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November 5, 2007 1:32 PM   Subscribe

The ten worst album covers of all time (picked by Mental Floss).
posted by SassHat (69 comments total) 4 users marked this as a favorite

 
More here. And here.
posted by SassHat at 1:35 PM on November 5, 2007


Why does every blog in the world have to beat my eyeballs with "Joyce" every six months?
posted by kuujjuarapik at 1:36 PM on November 5, 2007 [2 favorites]


I can only assume that by "worst" they mean "best"!
posted by found missing at 1:39 PM on November 5, 2007 [1 favorite]


Eh, these covers show on lists all the time. I'm almost positive they've been on here before.
posted by puke & cry at 1:39 PM on November 5, 2007


I swear I've seen these before.
posted by arcticwoman at 1:40 PM on November 5, 2007


I was thinking the same thing. At least Cody Matherson was new to me.
posted by Dr-Baa at 1:41 PM on November 5, 2007


Apparently I missed this old post, which is pretty awesome.
posted by puke & cry at 1:41 PM on November 5, 2007


75% post-consumer recycled worst album covers
posted by ludwig_van at 1:42 PM on November 5, 2007


These have been on so many other lists that it almost qualifies as a double.
posted by chillmost at 1:42 PM on November 5, 2007


Where's Tarkus?

Fun fact: it is bad luck to own a copy of Tarkus on vinyl. If you own one, that's the secret cause of all your misery. Get rid of it and live!
posted by Lentrohamsanin at 1:42 PM on November 5, 2007 [2 favorites]


Wow, these are going in my "future house wall stencil inspiration" file.
posted by Ambrosia Voyeur at 1:47 PM on November 5, 2007


Man, that rateyourmusic.com worst covers list is barely even trying.
posted by jtron at 1:49 PM on November 5, 2007


I was about to complain about the post, until I scrolled down and got an eyeful of Heino. God, I love that man. He looks like a little bleached pug with a Warhol wig.
posted by maryh at 1:49 PM on November 5, 2007 [2 favorites]


Also, I'm pretty sure that Cody Matherson thing is fake.
posted by puke & cry at 1:51 PM on November 5, 2007


Hooo boy, I just can't get enough of these hilarious list posts.
posted by M.C. Lo-Carb! at 1:52 PM on November 5, 2007


What a shitty, half-assed list. If you're gonna include Heino, there are dozens of weirder LP covers that his face graces.
posted by item at 1:52 PM on November 5, 2007


That Cody Matherson album always looked fake to me and I'm not the only one who thinks so.
posted by turaho at 1:53 PM on November 5, 2007


there are dozens of weirder LP covers that his face graces.

Goldmine! And "In Einer Bar In Mexico" doesn't have a weird cover, but the thought of Heino in einer bar in Mexico is an... endearing one, I suppose.
posted by soundofsuburbia at 1:57 PM on November 5, 2007


The internet seems to agree that the Cody Matherson cover is faked. The author of this insightful list just stole all of their content from other similar lists. What a jerk.
posted by item at 1:58 PM on November 5, 2007


This collection reveals something ugly.
posted by Rich Smorgasbord at 2:01 PM on November 5, 2007


And let's not forget Vinyl Oddities, by MeFi's own ... um ... me.
posted by Astro Zombie at 2:01 PM on November 5, 2007 [5 favorites]


Mental Floss is one of the worst magazines out there. It's nothing more than a bunch of factiods and lists that have been floating around for years. I suspect it's fairly profitable since the writing has, for the most part, already been done.
posted by sharksandwich at 2:01 PM on November 5, 2007


Cody Matherson looks like he might be your neighbour in southeast Calgary, who's got a kickass Monte Carlo but it's up on blocks on his front lawn, so he just cruises around on a ten-speed, with the handlebars flipped backwards so he can balance a two-four of Pilsner on them.
posted by Flashman at 2:03 PM on November 5, 2007 [2 favorites]


...and I'm still pretty sure that the "tied up underage girl" version of Scorpions "Virgin Killer" is the worst, really, truly worst album cover ever.
posted by soundofsuburbia at 2:03 PM on November 5, 2007 [1 favorite]


Seen 'em.
posted by Artw at 2:07 PM on November 5, 2007


I guess he never heard of "Yes".
posted by wfc123 at 2:07 PM on November 5, 2007


It's like, how much more black could this be? and the answer is none. None more black.
posted by Smedleyman at 2:16 PM on November 5, 2007 [4 favorites]


I’d go with Ken being the worst tho, I’m certain he drives a busted up El Camino, still wears a retainer even though he doesn’t have to, and smells like popcorn shrimp and ass when he cruizes high school football games to “support” the cheerleaders)
posted by Smedleyman at 2:19 PM on November 5, 2007


I swear I've seen these before.

