I wanna live in los angeles, but not the one in los angeles

October 16, 2007 2:10 PM

Los Angeles Uber Alles. A passionate argument (by mefi's own bldblog, no less) for why Los Angeles is the greatest city in America. Dissenters, please see the more inside:

A: You're wrong.

posted by jonson (284 comments total)

Word.
posted by dhammond at 2:13 PM on October 16, 2007

I agree with everything he says. He sums up precisely why I despise Los Angeles.
posted by vacapinta at 2:15 PM on October 16, 2007 [11 favorites]

"The whole thing is ridiculous. It's the most ridiculous city in the world - but everyone who lives there knows that. No one thinks that L.A. 'works,' or that it's well-designed, or that it's perfectly functional, or even that it makes sense to have put it there in the first place; they just think it's interesting. And they have fun there. And the huge irony is that Southern California is where you can actually do what you want to do; you can just relax and be ridiculous. In L.A. you don't have to be embarrassed by yourself."

I bet these New Yorkers have something to say about this.
posted by ericb at 2:16 PM on October 16, 2007

lolLA!

And what vacapinta said.
posted by trip and a half at 2:17 PM on October 16, 2007

Eventually every other major city will be enough like LA that I'll only despise it for being that way first.
posted by BrotherCaine at 2:19 PM on October 16, 2007

That was a nice riff. I can appreciate the "you could be standing next to x and nobody fucking cares, you're alone in what you make of it."

But I'd still rather live in Vancouver, where I can speak to the guy dumpster diving behind my apartment as a fellow hoser who happens to be down on his luck.
posted by Turtles all the way down at 2:19 PM on October 16, 2007

Yeeeeeecccccch. That is all.
posted by spitbull at 2:19 PM on October 16, 2007

Also, I would like to live in the other city of angels, AKA Bangkok, but only for a year or so.
posted by BrotherCaine at 2:21 PM on October 16, 2007

Sounds like someone got into LA's massive coke stash.
posted by mullingitover at 2:23 PM on October 16, 2007 [4 favorites]

Good weather is like beer goggles for cities. When its 70 degrees and sunny 300 days a year, any old hell-hole seems like Shangri-La.
posted by googly at 2:24 PM on October 16, 2007 [3 favorites]

I would sooner hit my dick with a hammer than return to L.A., my birthplace.
posted by Cool Papa Bell at 2:25 PM on October 16, 2007 [2 favorites]

Only place I've ever seen that needs razor wire on it's highway signs. Must have a crazy squirrel problem.
posted by kuujjuarapik at 2:26 PM on October 16, 2007

Looks like some of you losers didn't read the [more inside]. Suck it, haters, L.A. is much better than whatever craphole you're living in now, trust me.
posted by jonson at 2:27 PM on October 16, 2007 [2 favorites]

I fucking hate LA. It loosk like a circuit board and smells and tastes of petrol. It can't burn itself to the ground in a riot or be destroyed by Lex Luthors real estate plans soon enough IMHO.
posted by Artw at 2:27 PM on October 16, 2007 [1 favorite]

I've never been to LA, but I've flown over it. It made me queasy just looking at it.
posted by blue_beetle at 2:28 PM on October 16, 2007 [1 favorite]

Steve Martin wrote a very nice defense of LA in his book Pure Drivel. I'm moving there from New York next year and I'm cheered to see somebody speak nicely about what must be the most hated city in America.

(but this guy somehow thinks that Chicago is better than New York, which is plain stupid.)
posted by Bookhouse at 2:29 PM on October 16, 2007

Metafilter: I would sooner hit my dick with a hammer than...
posted by scrump at 2:29 PM on October 16, 2007

This is where someone interjects and says, "Your favorite city sucks," and a few people chuckle while most everyone else groans as the joke is crushed further into the dirt and given a little twist under the jokester's heel...

But seriously, L.A. sucks.
posted by Terminal Verbosity at 2:29 PM on October 16, 2007

I haven't had enough plastic surgery, asymmetrical dyed haircuts, STDs or hours in traffic (without pulling a gun on somebody) to qualify to live in LA. But it's fun to visit... on business trips, where my $12 can of beer and $27.50 organic vegan free-range breakfast might get reimbursed. I do agree the weather's nice!
posted by Unicorn on the cob at 2:30 PM on October 16, 2007

jonson, no one cares.
posted by kuujjuarapik at 2:31 PM on October 16, 2007 [6 favorites]

Whacked-out, self-important, talentless celebrities are beer goggles for cities. When they get busted for DUI, are involved in crazy sexcapades and pose for paparazzi outside of Mr. Chow's any old hell-hole seems like Shangri-La.

Err. What?
posted by ericb at 2:31 PM on October 16, 2007

''I'll have a decaf coffee.''

''I'll have a decaf espresso.''

''I'll have a double decaf cappuccino.''

''Do you have any decaffeinated coffee ice cream?''

''I'll have a double decaf, half caf, with a twist of lemon.''
posted by ericb at 2:34 PM on October 16, 2007 [2 favorites]

L.A. is much better than whatever craphole you're living in now, trust me.

Um, you've lost my trust there, jonson.
posted by Ambrosia Voyeur at 2:34 PM on October 16, 2007

LA remains the most wonderfully absurd place I've been, which is precisely what I love and miss about living there. Nice to see someone else articulate that sentiment better than I ever could. Thanks jonson, great post.
posted by joedan at 2:36 PM on October 16, 2007

Hilversum is quite horrible too.

...

*silent murmur of the bytes flowing through the intertubes*
posted by jouke at 2:39 PM on October 16, 2007

The article hits a great point, which is that the feeling of freedom you get by living in LA has a lot to do with the fact that the city isn't a community. There is no center you're imagining your life in relation to, no cultural gatekeepers or other authority figures you're obeying or rebelling against. You're just there.

That said, there are thousands of smaller communities within LA.
posted by lbergstr at 2:39 PM on October 16, 2007 [2 favorites]

Ah, I miss LA... I'm living in the SF area now and it's just not the same. Should have moved back to LA before the house prices there got as fucked up as they are here (around 2000, LA house prices were still reasonable by California standards, thanks to the 90's aerospace implosion, but they've caught up to SF now).

Seriously, LA is awesome. I've lived a lot of places but nowhere with the diversity and energy I got from LA.
posted by wildcrdj at 2:40 PM on October 16, 2007

pahrmee there jonson, where is this LA you are speaking of? Is it a town on Lung Island? Or maybe Noo Joisey?
posted by carmina at 2:41 PM on October 16, 2007

Thirding, your favorite city sucks.

And p.s. So does your more inside.

But here's a smiley to break up the bad news.


:)
posted by Atreides at 2:45 PM on October 16, 2007

I wanted to like LA. I really, really wanted to. But it was kind of like seeing someone across the room, managing to get introduced, then being blown back by the most evil, gut wrenching, foul, toxic bad breath imaginable. There aint no mints for that.
posted by R. Mutt at 2:49 PM on October 16, 2007 [2 favorites]

I interviewed for a job in LA once. I had plans to meet some friends at a restaurant three miles from my hotel. Knowing LA traffic is bad, I left 30 minutes early. But the drive took me an hour and I was 30 minutes late.

