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"A French chef in Marseilles taught me this."
October 22, 2007 1:38 AM   Subscribe

Chef Gordon Ramsay cooks up a cup of tea, drinks Spunk with Ricky Gervais, and teaches Jonathan Ross to cook a lobster properly (language NSFW).
posted by Blazecock Pileon (69 comments total) 5 users marked this as a favorite

 
I guess it says something about my housekeeping skills that I kept thinking, while watching the 'cup of tea' video, "That young man has an enviably tidy kitchen." Where are the toys? Where is the Rat ZapperTM?

Oh god, I've said too much.
posted by maryh at 2:02 AM on October 22, 2007


That fake Gordon Ramsay has no idea how to make a cup of tea. YES to PG tips, as all other teabags are shit, but NO to substituting cheapo generic bags. NO to cheapo pottery cups. The rim of the cup is too thick and it takes too long to cool. Tea should be drunk from porcelain. Cup and saucer or mug is fine. But the biggest sin of all is that mashing the teabag against the side rather than letting it steep properly. YES to proper full fat milk, not some watery semi-skimmed or worse yet, skimmed milk rubbish. Sugar to taste and we're done.

No wonder the woman sent it back. I'd have sent it back as well. Now I'm off to make a nice cup of PG tips.

Also. Double?
Also. No sign of the clip where they're eating animal testicles?
posted by PeterMcDermott at 2:02 AM on October 22, 2007




No Fair Trade tea?
posted by chuckdarwin at 2:15 AM on October 22, 2007


No Fair Trade tea?

Only if you like drinking piss.
posted by PeterMcDermott at 2:19 AM on October 22, 2007


Only if you like drinking piss.

Oh, now it's on. Queensbury rules?

*takes off shirt*
posted by chuckdarwin at 2:41 AM on October 22, 2007


Yes to PG Tips.

It was sad trying to find tea in the US.
posted by blacklite at 2:44 AM on October 22, 2007


It was sad trying to find tea in the US.

You have to shop online for that sort of thing (same thing I have to do here if I want proper Mexican ingredients).
posted by chuckdarwin at 2:51 AM on October 22, 2007


Oh, now it's on. Queensbury rules?

Hey, I completely understand the impulse to consume inferior products for political reasons. I buy the Big Issue sometimes. You won't catch me reading it though.

There are also those who insist that Yorkshire Tea is the only acceptable product on the market. I'm sympathetic, but I find it too strong for my tastes.
posted by PeterMcDermott at 3:05 AM on October 22, 2007


Cheapo tea bags will not do, and PG Tips in an emergency only. Assam's the only tea for a proper strong cuppa - comes in plenty of fair trade varieties too.
posted by ComfySofa at 3:07 AM on October 22, 2007


PG Tips? Bah! Tetley's where it's at...

And there's nothing wrong with proper, bladder-bursting-sized mugs of hot, sweet tea, either...


Hmmm, I think I'll go make myself one now...
posted by Nice Guy Mike at 3:20 AM on October 22, 2007


You have to shop online for that sort of thing

Not if you live in the land of Wegman's, our local grocatorium, wherein PG Tips (and Yorkshire Gold, for that matter), Cadbury's drinking chocolate and Hob Nobs are available right on the shelves.
posted by biscotti at 3:28 AM on October 22, 2007


This thread is funnier than the video.
posted by public at 3:40 AM on October 22, 2007


So, you like this milky sugar drink. I guess that's ok.

Me, I like tea.
posted by dreamsign at 3:46 AM on October 22, 2007 [1 favorite]


Yorkshire Tea crushes your pathetic PG Tips and Tetleys underneath its tannin-stained boots, before burning down the Lipton's factory to general celebration.

:on 4th cup today:
posted by randomination at 3:52 AM on October 22, 2007 [4 favorites]


Hey, I completely understand the impulse to consume inferior products for political reasons.

I actually quite like the Teadirect stuff. However (to be completely candid), I like to switch around a bit. I like the Yorkshire stuff, I'll have the Tips or the Tetley if it's hot.

No sugar, though. I gave it up, along with fizzy drinks, when I realised what a pathetic little sucrose junkie I had become.
posted by chuckdarwin at 3:57 AM on October 22, 2007


hah! good stuff :) thanks
posted by Dillonlikescookies at 3:59 AM on October 22, 2007


Blazecock Pileon - do you know who the guy doing Ramsay in the first link is? He has completely nailed Gordon's annoying speech patterns.

Kettle. Mug. Tea.


