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Like a Boot to the Head
October 17, 2007 12:37 PM   Subscribe

That which cures all (mental) ills. Andy Kadir-Buxton claims to have found a simple cure-all for mental illness, namely boxing someone in the ears. He also claims to have a cure for infertility in women and a solution to the energy crisis/global warming.
posted by ooga_booga (45 comments total) 1 user marked this as a favorite

 
You will find that the Kadir-Buxton Method is also effective against comas and senility, amongst other things.
I'm going to use this technique on my grandmother, asap!
posted by mullingitover at 12:42 PM on October 17, 2007


"While this might seem like an elaborate party trick, you should then ask yourself what this invention would be worth to the medical profession and pharmaceutical industry."

If it ducks like a quack, it's probably a quack!
posted by ericb at 12:42 PM on October 17, 2007 [1 favorite]


No thanks, man! I'll stick with Dianetics.
posted by anazgnos at 12:43 PM on October 17, 2007 [2 favorites]


I trust that you will take the opportunity to evaluate the Kadir-Buxton Method and use it extensively.

And if at first you don't succeed...
posted by kittens for breakfast at 12:49 PM on October 17, 2007


Priceless. Also worthless, but that isn't as pithy.
posted by OmieWise at 12:49 PM on October 17, 2007


Never fear, the Time Travel Detectives will nail this interloper from the future and we'll never know he existed.
posted by CynicalKnight at 12:50 PM on October 17, 2007


This is so stupid.
posted by agregoli at 12:51 PM on October 17, 2007


All blockages that I have found have been dead bacteria, or sometimes lemonade which is a result of a country wide practice of lesbians at Universities.

I have found that these blockages can also be caused by balding, psycho fuckmops who have internet access. WTF???
posted by KevinSkomsvold at 12:52 PM on October 17, 2007 [3 favorites]


Lemonade lesbians. What a bunch of sourpusses.
posted by ooga_booga at 12:57 PM on October 17, 2007 [16 favorites]


When life gives you lemons ...
posted by ericb at 1:00 PM on October 17, 2007


He also claims to have a cure for infertility in women

Raelly, is their nothing fisting doesn't cure?
posted by Pollomacho at 1:04 PM on October 17, 2007


Or really?
posted by Pollomacho at 1:04 PM on October 17, 2007


If his cure for mental illness is a punch in the head, I'm really scared of what the infertility treatment is.
posted by SassHat at 1:05 PM on October 17, 2007 [2 favorites]




Crap, I missed a line:

Lawyer: I leave a... boot to the head!
posted by GuyZero at 1:10 PM on October 17, 2007


I wish.
posted by tkchrist at 1:10 PM on October 17, 2007


Raelly, is their nothing fisting doesn't cure?

Wow, I must be in need of some treatments.

Must preview. Must edit.
posted by Pollomacho at 1:13 PM on October 17, 2007


It should be noted that this fellow distinguishes his method from a simple punch to the face.

"With the Kadir-Buxton Method, a patient standing on one leg whilst holding a rose would still be standing on one leg and holding a rose when they were cured. With a punch, the patient would be lying prone on the floor, and could well have dropped the rose. And just to add insult to injury, they would still be mentally ill. Try it for yourselves if you do not believe me."

Personally, I think he could avoid any criticism if instead of a method he developed... a manoeuver.
posted by ooga_booga at 1:27 PM on October 17, 2007 [2 favorites]


I'm headed to out punch a few crazies, boys.
posted by Astro Zombie at 1:40 PM on October 17, 2007


Someone should try this on [insert FOX News personality name here]
posted by briank at 1:44 PM on October 17, 2007


briank, you forgot “Amirite?”
posted by tepidmonkey at 1:57 PM on October 17, 2007


ehehehe he thudded me on the bonce
posted by Henry C. Mabuse at 2:08 PM on October 17, 2007 [2 favorites]


Things sure have changed since I was a lesbian in college.
posted by padraigin at 2:08 PM on October 17, 2007 [2 favorites]


596 kb graphic knocked down using the width tag! No wonder it took so long to load.

You can see the same image in it's full baldy goodness right here: http://www.mrsite.co.uk/usersitesv2/Kadir-Buxton.com/wwwroot/USERIMAGES/websitephoto.jpg

What a screwed up URL.

And it looks like he used this wonderful product to make the site: www.mrsite.co.uk/
posted by cjorgensen at 2:12 PM on October 17, 2007


He invented

'Michael Foot'' the HIV Destroying Machine which prolongs the life of sufferers

Yes, of course
posted by A189Nut at 2:15 PM on October 17, 2007


I'm really disappointed that there are no diagrams of how exactly to unblock the Fallopian tubes. Am I supposed to palpate them through the walls of the uterus, or do I just stick a finger down them?

