NO CUSSING.

October 28, 2007 1:22 AM

Join the No Cussing Club™. Look at some people who don't cuss. Become one of them. Then buy a CD, a T-shirt, and a mood ring type color changer thing about hugs. But not before you learn the story behind it all.
posted by Sticherbeast (91 comments total)

Caring so much about cussing is a sign of real superficiality. I was prepared to cast judgment upon their character in the most damming terms but now I see that they're all children. If that's how they get their rocks off, more power to them. It's just a shame that the adults seem to encourage this so much.
posted by creasy boy at 1:34 AM on October 28, 2007

Heavens!
posted by JHarris at 1:36 AM on October 28, 2007

There's such thing as positive peer pressure?

I wait in anticipation for that inevitable moment where they drop something heavy on their foot yell out "FUCK!" as loud as they can, rejoicing in how fucking good it feels to swear. We'll always welcome you back to the fold, prodigal son.
posted by liquorice at 1:37 AM on October 28, 2007

Those last two images in the second link are, like, so MySpace.
posted by liquorice at 1:39 AM on October 28, 2007

Fuck this shit.
posted by Taargus Taargus at 1:43 AM on October 28, 2007 [7 favorites]

As my respectable Southern great grandmother would say, "Well, Hells bells!"
posted by Brittanie at 1:45 AM on October 28, 2007

There are two types of kids in this world. Those who swear and the other bunch of lying cunts.
posted by PeterMcDermott at 1:47 AM on October 28, 2007 [3 favorites]

After listening to their album, I can say with confidence that it is a work of breadth, depth, and surprised me with it quality and consistent polish.

The album opens on a strong note with the eponymous "Don't cuss!" and while some may find it's imperative, downright authoritarian themes hard to swallow, the music itself stands on it's own two feet, and soon enough you and your children will find yourself memorizing the song word for word!

The stand out track of the album, though, surely, is "mom is the bomb" fusing pop sensibility with family-orientated rap, you'll be bouncing off the walls when you hear these "phat" rhymes! The heavy beats, however, go a little to far, and I can't help but thinking maybe this song was written for a more mature audience, and you should probably skip through it if kids are around.

The acoustic "real heroes" is enjoyable, but forgettable. I was pleasantly surprised by the synthesizer solo at the end, truely, this is a timely album.

"You can do it" is a straightforward rock effort, and from a consistent performer like NCC, you know that even the most typical of songs is going to be worthy of your collection. I've never been a fan of rock, myself, it seemed to be all about the wrong things, but with a message so unflinchingly positive, who can fail to enjoy it?

The bonus track, "clean fun" (available only through mail ordered copies) I found completely off kilter. While normally, I find myself easy to please, this track was a wild mish-mash of messy improvised "music." At times heavy, other times "soft", the track seemed to have no real message to impart to children. Worst of all, the band resorts to "sampling" - playing sound clips from other sources - in this case, the sounds of a woman in the throes of an intimate moment with what I hope was a stable marriage! Definitely opt out of the version with this track.

All in all, it's a very good album. If I allowed music in my house, I would probably consider purchasing it for my children to enjoy during supervised activity time. 4/5
posted by Dillonlikescookies at 1:49 AM on October 28, 2007 [21 favorites]

This photo - from the second link as well - is more un-biblical than any curse word.
posted by item at 1:49 AM on October 28, 2007 [1 favorite]

What winds me up about stuff like this is the completely fake notion that it's some kind of spontaneous outbreak of kids, whereas the reality is that there's some weirdo fundy parents duping their poor offspring into getting involved in this folly and pretending it's their own idea.

So you've got the cleverly naive website design to make it *look* as though it might be the kids that did it all on their own, but when you watch the accompanying music video, it's impossible not to realize that the music has played and recorded by adults, and the film shot and edited by adults.

They give the game away at the end of their 'don't cuss' rap video, when you hear the kid's dad asking one of those speakers at a fast food joint to say 'don't cuss' for his kids Dont Cuss Club music video. If it's his kids video, why isn't the kid asking?