I took a job in New York.
posted by brain_drain at 2:50 PM on October 16, 2007

SFW
posted by caddis at 2:50 PM on October 16, 2007 [6 favorites]

Suck it, haters, [my present geographic location] is much better than whatever [geographic location] you're living in now, trust me.

Whatever.
posted by MikeMc at 2:50 PM on October 16, 2007

I visited someone in LA once. He took me to a strip mall, and I was completely and totally surprised to hear KRS-1 talking with a small group of people, a few tables over. After listening to him for about an hour, I was still uncertain whether he was starting up a new record company, or if he had decided to switch gears and begin selling cell phones. Whatever his new venture was, he was so damn serious that first things first, they had to have, like, $800 cell phones. Top of the line shit. Not just him, but everybody there. If they could make that happen, then everything else would fall into place.

In LA, no one cares that you're KRS-1. You still gotta sell 'em on the top dollar phones.
posted by 23skidoo at 2:51 PM on October 16, 2007 [7 favorites]

When did some j.o. hack jonson's account?
posted by puke & cry at 2:53 PM on October 16, 2007

Or is this some joke I'm not getting?
posted by puke & cry at 2:54 PM on October 16, 2007

lbergstr: The article hits a great point, which is that the feeling of freedom you get by living in LA has a lot to do with the fact that the city isn't a community. There is no center you're imagining your life in relation to, no cultural gatekeepers or other authority figures you're obeying or rebelling against. You're just there.

So it's the suburbs plus carjackings and smog. Thanks, but no thanks.
posted by spaltavian at 2:55 PM on October 16, 2007 [2 favorites]

"When it's 110 degrees in New York City, it's 70 degrees in LA. When it's -10 degrees in New York City, it's 70 degrees in LA. There are millions of interesting people in New York City. About 70 in LA."

-Woody Allen

No wonder no one cares about anyone else.
posted by Freen at 2:59 PM on October 16, 2007 [7 favorites]

I don't get it man, he says LA is nice because nobody cares about each other? Sounds kind of weird.
posted by delmoi at 2:59 PM on October 16, 2007 [2 favorites]

To be fair L.A. really is an interesting place. I had a place there for a few years and found it intriguing and so different from most any place else in the U.S.

Like any where L.A. is subject to its stereotypes. But, guess what? Not every one is part of "The Industry." Bloods and Crips don't carjack you at the gas station. Beverly Hills and Hollywood hardly define the place. Just check out Venice Beach on a weekend afternoon and you will see a fascinating mix of people -- ethnicities, socio-economics, cultures and lifestyles. It's a place crammed full of creative people. Great live entertainment. Great food -- from the corner taco stands to world-class cuisine. And don't get me started on the quality of food and esepcially fruit and produce at the Farmer's Market, at Ralph's, Vons and Pavilions.

You can choose to be as much a part of the city as you want -- or, to stay 'close-to-home,' as in any major metropolitan area. And -- heck -- other than the rain in January and February, you can't beat the weather. That being said, as a New Englander from birth and 'at heart,' I found myself compelled to be outside all of the time because of the great weather. It was difficult to sit still and stay in on a Sunday morning/afternoon for breakfast/brunch at home and read the Sunday New York Times (by far the best newspaper in the U.S. and leaps-and-bounds ahead of the L.A. Times for substance, writing and reporting). I felt guilty staying in -- for as in New England you always take advantage of the rare days of fine weather -- most confined to days in May - September.
posted by ericb at 2:59 PM on October 16, 2007

I've lived all up and down the West Coast, and I've visited around the world, and with the exception of San Francisco (a city that I would put deep in the running for the title of "Greatest City on Earth") there's nowhere that I'd rather live than Los Angeles.

Yeah, sure, the weather is nice. You know what else is nice? Selling smoothies to Annette Benning. Bumping crystal at 3 in the morning on the spot where they put down Biggie. Meeting a beautiful Portugese tourist on the beach, sharing a brief, drunken kiss, and thinking about her from time to time for the next six years. Standing at the top of the hill at night and looking down at the glittering city, with no stars visible above you, and feeling as though the earth and sky have inverted. Noticing that the woman sitting next to you on the Red Line looks an awful lot like someone you saw in a porno the other night, and seeing her nod in affirmation when she notices that you're looking. Having your crazy cholo neighbors threaten to kill you one day and invite you to a barbecue the next. Knowing that earthquakes, fires, mudslides, riots, insane housing costs, air pollution, gangs, celebrity circuses and traffic are not actually as big a set of problems as people who don't live here imagine, and that real life happens here in all its messy glory every single day.

I don't claim that Los Angeles is the greatest city on Earth, but I've lived here for years, and there's not a spot to which you can point in this city where something remarkable hasn't happened. Anyone who thinks it's all plastic bodies and empty heads clearly hasn't spent much time on the ground in this town.
posted by Parasite Unseen at 2:59 PM on October 16, 2007 [27 favorites]

I don't think LA is the best place to visit, but I am a former east coaster who really loves living here. I can hop on a plane and get to San Francisco in an hour or get in my car and be in Mexico in less than 3. Add to that the amazing sushi, endless types of food (does your city have a Little Ethiopia?) and relentless sunshine and it really is a magical place. But above all, one of my favorite things about LA is that not only do we not have an NFL team, we don't care in the slightest.

P.S. Nice tags, jonson.
posted by dhammond at 3:02 PM on October 16, 2007

I had plans to meet some friends at a restaurant three miles from my hotel. Knowing LA traffic is bad, I left 30 minutes early. But the drive took me an hour and I was 30 minutes late.

I'd totally agree with what this guy wrote, if it weren't for traffic.

In Los Angeles you can be standing next to another human being but you may as well be standing next to a geological formation.

Except that geological formation is in a car and it's clogging up the fucking freeway.
posted by mullacc at 3:03 PM on October 16, 2007 [1 favorite]

I was completely and totally surprised to hear KRS-1 talking with a small group of people...

I had no idea who KRS-1 was until I "Googled" him. I thought maybe it was some robot from a movie or an old Tandy computer model with which I wasn't familiar.

Hey sonny -- get offa my fuckin' lawn before I turn on the sprinklers!
posted by ericb at 3:04 PM on October 16, 2007

To be fair:

Pollution in LA isn't that bad, really it's not. Since catalytic converters, the place has cleaned up drastically. Traffic isn't much worse than other major urban centers in the US. The aggravating factor with traffic is that LA is so spread out. LA isn't a city so much as it's a region (I generally refer to everything in Los Angeles county, and then some, as 'LA'), and so to get to something you often need to drive to an entirely different city and, depending on the time of day, through some pretty awful jams. However, it's not much different than any urban center. If you're shocked by LA's traffic you really need to get out more.

If you want legit gripes about the city, start with the vapid, millimeter-deep culture. The culture is very transplant-centric; almost no one is a 'native,' and everyone brings their own idea of what LA should be like and tries to implement it. The LA Weekly is, I'm completely certain, funded entirely by ads for plastic surgery. Hordes of LA's denizens watch television with deep fervor. It's practically the city-state's religion. I could expound on this further, but instead I'll just refer you to almost every melancholy pop ballad about the place.
posted by mullingitover at 3:04 PM on October 16, 2007

I don't claim that Los Angeles is the greatest city on Earth

I agree with Parasite Unseen except for that part of that sentence.
posted by jonson at 3:05 PM on October 16, 2007

That article pretty much nailed it.