After getting my fist through a nulliparous cervix, the latter should be no problem.
posted by moonlet at 2:25 PM on October 17, 2007


All this time I thought Moe Howard was just a meany. I didn't realize he was applying therapy.
posted by kuujjuarapik at 2:26 PM on October 17, 2007


I've fixed my TV once by hitting it... might work for brains too.
posted by fearfulsymmetry at 2:34 PM on October 17, 2007


I wonder if it can be self administered...that guy definitely needs a reboot.
posted by The Light Fantastic at 2:42 PM on October 17, 2007


Alright, this is one of those times where I'm not sure who is insane, whether it's me, you, or baldy.

Lemonade blocking the fallopian tubes? First of all, how? And why does that have anything to do with lesbians in college? I'm so confused my head hurts. And...BALL BEARINGS? He said ball bearings. Why? What are the ball bearings doing up there?
posted by tastybrains at 2:45 PM on October 17, 2007


This website's a joke right?
posted by shelleycat at 3:11 PM on October 17, 2007


The Kadir-Buxton Method is done by making a fist of both hands, and striking both ears of the patient at exactly the same time and pressure with the soft part of the inner hand which is where the thumb joins the hand.

That is how my deaf friend's hearing were destroyed when she was a child. And squeezing fallopian tubes? wtf? The truly tragic thing is I know a few idiots who would try this guy's ideas. The more I read, the more I think he must be taken out before he causes harm.
posted by figment of my conation at 3:12 PM on October 17, 2007


Yes, boxing someone on the ears is pretty dangerous in that the sudden increase in air pressure can rupture the ear drums. So yes, this is a very, very bad idea.
posted by ooga_booga at 3:52 PM on October 17, 2007


This is precisely what you get when you give old fogeys access to the internet. Bring back the days when the only old fogeys on the net were hard core perverts who used it to swap kiddy porn.
posted by PeterMcDermott at 4:02 PM on October 17, 2007


Getting boxed on the ears is what caused Thomas Edison to be a genius, legend has it.
posted by psmealey at 4:06 PM on October 17, 2007


This website's a joke right?

The more I look at it, the more I think so.
posted by tastybrains at 4:15 PM on October 17, 2007


There's nothing wrong with you that I can't fix with my hands.
posted by Cool Papa Bell at 4:51 PM on October 17, 2007 [1 favorite]


A kick in the ribs will revive the dead.

Although there's a caveat:

Finally, the patient should be taken to hospital as soon as possible as there is a reason for them dying in the first place, which should be treated.
posted by keys at 5:34 PM on October 17, 2007


NO AUTHOR FOUND posted "Andy Kadir-Buxton claims to have found a simple cure-all for mental illness, namely boxing someone in the ears."

So, that works even better if you do it over and over, right?
posted by krinklyfig at 5:51 PM on October 17, 2007


"No author found?" Ah, metafilthy ...
posted by krinklyfig at 5:53 PM on October 17, 2007


According to the man himself, here are the prescriptions. Dosages are in BTTH (Boots to the Head)

Sexual abuse and eating disorders: 3 BTTH
Rape victims: 2 BTTH
Paedophiles: 2 BTTH
Victims of paedophiles: 2 BTTH before the trial, 1 BTTH after the trial (in order to be able to testify, of course)
Psycopathic disorder: 3 BTTH
Alcoholics: 3 BTTH
Drug Addicts: 3 BTTH

Also, because one can apparently reverse these effects through hypnosis, one must think of how much one likes hypnosis during the application of one BTTH in order to be cured of the desire to have hypnosis.
posted by ooga_booga at 6:07 PM on October 17, 2007


i just farking tried this on my own farking ears. i wonder what's on metafilter....
posted by kitchenrat at 6:38 PM on October 17, 2007


He's wrong. Only whirlpower can save us!!
posted by smoothvirus at 7:31 PM on October 17, 2007


Ladies...

Dr. Samizdata, Freelance OB/GYN is in service.

Who's first?

Oh? Molested as a child?

(strips off latex and puts on boxing gloves...)
posted by Samizdata at 8:21 PM on October 17, 2007


All I then had to do was wait until I came across a dead body, and the rest is history.

It's amazing how many beautiful stories start this way.
posted by contraption at 11:35 PM on October 17, 2007 [2 favorites]


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