I do see a bright future for this kid with as a preacher in one of those Mega Churches though, or as a leading member of the junior branch of the Log Cabin Republicans.
posted by PeterMcDermott at 1:03 AM on October 28, 2007 [4 favorites]

Also:

Mom and Dad's book, "Raising a G-rated Family in an X-rated World" is endorsed by the following:

* Daryl Gates, Chief LAPD

Casual cussers should be taken out and shot, obviously.
posted by PeterMcDermott at 1:12 AM on October 28, 2007 [1 favorite]

It's really an unintentionally beautiful thing how the book being sold through their site ("Raising a G-Rated Family In an X-Rated World") unabashedly stole its title from Tipper "I swear love Rock Music just like everybody else!" Gore's 1987 study in Nazism, "Raising PG Kids In an X-Rated Society".
posted by item at 1:19 AM on October 28, 2007

It's kinda funny that my mother, who used to be a pretty colorful cusser, really finds swearing offensive these days. She's not religious, so it's not that.

We gave my parents "The Usual Suspects" for xmas one year and she couldn't watch more than 20 minutes of it. (I guess Glengarry Glen Ross is right out.)

But, yeah, shit-on-a-stick, this is fucking dumb.
posted by maxwelton at 1:40 AM on October 28, 2007

When you hammer your finger, no snarlin'
And the Kingdom of Heaven's yours, darlin'.
When you tinkle, "pee" is preferred;
In re: fecal, "turd" is the word ...
And for fuck's sake, don't listen to Carlin.
posted by rob511 at 1:43 AM on October 28, 2007 [4 favorites]

"I don't swear for the hell of it. Language is a poor enough means of communication. We've got to use all the words we've got. Besides, there are damn few words anybody understands." --Henry Drummond ("Inherit the Wind")
posted by RavinDave at 2:25 AM on October 28, 2007

This guy is pretty fucking old.
posted by Poolio at 2:37 AM on October 28, 2007

Do we have Scott Mills to thank for this?

"I'd hate to think what would happen to a kid in Britain if he went into school wearing an orange T Shirt asking other kids to stop swearing."
posted by fire&wings at 3:19 AM on October 28, 2007

Being as I swear more than anyone else I know, I might just have to buy one of those T shirts.
posted by TheDonF at 3:38 AM on October 28, 2007

I am playing a song in their honor.
posted by psmealey at 4:28 AM on October 28, 2007 [4 favorites]

If my friends could say no to cussing, how much easier will it be for them to say no to drugs, violence, and pornography.

Woah. He almost had me for a moment there. If no cussing leads to no porn, I don't want to be a part of his revolution.
posted by Deathalicious at 5:04 AM on October 28, 2007 [2 favorites]

Step one: instead of ass say buns
Like "Kiss my buns" or "You're a buns-hole!"
Step two: instead of shit say poo
As in "bull poo," "poo head" and "this poo is cold"
Step three: with bitch drop the t
'Cause bich is Latin for generosity
Step four: don't say fuck anymore
'Cause fuck is the worst word that you can say
So just use the word m'kay!
posted by FelliniBlank at 5:10 AM on October 28, 2007 [3 favorites]

If my friends could say no to cussing, how much easier will it be for them to say no to drugs, violence, and pornography.
Oh, for fuck's sake. Kids: You're allowed to use all the words, all the crayons, all the notes, everything that's in the pantry or record collection or library. Really. You are. It's OK, dammit! [NOT PARENT]
posted by GrammarMoses at 5:55 AM on October 28, 2007 [1 favorite]

Well foot! I guess I'm gonna have to cut out my wooden swearing dag nabit! Shoefly! Horse apples! Butter nuts! Shirt! Mother fucker!
posted by nola at 5:58 AM on October 28, 2007 [2 favorites]

Blimey! Does this kid's writing style remind anybody else of Phillipe?
posted by skryche at 6:06 AM on October 28, 2007

I'm a no-cusser on principle. I just don't do it. But one morning, I was hit by a car on Park Avenue near Union Square in NYC. As I flew through the air, a uttered the single word: "Fuck." It could have been my last word, as I then hit the ground pretty hard. But I'm still a non-cusser -- at least, as far as my consciously chosen speech is concerned.
posted by Faze at 6:11 AM on October 28, 2007

So when these good, solid Christo-Republican Youth (and yes, "Christo-Republican" is now a single religion) get a nice, legal-in-all-50-states marriage, how exactly are they going to initiate sex with one another?

"Hey babe, lets fuck tonight." is obviously going to be out. "Hello my Christian helpmate. Shall we procreate tonight?" doesn't have the same ring to it.

