How to say "I love you"

November 8, 2007 8:41 PM

How to say "I love you""(42) Inappropriately, to a coworker who is already sleeping with another coworker. (43) With a heart filled with lies. (44) With a she puppet and a you puppet. (45) As she leaves for Spain with your much better-looking brother. (46) At Thanksgiving, to her twin sister, by accident."
posted by dhruva (41 comments total)

SPOILER: (100) is probably the most sincere.
posted by rob511 at 8:52 PM on November 8, 2007

OMG #100 made me cry laughing.
posted by ThePinkSuperhero at 9:00 PM on November 8, 2007 [1 favorite]

I love you.
posted by miss lynnster at 9:07 PM on November 8, 2007

This list reminds me of Borges:

These ambiguities, redundancies and deficiencies remind us of those which doctor Franz Kuhn attributes to a certain Chinese encyclopaedia entitled 'Celestial Empire of benevolent Knowledge'. In its remote pages it is written that the animals are divided into: (a) belonging to the emperor, (b) embalmed, (c) tame, (d) sucking pigs, (e) sirens, (f) fabulous, (g) stray dogs, (h) included in the present classification, (i) frenzied, (j) innumerable, (k) drawn with a very fine camelhair brush, (l) et cetera, (m) having just broken the water pitcher, (n) that from a long way off look like flies.
posted by pombe at 9:15 PM on November 8, 2007 [3 favorites]

10-17 are quite touching in their own way.
posted by TwoWordReview at 9:16 PM on November 8, 2007

That post was beautiful, and the dogs were fantastic (thanks miss lynnster I liked the Husky better than the FPP's).
posted by onalark at 9:19 PM on November 8, 2007

Until Porter Wagner died, I had no idea Dolly Parton wrote "I will always love you".
posted by trip and a half at 9:20 PM on November 8, 2007

Now this is truly, the best of the web. And holy awesome, nice space opera on number 30.
posted by eurasian at 9:20 PM on November 8, 2007

Dear friend, I am writing this note to discuss with you my amorous emotions, of which, I have, for you.
posted by blue_beetle at 10:13 PM on November 8, 2007 [1 favorite]

(4) with wee spaniels

The wife is a bit wan at the mo. I might try it. What she does need are wee spaniels- can't hurt I suppose.
posted by mattoxic at 10:26 PM on November 8, 2007

I am a huge, huge fan of Paul Ford's writing.
posted by letitrain at 11:30 PM on November 8, 2007

I love you now, dhruva!
posted by Ambrosia Voyeur at 12:22 AM on November 9, 2007

Wow. Brilliant and funny, and not a single lolcat joke.

(There may be a causal relationship between these things.)

More like this, please.
posted by rokusan at 1:00 AM on November 9, 2007

Until Porter Wagner died, I had no idea Dolly Parton wrote "I will always love you".

Knowing the story behind it -- how they were finally breaking up due largely to Porter's alcoholism, but he'd given her her break and made her career -- transforms it from MOR dreck to a really poignant thing.
posted by PeterMcDermott at 1:38 AM on November 9, 2007 [1 favorite]

Porter Wagner

The man who put the Opry in Grand Old Opry.
posted by PeterMcDermott at 1:42 AM on November 9, 2007

(4) with wee spaniels

Never have I been more embarrassed than the time I got those final two words in the wrong order.
posted by Sparx at 3:37 AM on November 9, 2007 [2 favorites]

Aww, man. That damn pug.
posted by XQUZYPHYR at 4:51 AM on November 9, 2007

#75

(to see her sing it. man.)
posted by From Bklyn at 4:56 AM on November 9, 2007

Now all we need is a list of ways to say "I hate you".
posted by orange swan at 6:19 AM on November 9, 2007

101. In a comment on a lovely thread on Metafilter.
posted by arcticwoman at 6:30 AM on November 9, 2007

Lovely, dhruva.
posted by zennie at 6:44 AM on November 9, 2007

Brilliant.
posted by signal at 6:45 AM on November 9, 2007

What better way to say "I love you" than with the gift of a Spatula?
posted by jozxyqk at 6:57 AM on November 9, 2007

#41 is the reason why I'll be sitting at my kitchen table at 3 AM tomorrow, drinking a cup of warm milk and trying to forget the nightmares.
posted by freshwater_pr0n at 7:02 AM on November 9, 2007

So now a single-link post (with embedded YouTube) is the best of the web? Jessamyn! Do the right thing!
posted by ftrain at 7:18 AM on November 9, 2007 [2 favorites]

Oh, wait.
posted by ftrain at 7:19 AM on November 9, 2007

102. Whispered, barely audibly, in bed.

We’d known each other only a week, see, met via an online personal ad, and had just spent an incredible weekend together. I thought I’d heard her say it earlier in the evening, but, nah, I thought maybe it was just what I’d wanted to hear. But this time, this time I was sure I heard her say “I love you,” though she was clearly afraid to say it, afraid that it was way too early to be feeling such a thing, much less to be saying it.

I said it back. 5 years later, we’re still saying it.
posted by MrMoonPie at 7:27 AM on November 9, 2007 [1 favorite]

(85) with emo mix-CDs;

Matt, please please please do not let this person anywhere near AskMe.
posted by DevilsAdvocate at 7:34 AM on November 9, 2007

I remember that pug! From some other TV show. It was terrifying at the time, and I love pugs. I went around for days telling people about the pug that could say "eeeyyaaah roouuugh eeeeuuuhhh."
posted by piratebowling at 7:47 AM on November 9, 2007

Matt, please please please do not let this person anywhere near AskMe.

Pssh. If you really loved us, you wouldn't spoil our fun.
posted by sparkletone at 8:19 AM on November 9, 2007

(100) Active content removed Active content removed

aaaaarrrgh

maybe tonight then.
posted by sidereal at 8:29 AM on November 9, 2007

Got this mushy cynic in far, far too many ways!


Really terrific indeed. Thanks so much dhruva
posted by Jody Tresidder at 8:53 AM on November 9, 2007

(103) With anatomically correct dolls.
posted by PeterMcDermott at 9:19 AM on November 9, 2007

Excellent. Thank, dhruva and Paul/ftrain.
posted by languagehat at 9:29 AM on November 9, 2007

Everything I know about unconditional love and acceptance I learned from my cat, which is why I'm always leaving dead animals in my girlfriend's bed.
posted by Parasite Unseen at 9:39 AM on November 9, 2007

10-17 are quite touching in their own way.

They made me cry.

I could sit down and name 100 ways my husband says he loves me every day. I am a lucky woman.
posted by SuzySmith at 10:23 AM on November 9, 2007

yeah, that's right. rub it in, suzysmith.

people only tell me they love me when i go away.
posted by CitizenD at 11:19 AM on November 9, 2007

people only tell me they love me when i go away.

:-(

now I need to go tell my someone that I love them today.
posted by rooftop secrets at 1:00 PM on November 9, 2007

OH GOD, I saw that pug when it first aired and subsequently told everyone I knew about it - and no-one believed me. It may have been the highlight of my life.
posted by punchdrunkhistory at 9:06 AM on November 10, 2007

Ah, I was getting all misty eyed until the last video. And now I am weeping because I am laughing so hard. Thank you so much dhruva!
posted by saturnine at 4:42 PM on November 10, 2007

That last video (#100) says "content removed" for me. Anybody got a working link (or at least a description so that I can search for it)? I'm super curious...
posted by mosessis at 12:56 PM on November 11, 2007