Looking at these comments, I love reading about how much people hate LA. They don't realize that LA is cooler than they are.

Also, LA is a shitty place to visit, but a wonderful place to live. Sorry you got rocked in traffic, brain_drain. You would have known what to do if you lived here. Maybe in 35 years or so our Metro system will actually be capable of taking you somewhere you want to go, or maybe it won't.

It's 70F today, clean air, breezy, with blue skies. I Love LA
posted by redteam at 3:06 PM on October 16, 2007 [3 favorites]

“No matter what you do in L.A., your behavior is appropriate for the city.”
Yeah, can you imagine growing a beard...in Chicago? No way! dude! You’d be, there’s, that’d be some kind of, y’know? Wow.
Beard. Hot pretzels. In Chicago. People would care all over you. They’d be up your ass for growing a beard and renting Hot Fuzz or eating a pretzel. You just can’t do it. I f’ing dare you to eat a hot pretzel in Chicago. No. F’ing. Way.

Blows my mind what you can do in L.A. Anything goes man! Anything!

So...how’s that water situation working out for ya?
posted by Smedleyman at 3:07 PM on October 16, 2007 [17 favorites]

Hey -- where else can you be drinking beer on Tuesday in a bar that faces a giant car wash, getting a good buzz and peeling the labels from bottles of Bud? All while having some fun until the sun comes up over Santa Monica Boulevard.
posted by ericb at 3:07 PM on October 16, 2007

spaltavian: might wanna read the last sentence of my post. Point is there are communities, but you get to choose. You can ignore all of them if you want. Or (and this is where it's different than the suburbs) you can take part in a fabulously rich set of communities and experiences. It's up to you. Nobody gives a shit ... if you don't want them to.

People! Get off the highway and drive around randomly! Get your car washed and drink your boba in a sun-induced stupor! Get some pastrami at Canter's! Be not afraid of the sprawl!
posted by lbergstr at 3:10 PM on October 16, 2007

I had no idea who KRS-1 was until I "Googled" him...

Hey sonny -- get offa my fuckin' lawn before I turn on the sprinklers!

I dont understand this comment. KRS-1 was biggest in the 80's from the beginnings of rap. I dont think enough young kids know who he is...
posted by vacapinta at 3:11 PM on October 16, 2007

I know several cool people who live and like LA, so I don't think it's all plastic bodies and empty heads.

It is, however, all cars, all the time. The weather is nice, but no thanks. I like to walk.
posted by mrgrimm at 3:12 PM on October 16, 2007 [2 favorites]

I lived in LA for a while and I have to admit that I've been plenty of places that are better. People who are as apeshit over LA as jonson is have generally never lived anywhere else, or moved there from some place so abysmal that LA looks like a Shining Metropolis of Pleasure. I'm not saying that jonson did that, just that I've seen this scenario played out a lot.

Granted, LA is better than lots of places, too. But, like anything, 'better' is a relative measure.

My dad lived in LA for 50 years. When people there used to tell him they were actors, he always asked them, "Really? What restaurant?"



See, there are so many wanna-be actors LA that they all have to be waiters while they wait for the Big Break that will likely never come. Soul crushing.
posted by Pecinpah at 3:13 PM on October 16, 2007

So this is where the renaissance has led to
And we will be the only ones to know
So take a drive and breathe the air of ashes
That is, if you need a place to go
If you have to beg or steal or borrow
Welcome to Los Angeles, city of tomorrow

Phil Ochs, The World Began In Eden And Ended In Los Angeles
posted by pombe at 3:13 PM on October 16, 2007 [1 favorite]

Next week I'm leaving Los Angeles for midtown Manhattan. It's been five years here, and I've just fucking had it.

I've sublimated my hatred for this place for so long I thought it had disappeared. Then my new wife said, "Let's move to New York." and she may as well have said open sesame. The floodgates flew open and I'm not sure I'm going to be able to make it seven more days.

L.A. has been very, VERY good to my career, but it's the so-called "people" here that just drain the life out of you.

I had a ten paragraph rant about the blandness and inanity that is this "city," but I deleted it for fear of coming off bitter.

Bookhouse, you can have my spot.
posted by quite unimportant at 3:15 PM on October 16, 2007 [1 favorite]

As a former Southern Californian, I gained a little perspective on my last visit there.

Sun is setting, beautiful people, beautiful vistas. Temperature hits sixty-five degrees. Everyone LOSES THEIR MINDS. As if some sort of internal thermostat had suddenly clicked over to "HELL IS COLD!" or something. Conversation stops. Everyone rushes inside.

Couple of minutes everyone returns, bundled up in sweats, hoodies and fuzzy slippers, leaving me in shorts and silk shirt.

Next day, temperature hits a high of 90, quite unusual for that time of year. Again, everyone LOSES THEIR MINDS, complains that there's no air conditioning, goes inside. This time they don't return. Leaving me in the same shorts and silk shirt, screaming TOUGHEN THE FUCK UP!!!!

My conclusion? Live in paradise long enough and you become completely unable to adapt to anything else.
posted by WolfDaddy at 3:15 PM on October 16, 2007 [4 favorites]

Also, the coolest and smartest people I met in LA were at a Metafilter meetup.
posted by quite unimportant at 3:16 PM on October 16, 2007

I would love to get a good NorCal/SoCal fight brewing... I can't for the life of me think of anything better about LA than the Bay. Same total area, less to offer.
posted by Ambrosia Voyeur at 3:16 PM on October 16, 2007 [1 favorite]

I sat next to Chuck Norris in a sushi bar in LA.
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 3:17 PM on October 16, 2007

Los Angeles is everything bad about the US rolled into one along with a smattering of its best aspects. It's a fun place to visit for that reason. Living there...can't imagine it.

Anyone who thinks it's all plastic bodies and empty heads clearly hasn't spent much time on the ground in this town.

After two weeks I thought to myself, this place can't be this superficial on every level, can it? Yes, yes it can.
posted by MillMan at 3:18 PM on October 16, 2007 [1 favorite]

You guys wouldn't be so quick to judge Los Angeles if you knew that both Radiohead & Apple Computer got their start here*




*note: this may not be true.
posted by jonson at 3:19 PM on October 16, 2007 [1 favorite]

See, there are so many wanna-be actors LA that they all have to be waiters while they wait for the Big Break that will likely never come. Soul crushing.

Or parking cars and pumping gas!
posted by ericb at 3:20 PM on October 16, 2007

"I sat next to Chuck Norris in a sushi bar in LA."
His hair was perfect.
posted by Smedleyman at 3:21 PM on October 16, 2007 [3 favorites]

The bile directed at Los Angeles always amazes me - especially since I've moved to North Carolina. New York is a filthy overpriced wasteland for yuppies and bankers, and San Francisco has "burners." I'm sure Chicago is great, but it seems to be a place you fly over from time to time. Los Angeles is precisely as it is described in the blog; i.e., free. You do what you want, nobody cares. Of course the smog, poor city services, and car culture is a problem. But nothing's perfect.
posted by Raoul de Noget at 3:22 PM on October 16, 2007

Niiiice, Smedleyman!
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 3:24 PM on October 16, 2007

does your city have a Little Ethiopia?
Actually mine (New York) does. But then New York has a little (any ethnic neighborhood) but so does LA.