"Um, darling, can we do the thing with our things tonight?"

"My dear, I'd like to do the thing with you that men and women do when they love each other very much!"
posted by Avenger at 6:16 AM on October 28, 2007 [2 favorites]

One of the biggest thrills in life as a little kid was hearing either of my folks let out an exasperated fuck or shit, they were totally straight-laced, but this made them beyond cool in my eyes.
posted by greenskpr at 6:17 AM on October 28, 2007

Can anyone with personal experience relate what it's like to actually be one of these kids? By that, I mean, to be one of the kids who really, really believes in this, and actually feels just a bit more important than the other kids for having this as their "thing", only to grow up and look back on that bizarre moment and wonder, "what the fuck, 14-yr-old self?"

I ask because I don't have anything at all approaching this kind of weird, overbearing parental guidance myself, nor did anyone in my social circle. So, I'm genuinely curious.
posted by odinsdream at 6:20 AM on October 28, 2007

Cussing is just a socially acceptable way to be socially unacceptable.
posted by waytoomuchcoffee at 6:20 AM on October 28, 2007 [1 favorite]

Some people think that cussing is an affront to God, even when it's only the old four-letter standbys. Some people like, say, my friend the Christian missionary who hung up on me once when I said "shit" whilst speaking with him on the phone. I'm sure he continues to do good work.
posted by Ricky_gr10 at 6:33 AM on October 28, 2007

Some people think that cussing is an affront to God

I think this is one of the key reasons why people lol so much at xtians though. Even if you accept the kind of anthropomorphism (Godthropomorphism?) that makes you think there's a guy with a big white beared who spends his time sitting around judging us continuously, would he *really* care what words you choose to refer to the acts of defecation and fornication or the parts of the body?

Doesn't he have bigger issues to concern himself with?
posted by PeterMcDermott at 6:42 AM on October 28, 2007 [1 favorite]

My mom drops plenty of "oh, shit"s, but "fuck" and "suck" are right out. But when my sister got pregnant in high school, and for about a year after, she fucking cussed so goddamn much even asshole me was embarrassed.
posted by notsnot at 6:45 AM on October 28, 2007

I have a friend who never used to curse. One day he stubbed his toe pretty hard and exclaimed, "Ow! Shhhhh-- ...yeah, you would have liked that, huh."

He still doesn't curse often, but I've heard the odd one slip out. I figure it's probably more cathartic if it's infrequent -- like caffeine having a more potent effect if you aren't a regular coffee drinker.
posted by danb at 6:49 AM on October 28, 2007 [1 favorite]

Several years after joining the military, which has a casual culture of cussing, I struggled with this when I was moonlighting doing television news work, an environment which has zero tolerance. My biggest fear was one slipping out on the air. Very, very quickly I found my mental lexicon replaced with a slew of garden variety euphemisms, like 'good grief' instead of 'holy shit'. Developing that replacement is what worked for me.
posted by rolypolyman at 7:04 AM on October 28, 2007

I'm sending my kid off to school with a "NO CUSSING CLUB" t-shirt and an "HOW MANY HUGS DO I NEED" mood ring! What could possibly go wrong!
posted by etowernyc at 7:13 AM on October 28, 2007 [5 favorites]

Faze writes "But I'm still a non-cusser -- at least, as far as my consciously chosen speech is concerned."

Yes, exactly: ejaculatory expletives are produced in a different part of the brain than that which produces voluntary communicative language.

The language centers in the left hemisphere of humans actually make the left hemisphere bulge out slightly in comparison to the same areas of the right hemisphere. This is easily seen without the aid of the microscope. For this reason, some neurolinguists have called humans the lopsided ape. Some paleontologists claim to have found evidence for this left-hemispheric bulging in Homo neanderthalus and Homo erectus skulls.

Other primates also possess a left perisylvian area of the brain, but it doesn't seem to be involved in their communication. Animal communication seems in fact to be controlled by the subcortical areas of the animal brain, much like human vocalizations other than language--laughter, sobbing, crying, as well as involuntary, word-like exclamations which do form part of language--are controlled in humans in the subcortex, a phylogenetically older portion of the brain that is involved with emotions and reflex responses.