I like his show(s), but I can't stand the artificial way he presents himself. He has a 90% staff retention rate - something completely unheard of in the restaurant trade - so he must be a great boss. So, Gordon, why act like a macho twat on telly? We all know it's fake (especially when Ricky or Jonathan get you to laugh at yourself).
posted by chuckdarwin at 4:08 AM on October 22, 2007


Yorkshire Tea crushes your pathetic PG Tips and Tetleys underneath its tannin-stained boots, before burning down the Lipton's factory to general celebration.

Yorkshire Tea rocks. There is now a brand of tea called Lancashire tea. I make it my business when I visit the supermarket to push it further back on the shelves and stack Yorkshire Tea in front of it. I'm a walking, talking public service.
posted by vbfg at 4:17 AM on October 22, 2007


PG Tips? Bah! Tetley's where it's at...

I can live with Tetleys if there are no PG Tips. Drink that Yorkshire Tea though, and your stomach will be as tanned and leathery as an old boot in a week.

So, Gordon, why act like a macho twat on telly?

Gordon Ramsay's so hot, he might well be the only man I'd let anally penetrate me. I don't think his schtick is an act at all. I think his staff stay there because they get a first class training with one of the best chefs in the country, and because he's actually phenomenally loyal to the people who work for him.

He is a terrible arse-licker around other celebrities though.
posted by PeterMcDermott at 4:24 AM on October 22, 2007


Metafilter: so hot, it might well be the only community weblog I'd let anally penetrate me.

Also, go Dilmah yourselves, you weak pommy milquetoasts.
posted by Jimbob at 4:34 AM on October 22, 2007


Gordon Ramsay's so hot, he might well be the only man I'd let anally penetrate me.

I think you have him confused with Stephen Fry.

He is a terrible arse-licker around other celebrities though.

Hugh Fearnley-Whittingstall gave him some sheep, so he can't be all bad. He and Hugh both espouse the notion that you should never eat something which aren't prepared to kill (at least once). I applaud that, and I wish more people would give it a go.
posted by chuckdarwin at 4:39 AM on October 22, 2007


I can live with Tetleys if there are no PG Tips. Drink that Yorkshire Tea though, and your stomach will be as tanned and leathery as an old boot in a week.

"When I makes water I makes water, and when I makes tea I makes tea."

Yorkshire tea. Black. I've been drinking that for 12 years and I think my dick is a little bigger now.
posted by Mayor Curley at 5:14 AM on October 22, 2007


I saw Hugh Fearnley-Whittingstall in a restaurant bathroom once. He didn't wash his hands.
posted by MrMustard at 5:14 AM on October 22, 2007


If your are not using a tea-pot (with two bags in it, or three spoons of loose) and not letting it brew for several minutes you can forget making a decent cup of tea.
The whole Empire was built on that.

And Ramsay's Kitchen Nightmares is where it's at... especially the one that shut-down a restaurant.

Now I'm off to make some welsh rabbit and a proper cuppa.
posted by fearfulsymmetry at 5:32 AM on October 22, 2007


While I'm waiting for the inevitable Fry/Ramsay slash to start in this thread, can anyone tell me if you can still get proper PG Tips teabags in the States?

This is one of the rare situations where Canadians get inferior British products. Our imported PG Tips bags are just dumped in a cardboard box, while the same tea I had in Colorado a few years ago tasted much fresher and more assertive, probably because the bags were kept inside foil bags inside the box.
posted by maudlin at 6:13 AM on October 22, 2007


The one with Ricky Gervais was much better than I had anticipated. I absolutely despise Gordon Ramsey, and Gervais did a great job of making him uncomfortable, sort of telling him off and then it ended up chummy anyway. Good viewing.
posted by goodnewsfortheinsane at 6:15 AM on October 22, 2007


Fuck that PG Tips shit. And Tetleys? Don't make me puke. What you really want is Twinings, the only tea good enough to be endorsed by the aforementioned Stephen Fry.
posted by afx237vi at 6:17 AM on October 22, 2007 [1 favorite]


While we're on Jonathan Ross and food: Ross asks Morrissey to come over to his place and ride his lambs.
posted by goodnewsfortheinsane at 6:18 AM on October 22, 2007


Holy crap. Ramsay does everything but tug his forelock and show his belly to Gervais in that clip. He's as giggly and nervous as a schoolgirl.

THIS IS NOT SLASH. Just an observation.

On preview: oh, my. That Twinings commercial just won't do. I'm going to do my best to un-see it now.
posted by maudlin at 6:22 AM on October 22, 2007 [1 favorite]


Lancashire tea? Good God.
posted by ComfySofa at 6:35 AM on October 22, 2007


All the nostalgia brands of strong English tea taste like brick dust flavored with World War 2 support stockings. Bloody disgusting.