Someone once said to me New York is Europe wannabe whereas LA is what Americans secretly wished they could be if they went wild. Hence the dichotomy between the two.

I used to hate, hate, hate, LA with a passion, you know, the typical New York exclamation - "New Jersey with nice weather."

I've come to not compare it with New York or other international cities and have come to love it for its own anarchic self. As New York becomes more and more like the rest of the country (You can't even hear a New York accent in Manhattan any more - they ought to teach the dialect as "official" in schools) LA will remain the only outlier, even if it is America even more so.
posted by xetere at 3:24 PM on October 16, 2007 [1 favorite]

Hey, now, I like LA. But I moved here from Kansas, so it's all about perspective.
posted by katillathehun at 3:25 PM on October 16, 2007

So, if I understand this right, if someone nuked LA, nobody would notice the difference?
posted by evilangela at 3:25 PM on October 16, 2007 [1 favorite]

Apple Computer got their start here*

*note: this may not be true.

Not true. Steve Jobs, Steve Wozniak, and Ronald Wayne founded Apple in 1976 in the Bay Area.
posted by ericb at 3:26 PM on October 16, 2007

LA is one of those cities where you can't wait to leave, then once you've left can't wait to get back.

I remember seeing a PBS documentary on LA and it really changed my whole vision of the city. It wiped away all the glitz and glamour and really got down to the root of what defines a city - its people. The argument is that LA truly does transcend the stereotypes. It is essentially just a city filled with ordinary, boring people, immigrants, families, industrial workers, field pickers, etc. People just trying to get by with monotonous daily routines, just like the rest of the world. Essentially a ton of cultures, beliefs, and economies smashed together into one giant pseudo-culture that you can't really find anywhere else.

What you see on TV is the iceberg floating above the surface. The true soul of LA lies beneath.

Unfortunately only the natives that see it that way.
posted by afx114 at 3:27 PM on October 16, 2007

You do what you want, nobody cares.

Your experience in this regard will not vary much in any major US city. Let's say, the 20 largest.
posted by MillMan at 3:27 PM on October 16, 2007

You do what you want, nobody cares.

Your experience in this regard will not vary much in any major US city. Let's say, the 20 largest

Really? I was in the largest (population wise) and every restaurant I tried to eat at required me to dress nicer than I would have otherwise wanted to. What are you talking about?
posted by jonson at 3:29 PM on October 16, 2007

So, if I understand this right, if someone nuked LA, nobody would notice the difference?

It might take a little longer for the next Transformers movie to come out. No great loss.
posted by Artw at 3:30 PM on October 16, 2007 [2 favorites]

My memories of LA involve seeing crippling poverty in front of $100,000 cars, heroin junkies stealing things from other junkies, getting tips from hookers to watch for undercover cops when I was 10, gorgeous sunsets that indicated my lungs were stewing in absolute garbage and doing line reads with soap stars for pocket change. It was an amazing experience, but from a distance, feels like a combination of mass hysteria, a collective fear of commitment and a psychological experiment gone ridiculously awry. But perhaps it's changed completely since the late '80s and isn't a lush dystopian nightmare anymore.

My parents -- on moving from Chicago to LA -- would constantly say that the country takes the top 1% of assholes and ships them to LA for safekeeping. (Yes, my parents belonged there.)

So, I'll just say, "Your favorite city is a beautifully horrifying dichotomy that's scarred me for life, but you enjoy it and I'll visit occasionally to remember why I left."
posted by Gucky at 3:30 PM on October 16, 2007 [1 favorite]

L.A?

I would rather be in Baghdad wearing a large Texas cowboy hat, and a cape made out of the star spangle banner, strangling an innoncent Iraqi child with my left hand, reading the bible in my right hand, in a t-shirt that says: I heart Bush.
posted by Samuel Farrow at 3:30 PM on October 16, 2007 [3 favorites]

The bile directed at Los Angeles always amazes me - especially since I've moved to North Carolina. New York is a filthy overpriced wasteland for yuppies and bankers, and San Francisco has "burners." I'm sure Chicago is great, but it seems to be a place you fly over from time to time.

Gee, I wonder why you get "bile" from people.
posted by mrgrimm at 3:31 PM on October 16, 2007 [1 favorite]

The piece certainly captures one truth about the city: Los Angeles is bigger than you are.

In winter you can drive from the beach to a ski slope in 2-3 hours. And the highest point in the city of Los Angeles has a greater elevation than the highest points of 28 states.
posted by Slothrup at 3:32 PM on October 16, 2007

I can't see myself living in LA, but I have to say, when I visit it, especially the seedier parts, that I am always pleasantly surprised. Sure it's wall to wall douchebags everywhere else, but my favorite New York era was the 70's through the early 90's when pretty much everyone was weird and the yuppies stayed in their designated areas, hell even the yuppies were kind of weird. I got that same feeling in many parts of LA, plus I kinda like to drive (since I don't have to do it on a daily basis). I do so dearly love a good weirdo. As soon as I went to the part of LA that everybody hates I knew why God gave us the Claymore mine.

I'm here to tell you that there are good things and bad things about almost any place you can go, there's always a reason to love it and hate it. Personally, I'm ready to leave to leave New York.

Here's my plan: Take all the people from Chicago, displace, kindly but firmly, the population of San Francisco and there you go, a perfect city.
posted by Divine_Wino at 3:32 PM on October 16, 2007 [1 favorite]

Why does everyone have to live in "the best city in America?" Nothing's more tiring than this crap.
posted by Ironmouth at 3:34 PM on October 16, 2007 [1 favorite]

I'm 4th generation native Southern Californian. LA is a weird microcosm, but to me it's not some caricatured place, it's my family heritage. My grandfather & great grandfather painted murals at Charlie Chaplin's house. My great-great uncle had the first miniature golf course on the west coast there. I was an LA tourguide for years. I can tell you about history and... yes, depth... of that town that you would never expect. Yeah, I know it's convenient and fun to believe the place is completely shallow so it can be properly despised. But the interesting thing is, many people living there (or hating it from elsewhere) are actively living and thriving in their IMAGE of what LA is, for better or worse. It will be what you want it to be, as you create in your mind. That's what Los Angeles offers people: fantasy as reality. It's a place where you can believe anything, both good and bad, can be possible.

I actually have learned more about what L.A. really is by leaving it. When I moved away, I was burned out after 18 years of hard work there. But after seeing what life is like out in the "real world" and then going back, I can see it with different eyes. I realize that while yes, there's negative stuff, I was blessed to have had the opportunities and life experiences that the city offered me that I could've gotten nowhere else. I learned from an early age that my fantasies CAN be made real, and I'm so thankful for that because I know it inspired me to do a lot of stuff I'd never have thought possible otherwise. In LA, you aren't supposed to believe things are ever impossible if you work hard enough. It's a manic depressive town: no matter how bad things get when you live there, people so often feel like something super great could be right around the corner (even if it's a delusion). You'll sell that screenplay or whatever. There's something to be said for that hopefulness, as long as you don't fall for everything it tells you. Now that I'm not living there, I must say I truly can appreciate a town of people that encourages people to strive for their craziest dreams... Hell at least they're trying. I have to admire that passion.