Tourette's syndrome, which produces random and involuntary emotive reflex responses, including vocalizations This type of disorder, which often affects language use, is caused by a disfunction in the subcortex. There is no filter which prevents the slightest stimulus from producing a vocal response, sometimes of an inappropriate manner using abusive language or expletives. These words are involuntary and often the affected individual is not even aware of uttering them (like "um" in many individuals) and only realizes it when video is played back.

This syndrome is not so much a language disorder per se as a disorder of the filters on the adult emotional reflex system--a kind of expletive hiccup. True language is housed in the cortex of the left hemisphere, not in the subcortical area that controls involuntary responses.

posted by orthogonality at 7:17 AM on October 28, 2007 [2 favorites]

Oh Jesus Christ, people: it's cursing, not "cussing." What are we, a bunch of 19th-century Virginian planters here? "Oh Lawd, I wiyull not CUSS, suh!"
posted by grubi at 7:23 AM on October 28, 2007 [4 favorites]

I taught my kids to cuss properly - in context. By example, of course. ;)

Oh, and it's Fuck That Shit.
posted by lysdexic at 7:31 AM on October 28, 2007 [1 favorite]

If my friends could say no to cussing, how much easier will it be for them to say no to drugs, violence, and pornography.

Voluntarily saying no to the four cornerstones of the teenage experience? Kids today, man. Jesus fucking wept.
posted by slimepuppy at 7:39 AM on October 28, 2007 [1 favorite]

how exactly are they going to initiate sex with one another?

"Baby, let's begin the beguine."

Seriously, any song from the first half of the 20th century that talks about dancing is really a song about fucking. All of them. Lots of stylish euphemisms to be had by mining Porter, Berlin and others.
posted by Lentrohamsanin at 7:43 AM on October 28, 2007

Some people think that cussing is an affront to God.

This only applies to taking the Lord's name in vain, surely? "Oh Jesus", "oh my God", etc. It can't possibly be meant to apply to any vaguely uncouth ejaculation or a random list of words put out by the FCC. Why would Jesus care if you say "fuck" instead of "dang"? Or are you only allowed to speak in complete sentences, since any one-word exclamation might be interpreted as a curse?
posted by creasy boy at 7:47 AM on October 28, 2007

Actually, almost anything you say is a curse:

Again, you have heard that it has been said to the ancients: you shall not swear falsely, but you shall make good your oaths to the Lord. I tell you not to swear at all: not by heaven, because it is the throne of God; not by the earth, because it is the footstool for his feet; not by Jerusalem, because it is the city of the great king; not by your own head, because you cannot make one hair of it white or black. Let your speech be yes yes, no no; more than that comes from the evil one.

That's Matthew 5, somewhere in the 30s; my Bible is a bit unclear about the exact verse numbers.

And though I put this up as a bit of a joke, as I was typing it I realized—it's an explanation of why you shouldn't swear, but gives no account of why cursing in general should be a problem, since all things are lawful and nothing is unclean in itself.
posted by felix grundy at 8:01 AM on October 28, 2007

Fuck no.
posted by OverlappingElvis at 8:22 AM on October 28, 2007

So then swearing upon the Bible seems to be irreligious; but saying "shit" should be OK.

Sweet.
posted by creasy boy at 8:24 AM on October 28, 2007

I used to be pretty clean of mouth, but then I found Deadwood.

Within one week, I went from relative eloquence to the same, but with the word "cocksucker" used in lieu of punctuation.
posted by The White Hat at 8:26 AM on October 28, 2007 [1 favorite]

I was disappointed that they don't sell a "No Cussing Club" coffee mug, because I would buy one just to hear the hoots of laughter when I ostentatiously set it down on my desk at the office.
posted by jayder at 8:28 AM on October 28, 2007

Raising a G-Rated Family in an X-Rated World.

Step 1: Use Comic Sans
posted by katillathehun at 8:31 AM on October 28, 2007 [4 favorites]

Of course, once you've raised G rated kids, you might not want to get your hopes up for grandchildren.
posted by 517 at 8:39 AM on October 28, 2007

Re: Deadwood.

And, I'm sorry, but cursing is just too goddamned fun, cathartic, expressive, and, well, neat to stop.

Jesus fuck.
posted by John of Michigan at 8:39 AM on October 28, 2007

Whenever you cuss, you have to take a poop in public.
posted by ROU_Xenophobe at 8:42 AM on October 28, 2007 [1 favorite]

how exactly are they going to initiate sex with one another?