Agreed. This is definitely a double, or Mental Floss is recycling content.
posted by mkultra at 2:22 PM on November 5, 2007


OK, well, it made us hoot with laughter for 20 minutes. Thank god it wasn't pulled before that.
posted by imperium at 2:29 PM on November 5, 2007


You should all be thankful you're seeing this here, and not in your mailbox. I've said it before, and I'll say it again: mental_floss is a necrotic design edema.
posted by Ambrosia Voyeur at 2:33 PM on November 5, 2007


I've definitely seen this before a while back, although perhaps not the exact same list as it's lacking the classic Zip Zap Rap.
posted by EndsOfInvention at 2:38 PM on November 5, 2007


It's only 'bad' until you realize that Freddie Gage is a hard-core gangster rapper.

When he says that 'all his friends are dead', he's just tippin' up his 40 to honor some home boys killed by the system.

And you don't want to be fuckin' with the Gage, he's the kinda guy that'll fuck your shit right up; leave you bled out on a corner somewhere.

It's just how he rolls.
posted by quin at 2:43 PM on November 5, 2007 [3 favorites]


Actually he's a preacher from Euless, Tx. Close though.
posted by puke & cry at 3:17 PM on November 5, 2007 [1 favorite]


i agree that that is no where near heino's weirdest album covers. i own "liebe mutter" and it's definitely one of his creepiest records- you can see his googley eyes, and he's way too in love with his mother.
posted by kendrak at 3:17 PM on November 5, 2007 [1 favorite]


Heino is so awesome. We used to play him before my old band would go on.

also his eyes are like that because he has graves disease, like marty feldman and barbara bush. that's why he wears the crazy sunglasses, too.
posted by jtron at 3:20 PM on November 5, 2007 [1 favorite]


PILEDRIVER.
posted by The Straightener at 3:25 PM on November 5, 2007


How does someone get a job at Mental Floss again? Because if it's that easy to get something to print…
posted by klangklangston at 3:25 PM on November 5, 2007


I know that it's snark, klang, but I know someone who has written for Mental Floss, and the answer is: just as easy as you think.
posted by Bookhouse at 3:39 PM on November 5, 2007 [2 favorites]


Young Heino (1970), with his groovy glasses, singing »Karamba, Karacho, ein Whisky«. (youtube)
posted by D.C. at 3:41 PM on November 5, 2007


Weak sauce. Ken and Joyce have been around the internets for so long, their LPs are actually changing hands for good money these days. Same with Country Church and all the other slop that gets featured on these tired lists.
posted by porn in the woods at 3:42 PM on November 5, 2007


I thought things had been looking up generally since I acquired an LP copy of Tarkus. Perhaps I need to re-evaluate this.
posted by stinkycheese at 3:59 PM on November 5, 2007


My first thought upon seeing this was, "Wow, Cracked.com could have done this so much better." Bad show.
posted by kittyprecious at 4:00 PM on November 5, 2007


Meh. Sorry, SassHat... this blog may have been where I first saw all of these album covers, but it only dates to 2003, and Christ but it feels like this collection of beauties has been being repurposed for longer than that.
posted by mumkin at 4:11 PM on November 5, 2007


Metafilter: smells like popcorn shrimp and ass
posted by jquinby at 4:54 PM on November 5, 2007


Cody Matherson looks like he might be your neighbour in southeast Calgary, who's got a kickass Monte Carlo but it's up on blocks on his front lawn, so he just cruises around on a ten-speed, with the handlebars flipped backwards so he can balance a two-four of Pilsner on them.

Have you ever been to southeast Calgary? That really doesn't narrow it down much, dude.
posted by arto at 5:08 PM on November 5, 2007


And let's not forget Vinyl Oddities, by MeFi's own ... um ... me.

Holy crap! That's YOU? That's one of my therapy sites (viewed after fourteen-hour days of TV production) - I don't know how unhinged I'd be without it.
posted by bunglin jones at 5:11 PM on November 5, 2007


So apparently I've spent years narrowly avoiding contact with these beauties. Don't worry guys, I'm going to make it up to you tomorrow with an FPP about these cat macros I discovered...
posted by SassHat at 5:13 PM on November 5, 2007


You have to give Mental Floss credit for having the balls to honestly label their target demographic with the tagline: "Feel smart again".
posted by spock at 5:16 PM on November 5, 2007


Yeah, I've seen some of these, but how I missed Joyce and Heino......... I dunno. I just found out that I'm nowhere near as hip as I thought I was. At least I discovered mc pooh. Now I'm going to clean up my monitor.
posted by ashbury at 5:29 PM on November 5, 2007


Fun fact: it is bad luck to own a copy of Tarkus on vinyl. If you own one, that's the secret cause of all your misery. Get rid of it and live!