And I do agree that people are more accepting of eachother down there in a way that they aren't elsewhere. When I first moved away, it really bothered me that I kept finding myself talking to people I barely knew who would suddenly start trying to overanalyze me. I didn't take it very well. One of my friends told me that it was normal human behavior, that a lot of people need to categorize others, that it makes them feel comfortable. I just didn't relate to it, I kept wondering why these people weren't worrying more about themselves. Then I realized that's something 18 years in LA did for me.

Fact is, you are not your brother's keeper there. You are 100% responsible for your own salvation. And if you ask me, that's not always such a bad thing to believe.
posted by miss lynnster at 3:36 PM on October 16, 2007 [9 favorites]

And yeah, LA air sucks. I will not argue with anyone on that.
posted by miss lynnster at 3:36 PM on October 16, 2007

In New York, I met a lovely French girl visiting the states. She said she wanted to visit New York, Chicago and L.A. on her trip. I said "Do you realize there is no L.A?" She thought I was kidding. When she passed back through New York, she had discovered that for her self and wished she hadn't wasted that time.
posted by StickyCarpet at 3:39 PM on October 16, 2007

P.S. props for the Frank Black reference.
posted by afx114 at 3:39 PM on October 16, 2007 [1 favorite]

"Do you realize there is no L.A?"

I really do not have a clue what that is supposed to actually mean. Unless it's just you trying to sound kinda obnoxious.
posted by miss lynnster at 3:44 PM on October 16, 2007 [1 favorite]

L.A. is fine. I wouldn’t live there, but y’know, tastes differ. For me the town where you’re truly free - given the terms of this thing - is Reykjavik. No one cares - but really. “Michel Jordan...basketball right? Yow.” *keeps drinking/talking fishing* You gotta love Icelanders.

(Wouldn’t that be great to visit an alternate earth where everyone who is famous here is doing whatever their fall back was there? So Harrison Ford is your carpenter. Here’s material test scientist Jim Carrey. There’s petty officer MC Hammer. Russell Crowe trains horses. This is Brad Pitt reporting.)
posted by Smedleyman at 3:45 PM on October 16, 2007 [3 favorites]

I live in NYC.

I visited my friends in LA.

LA is all about traffic jams and parking lots with signs.

I left the midwest to get away from these things.

I was unimpressed by LA.
posted by Afroblanco at 3:46 PM on October 16, 2007

I went to college in LA (well, Eagle Rock, if you want to get technical, but the fact that "LA" encompasses as many polities as the Holy Roman Empire is part of its silliness) and thoroughly enjoyed some aspects of it, but I'd never live there again. It's true that no one cares—about anything—and that gets old after a while. I'll take my urban nightmares with less glitz and more angst and mass transit, please. (But yeah, the weather is great.)
posted by languagehat at 3:46 PM on October 16, 2007

When I lived in LA, I used to tell visiting friends that it was the only city where you could go surfing in the morning and snow boarding later that day, not that I have even done either.

And yeah, the weather is great.
posted by cazoo at 3:48 PM on October 16, 2007

B: you're wrong.

LA loves douches and douches love LA, so there you have it.
posted by buzby36 at 3:51 PM on October 16, 2007

"Do you realize there is no L.A?"

I wish I could remember who said it, but one of the best lines I've heard about LA is that it's "3 of the best cities in the country and 5 of the worst."
posted by mullacc at 3:52 PM on October 16, 2007 [1 favorite]

When I lived in LA, I used to tell visiting friends that it was the only city where you could go surfing in the morning and snow boarding later that day, not that I have even done either.

I'm sure there are other cities. San Francisco qualifies as well.
posted by vacapinta at 3:52 PM on October 16, 2007

Overseas Angeleno here - I'm living in Riga, Latvia, teaching English this year.

I've lived in Poland, Indonesia, Ghana, and the US. I've visited thirty countries. I've been to Dakar, New York, Singapore, Krakow.

And I would move back to LA in a minute. When I find someone I want to spend the rest of my life with, I want to settle down and raise my kids there. That article captures the freedom my parents and I - all transplants to LA from elsewhere - felt perfectly.

Here in Riga, certain neighborhoods are - just are - Russian-speaking or Latvian-speaking. You can't walk on the grass in the parks. You can't buy beer after 10. You can't get a bus home after 11:30. Things are a little less insular than they were before Latvia joined the EU in 2004, but living in a place with real history and real social rifts that have been around for decades is, coming from LA, just draining. It's tough to create your own world when the very real world of Kaiserwald, Stalinist architectural "gifts" and Ribbentrop and Molotov is right there, looming over you. I don't want to insult the history of the people and the culture I'm a guest in, but it's definitely a less open, less free, less do-your-own-thing kind of place than LA seemed to be when I was there. Things just seem less possible here, I guess.

I mean, my little corner of LA was open land until 1970. Riga turned 800 in 2001.
posted by mdonley at 3:54 PM on October 16, 2007

I sat next to Chuck Norris in a sushi bar in LA.

In LA, Chuck Norris sits next to YOU.
posted by veggieboy at 3:54 PM on October 16, 2007 [2 favorites]

And by the way, when people in SF go on about how much they despise LA (which hundreds of people have felt the need to do for me ever since I moved here), I always laugh when I ask why and they say "The traffic!"

Swear to GOD I've spent more time stopped in my car while waiting for traffic on freeways and to get over bridges in the Bay area than I EVER did in LA. The people who get stuck in traffic in LA are the people who are clueless about the side streets and shortcuts. Most of my commutes involved driving through one of the canyons, which honestly is a very, very pretty commute compared to the ones I've had since.
posted by miss lynnster at 3:54 PM on October 16, 2007 [2 favorites]

I live in Southern California, and I hate it. Every part of it. Some parts are less crappy than others, but it's all a big pile of dog shit, as far as I'm concerned. Now, I live inthe Inland Empire, which is admittedly the lowest rung on a very ugly old ladder, but everywhere else in SoCal I've visited sucks too. Just not as much.

Here are my gripes, in order. 1-The whole point of the article, that no one fucking cares, is such a lie. Everyone here cares. I agree that they don't care about you, they just care about how cool they can make you think they are. If people really didn't care, they wouldn't spend so much fucking money on their looks, car, and house. Bullfuckingshit. 2- People in SoCal are vapid. I really feel a general anti-intellectualism here. Of course there are cool, interesting, intelligent people here, but the concentration of them is vastly lower than in other places, like Boston, NYC, Chicago, San Francisco, and Seattle. 3-The traffic is hellacious, and the city is so spread out, that the cool parts of it are separated by at least 6 blocks, usually much more, of nasty urban wasteland. 4-The smog. All of SoCal is significantly smoggier than other places I have lived. Gross. 5-The weather really isn't that great. In fact, I miss having weather, at all. I miss the snow, rain, cold, and overcast days of my youth.

Let me say that this rant excepts the comapny of the charming people (including jonson, scody, bone, and others) I met at a mefi meetup at some dive bar, and then Jumbo's Clown Room. Lots of fun, interesting people.

But really, I hate this place, and I can hardly wait to finish my MS and get the fuck outta dodge.
posted by HighTechUnderpants at 3:54 PM on October 16, 2007 [1 favorite]

I really do not have a clue what that is supposed to actually mean. Unless it's just you trying to sound kinda obnoxious.
posted by miss lynnster at 3:44 PM on October 16

i think I understand what he means. There is no real "center" the way there is to almost every other city in the planet. The phrase "downtown" does not mean the same thing as...almost every other city on the planet. The center, where life happens, where the entire city in all its diversity come together as a community, with tourists intermingled.