"Let's lock crotches and swap gravy" contains no curses.
posted by ROU_Xenophobe at 8:43 AM on October 28, 2007 [1 favorite]

I was always taught that cursing isn't so much an affront to God as it is a bad representation of Christianity. If you swear up a storm, nobody's going to think, "Well, that's a good Christian gal right there, that is." (According to the church, that is.) Thing is, our culture has changed so much that a lot of vulgarities really aren't all that vulgar. Cursing, in my opinion, is just like anything else. Everything in moderation.
posted by katillathehun at 8:56 AM on October 28, 2007

katillathehun: that first bit, about appearances, is what comes after my vague gesture towards Paul at the end of my earlier comment. Everything is permitted, but not everything is helpful. If it were just me and God in the world, I could curse up a storm in praise of him and since I intended it as praise, that would be its meaning. But I've got the souls of my neighbors to contend with as well—so cursing may be right out, since it may precipitate a fall in them no matter how right I am with God.
posted by felix grundy at 9:30 AM on October 28, 2007

psmealy, I'm playing a whole album in their honor.
posted by oats at 9:49 AM on October 28, 2007

Yeah, I just found that on iTunes this morning, and I have been listening as well. I'm sort of embarrassed to admit this, but I kind of fucking like it.
posted by psmealey at 9:59 AM on October 28, 2007

No cussing!
posted by obvious at 11:10 AM on October 28, 2007

Fuck that!
posted by MythMaker at 11:14 AM on October 28, 2007

how exactly are they going to initiate sex with one another?

Just give her a good hard slap and force her into the missionary position whenever the mood takes you. Her Christian obedience to the head of the household will take care of the rest.

ejaculatory expletives are produced in a different part of the brain

Like spunk they are...
posted by PeterMcDermott at 11:30 AM on October 28, 2007

WTF???
posted by Rancid Badger at 11:57 AM on October 28, 2007

Achewood - No Cussing!
posted by now i'm piste at 12:03 PM on October 28, 2007

Damnit obvious!
posted by now i'm piste at 12:03 PM on October 28, 2007

There is no filter which prevents the slightest stimulus from producing a vocal response, sometimes of an inappropriate manner using abusive language or expletives.

My mom began her nursing days at St. Luke's in Denver, and took care of a number of stroke victims who happened to be elderly nuns, all of whom who could not speak, could swear and swear worse than soldiers or sailors and who could swear about things of which my mom had not heard before.

My parents' generation could say something like 'fuck' and you felt like you had fallen in a cesspool, it was so shocking. In comparison, I find listening to kids swear tiresome, it's um, like, whatever, a space holding lifeless phatic sound. I find I swear less the older I get. Back in the day, though, it was fuckin' like every fuckin' other fuckin' word was fuckin' surrounded by fuckin' in every fuckin' direction, I'm not fuckin' kidding you--I mean, fu-u-uck...
posted by y2karl at 12:29 PM on October 28, 2007

Did you guys ever have "swear jars?" You know. Where you have to put a quarter in a jar every time you swear.

My wifes family had one when she was a kid. Her mother had gone on this "let's be better people" jag. She implemented the Swear Jar.

So in the early 1980's her cousins come over. Danny. Davy. Susie. They had just driven— prisoners in the back of a cramped camper, during the peak of summer — from Wisconsin to Florida. Straight through. The ordeal had turned these midwest tweens feral.

The adults gather out on the porch of the house, around a card table, and indulge in ice cold beers. And the kids get some crappy generic sodas. Davy pops one open and it's still hot from being in the garage. He guzzles it and spits it instantly out.

"This taste like SHIT!"

"DAVY!" His mom yells.

"Well... it does!"

"DAVY! Put a quarter in Aunt Sharon's swear jar!"

"What!?"

"The swear jar by the door."

Davy stops. All the kids are looking at him.

"My money is in the camper."

"Go get it."

"FINE!"

Davy stomps out - slaming the screen door. The adults start talking again. A few minutes later, Davy stomps back in. He is presenting a fifty cent piece in a an exaggerated fashion out in front of him. He shows it to a all four corners of the room like a magician proving he has nothing up his sleeves. Then he runs over to the jar jumps up and slam dunks the coin in it. CLANG!

Everybody looks over at him.

"THERE'S YOUR FUCKING QUARTER!" he yells.

Wendy's dad, Davy's Uncle Verle, looks over and says, "Bravo, Davy. Bravo."

