratory jello-molds.

Ugh. This generation's self-involved attempts at "rebellion" are just getting tiresome.
posted by Greg Nog at 3:12 PM on October 8, 2007 [27 favorites]

Please add the following tags:

[this is bad]
[this might be offensive]
[nsfw]
[c]
[gore]
[not Al, ow]

Thanks!
posted by Mick at 3:16 PM on October 8, 2007

Look ma! I've modified my cock and made myself a silly cunt!
posted by Abiezer at 3:18 PM on October 8, 2007

To think I was considering getting a Prince Albert. But this shit makes that look like first communion, comparatively.

Holy living fuck!
posted by Tommy Gnosis at 3:22 PM on October 8, 2007

I was sorry to hear about Mr. Mark's health problems. Who knew? He always seemed so stout.
posted by Tommy Gnosis at 3:24 PM on October 8, 2007

Oh my god. I am more uncomfortable right now than I have been in a while. Those photos (I--of course--had to look at 7 or 8 before I thought "this is a really bad idea") have made me physically uncomfortable, just under my skin, over my whole body. Like a giant shudder that just can't get out.

FUCK. THAT. What is in this guy's head that this is a thing he enjoys?
posted by LooseFilter at 3:30 PM on October 8, 2007

There once was a man named Martin
Whose pulverized penis was smartin'
He did not castrate, opting instead to inflate
Now no trojan can cover his spartan.
posted by Curry at 3:30 PM on October 8, 2007 [5 favorites]

Funny, I've been performing almost exactly the same experiments with my left thumb. Could this be an example of sublimation?
posted by kozad at 3:35 PM on October 8, 2007

I'm with Maias– I have a really strong feeling that he would have not gone down this route at all if someone had talked to him about these things properly.

"I am single and probably always will be unless someone comes along who accepts me for who I am — but I’d much rather be in a relationship."
"I did not know about the term ‘circumcision’ and I didn’t even know that other men were circumcised"
"If I had the guts to say I was gay before I did any cutting, I might have just gone out and enjoyed myself"
"if I masturbate before the cutting, as soon as I cum the cutting thoughts are gone until next time."

He's not well.
posted by blacklite at 3:40 PM on October 8, 2007

"...(The doctor) looked at my then partial subincision and asked if I did it. I told him I did and he said that I would have problems with it later in life — I don’t know what he meant by that."

Which is just more reason why YOU SHOULD NOT OPERATE ON YOURSELF FOR FUN.

*pant*
posted by hermitosis at 4:00 PM on October 8, 2007

jonson (And I feel protective of your using your name like that in this thread), it seems kind of unlike you to post about extreme penis modification and then I thought you probably looked on the ectomo site of your via link because it's International Cephalopod Day. And then things felt a bit more right in the world again, sort of.
posted by nickyskye at 4:19 PM on October 8, 2007

Martin,

Stop.

Love,
Mum.
posted by 6am at 4:46 PM on October 8, 2007

I think that he really dislikes his penis. Maybe his penis owes him money or something.

I think that he really wanted a vagina, so he's going to mod and mod until he's given himself a DIY vagina.
posted by chuckdarwin at 5:06 PM on October 8, 2007

You know what's odd? We know that people who cut themselves on their arms or legs have a problem that needs attention--meds or a shrink or some other help.

Why, just because this guy is cutting on his dick do we have to be open minded? If he were doing things like this to his arm, he'd be in a loony bin post haste. This isn't about a fetish in any way.

This is sad and frightening and I wish someone would help him.

My stomach and empathy gave out before the end of the article.
posted by pywacket at 5:17 PM on October 8, 2007 [1 favorite]

ANTIDOTE
posted by Faint of Butt at 5:47 PM on October 8, 2007

Most men want their schlongs fellated, not inflated...
posted by Tube at 5:50 PM on October 8, 2007

For once I was smart enough to tell myself "Finish dinner first!"

Let's see if I can keep it down now.
posted by Epenthesis at 6:09 PM on October 8, 2007

ANTIDOTE

So will the kittens sew the penis back together?
posted by klausness at 6:12 PM on October 8, 2007

Here is Martin before he started operating on self
posted by growabrain at 6:37 PM on October 8, 2007

THE WORLD IS A FREAKSHOW
posted by tkchrist at 6:42 PM on October 8, 2007

Not to, like, totally out myself and shit... but, this is hot. I mean, not the in-progress shots, but the end result.

I've only started my "mutilation". I might mention that it's going quite well, and is very pleasurable--really not torturous in the least.