That one place (compare to SF downtown or Chicago downtown or Manhattan or Boston around the Commons) doesn't exist in LA.
posted by vacapinta at 3:56 PM on October 16, 2007 [1 favorite]

In love with celebrity? Not remotely intellectual? Enjoy pointless fads? Narcissistic? HAVE I GOT THE TOWN FOR YOU!
posted by gorgor_balabala at 3:56 PM on October 16, 2007

Also, the car culture in Los Angeles drives me insane.

When I visit my mother there, I get stared at for walking.
posted by veggieboy at 3:56 PM on October 16, 2007

Los Angeles is a black, soulless expanse of asphalt, smoke and shining car hoods that usually smells like burning urine. It's a place where everyone is jaded and empty and looking for the next thing to fill up that hole with. It's lonely and disconnected and when you're young things can get really scary really really fast. Everyone has a hard look for you when you pass. Every waiter is an actor. Every barista has a band. It's James Ellroy and Blade Runner. It's The Hills. Every corner is a gang-infested strip mall.

Or at least that's what television taught me. Never seen that city and I've lived here my entire life.
posted by eyeballkid at 3:57 PM on October 16, 2007 [5 favorites]

Actually, douches usually just like making blanket statements about cities that take up 4,084 square miles and are inhabited by 9,948,081 people.
posted by miss lynnster at 3:58 PM on October 16, 2007 [3 favorites]

And by the way, when people in SF go on about how much they despise LA (which hundreds of people have felt the need to do for me ever since I moved here), I always laugh when I ask why and they say "The traffic!"


My reply is "cultural wasteland." I grew up in Southern California, in one of the most enviable parts of it (San Diego north coast) and I was still happy to get out of there.

If you want to avoid the traffic in the Bay area there are more options for doing so. In SF or NYC you dont have to get in a car to "go across town." In LA, you do.
posted by vacapinta at 3:59 PM on October 16, 2007 [1 favorite]

Fatburger
In-n-out Burger
Tommy's

3 of the unhealthiest reasons I miss LA.
posted by cazoo at 4:00 PM on October 16, 2007 [3 favorites]

It has been said that Los Angeles is a bunch of suburbs without a city. And that's true.

There is no center, here. At least, not really.

And what's more, I find it curious that both the boosters and the haters don't quite get that (greater) LA is practically a state, and more populous than an awful lot of countries -- so any blanket statement is necessarily going to just fall flat on its face. Except for one -- LA, the conurbation, is big.

Big enough that you can catch a commuter plane from one end of it to the other every day.

I'm a native of the region (born in the nearby southern suburbs, went to UCLA, lived on the westside, and now in the far northern suburbs), and have found enough to love and hate about the city. Only major world-cities like New York, London and Tokyo have anything like the population, the size, the variety.

Moving around the region is a chore, but just about everything can be found here, if you know where to look.
posted by chimaera at 4:01 PM on October 16, 2007

Rather than waste my time, let me just add this post as a symbolic 'favorite' on any other post emphasizing what a nasty, festering hole LA is.
posted by HighTechUnderpants at 4:01 PM on October 16, 2007

I went to LA in 2005 and took some pictures.

Enjoyed the article. BLDBLG is solid.
posted by fake at 4:02 PM on October 16, 2007

I just moved to LA 3 weeks ago. So far it's alright, but I can't find a restaurant that'll 1. make me a truly great burrito and 2. deep fry it. I do like the 'whatever, do what you want' attitude though. It's 'anything is possible' with a sneer.
posted by carsonb at 4:02 PM on October 16, 2007

This pretty much summarizes LA for me. A quote from the aforementioned documentary:

Its easy in this amazingly international multicultural city to wake up in your own little bubble, get into this moving bubble, go to the office, arrive in another bubble, and do that for days and weeks on end. And so I’m not sure how much direct engagement there is with the other in Los Angeles even though the other is around us on every side.
posted by afx114 at 4:03 PM on October 16, 2007

All of my knowledge and opinions about Las Angles are derived from the film Escape from LA, so all my views of the city are based on the assumption that I might get caught on the street by roving gangs of surgery addicts, or that I might be put into a caged basketball court to shoot hoops for my life, or god-forbid, have to surf a tidal wave.

These are the things that keep me up at night.

Fortunately all of these things have also brought me more in touch with my inner Plissken.
posted by quin at 4:04 PM on October 16, 2007

it's interesting that l.a. is still all about cars considering they have one of the best public transit systems in the country. in fact mta l.a. was just ranked third behind mta new york and new jersey transit corp.
also, donald shoup decides that l.a. beats the bay area in terms of parking in the high cost of free parking.

despite all of that, i wouldn't want to live there, but it's ok to visit once in a while.
posted by kendrak at 4:08 PM on October 16, 2007

People are so adamant to either love or hate the place to extremes, and it's so fucking tiresome. Like anywhere, it has good points and bad points. It's not perfect nor is it the root of all evil. I have had more than enough of this "LA SUCKS ON ANY AND ALL LEVELS" bullshit directed at me since moving to San Francisco simply in response to me saying that's where I moved from.

Always such a pleasant conversation for me:
"Where are you from?"
"I'm from San Diego but I lived in Los Angeles for 18 years."
"I hate Los Angeles."
"Yes, it's nice to meet you too. Thank you for sharing."

Or here's one from my mechanic:
"I had a great mechanic in LA, so I'm looking for someone I can trust."
"You lived in LA?"
"Yes."
"Well, I won't hold that against you. You're in God's country now."
"Would you just fix my car, please?"

Honestly, it's like if you are totally annoyed by your brother but then find yourself in a situation where everyone goes out of their way to tell you how much they hate his guts. After a while you're just like, "Shut the fuck up. He's my brother, you asshole."

Moral of the story? I'm done with this thread. I don't need to hear more tales of why everyone hates the city and that anyone who doesn't must be a horrible person. It's bullshit.
posted by miss lynnster at 4:09 PM on October 16, 2007 [13 favorites]

When I lived in LA, I used to tell visiting friends that it was the only city where you could go surfing in the morning and snow boarding later that day, not that I have even done either.

Out of curosity I checked, and plenty of cities have indoor ski resorts (in fact a whole lot more than I would of thought). As long as they are next to a half decent beach....you get both.

Also there are a couple of good places in NZ where you can easily surf and snowboard a decent mountain in the same day.
posted by inflatablekiwi at 4:11 PM on October 16, 2007

They say the fucking smog is the fucking reason you have such beautiful fucking sunsets.
posted by acid freaking on the kitty at 4:17 PM on October 16, 2007 [1 favorite]

The people who get stuck in traffic in LA are the people who are clueless about the side streets and shortcuts.

Like the taxi drivers. Uh-huh. (I could believe that taxi drivers are clueless, but he didn't seem like it.)

vacapinta hit it. there is no other option in L.A. yes, i have taken buses. they get stuck in traffic too.

I get stared at for walking.

I have had the same experience. It's bizarre to be walking about beautiful neighborhoods in Beverly Hills and *no one* is traveling on the sidewalk.
posted by mrgrimm at 4:17 PM on October 16, 2007

Also there are a couple of good places in NZ where you can easily surf and snowboard a decent mountain in the same day.

also: portland
posted by acid freaking on the kitty at 4:18 PM on October 16, 2007

I have had more than enough of this "LA SUCKS ON ANY AND ALL LEVELS" bullshit directed at me since moving to San Francisco simply in response to me saying that's where I moved from.