Thus ended the rule of the Swear Jar.
posted by tkchrist at 12:30 PM on October 28, 2007 [6 favorites]

Some people think that cussing is an affront to God, even when it's only the old four-letter standbys. Some people like, say, my friend the Christian missionary who hung up on me once when I said "shit" whilst speaking with him on the phone. I'm sure he continues to do good work.

What the Bible actually says is "let no corrupt conversation come out of your mouth." Which is a lot broader than just cuss words.

I see it as a matter of being polite. And as far as the "shit" word, I have good solid Christian friends who are IN MINISTRY who occasionally trot the word out in my presence. Semiappropriately according to the situation, I might add.

So when these good, solid Christo-Republican Youth (and yes, "Christo-Republican" is now a single religion) get a nice, legal-in-all-50-states marriage, how exactly are they going to initiate sex with one another?

"Let's have sex" works just fine.

Even when I was not a christian I was not much of a cusser. And call me old and cranky but I just do not like the sound of the "f" word. That's a vulgar word, and having sex with my husband is NOT vulgar.
posted by konolia at 12:37 PM on October 28, 2007 [1 favorite]

Konolia - where's the fun in *that*?
posted by notsnot at 12:56 PM on October 28, 2007

My biggest fear was one slipping out on the air.

You mean like this guy? (WARNING, youtube, lots 'O' cussing)
posted by Deathalicious at 12:59 PM on October 28, 2007

Even when I was not a christian I was not much of a cusser. And call me old and cranky but I just do not like the sound of the "f" word. That's a vulgar word, and having sex with my husband is NOT vulgar.

See, that kind of shoots your whole thing in the foot. I don't like how a lot of words sound. Thousands, probably. But I'm not going to get all indignant and righteous when someone says "belgium" in my presence, or on TV, or in a book, or in front of children.
posted by zerolives at 1:06 PM on October 28, 2007

Actually, in my house, if I mention the Oakland Raiders I get accused of cussin'.
posted by konolia at 1:23 PM on October 28, 2007

That's a vulgar word, and having sex with my husband is NOT vulgar.

It is when I do it to him.
posted by ROU_Xenophobe at 2:05 PM on October 28, 2007 [1 favorite]

Fucking ROU_Xenophobe stole my line. I'm gonna have to resort to yo' momma jokes now.
posted by slimepuppy at 2:22 PM on October 28, 2007

That's a vulgar word, and having sex with my husband is NOT vulgar.


vul·gar
Function:
adjective
Etymology:
Middle English, from Latin vulgaris of the mob, vulgar, from volgus, vulgus mob, common people

3 a: of or relating to the common people : plebeian b: generally current : public c: of the usual, typical, or ordinary kind

So, it's anything but ordinary?
posted by mikeh at 3:11 PM on October 28, 2007

as long as it's not 'moist'...
posted by pupdog at 3:14 PM on October 28, 2007

The Koran states that, "Wheresoever you turn, there is the face of GOD."
posted by koeselitz at 3:24 PM on October 28, 2007

That's a vulgar word, and having sex with my husband is NOT vulgar.

It is when I do it to him.

I beg your pardon.


I don't get offended much, but THAT is very offensive to me. I am married to a wonderful man who has NEVER been with anyone else, period. I would trust him in a room full of naked Playboy bunnies.

Your joke fell flat. Please scrape it up and dispose of it in the proper trash receptacle.
posted by konolia at 4:31 PM on October 28, 2007 [2 favorites]

"I'm so proud of you motherfuckers."
posted by Brittanie at 4:36 PM on October 28, 2007 [1 favorite]

Your joke fell flat. Please scrape it up and dispose of it in the proper trash receptacle.

I don't know, I thought it was funny.
posted by Caduceus at 5:43 PM on October 28, 2007

I did too. It's always a surprise to me when I learn there are still people out there that take offense to your mother/wife/husband/sister/brother/dog comments left by strangers. I mean, is something sacred?
posted by psmealey at 6:09 PM on October 28, 2007

I mean, is something sacred?

Depends: can I make sweet love to it?
posted by Lentrohamsanin at 6:31 PM on October 28, 2007

I don't get offended much, but THAT is very offensive to me.

That doesn't make sense to me. About the only way that you could take offense to it would be if you were the type of person who did get offended much.