Earl Grey is the only tea - British supermarket own brand Earl Grey will do if you can't get Twining's.
posted by Jody Tresidder at 6:37 AM on October 22, 2007


Earl Grey is your aunt's perfume dumped into hot water. Ptui!!
posted by maudlin at 6:42 AM on October 22, 2007 [3 favorites]


What you really want is Twinings

For the single varietals, yes. For the blends, not so much. I have in my larder a half box of Twinings Everyday that's been there for the last year because I can't be bothered to drink it Anyday. I am rather partial to their Chai though, as featured in that advertisement.

And they're definitely better than those pooftahs running Dilmah's. What the hell is Seasonal Blush supposed to be? Tea for drinking when you're on the rag?
posted by PeterMcDermott at 6:45 AM on October 22, 2007


C'mon, no "drinking spunk? *snicker*" yet?

WTF?
posted by mr_crash_davis at 6:55 AM on October 22, 2007


I see PG Tips all the time, but I think it just depends on where you live. More likely to find it in a store in California than one in the Midwest, I'd guess.
posted by miss lynnster at 7:12 AM on October 22, 2007


LOOSE LEAF!

OH, SORRY, WRONG THREAD...
posted by algreer at 7:20 AM on October 22, 2007


All the teas you crave can be had in the US if you know where to look and here is a breakdown:

* I have found that upscale supermarkets carry PG, Tetley and Yorkshire. The independent small chain will do. Examples include, Andronico's in the Bay Area, Lunds and Kowolski's in Minneapolis;

* This store carries a variety of British goods including candy;

* If you live in a large enough area go to the area's Indian and Middle Eastern grocery stores and you will come away quite satisfied. You will also find Vitmo's here as well;

* Surprisingly, you can find the major supermarket chains like Cub carries British products including Branston pickle in the ethnic food section. You must find the store which seems to have a large ethnic population it is serving such as, the Cub in Minneapolis on University Ave. which has A LOT of British goods EXCEPT Lyle's Golden Syrup.

* Only order online for the truly rare product like Elderflower cordial or bacon otherwise, most dry goods can be had locally.
posted by jadepearl at 7:20 AM on October 22, 2007


So....we're just posting television show clips now?
posted by agregoli at 7:32 AM on October 22, 2007


Amazon sell PG Tips, fwiw.
posted by vbfg at 7:36 AM on October 22, 2007


Nestea rules, especially the Ice "varietals".
posted by Pastabagel at 7:47 AM on October 22, 2007


Oh... I almost forgot to mention... YOU'RE ALL DONKEYS.
posted by miss lynnster at 7:52 AM on October 22, 2007


You will also find Vitmo's here as well;

Monument to Vimto
posted by PeterMcDermott at 7:54 AM on October 22, 2007


Do they sell Bovril in the US? You can't beat a nice mug of warmed-up beef juice after a hard day at work.
posted by afx237vi at 8:00 AM on October 22, 2007


So....we're just posting television show clips now?

mostly, yes; but then, even some youtube posts beat single-link WSJ paeans to the joys of kiddy-diddling
posted by matteo at 8:10 AM on October 22, 2007


Never saw Ricky Gervais in action, damn, he's funny.
posted by nickyskye at 8:44 AM on October 22, 2007


More likely to find it in a store in California than one in the Midwest, I'd guess.

Meijer is only in the midwest, and I'm pretty sure I've seen P. G. Tips in their international aisle. H.P. sauce, Chocolate Hobnobs and the thoroughly vile Violet Crumble bar are on sale as well, and they're not the only store around here with those products.

On the measure of buying mass produced crap from other nations, the midwest is as good as the coasts. Now if you're wandering into a store looking for Tregothnan English Estate teas then yes, you'll probably have better luck on the coasts.
posted by Lentrohamsanin at 9:06 AM on October 22, 2007


Vimto . Ribeeena! Fixed that for u.

LOLBritishParochial"Food"Discussion.
posted by lalochezia at 9:37 AM on October 22, 2007


Monument to Vimto

Ah, my Alma Mater. No, we weren't really sure why the Vimto statue was there, either... Sorry, let me rephrase that. We didn't care why the Vimto statue was there...
posted by Nice Guy Mike at 9:51 AM on October 22, 2007


"Five Pounds of Baby Sick" is my new band name.

And Jonanthan Ross! Cut your god damned hair!
posted by tkchrist at 10:09 AM on October 22, 2007


The kids on the Television Without Pity forums are always going goo-goo whenever "GRrr" shows his bare chest on "Kitchen Nightmares" (my reaction was " where's your t-shirt, son?").