We're just busting your balls. Nobody (worth bothering with) would prejudice someone by their geographic preferences.
posted by mrgrimm at 4:20 PM on October 16, 2007

Like me just speak for all the Angelenos and say "thank you."

we love all these tired, painfully cliched, not-even-marginally-related-to-reality stereotypes.

There are too many people here already, and they help keep the morons out.
posted by drjimmy11 at 4:23 PM on October 16, 2007 [2 favorites]

LA loves douches and douches love LA, so there you have it.

Douches love having good health and a home, too. Your point is?
posted by katillathehun at 4:24 PM on October 16, 2007

I think Los Angeles is more about the feeling of possibility like mdonley mentions. Part of the sense of freedom is available in any large city in the U.S, but perhaps because of "Hollywood," a relatively short cultural history, etc., it somehow feels more expansive, hopeful. Manifest Destiny really kind of landed in the place.
posted by Raoul de Noget at 4:24 PM on October 16, 2007

Aside from three years in the east coast (and Asia), I've lived in Los Angeles since 1986.

While a great many people despise LA, and a large number of them live or have lived in LA. And true to the BLDG post, I could not care less. I live here, I love living here, and it being hated on by some stereotype you've decided for yourself to represent this city is completely on you.
posted by linux at 4:29 PM on October 16, 2007 [2 favorites]

And there should be no While at the start of my comment.
posted by linux at 4:30 PM on October 16, 2007

You can't buy beer after 10. You can't get a bus home after 11:30.

I didn't know Riga was in Boston.

Seriously, the funniest thing about LA is how the news will devote half of it's broadcast to STORM WATCH 2007 if they're predicting some drizzle. LA in the rain is hilarious, and I'm not joking.

they have one of the best public transit systems in the country

That's simply not true. I spent nearly two years relying on mass transit here and, while the buses and trains are nice, there are a lot of places they don't go and even when they do, it takes forever. The rankings you linked only refer to size of fleet. LA gets ranked that high just based on the sheer size of the place.
posted by dhammond at 4:31 PM on October 16, 2007 [1 favorite]

I would love to get a good NorCal/SoCal fight brewing... I can't for the life of me think of anything better about LA than the Bay. Same total area, less to offer.

Ah, that whole thing. When I was at UCSC, I always thought that the NorCal bumper stickers were the funniest thing. That whole NorCal/SoCal rivalry is all in NorCal's collective head. There has got to be some sort of deep insecurity that compels the Bay Area to pick a fight with SoCal.

Southern California, of course, is too self-involved to even notice that California extends beyond Santa Barbara. (And poor San Diego. Everyone forgets it exists, even though it's a pretty awesome town)
posted by Weebot at 4:32 PM on October 16, 2007 [2 favorites]

I get stared at for walking.

I've lived in Los Angeles for years, I don't drive, and no one stares at me for walking. Until recently, I walked 16 miles a day, and the only people who seemed to think that there was anything strange about it were the cops (which might have something to do with the fact that I dress all in black and the first 8 mile stretch was between the hours of 3 and 6 AM). Maybe I'm just oblivious to the reactions of others, but this this idea that people will point and take pictures if they see someone on foot strikes me as posters pandering to one of the most ridiculous (and yet strangely enduring) stereotypes about people in Los Angeles.

It's bizarre to be walking about beautiful neighborhoods in Beverly Hills and *no one* is traveling on the sidewalk.

Actually, I see tons of people walking around in Beverly Hills. It's just that none of them live there, all of them work there, and none of them are white. Generally speaking, they're some of the friendliest people in Los Angeles, and if you can speak Spanish, they're more than happy to help out if you get lost and/or need to find someplace selling cheap eats nearby.
posted by Parasite Unseen at 4:33 PM on October 16, 2007 [1 favorite]

Who cares if you can't identify with Los Angeles? It doesn't need to be made human. It's better than that.

So, to recap: Los Angeles is the Cylon of cities. No arguments there.
posted by brain cloud at 4:34 PM on October 16, 2007 [1 favorite]

I like visiting LA every once in a while--there are a lot of cool things to do there--but I'm very grateful for the existence of Camp Pendleton, and I hope the mililitary never closes that base.

There is a definite zone of awesomeness in LA that even a hater like me couldn't bear to get rid of: it runs from downtown west to the ocean in a strip about a mile or two wide. Other areas have their perks and points of interest, but just about everything worthwhile about the place is contained within that zone.
posted by LionIndex at 4:35 PM on October 16, 2007

Dug the hell out of the article. I was transplanted from the midwest to LA roughly ten years ago, and have decided that LA is a terrible city, but it's an incredible place to live.

Los Angeles is where you confront the objective fact that you mean nothing; You don't matter. You're free.

Damn straight. Now let's get ruthless high and drive to the beach.
posted by Curry at 4:37 PM on October 16, 2007 [1 favorite]

LA is Miami for losers.
posted by oddman at 4:37 PM on October 16, 2007

I was born in Pasadena, and didn't live there much, but spent a lot of time visiting friends of the family, visiting my brother when he lived there, and on road trips when I was in college. I grew up in Northern CA which perhaps taints my view. I don't hate LA, and I also don't think it's the greatest city in the USA. Honestly I don't know what that's supposed to mean. The blog piece linked here seems pretty one dimensional, kind of like how so many people view LA. It has it's good points, and it's bad points like just about anywhere else. So gee, you can wear a jock strap with a tutu on your head when you go out to dinner. That's supposed to make it a great city? Quite honestly I prefer a City like Toronto, Vancouver, or San Francisco. Whether any of them are the greatest city in the USA, I dunno, and I don't care really. I just like them. As was mentioned above, LA isn't really a city at all, but a region. I'll leave you with a Michelle Shocked lyric:

kicked in his door at 5 AM
"I've come for my bike" I told the repo man
My 920's gonna take me far today
You can travel for miles and never leave L.A.

I've come a long way
I've come a long way
I've gone 500 miles today
I've come a long way
I've come along way
And never even left L.A.

I drive by the Plaza where the gay boys pose
Stand in their windows wearing no clothes
I heard the screams of the dying dark
Through the sweet green icing of MacArthur Park
And then I crossed the river into East L.A.
Pescado mojado me encontre
And I've given up on rock 'n roll
And I'm saving up for norteno
The river she runs by the railroad tracks
I swear I'll never take it back
A train, she cries on the midnight hour
All along the Watts Tower
Ohhhhhhhhhhh

I've come a long way
I've come a long way
I've gone 500 miles today
I've come a long way
I've come along way
And never even left L.A.

I gunned it down to San Pedro Bay
Watched my ship sail in, watched her sail away
The sun was sinking into the sea
But a ball of fire inside of me
Was burning my motor and driving me hard
Past the big hair on the Boulevard
And up Mulholland where I made the scene
Like the one that took little Jimmy Dean
And then I shimmied up Wilshire like a little silk worm
Past the rodeo and the pachyderm
And then I stopped for coffee at an art cafe
I saw the repo man and made my getaway
Doing the Eagle Rock
Heading for the hills
Oh try to let my engines cool
And it is not my fault that this town shakes
I saw the falling rock and I hit my brakes

I've come a long way
I've come a long way
I've gone 500 miles today
I've come a long way
I've come along way
And never even left L.A.