I'm sorry that the previous generation isn't interested in trying it. Just like I'm sure they're sorry their parents never dropped acid. Think of the lives all of them could have lived!
posted by Netzapper at 7:20 PM on October 8, 2007

Metafilter: Changing the idea of what a penis should be since 1999.
posted by solipsophistocracy at 7:23 PM on October 8, 2007

goatse didn't make me cringe like that first picture did. I snatched off my glasses. Damn. I've actually watched an autopsy video for several minutes (not for the squeamish and I can't say I enjoyed it) but I think was better prepared for that than for this...
posted by lupus_yonderboy at 7:25 PM on October 8, 2007

Man, how sad that he never received a decent sex education. He'd have realized his penis was normal, he'd have been able to identify normalacy.

Throughout the article he expresses the idea that if he'd only known, he'd have perhaps chosen a different path. (Not that he's bitching about the one he's on; he's at least very mentally healthy about accepting the consequences of his decisions.)

I doubt he's homosexual. I think he mistakes his fascination with penii as being more than it is. He doesn't know "normal" and so he naturally wants to survey and compare. That isn't homosexuality: that's calibrating one's self-perception. He desperately needed to have some "Playing Doctor" time as a child.

I find it very sad that he has a deep fear of rejection and yet has chosen a path that largely guarantees rejection. His BME habits are not helping him find what he wants.

Sucks to make such a permanent, life-altering decision as a confused young teenager. Great that he's accepted it, but gosh, I feel sorry for him. What a lousy start to life.
posted by five fresh fish at 7:28 PM on October 8, 2007

No no no no no no no.

No.
posted by spiderskull at 8:09 PM on October 8, 2007

Somehow this dude managed to turn his junk into Michael Jackson's nose.
posted by hermitosis at 8:09 PM on October 8, 2007 [1 favorite]

Holy fuck, I thought I was gonna blow chunks all over my keyboard. This guy could write a best-selling diet book, just a pictures of his dick, every time you want to eat, look at that first. Hot damn, that is disgusting.
posted by PoopyDoop at 8:10 PM on October 8, 2007

HOLY CRAP.

wtf?
posted by gummi at 9:40 PM on October 8, 2007

Note to potential readers: There are only small thumbnails, digitally pixelated, representing what you'll see if you click them. It's enough to be alarming, but I didn't find it enough to completely shut my mind down. There is descriptive text that is horrifying, but if you're any good at skimming you shoud be able to get the sickening truth without overdosing.

Martin should have been saved from himself. This isn't a fetish: he is not finding greater self-acceptance nor greater love through it. It's self-harm, not self-improvement.
posted by five fresh fish at 10:28 PM on October 8, 2007

The first pubic modder? A wanker.
Then nature chimed in with a chancre.
Now it's plasticene tubes,
Jewelry, scalpels and lubes.
Martin's into it hook, line ... and anchor.
posted by rob511 at 10:34 PM on October 8, 2007

This just in, an extreme body mod to the face.
posted by nickyskye at 12:20 AM on October 9, 2007

Jeepers.
posted by jack_mo at 4:44 AM on October 9, 2007

The worstiest part of the whole thing for me are the complimentary comments at the bottom of the page.

WHY WOULD YOU ENCOURAGE THAT?
posted by kittyprecious at 6:15 AM on October 9, 2007

when I cut it open, my testicle popped out and fell in my hand, hanging from its cord.

Ugh. Done.
posted by Jenafeef at 8:20 AM on October 9, 2007 [1 favorite]

Netzapper: I'm sorry that the previous generation isn't interested in trying it.

What on earth makes you think that reactions to this are based on age or generation?? Comparing experimentation with acid to repeated, horrifying genital mutilation.....you need some perspective, yo.
posted by LooseFilter at 9:40 AM on October 9, 2007

Feh. I'd be impressed if he could do this.
posted by hydrophonic at 2:54 PM on October 9, 2007 [1 favorite]

hydrophonic, that is so funny bad.
posted by nickyskye at 4:51 PM on October 9, 2007

Netzapper writes "I'm sorry that the previous generation isn't interested in trying it. Just like I'm sure they're sorry their parents never dropped acid."

I keep having this amusing mental image of three generations: the generation which doesn't do it, the generation that does do it, and in between them, the generation that just tries it:

"Hey, Bob, you smoke pot?"
"Not really. I tried it once, but it wasn't my style. You ever cut off your testicles and inflated your penis with a pump before turning it into a bloodfountain?"
"Yeah, but only once. Just didn't really get into it".
posted by Bugbread at 11:42 PM on October 9, 2007

The thing that made me quickly turn the pump off was the fact that I could hear cracking noises in the head!

You know you're in trouble when you can hear your penis.
posted by Skygazer at 1:21 PM on October 13, 2007