But "Kitchen Nightmares" and "Yell Kitchen" are my guilty pleasures, despite the manipulation and soap-opera-ish quality.
posted by potsmokinghippieoverlord at 10:18 AM on October 22, 2007


You can find most of the British foods mentioned in this thread in the "Foreign Foods - British" section of most US Kroger grocery stores.
posted by mrbill at 10:24 AM on October 22, 2007


PG Tips all the way.

Also never ever drink any tea sold by Twinings in America, they seem to have (rughtly) concluded that Americasn who drink tea are content to drink stale dirt.
posted by Artw at 10:28 AM on October 22, 2007


rughly == rightly, of course.
posted by Artw at 10:29 AM on October 22, 2007


Teasnobbery?
Nothing but Formosa Finest Oolong from De Pelikaan in Zutphen will do.
posted by jouke at 10:30 AM on October 22, 2007


Also I full applaud the efforts of all tea-fascists in this thread who are declaiming other peoples favored methods and brands. This is the world as it should be!
posted by Artw at 10:31 AM on October 22, 2007


Also never ever drink any tea sold by Twinings in America

I've made that mistake once. Liptons seems to be the closest thing they have to a decent English cuppa. They may even be repackaged PG Tips but lacking in pyramid flow-power.

Teasnobbery?

China White Jade Butterfly.

posted by PeterMcDermott at 10:54 AM on October 22, 2007


PG Tips? Yes! Man who would rather his kids be electrocuted than be vegetarian? Hell no!
posted by Dreama at 11:51 AM on October 22, 2007


PG Tips related: chimp-botherer Molly Badham died last week.

And it's Co-Op own-brand for preference.
posted by fearfulsymmetry at 12:00 PM on October 22, 2007


And you know who else was a vegetarian? And probably didn't drink tea.
posted by fearfulsymmetry at 12:02 PM on October 22, 2007


I dunno, nothing like a little parental tasering to keep the little ones in check.

I do like that he raises animals in the back yard, names them after rival chefs, let's the kids play with them and then kills them and has the kids eat them. Awesome!
posted by Artw at 12:02 PM on October 22, 2007


Loose in a pot, BOP Ceylon tea. Anything else is sub-standard. Not necessarily bad, but sub-standard.

The best cup ever was, unsurprisingly, in a tea room in the middle of a Sri Lankan tea plantation. Everything else is just average. Except when I go back to my Mum's as she makes it properly.

Liptons seems to be the closest thing they have to a decent English cuppa.

HA! No chance. Or Pickwick's for that matter.
posted by i_cola at 1:47 PM on October 22, 2007


Liptons seems to be the closest thing they have to a decent English cuppa.

::dies laughing::
posted by randomination at 3:01 PM on October 22, 2007


Jungle Jim's in Cincinnati carries Lifeboat tea, and occasionally NAAFI tea. Both brilliant - far better cuppa than bloody PG Tips.
posted by tizzie at 5:15 PM on October 22, 2007


I drink Barrys, Lyons or Bewleys here in Ireland. We do love our tea. Must give Twinings a bash. If it's good enough for Fry then it's good enough for me.
posted by ReiToei at 5:32 PM on October 22, 2007


::dies laughing::

OK, it's weak as gnat's piss, but it's recognizably the same stuff -- as opposed to some of the other stuff you Americans pretend is tea. Weirdly, it was an English brand, but they seem to sell it everywhere except the UK these days. I suggest it may be the same stuff as PG Tips because both are Unilever brands, and so presumably they don't sell it here to avoid it competing with PG Tips.
posted by PeterMcDermott at 6:19 PM on October 22, 2007


PeterMcDermott - then theres the thinking that microwaving a cup of water is the same as boiling it, which drives me completely bonkers. I think if you tried that in the UK you'd be dragged out onto the street for peopel to point to and laugh and throw fruit at.

I seem to be able to get PG Tips here and there, BTW, most recently the local asian supermarket started stocking it. I go there and feel like a proper foreign person buying my special secret foreigner goods.
posted by Artw at 6:51 PM on October 22, 2007


My favorite clip from F-Word moment was when David Walliams was on. He came over to help prepare Sunday dinner, and he brought some girly aprons. Classic David.
posted by Mael Oui at 7:56 PM on October 22, 2007 [1 favorite]


Hmm.. I wish we could edit our comments after posted. You know, after you realize that you didn't post a real sentence. Hopefully no one will say that that's what 'Preview' is for..
posted by Mael Oui at 8:01 PM on October 22, 2007


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