Now you tow it to the repo man's front door
And you give him these keys, I don't need them no more
You tow it to the repo man's front door
And you give him these keys, I don't need them no more

I've come a long way
I've come a long way
I've gone 500 miles today
I've come a long way
I've come along way
And never even left L.A.
I've come a long way
I've come a long way
I've gone 500 miles today
I've come a long way
I've come along way
And never even left L.A.
And never even left L.A.
And never even left L.A.
posted by Eekacat at 4:37 PM on October 16, 2007 [1 favorite]

You know how the 11 o'clock news is really terrible, as in the fear/fluff non-news + ads that is advertised as news? No where on earth is the 11 o'clock news more fucking retarded than in LA.

I still remember being in bars where somebody would flip to helicopter coverage of a live freeway car chase and everyone would gather around and cheer the chased.

I miss the food and occasionally the weather. I do not miss Fry's or the beach or the full auto weapons fire over on the next block. I thank the gods daily that I don't have to deal with the attitude anymore.

Oddly,I would agree with nearly everything the author says about the city except for his conclusion. That "apocalyptic" is a desirable trait for your surroundings is baffling. It's fun to go back and visit but life lived there became too much about active daily combat with the city for a basic quality of life that other cities render freely.
posted by well_balanced at 4:37 PM on October 16, 2007

By USA I meant North America above. No shit I know Vancouver and Toronto are in Canada.
posted by Eekacat at 4:39 PM on October 16, 2007

Pollution in LA isn't that bad, really it's not.

When I lived in Pasadena, we used to say there was a thirty-percent chance of mountains. People would visit for a week and only discover the HUGE MOUNTAIN RANGE to the north when the smog lifted on the last day.
posted by Upton O'Good at 4:41 PM on October 16, 2007

I told a corrections officer that I couldn't do his job because I'd get tired of people hating me all day. He told me he was used to it because he was from LA.

That said, I'd like to try Roscoe's chicken and waffles.
posted by BrotherCaine at 4:42 PM on October 16, 2007

Oh, man... I had Roscoe's last week and I'm still salivating after reading that.
posted by linux at 4:46 PM on October 16, 2007 [1 favorite]

Okay, I'm back.

First off... Camp Pendleton is in Oceanside, which is North County San Diego. My senior prom was in the NCO club there (which we were not too happy about when every other school got the Sea World Pavilion, let me tell you), so I'm pretty familiar with it. It has nothing whatsoever to do with Los Angeles.

Secondly, people only forget San Diego because they're trying to pretend that Orange County doesn't exist. And you have to acknowledge Orange County to get to San Diego.

Also, I LURVE me some STORMWATCH action. Even better? How every single little thing has potential to become a giant horrible thing that could kill you in a local LA news story. I remember one time there was a radio commercial for a story about how frozen yogurt places weren't always cleaning their machines enough... it played up a scenario where a parent brought their child into a yogurt store that went something like this:

*Bell sound effect, implying someone just walked into a shop*
"So Timmy, what kind of frozen yogurt do you want?"
"I don't know mom. It all looks good! What flavors do you have, Mister?"
"We have vanilla... chocolate... and... BACTERIA!!!!!

I laughed so hard. Because ummm, isn't yogurt kind of full of bacteria already?
posted by miss lynnster at 4:50 PM on October 16, 2007 [1 favorite]

I hated LA, but I'm from Baltimore, which isn't really ever hated but pitied.
posted by spaltavian at 4:50 PM on October 16, 2007

Roscoe's is somewhat overrated.
posted by Weebot at 4:52 PM on October 16, 2007

I kind of like Baltimore. Or at least the Italian bakery I went to last time I was there.
posted by BrotherCaine at 4:53 PM on October 16, 2007

Weebot: As a SoCal native and a NorCal resident, (Santa Cruz, woo woo, my idea of the best town, only missing the people I love, sadly.) it's in my head, and everyone else's whose lived both places. And NorCal stickers aren't funny, they're just ads for a skate brand often used to denote white power.
posted by Ambrosia Voyeur at 4:53 PM on October 16, 2007

The air is bad compared to where I live now, but fyi it's a LOT better than it was when I first moved to Pasadena in 1987. The air quality has improved DRAMATICALLY. You can actually see the mountains more often than not nowadays from my experience. Well, an outline at least. :)
posted by miss lynnster at 4:54 PM on October 16, 2007

Weebot writes "Roscoe's is somewhat overrated."

The chicken's a bit dry, really.
posted by mr_roboto at 4:57 PM on October 16, 2007 [1 favorite]

Fyi, meta
posted by jonson at 4:58 PM on October 16, 2007

I was making my way up to Yellowstone with my wife over the Labor Day weekend when we stopped in a tiny town which I won't name in the middle of Wyoming. An old biker-dude-looking guy in a trucker cap was serving ice cream in a gas station which had been expanded to house an impromptu jackalope museum. We both ordered ice cream, and as he put the scoops in the cones, we chatted about where we were from. We mentioned we were up from Colorado, and he nodded, smiling: "Colorado's really nice. I've been down there a lot." I asked where he was from, and he said, "well, I started off in Wyoming. I've been a lot of places, but... well. I guess I'll just say that I'm glad to be back here."

I will always live in the West. I will probably always hate the coastal cities, although I'd rather be in LA than any other. And I will always be drawn, like a moth to the glow of a candle, to the open spaces, broad landscapes, high mountains, and golden valleys here.

But I guess there's not much parking.
posted by koeselitz at 5:00 PM on October 16, 2007 [2 favorites]

There are two places in Los Angeles where the air is really bad. One is Pasadena in the summer. The other is San Pedro any time of the year. San Pedro gets a free pass, though, because it's a great place to drink too much and pretend to be Bukowski.
posted by Parasite Unseen at 5:01 PM on October 16, 2007

Secondly, people only forget San Diego because they're trying to pretend that Orange County doesn't exist. And you have to acknowledge Orange County to get to San Diego.

I somehow feel the need to defend Orange County, but I can't really muster up anything noteworthy to say. Asides from Little Saigon, I got nothing. Some of the beach towns are awesome, but that's par for Southern California.
posted by Weebot at 5:03 PM on October 16, 2007

I have very little opinion about LA. I really don't. Like many of the people who live there, apparently, I don't care.

That said, one thing alone informs my opinion of the place: The point of a city, as far as I'm concerned, is that you get to not have a car, or at least get to use one sparingly. By all accounts, this metric alone means that LA is not the place for me.

I take no issue at all with people who may prefer it for other reasons.

Actually, not entirely true. The weather would drive me mad. I can't imagine living somewhere where it never gets properly cold. I loves me some new england weather. Doesn't stay cold for long at a time, but at least it gets down there occasionally. This also informs my opinion of whether I would want to live there.
posted by Arturus at 5:09 PM on October 16, 2007

I think I can best respond to the LA haters with this link.

There are lots of annoying people here, but a lot of them came here from wherever you are. Traffic is bad, it's expensive, air quality sucks and lots of other stuff. I tried moving away and I came back after a year. This city is what you make it. I can deal with it, but I can see why people can't.
posted by lazymonster at 5:12 PM on October 16, 2007