Let me count the ways in which you're being oversensitive.

(1) It's a language joke. The joke is not "I fucked your husband, neener neener," it's "Your phrasing was ambiguous. Let me point this out." You appear to be too not offended much to see this.

(2) Expecting that you might be easily offended, I was careful to phrase it in a way that didn't imply any consent or philandering on your husband's part. Your trust in him isn't at issue, since it clearly says that it was something done to him, ergo, not his fault. But you were too not offended much to see that.

(3) And of course, it's a joke from a stranger. Being unable to distinguish between this and someone actually impugning your husband's faithfulness seems odd. In other news, full-grown elephants cannot actually climb trees, and even if they could, they cannot effectively masquerade as cherries. Also, your momma is not actually as large as a house as obesity would be invariably fatal long before reaching such a size.
posted by ROU_Xenophobe at 6:54 PM on October 28, 2007 [5 favorites]

When I was 9 or so, I was in the Webelos and we were invited on a camping trip with the Boy Scouts. Which was a big deal. But then, on the trip, I was shocked by the language. Just every other word was fuck and shit and motherfucker, etc. So I started counting the dirty words, and then reported the number to the scoutmaster at the end of the day. And there were repercussions.

Of course, afterwards, I was the most hated person on the trip. And it let me down the sad, painful road of never getting laid until college. Kids, don't be like me. Please.
posted by fungible at 7:01 PM on October 28, 2007

Sorry, folks, but ya just DO NOT MAKE JOKES about my relationship to my honeybunny. Grrrr....
posted by konolia at 7:07 PM on October 28, 2007

Join the No Cussing Club™.

GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY OFFICE!!!!!
posted by jason's_planet at 7:59 PM on October 28, 2007

ya just DO NOT MAKE JOKES about my relationship to my honeybunny

Nobody did, as I noted already.
posted by ROU_Xenophobe at 8:03 PM on October 28, 2007

DO NOT MAKE JOKES about my relationship to my honeybunny

Any of you fucking pricks make those jokes, and she'll execute every motherfucking last one of you.

/low-hanging fruit
posted by gompa at 8:54 PM on October 28, 2007 [2 favorites]

Cussing is just a socially acceptable way to be socially unacceptable.


Yeah, it's the cool thing to cuss, has been for a long time. I don't use profanity. No one cursed in my household, but when I became a teenager, I remember just saying all of the cursewords at one time (mostly learned from the internet, as my friends did not curse either). And then I watched movies that had a lot of cursing and came to websites like this one where cursing is abundant, and eventually I started cursing. I found myself being more cynical and abrasive in my thinking. Hard-edged. After a few years I realized it wasn't me. It is so abrasive and aggressive-sounding. Sharpened-tongues and bitter speech. I admire konolia for being able to come here regularly and not let it seep in.

It's funny, but there have been a few times when I got really, really mad, and I cursed. But it was SO not spontaneous. It was hilarious. It was obvious that I had to think about it, and muster it up. "You, You, You......YOU *&*()@!" Still said in rather hushed tones. It's just a silly thing for me to do. And I don't curse when I hurt myself. I say "OUCH" or "ACH".

Some people think that cussing is an affront to God.

This only applies to taking the Lord's name in vain, surely? "Oh Jesus", "oh my God", etc. It can't possibly be meant to apply to any vaguely uncouth ejaculation or a random list of words put out by the FCC.

No, it applies to cursing as well.

“Let a rotten saying not proceed out of your mouth.” Eph. 4:29
“Put them all away from you, wrath, anger, badness, abusive speech, and obscene talk out of your mouth.” Col. 3:8,9
“Let all malicious bitterness and anger and wrath and screaming and abusive speech be taken away from you along with all badness.” Eph. 4:31
“Brothers, whatever things are true, whatever things are of serious concern, whatever things are righteous, whatever things are chaste, whatever things are lovable, whatever things are well spoken of, whatever virtue there is and whatever praiseworthy thing there is, continue considering these things.” Eph. 4:31
But the tongue, not one of mankind can get it tamed. An unruly injurious thing, it is full of death-dealing poison. 9 With it we bless Jehovah, even [the] Father, and yet with it we curse men who have come into existence “in the likeness of God.” 10 Out of the same mouth come forth blessing and cursing.
It is not proper, my brothers, for these things to go on occurring this way. 11 A fountain does not cause the sweet and the bitter to bubble out of the same opening, does it? James 3:8-11