Well, that explains it then. Thanks!
posted by pretzel at 5:38 PM on November 5, 2007


All of you who thought they'd read about the worst-album cover issue on Metafilter: Mcstayinskool raised the issue in a posting about John Hall. Here.
posted by etaoin at 5:43 PM on November 5, 2007


That photo of Cody Matherson should have included a fistful of 500 Euro notes.
posted by Tube at 5:54 PM on November 5, 2007


That's one of my therapy sites.

That's nice. Now I feel like I should start contributing to it again.
posted by Astro Zombie at 6:01 PM on November 5, 2007


The Pros and Cons of Hitch Hiking is pretty bad. And it's doubly bad coz I'm pretty sure it's insinuating The Pros and Cons of Picking Up Hitch Hikers. So he even got the title wrong.

Naked hawt women. Hitch hiking. Naked. Hawt. How fucking juvenile.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Pros_and_Cons_of_Hitch_Hiking
posted by uncanny hengeman at 6:10 PM on November 5, 2007


I don't know. Devourment's "Molesting the Decapitated" has a lot going in this "bad album covers" contest.
posted by clevershark at 6:19 PM on November 5, 2007


Ya. Someone emails this to me once every month or so.
I still laugh at Joyce, though.
posted by chococat at 6:51 PM on November 5, 2007


Sometimes album covers are fabulous, sometimes not so fabulous [exhibit 1], but the music, it's all about the music [exhibit 2].
posted by tellurian at 7:31 PM on November 5, 2007


If we're just talking covers though, show and tell has some DIY covers split into categories Design, Painted/Drawn and Portraits.
posted by tellurian at 7:54 PM on November 5, 2007


Double-ish.

(Which is to say, RegurgitationFilter.)
posted by Reggie Digest at 8:39 PM on November 5, 2007


Cody Matherson looks like he might be your neighbour in southeast Calgary, who's got a kickass Monte Carlo but it's up on blocks on his front lawn, so he just cruises around on a ten-speed, with the handlebars flipped backwards so he can balance a two-four of Pilsner on them.

Sure, if "Cody" is Vietnamese. For the real Terry and Dean experience you have to go to their rented house in Sunalta. That's southwest, near downtown.
posted by ethnomethodologist at 9:35 PM on November 5, 2007


When I was a kid I used to jerk off to that Orleans cover. I think I will right now, for old time's sake.
posted by ethnomethodologist at 9:36 PM on November 5, 2007


I think the general rule for these (aside from the fact that it's cannibalism of already cannibalized content) is that the worst covers are all either cheesy, Olan Mills-style photography of a person with no clue that their face isn't going to sell any albums (see: Joyce, Ken, and the like) or else a bold idea with piss-poor execution, where a better job might have made it work well(see Orleans, All My Friends are Dead).

For instance, the All-Time worstest album cover ever - Virgin Killer - is awful not just because of its content: i.e. a naked 12 year old leering suggestively at the viewer, with a "crack" in the picutre centered on her vulva in an implication of violence, but also because the image looks so horribly low-budget and badly put-together, just adding to the retch-factor of the exploitation somehow. On the other hand, the Houses of the Holy cover is done in a tasteful way which doesn't suggest any exploitation, and makes the cover seem artistic and beautiful. You don't (or at least I don't) get the queasy feeling that the girls are in immediate danger that I get with the Scorpions.

Seriously, I feel dirty just playing "Rock You Like a Hurricane" on Guitar Hero 3. That album cover is some fucked-up shit.
posted by Navelgazer at 9:47 PM on November 5, 2007


That "Molesting the Decapitated" cover is a Joel Peter Witkin photo. (I know this because I was recently flipping through my girlfriend's Witkin monograph for a project related to the film Se7en and exclaimed "Oh, my god!" when I landed on this particular page.) I don't know if I'd call it an all-time "bad" cover, unless you're counting copyright infringement among its offenses. I've certainly seen more grotesque, and much less "artful," cover art, particularly on '80s punk records.
posted by Joey Bagels at 9:50 PM on November 5, 2007


How was Al Stewart's Year of the Cat album overlooked?!

Talk about horrendous.
posted by numinous at 1:36 AM on November 6, 2007


There went 30 mintues of my day. Thanks Metafilter!
posted by winks007 at 6:13 AM on November 6, 2007


Can I borrow a feeling off of any of you?
posted by Mastercheddaar at 6:14 AM on November 6, 2007


It's too easy to pick out terrible album covers when you can choose from the entire universe of recorded music. How about you make it more challenging by limiting the candidates? posted by Lord Kinbote at 8:15 AM on November 6, 2007


Those men are clearly not arranged in order of beardedness. THIS IS AN OUTRAGE!
posted by tehloki at 7:03 PM on November 7, 2007


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