It's not only Christians:

“One morning I was awakened by the sound of Grandfather’s voice. He sat in the opening of our brush arbor, facing the rising sun, and singing The Morning Song. This is a hymn to Ussen . . . thanking Him for one of the greatest of his gifts—the love between a man and woman, which is to Apaches a sacred thing. Never do they make obscene jokes about sex, and the fact that White Eyes [white men] consider conception and birth a matter of levity is something they cannot understand. It is, to them, on a level with taking the name of God in vain. I am very proud of the fact that in our language there is no profanity. For the privilege in sharing the creation of new life we give thanks to the Creator of Life.”—Native Heritage, edited by Arlene Hirschfelder.

how exactly are they going to initiate sex with one another?

Funny, until now, I never considered that it was impossible to talk about sex without using profanity. I'm not being sarcastic, I had actually never considered it. So like you, I was mystified, but from the other side.

How the Bible talks about sex (one example, and not even the Song of Solomon):

15 Drink water out of your own cistern, and tricklings out of the midst of your own well. 16 Should your springs be scattered out of doors, [your] streams of water in the public squares themselves? 17 Let them prove to be for you alone, and not for strangers with you. 18 Let your water source prove to be blessed, and rejoice with the wife of your youth, 19 a lovable hind and a charming mountain goat. Let her own breasts intoxicate you at all times. With her love may you be in an ecstasy constantly. Psalm 5:15-19
posted by Danila at 10:48 PM on October 28, 2007

oats, surely you meant to link to this version.
posted by O9scar at 10:48 PM on October 28, 2007

Danila, it's still not clear to me whether any of those Bible quotes actually pertain to "cussing" in the "No Cussing Club" sense of the word. Those quotes all admonish us not to say demeaning or angry things, and not to insult or "curse" another person. They don't really tell us to say "darn" instead of "damn". I don't think it's clear that every language has "swear words" the way English does. Every language has nasty phrases you can say to someone like "I spit on your mother's grave" but not necessarily particular taboo words. In German you can say "shit" all you want and no-one bats an eye. Are you sure that there were particular words in ancient Hebrew that were covered by the prohibition on "abusive" or "obscene" speech? And that these words correspond to our list of "shit" "fuck" "damn" etc.?
posted by creasy boy at 12:01 AM on October 29, 2007

Metafilter: your momma is not actually as large as a house as obesity would be invariably fatal long before reaching such a size.
posted by psmealey at 2:43 AM on October 29, 2007

Sorry, folks, but ya just DO NOT MAKE JOKES about my relationship to my honeybunny. Grrrr....

Good lord, you're in a metafilter thread about swearing and you're choosing NOW to be precious?

That's so cute. Hope it works out for you better than using the word honeybunny in an otherwise indignant sentence.
posted by Sparx at 3:21 AM on October 29, 2007

Sorry, folks, but ya just DO NOT MAKE JOKES about my relationship to my honeybunny.

See, konolia, it's not out of disrespect the joke is made. There are two ways to look at this type of joke:

1. This is so utterly ridiculous because it's a person you have the utmost regard for. Due to the utter implausibility of that situation, it is humorous.
2. There are things in your life with such utter gravity, such as your love for your husband and his unflinching monogamy, that they can never be joked about.

I get #2, but you have to recognize that #1 exists and not get in a tizzy because that's not your sort of humor. On a cussing thread, for fuck's sake.
posted by mikeh at 3:13 PM on October 29, 2007

Oh, good fucking god, people. Yeah, the joke was funny. Yeah, konolia shouldn't get offended. But christ on a stick covered with sugar and toffee, it seems like y'all could let up for just a second. "Oh, indeed, konolia! Allow me to explain carefully the mechanics of humor to you!"

Look, the thing is, sometimes, people shouldn't be sensitive to things, but they are. And there's really nothing wrong with somebody being sensitive about their love for their spouse. So the solution isn't deconstruction of the joke itself, it's changing the subject. We know konolia well enough (oh! but these are jokes by strangers!) and it seems like every five minutes somebody's needling her no end. Just calm down for a second.

Or else I'll help konolia make fun of the awful porn you all masturbate to in the pale light of your lonely, lonely apartments.
posted by koeselitz at 7:28 AM on October 30, 2007